“Quentin, there’s no need to be cruel to the young and enthusiastic,” the queen said. “But I am rather curious as to how a lone traveler managed to cross the Sea of Blossoms and penetrate the Wolf Gate with no weapons.” She pushed up her sunglasses, revealing intelligent brown eyes, and studied him carefully. “And no supplies.”
Hex was somewhat curious himself as to how he’d managed all those things, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. For all her monkey sass, the queen was obviously no dummy, and he had a feeling she’d know right away if he lied. Plus, he had no idea what he should even lie about. “I lost my memory in the poppy fields,” he said. “I’d been there for a long time—a really long time. I was rescued by a boy who told me he could help me find out who I was. He guided me here, but disappeared just after the wolves attacked. Then Iris found me and—well, here I am.”
The queen was staring at him incredulously. “Do you actually expect me to believe that?”
“A spy!” Iris shouted in excitement. “A traitor! Death to enemies of the queendom!”
“I know how it sounds,” Hex admitted. “But you have to believe me. I swear—”
He was interrupted by a tremendous clamor from the forest floor below. He wondered in terror if the wolves had broken through the wall. But these sounds were unquestionably monkeyish—shrieks, cackles, and almost-human-but-not-quite howls. There was a tremendous explosion and a cloud of foul-smelling smoke drifted past the queen’s hut. She leapt to her feet. “Those cursed rebels and their wretched demands! Iris,” she snapped, “take our prisoner to one of the guest huts at the edge of the forest. He’ll be safe enough there until we’ve quashed this little squabble and I can decide what to do with him.”
“But—” Iris protested.
“Now, Iris,” the queen said. “I have work to do!”
Grumbling, Iris grabbed Hex by the shoulder—none too gently—and shoved him out the door and down the stairs. The queen bounded after them, seized a vine hanging from a nearby tree, and swung off toward the sounds of battle. Her departure was punctuated by another explosion, this one even more impressive than the first.
SIX
Still grumbling, Iris led Hex away from the chaos over a wobbly series of interconnected walkways. The sun had set, and the monkeys’ city was lit by hundreds of glowing yellow balls that floated in the air. “Sunfruit,” Iris said, in answer to his unasked question. “You can eat it if no one remembers to bring you dinner, but then you won’t have a light.”
Hex soon lost any sense of direction. If he wanted to find his way out of here again, he wouldn’t be able to do it without the monkeys’ help. Finally, Iris stopped at a low hut, more roughly built than others they’d passed but still as neatly constructed as a ship. He followed her inside to a little room lit by another, smaller sunfruit. The room was sparsely furnished with just a hammock and a single table and chair, but everything was tidy and clean. Iris rang a little bell shaped like a banana, and in a few moments another monkey dressed in a butler’s outfit brought in a tray of . . . bananas. Hex almost groaned out loud. At the very corner of the tray was a small, steaming bowl. “Oatmeal for you, sir,” the butler said politely as Iris helped herself to several bunches of banana.
“Oatmeal?” Hex wondered aloud as the butler bowed and left them. “For dinner?”
“Humans love oatmeal,” Iris said authoritatively.
Hex decided not to argue. “What’s going on out there?” he asked, sinking down onto the hammock to eat his oatmeal—which was burnt. Iris hovered awkwardly for a moment, still chewing, and then frowned and settled into the chair.
“The monkeys are split,” she said heavily, swallowing the last of her banana. “Before Dorothy”—there was that name again—“came back to Oz, all the monkeys had wings.” She flapped her arms, as if to demonstrate. “We flew all over Oz as we pleased when Ozma ruled. But then Dorothy took over and Ozma went—well, wherever she is. Our wings have always been vulnerable to magic—we’ve been enslaved by one ruler after another, including that cursed Wizard.”
