“Huh? What Sweetcheeks? I didn’t quite catch that.” I know I’m using my nickname for him. I love the reaction I get. Either blushing, annoyed or bordering on angry seem to be his favored looks. This time I get an eye roll and a smirk.
“I was talking about Alina. What would I need to do to make her take a chance on me?”
“Make her? Ha. You’re a fool if you think you can make Sparky do anything unless it’s on her terms. I don’t know. I guess talk to her again? Kiss the ever living shit out of her? Pin her against a wall and make her scream with pleasure?”
He shakes his head with a smile. “You know what I mean. I’ve tried talking to her. She always says the same thing. And I understand she’s cautious and everything, and I want to help her anyway I can. I dunno mate, maybe I should take a step back and stop trying to pursue her.” He shrugs sadly.
I take that moment to walk forward and whack my nose hard against his head. He stares up at me with a bewildered expression, rubbing his head. “You numbskull. Have you not listened to a fucking word I’ve said? I say don’t let her push you away, and instead you decide you’ll just walk away. You need to decide what you truly want. Because if you’re going to decide to walk away from her you better fucking do it now, because I swear if you break her heart. You won’t have to worry about Vemnos killing you, I’ll fucking do it.” I couldn’t stop the anger brewing even if I wanted to. This boy needs to make up his damn mind. “Either you want her or you don’t. Do you know I would fucking kill for a chance with that amazing woman? You have that chance, don’t mess it up by being a dumb shitting coward.”
“OF COURSE, I BLOODY WANT HER!” Killian shouts standing to face me. He pushes me back, glaring. “Don’t ever presume my indecisiveness means I don’t want Alina. I have never met a woman like her. How the hell am I meant to know what to do around her? Every time I make a move she shuts me down. There’s only so much rejection one man can take.”
“You want to talk about rejection? Try being a fucking unicorn shifter. One minute you’re loved and cherished, the next you’re treated as no more than a house pet. Or having people stare at you differently, or tell you you are useless because you are not like them. What about Alina as well? What about all the rejection she has had to experience? You are not the only one in the world who has their struggles. We all do, seen and unseen. You kiss her and she pushes you away. Big deal. You should know by now she’s scared. Her last boyfriend was fucking murdered in front of her, then rose from the dead, controlled by a monster to continuously hurt her. She’s hurting, even after all this time.” I slowly exhale trying to calm down. I shouldn’t really be shouting at Killian. But right now, I can’t help myself, he’s being an idiot. “You say you want her? Well prove it. Go and tell her how you feel. Or better yet, show her. But for the love of everything don’t give up because it seems too hard. The best things in life are worth the struggle and grief.”
Killian’s face is a mixture of his own anger, though I can also see the slow realization about everything I just said. “I know. I only hesitate because I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Not because of what I want, but how it will affect Alina. You say she cares about me, but what if it’s not the way I want, or it’s not enough?” he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.
“Well, you will only find out if you try. Wouldn’t it be better to find out first hand how she feels about you, rather than jumping to conclusions?”
His head falls back stretching his neck a little. “I’ll try talking to her again later,” he quietly replies.
“Hey no need to feel down. At least you’re not a horse.” It’s a shit attempt at trying to lighten the mood, but Killian still smiles anyway.
“Yeah, I suppose that would suck.”
“You’re telling me. It feels super weird I can’t blink in and out of my various forms. To be stuck like this, well let’s just say it’s not all hearts and flowers.” Killian sadly nods in somewhat of an understanding. After Alina had left yesterday, I shifted back into my horse form. Last thing we need is a nosy neighbor poking their head in to see a unicorn. I can only imagine how that would go. I wonder if Killian will ask to see my unicorn too. Alina accepting it was amazing, the idea Killian could too fills me with so much hope my mind clouds over.
