I don’t get a chance to try to work out his actions when I see Killian walking into the kitchen. He slowly walks over to me and shyly kisses me on the cheek. Unlike Galen’s full on display Killian’s kiss is soft and tender. I turn my head a little so the corner of my mouth brushes against his lips. When he pulls back, I see so much affection swirling in his eyes it makes my heart pound quicker.
He reaches over and copies Galen’s movements, brushing against me as he makes himself a coffee and walking over to sit opposite Galen who gives a playful wink, causing Killian to blush almost as red as me.
The thought that these two men not only care for me, but for each other as well, fills me with so much hope and happiness it seems surreal. I smile to myself as I pick my own mug back up and begin sipping again.
When I gaze up again, I notice Branor lingering in the doorway looking so unsure as he glances between the three of us. Even though my nerves are still frazzled from what happened last night, I know I cannot blame Branor for anything. I have a feeling this is going to be a difficult time for all of us.
“Please come in. Would you like to try some coffee now?” I give a small smile when he nods his acceptance and walks over to me.
As he moves closer, I take a couple of involuntary steps back. I don’t actually mean to move away from him, it just seems like my body is on autopilot from centuries of conditioning to keep away from him. I see sorrow fill Branor’s eyes before he looks down at the floor. I’m really not handling this well.
“Give it time, Sparky. A hell of a lot has happened and it’s to be expected to have some speed bumps.” Galen’s calm tone washes over me, allowing me to relax a little.
Taking a deep breath, I step forward so there is only a small distance between myself and Branor. When he looks up and meets my eyes, the expression he greets me with is enough to make me cry. So much grief and pain swirl in them, although I can clearly see love mixed within those green depths. I smile a little, which he reciprocates. “I’m sorry, Branor. I don’t mean to keep moving away from you. It’s just this is all surreal and weird for me, as I would imagine it is for you too. If I hadn’t killed Vemnos with my own hands, I would have been skeptical it’s actually you.” It’s my turn to look away from his gaze, yet this time when he takes a step forward, I force myself not to move away again. Instead it feels like I am frozen to the spot waiting for Branor’s next move. My heart is beating erratically in my chest. I feel cold and warm all at once as I wait with bated breath.
When Branor’s calloused fingertips graze against my arm I jump a little. Not necessarily from fear but more from the shock I feel from his touch. My eyes shoot to him and I see the pain there once more. I can’t keep doing this to him. I turn away and proceed to make another mug of coffee, placing it in front of him before going to sit next to Galen. Killian leans over the table with a worried expression asking if I’m alright, which I wave off.
“Are you sure you’re alright Sparky?” I feel Galen’s worried voice float through me again as I gaze down at my hands in my lap.
“Yes and no. I just wish I could let him touch me and it not scare me witless.”
“As I’ve already said, try to give it some time. Everything will sort itself out, try not to worry.” He places his hand on my knee, which I shake off as my eyes meet Branor’s. Hurt is evident in them. I would give anything to erase that, but I’m not even sure where to start.
BRANOR
It shouldn’t fill me with relief when Alina pushes Galen away or when she waved Killian’s concerns off. Yet it does. If it was just me she shunned, I don’t know how I would cope. I would give absolutely anything to make this right. I would throw myself at her feet and caress every part of her until the horrible memories were erased forever.
I can easily tell from the looks both of the men are casting Alina’s way how much they care for her. As always she is like a bright beacon on a dark night guiding me home to the safety of her arms. I can’t remember how long I have wished to be surrounded by her embrace, and yet, I still need to wait. I dare not corrupt her life more than I already have. Perhaps there is no place for me here with her now. Maybe I had my chance before the cave and now it’s their turn to provide her with happiness.
I observe Galen as he watches over my Birdy. I know a little about him from the rambling Vemnos used to do each night as he carved into me. Although I didn’t know he was a unicorn. From what I can gather he was sent to help Alina in his horse form by the goddess Neris. Thank goodness he was around to help revive Killian.
I know hardly anything about Killian, other than this is his home and farm. The guilt from being forced to slit his throat still eats away at me. I have been forced over and over again to commit cruel atrocities to my beloved, yet watching her face fill with panic and dread as it did for me when I presumably died is probably one of the worst things I have ever had to endure.
I swallow the thick lump growing in my throat, as I turn to grab the mug of the strange brown concoction Birdy has made for me. I take a small sniff and my senses are overwhelmed by a rich aroma and I can’t seem to stop myself from taking a deep inhale. From the scent alone I feel more awake than I have in centuries. I bring it to my lips and take a tentative sip and promptly choke on the strong flavor. I nearly drop the mug, yet it is taken from my grasp by delicate warm fingers.
Catching my breath, it is nearly stolen away again when I open my eyes to see Alina’s concerned fiery eyes staring back at me.
“I’m so sorry I should have warned you it was strong.” Her lip trembles as she speaks. My beautiful Birdy is worried about me because I choked on the brown lava yet I have caused her so much grief over the years.