Wizard? Hex thought. Was that me? Was that what I remembered in the queen’s palace? He shifted uncomfortably, but Iris didn’t notice. “This time,” she continued, “some of us decided losing our wings was worth our freedom. You’re in the Queendom of the Wingless Ones—the last free monkeys in Oz.” Iris puffed her chest proudly, and then her expression sank again. “But some of the monkeys don’t want to be free anymore. They think it’s better to side with Dorothy”—Iris spat the name out as if it were a curse—“and that Dorothy’s creepy sidekick the Scarecrow can make us new wings. They say Dorothy is on our side and wouldn’t make us her slaves again—as if! Even back when she first came to Oz all she did was make us fly her around like we were some kind of taxi service. But now that she’s returned, she’s downright evil.” Iris sighed. “The rebels have been causing all kinds of trouble in the queendom—sabotage, arson, waylaying supplies. Some of the poorest monkeys are going hungry. I know that human-loving—no offense—traitor Quentin is behind the rebels, and I can prove it, too—I’ve been tracking the queen’s accounts with a data management system I developed, and by comparing royal expenditures I can prove that Quentin is siphoning food and supplies from all our imports,” she said excitedly. “Only he’s the chancellor, and I’m just a lowly guard. I can’t say anything against him the queen will believe.”
“Not even with all your data?” Hex asked.
She sighed again. “No one else understands double-entry accounting. Unless you know what the data means, it’s all just a bunch of meaningless numbers. And—well, the queen is very wise, of course, but she doesn’t think my work is serious,” Iris said quietly. “No one does. They all think I’m just young and—and silly. I’m the only one of the monkeys who’s even interested in numbers, and I can’t make them see how important data management is.”
But you are young and silly, Hex thought. I wouldn’t take you seriously either, if I were the queen. Iris seemed to have a good heart, but she couldn’t possibly think her endless spreadsheets would have any impact on the queen’s decisions. She wasn’t even a particularly effective guard. Was he meant to stop Quentin? If so, how? “I don’t have any other proof,” Iris was saying, “and Quentin knows that I can’t do anything to stop him because no one will listen to me.” Her brown eyes filled with tears. “The monkeys are going to destroy themselves, and I can’t do a thing to stop it,” she sobbed. She was so distraught that Hex forgot a few moments ago she had been clamoring for his execution. He patted her awkwardly on the back, and she wept heavily into his shoulder.
“I just c-c-care so m-m-uch!” she wailed, her runny nose dripping onto his shirt. “I want the monkeys to b-b-be happy! The only way to end the unrest is to prove he’s at the heart of it. And I c-c-can’t do anything!”
“There, there,” Hex murmured, continuing to pat her gently as she erupted into damp, hiccupping sobs. “Why don’t we go to the queen in the morning, and you can convince her you’re right? I’m sure you can figure something out. You’re very clever.” But his mind was racing. Pete had said he was being tested—was that why he’d been brought here? And if it was, what was he supposed to do? Convince the monkeys to side with Dorothy? It was hard to take the monkeys seriously, but that Quentin had still seemed like a nasty piece of work. Iris snuffled and blew her nose on her sleeve.
“I should be Lulu’s adviser, not Quentin!” Iris hiccupped furiously. “He’s a traitor and a f-f-fraud! Do you really think I can convince the queen?” Her lower lip quavered and she looked dangerously close to bursting into tears again. Hex hastily handed her a banana.
“Of course,” he said firmly, though he had no idea. “You’ve already convinced me—and I’m a total stranger.” This made no sense at all, but seemed to reassure Iris.
“You’re right,” she said more confidently. “First thing in the morning. I’ll tell her! I’ll—”
Suddenly, another loud explosion went off in
the distance. Hex and Iris hurried outside, peering over the balcony of the guest hut. Below them, a small, seething group of monkeys battled each other furiously on the forest floor, their fight lit by more sunfruit. Monkeys in velvet suits that matched Iris’s—presumably the queen’s guard—carried prisoners, tightly wrapped in banana leaves, away from the battlefield, while more suited monkeys whacked the upstarts with bananas. “It all started with peaceful protests, but now we’re on the verge of all-out civil war,” Iris said, her eyes filling with tears again. “And it’s all Quentin’s fault! If he wasn’t spreading lies, they’d realize siding with Dorothy means death—or worse.” She sighed heavily. “It’s been a long day, and I can’t do anything until the morning. You might as well get some rest.”