“Mate, you’re daydreaming again. Are you alright?” He reaches forward to stroke my muzzle, and I blissfully lean into his touch. His fingers trace up my face until he reaches where my horn would be. Will he ask to see it? Will he accept me? So many fucking questions echo in my head it may erupt.
“Does it hurt? Shifting I mean? I would imagine it would be painful to change your body from one shape to another.” Sincerity shines in his eyes. He really is worried I hurt when I change.
“No. I mean it can be a little uncomfortable changing from walking on two legs to four, but other than that it doesn’t hurt.” I notice a quick flash of relief enter his eyes. It seems surreal to have not only one person caring about me, but two. Neris was usually kind, but after my first shift she never really showed what I would associate with affection. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I was curious. I vaguely remember your other form after everything happened the other night. But, not much.” He looks a little sheepish. I’m guessing he intends to ask me to shift too. The idea both excites and terrifies me that someone else I care about wants to see my form. Will Killian be as accepting of my unicorn as Alina was? He clears his throat and my eyes meet his. “Would you…I mean if you want to? Could you possibly show me your unicorn? You don’t have to if you don’t want to though.” He’s so adorable when he stutters and rambles on.
“Of course, I’ll show you. I have nothing to hide. Close your eyes though.” He does as I ask and I take a brief moment to take in his appearance. Dark brown wavy hair which seems to have a mind of its own, curling out in all directions. It looks unruly, yet sexy at the same time. The perfect length for grabbing. Ah, fuck my imagination is wandering again. Trying to think of anything but that, I focus on shifting. I can feel the familiar sensation as my magic begins to alter my form. It radiates off me, casting me in a white light, before dissipating to nothing to see an awestruck Killian.
KILLIAN
Wow.
The only thought which crosses my mind is wow. I have never seen a creature more majestic in all my life. I’ve always had a fascination and passion for horses. But Galen is unlike anything I have ever seen. I’m not sure where to focus my eyes first. The flicker from his stunning mane to all of his strong muscles. Then there is his horn. I don’t even know where to begin with describing it, my poor brain seems to be shutting down. It appears to glimmer and shine in the early morning sunlight. Like a crystal blade, sharp enough to cause some serious damage. My memory snaps back to one of my conversations with Alina. She told me after Vemnos slit my throat, Galen had charged him and stabbed his arm with his horn. I can only imagine the type of wound it would inflict.
“Are you just going to stand there gawking all day, or are you actually going to say something?” Galen’s amused chuckle fills my mind. Oh yes, I was staring.
“Sorry. For staring, I mean. It’s just never in all my life have I seen something as amazing as this. There’re tons of folklore and stories on unicorns and what they are like. I never thought for one moment I would actually meet one, never mind the fact I’m sorta friends with you too.”
“No sorta about it Sweekcheeks. We are friends. At least I believe we are. I’ve read some of those stories on unicorns. What I can’t understand is why they are always sweet pretty pastel colors? It can make a guy feel emasculated.” He visibly shudders, as if the very thought of being associated with pastel colors is disgusting.
“I don’t understand it either mate. One thing I noticed about you, other than your coloring, is your horn. In everything I have ever read or seen, nothing has ever been mentioned about a glass blade being the horn.” I move my hand out to touch the stunning horn but Galen takes a few step
s back.
“I wouldn’t touch it if I were you. It’s extremely sharp. I don’t know about you but I would rather not have Alina shouting at me for making you bleed. If that’s all fine with you.”
This time I can’t stop my laugh escaping even if I wanted to. “You’re scared of Alina. Mate, that’s priceless.”
“I’m not scared of her. Though if I was, she would definitely be someone who would easily kick my ass given the chance. Anyway, back to my horn. There may not have been anything mentioned about this particular type of horn as I’m the only one who has it. Remember how I said how I was created? A combination of a shooting star, lightning, and Neris’ powers. Well, when I was born the storms and the stars energy absorbed into me. Neris always joked my horn reminds her of a lightning bolt, whereas I see it more like an icicle. I remember learning from an early age I can manipulate water and lightning. A devastating combination unless I’m careful. Another power I worked out I had was the ability to heal. We’re lucky I learned it because it came in useful the other night. Although, the majority of the healing was down to Alina. She’s a lot more powerful than she believes.”