“It’s alright Birdy. I am not used to drinking anything, it took me by surprise. I am sorry if I startled you. It was nothing. I have done far worse to you than this,” I reply forlornly, looking away. Her hand stays where it is and I am filled with a warmth I haven’t felt in what feels like forever. I turn my gaze back and notice her concerned expression as she worries her lip between her teeth. I need to tell her how sorry I am before she moves away again. Steeling myself, I give a shaky exhale.
ALINA
This is probably the closest I have stood to Branor since he came back to me. My fingers, which are still touching him, tingle and itch. I’m not sure whether to move them or stay where I am. So many thoughts and feelings dash around in my head, but the strongest one is the knowledge that this is my Branor and no matter what may have happened in the past, this man will never hurt me. The idea grows until I feel my pulse settle a little. When I look up at him, I see apprehension cross his features to which I have to glance away. Why is he worried? I would never hurt him. Or is it because he assumes I think he will hurt me instead?
I’m about to ask him what he is thinking when he takes a shuddery breath and starts talking. “I know this is hard Birdy. You don’t know how much I wish I could turn back time and make it so this never happened. Or the amount of times I tried to stop that monster from controlling me.” He looks away and I do the same as his tone gets quieter. “I hope one day you may be able to forgive me for my past actions. I understand I will probably never be worthy of your love again, but I will do anything you desire if it will prove to you how sorry I am.” His voice is low and rough, yet it is his. My eyes snap up to meet his when he says he will never be worthy of my love.
“How can you believe you are not worthy of my love?” I loosen my grip from his hand but remain where I am.
“Because of everything I have done. Because of the way you flinch whenever I am near you. I—” He pauses as my gaze stays locked on his. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I realize I need to face my fears.
“It’s just I can’t believe it’s really you.” My voice trembles as I admit why I am struggling with his touch. My heart has begun its insane rhythm once more as my skin prickles all over.
“Neither can I my sweet Birdy. I—” he takes a deep shaky inhale, “I’m sor
ry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I…I…I tried everything to stop myself from hurting you, but I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t.” Even from here I see his eyes misting over from his unshed tears. “Sorry doesn’t seem enough for what I have done to you. All those centuries of torture and pain. For what I did to Killian. I was trapped in my head, with no way out, no way to help you. My gods, I’m so fucking sorry,” he stutters out tearfully, reaching toward me.
I once again falter slightly at the idea of his touch. This man. No, this body has hurt me so many times I’ve lost count. Yet when I look into his eyes, I see nothing of the monster that once hunted me. They are no longer a chilling blood red which haunted my nightmares, but of the man I loved so long ago.
Inhaling my own shuddery breath, I exhale slowly. “It’s okay, Branor, it’s okay. I know you couldn’t stop him, I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you before…I…ahh this is so hard,” I reply, tipping my head back, trying to compose myself. “I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact it’s really you, you’re alive and just you,” I whisper as I tentatively move closer to him.
“You’re still so beautiful. You haven’t aged a bit. Gods, how much I have missed you.” He stops to look at me as I shakily reach my hand out to touch Branor’s shoulder. He doesn’t flinch when my fingers land on hard familiar muscle.
“Branor. I…I.” I feel sparks of memories from long ago of how much we have been through together.
“I know Birdy. I know. I never stopped loving you. Not for one moment.” He sobs gently, pulling me into him and tenderly wrapping his arms around me. My body goes completely rigid as though I am frozen to the spot. I want to hug him back but my mind keeps jumping around trying to work everything out. I try my hardest to brush aside the dark and horrid memories and focus on the man holding me.
Regaining my composure, I pull back a little to gaze at him. I see kindness, love, and devotion within his green eyes, no longer any of the spine chilling malice hidden within their depths and I know somehow, someway, we will manage to get through this. I move my head so it rests on his shoulder, and I feel him trembling against me as his fingers brush through my hair. The action brings back memories from a happier time when we were together planning our future. Before the cave. Before Vemnos.
My own tears begin leaving their trails down my cheeks as I remember how happy we once were. Nothing can disguise the gentle sobs coming from Branor either. I slowly wrap my arms around his waist as we lean into each other.
We stand in what seems like our own bubble of time as we let our grief overcome us. It’s not long before we are desperately holding onto each other for fear we may be ripped apart once more.
For so long I have felt like I have been torn apart, as if my soul was missing. Yet, holding Branor in my arms once more feels like home. Knowing I not only have Killian and possibly Galen as well consumes me with so much raw emotion I just crumble in Branor’s arms. We both collapse to the floor in a mix of sobs and whispered apologies. I grip onto his clothing and run my hands into his long hair, pulling him close as he does the same to me.
After a while I manage to break away to once again look into his jade eyes. My hands slip from his hair to his chest, his heart beating erratically beneath my fingers. His eyes are bloodshot and his cheeks are streaked with almost as many tears as my own. He brings his thumbs up against my cheeks and tenderly strokes them, gazing lovingly into my eyes.
“My Birdy. My sweet, sweet Birdy. I can’t seem to find the words to describe how much I’ve missed you.” Lowering his thumbs away from my cheeks, he takes my hands in his. “I promise you here and now I will do whatever I can to fix this. I swear to you I will never hurt you again. I hope maybe in time you may forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. It wasn’t you. This will probably take some getting used to, but I’m willing to try if you are,” I reply gazing back at him.