My eyes grow wide. “You can do all that, yet you won’t stand up to Neris.”
“Stand up to Neris? What part about her being a goddess did you not understand? That woman could snap her fingers and turn me to dust if I so much as sneezed wrong.” Galen’s face says it all. “Believe me, if I thought for one second I could free myself from her completely I would. I have witnessed first hand what she can do and I do not wish to be on the receiving end of her wrath. I’m hoping as long as I keep doing as I’m asked, perhaps one day she’ll finally grant my entire freedom. Not a mirage of one.”
“So what? You’re just going to keep doing as you’re told? What if she never wants to let you go? What then?” Frustration rolls off me in waves.
“It is what it is. I wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for Neris. Do I like not being in control of my own fate? No. Do I respect Neris? Yes. Respect your elders and all that. It never really bothered me until I started realizing I’m missing something. Or rather someone. Even surrounded by a crowd, a person can still feel lonely. I desperately craved to leave Neris’ side and try to find someone who could love me, all of me. But it never happened until now. It’s one of the reasons I’m trying to push you into trying with Alina. You could possibly have a real chance of happiness if you just try.”
The sadness I notice in his eyes is palpable. This guy is centuries old, yet he’s never felt entirely loved by anyone. Add to it he’s not allowed to shift back to a man and be free. I start to wonder how he has managed to stay sane over the years. “How come you always seem so happy and carefree all the time, obviously not when you’re shouting at me, when you say you’re lonely and sad?”
“It tends to be the people with the biggest and brightest smiles are the ones with the most demons haunting them. I chose to put on a brave face and smile through everything, because if I don’t, I fear I may crumble.” I nod in understanding.
“I’m sorry you’ve spent so much time alone, it must’ve sucked. I hope you can make this farm your home, I know wherever Alina goes you will follow. I hope you both decide to stay. I mean I won’t stop you if you do want to leave, but I hope you consider staying.” I know I’m rambling again, but I’m not sure how else to convince him.
Then there are the other thoughts running through my mind. I know I should talk to Alina again. Although, the fear of being rejected for another time weighs heavy on me. So much has happened recently, yet my mind always goes back to Alina. I don’t regret one moment since I found her on my back porch. Even the dying part. Galen is right, I need to make my growing feelings known to her.
But I don’t know where to even start.
10
Alina
The chilly mid morning air whips around me and bites at any exposed skin.
After the talk with Galen and of course the nightmare, my poor mind was still struggling to process everything when I woke up this morning. I think that’s why I thought a walk would do me good.
It was strange walking into the kitchen this morning to see no sign of Killian. Usually he’s here with his favorite coffee mug and a mugful made for me. Sometimes he may have even made breakfast for me too. I don’t usually sleep in, when I do Killian never grumbles. He always passes me the coffee with a smile.
When I hadn’t seen him in the kitchen, I thought I should check his room in case he overslept. Other than a freshly made bed there was no sign of Killian. Only one other place crosses my mind. The barn.
So here I am, heading towards it, trying to keep out the cold by wrapping my arms around myself. You would think being a phoenix I would be warm all the time. Nope. Unless I am using one of my powers, I still feel the cold.
As I get closer to the barn, I can hear a muffled voice. I reach out with my mind to speak to Galen. “I can hear Killian in there. Is he okay?”
“Shit Sparky, you made me jump. Sweetcheeks is looking at me as if I’ve grown two heads. He’s fine. He woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep, so he headed down here.”
A sense of relief washes over me knowing Killian is safe. “Sorry I made you jump. I wanted to see if Killian was here when I couldn’t find him back at the house.”