“I will do whatever you require of me. I love you, Birdy. I always have and I always will.”
I watch as his eyes fill with apprehension and love like they did so many years ago as the words leave my lips before I even think them. “I love you too, my love. I have never stopped. Not for one moment.” I anxiously lean forward and place a tender kiss against his lips. They taste salty from the mix of tears we have shared. Branor seems frozen for a moment before moving his hand to gently cup the back of my head to deepen our kiss. To think it’s the first one we have shared in centuries blows my mind. We hold each other tightly as our lips mold over one another as if chasing memories of long ago.
When we finally break apart, we just stare at one another until I hear a throat clearing behind me. In unison, we both turn to see a smiling Galen and a nervous Killian.
“Well, as much as I’m enjoying the show, I think Killian here is feeling a little left out. Aren’t you Sweetcheeks?” Galen chuckles patting Killian’s shoulders causing a severe blush to spread across his cheeks.
Shit! How could I forget they were both there watching us?
“Don’t fret, Sparky. I’m happy for you. We both are. I guess Killian is worried about how he fits in with everything now that Branor is back. And…I suppose…I am too.” Hearing Galen’s anxious voice startles me. Usually he is so self-assured about himself that nothing seems to faze him. I don’t fail to notice a similar nervous look pass over his features.
“Does he always have that scared look, or is it just around me?” Branor asks when I turn back to face him. Great, where do I even start with this?
“Uh…He…Umm.” The stutters fly out of my mouth so easily, yet I know no one is going to understand a single word I say right now.
“It’s because he’s worried you’re going to smack him about for trying to steal your girl.” I glance over as Galen chuckles once more, which results in a ‘shhh,’ and glare from Killian.
“Somehow I don’t think she is just my girl anymore. Besides who am I to deny her anything. I have inadvertently caused her so much heartbreak and pain over the years I am willing to give her anything she wishes. And if that means letting someone else care for her the way I do then I will gladly give that to her too. I mean it when I say I will give anything to you Birdy,” He answers turning back to me once more.
Relief flows through me at Branor’s acceptance of Killian. I wonder if he would be as receptive to Galen as well? Other than two quick embraces, I haven’t been intimate with him. Am I wrong for wanting both of them as well as Branor? Am I being greedy? Just the thought of a tomorrow without one of them fills me with panic. I’m not sure if it’s because I have been starved of compassion for so long that it’s making me grab onto anything and everything which may even resemble what I have so desperately craved for centuries. Or whether it’s just from the fear of losing one of them again. I have already had to watch two of these men die in front of me. What if it happens again? What if I lose Galen next?
I know deep down I am overthinking things again. Vemnos is dead. The monster who has hunted me for centuries, who has carved into me, shattered my bones and ripped my flesh from my body can no longer harm me. I watched him die as he forced me to watch those I care for perish in front of me. Yet the relief I feel is combined with a cocktail of confusing emotions. Why after all this time did Vemnos finally confront me as himself? Why had it felt so easy to defeat him? But most importantly why didn’t I try to defeat him sooner?
“Sparky. There is no point in stressing over the why’s and if’s, all that matters now is you are finally free to live your life the way you want. With who you want.” I glance over at Galen who is still sitting down at the table leaning back and smiling at me. I stare down at my feet as I try to let his words sink in.
Am I really free?
Is everyone I care about finally safe?
Stepping back, I bring my arms up to wrap around myself and let out a shaky exhale. I want to believe it, desperately so. Perhaps I’m just overthinking as usual. I need to think.
Turning my head ba
ck up I look to the three men who are all waiting patiently for my next move. If only I knew what that was.
“I just need a little time to wrap my head around everything. Maybe you guys could talk amongst yourselves? If it’s alright with you I’m going to go for a walk and some fresh air.” I look expectantly at each of them to which they each nod and smile. I give a small smile of my own and turn to leave the kitchen and head out the house.
Walking down the porch steps, I pause for a moment and glance behind me. Why does it feel like I am always trying to run away from what I want? I feel torn in two. Part of me wants to walk back into that kitchen and embrace them all. The other wants to run as far and fast as possible.
Instead I just stand on the porch steps. One step in either direction will decide for me.
Go back or keep running.
22
Dhysysus
Neris has summoned me so I’m trudging down the halls to the garden. I wonder what she wants now. Since Alina's last resurrection, I haven’t been needed and I’ve felt out of sorts. I keep wondering if she’s okay. I placed her exactly where Neris told me, so that her unicorn shifter could find her, but as of yet I have heard nothing else. I hope she’s okay.
Walking through the archway toward the garden, a sense of peace washes over me. There’s always something so satisfying about nature. The subtle scents and colors of the flowers. The sound of the waterfall just beyond the wall and the faint breeze blowing against my hair. Everything is just how I like it, peaceful. Apart from the lingering feeling of worry I can’t seem to shake.
Whispers of Tomorrow (The Alina Chronicles Book 2) Page 18