I quietly peer in through the doorway to see a seated Killian listening to something Galen says. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to hear any of Killian’s thoughts.
“If you keep staring at Killian like that, he may self-combust. Just because you look at someone hard enough doesn’t mean you’ll be able to listen to their thoughts. Although I have to admit it’s pretty comical the way you are staring at him. Unless you’re not trying to unlock his head and you’re only staring because you want to know what he looks like naked.”
“Shut it Miggles, or I’ll be in need of some new glue.” Threatening a unicorn is probably not my smartest idea, but sometimes his rich chuckles piss me off.
“What are you looking at, mate?” Killian asks Galen, cocking his head to the side.
“We have company.” I know he spoke to both of us when Killian peers over his shoulder at me with a huge smile.
“Hi Love. How are you feeling this morning?”
“I’m alright. I was a little worried when I couldn’t find you. But it’s okay now.”
“Come on now, you know you can tell me the truth. You weren’t really worried about me. You were wondering where your coffee was.” He wiggles his eyebrows in such a way I can’t stop the smile spreading across my face.
“Now, as much as I love your coffee, I was genuinely worried about you.” I can see the playfulness in his eyes, such a contrast from his pallid look from the other day.
“Well, as you can see, I’m perfectly okay. But thank you for worrying about me. It feels like such a long time since anyone actually did.” His smile is smaller than before, but I can still see a tiny sliver of it.
“Miggles. Why can’t I hear Killian’s thoughts, like I do with yours?” I can hear Galen’s thoughts so clearly, there must be a way I can do the same with Killian’s too. I keep my eyes focused on Killian, squinting a little in concentration.
KILLIAN
Watching Alina crinkle her nose from how much focus she is putting into trying to speak through our minds is adorable. After a while she admits defeat and looks away. “It would be so much easier if we could talk among ourselves, rather than having to repeat things to each other. Is there any way we could manage to do that?”
“Not that I’m aware of. As I said before, I’ve only ever been able to do it when I have a physical or emotional connection to someone, and only one at a time. So, two of you is weird for me.”
“Imagine how I feel. Up until a few weeks ago I didn’t even realize fantasy creatures existed. Now I have two living with me. Talk about a mind fuck.” I chuckle when I see Alina’s mouth twitch up into a grin.
“Considering everything, I think you’re d
oing brilliantly. Not many people can go through what you have experienced.” I know Galen is trying to boost my confidence but nothing stops my mind from running over the last few weeks. Meeting Alina and Galen, getting closer to Alina. Dying. It all makes my head hurt. I rub my temples in an attempt to settle my mind. Perhaps if I can forget what happened in the past, then I just might be able to focus on my future. A future with Alina and Galen.
Galen may be right with all his advice he cares to share with me. But the thought of potentially being rejected again fills me with dread. What if she just doesn’t want to be with me?
“You could at least give her the option, rather than choosing for her. You will never know unless you talk to her. So, for the love of all things just fucking tell her. Okay? Good. Great talk.” Galen really sounds grumpy. Not being able to shift must be really getting him down. Fuck, maybe he’s right.
“Of course, I’m right.” He shrugs turning back to Alina who is just looking between us with a raised eyebrow.
“Fine I’ll say something, okay.”
“About bloody time,” he grumbles back. Yep, definitely a grumpy fucker.
“Sorry about that. Galen wouldn’t stop talking.” Glancing down at my watch, I notice it’s way past noon and I’m still in my pajamas. “Damn it. I didn’t realize how late it was. Maybe we should get some lunch?”
Alina looks from me to Galen. “Did you want anything before I head up to the house?” I watch as they silently communicate and then what appears to be Alina agreeing to something.
“Go on you two, go get something to eat and maybe talk for a bit.” I narrow my eyes at him, knowing full well what he’s suggesting. He shoots me a wink back when Alina is not looking causing me to roll my eyes.
Whispers of Tomorrow (The Alina Chronicles Book 2) Page 8