Iris sat at the table again, apparently taking her guard duty seriously enough to watch over Hex as he slept. He tried to get comfortable on the swaying hammock, at last falling into a fitful sleep. A strange, sonorous noise woke him later in the night, and he sat up in confusion. Iris had fallen asleep on the table, her shoulders hunched in defeat, and the room echoed with her snores. Hex sighed and lay back in the hammock again, waiting for dawn.
SEVEN
The next morning, after a breakfast of (to Hex’s dismay) more oatmeal, Iris marched him briskly back to Lulu’s hut. Her velvet suit was rumpled, but otherwise she was back to being the cocky, confident monkey who had marched him up the endless stairs.
Iris burst through the palace door, shouting, “Your Majesty! Your Majesty!” Queen Lulu, startled, turned from where she had been giving terse instructions to a small group of nervous-looking monkeys dressed in battered armor and carrying monkey-sized swords. Behind the queen, Quentin leaned against the wall, his dark eyes glittering as he watched the scene. He looks like a monkey who just found himself a banana tree, Hex thought. Iris stopped short. “Your Majesty,” she whispered, “what are you doing? Monkeys have never used weapons on monkeys before now.”
“We’re past that point,” Queen Lulu said tiredly. “Iris, I have to put a stop to this before our people destroy each other.”
Lulu and Iris stared at each other as if they were frozen in time, while Quentin sneered. Hex’s thoughts raced. Quentin wanted the monkeys to side with Dorothy, and everybody hated Dorothy—including Pete. Defeating Quentin’s plot had to be his test. Iris was too naive and foolish to convince the queen—clearly, that was why he had been sent here. Pete had said he wasn’t a real wizard, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend to be one. He swiftly palmed one of the floating sunfruits and hurled it at the ceiling so quickly the monkeys only saw the bright shower of light that fell around him as the fruit splattered. “ENOUGH!” he boomed, and the monkeys stopped short and gaped at him. “I have come to you to demonstrate my powers and end the conflict that tears apart your nation!” Even his speech had changed, he thought, awed at himself. His back was straighter, his arms upraised as if he were sweeping an invisible cape behind him. His voice filled the little room. He pointed at Quentin. “You cannot hide from the might of my powers, ape!” he shouted. “I see all! I know the trick you have played upon your people and the deceit you have sown! The heart of this conflict lies at your feet, foul thief!” He turned to Queen Lulu, who was staring at him with her mouth hanging open. “Ask him what has been happening to your supplies, mighty queen! Ask him where he has hidden what he has stolen from you! Ask him why he is working in concert with”—oh bother, he thought, what was her name again?—“er, Dorothy’s minions!”
Lulu pushed up her sunglasses, seeming a little less impressed. “These are serious accusations against one of my most trusted advisers,” she said. “Do you have any proof?”
“He doesn’t,” Iris said, practically jumping up and down in her eagerness. “But I—”
Hex interrupted her. “I have seen the traitor at work!” he boomed in the most authoritative voice he could muster. “Last night, while you slept”—he hesitated for the barest moment, and then hit on the perfect lie—“I sent my astral body through the Queendom of the Wingless Ones, and saw the traitor Quentin meeting with the rebels!” This story seemed suddenly preposterous, even as he said it, but the trick with the sunfruit had apparently impressed the queen more than he’d realized. She raised one eyebrow, seeming almost convinced.
“That’s nonsense!” Iris exclaimed. “But he’s right, and I can—”
But the queen cut her off, turning to Quentin, who was edging toward the door. “Is this true?” she asked, her voice low and angry. “Have you betrayed my trust?”
“I can explain, Your Majesty,” the chancellor said smoothly. “It’s all a misunderstanding.” He shot Hex a nervous glance. “The sorcerer is exaggerating—I was merely storing away some of our supplies for safekeeping—” Hex’s accusation had been a shot in the dark, but it had hit home he saw. Quentin had snuck out of the palace to meet with the rebels, and his slick demeanor faltered as the queen gave him a withering stare.
“You’re lying,” she snarled. “I can see it in your eyes, you thief! Under my very nose, you’ve torn apart our people! For this, you’ll rot underground, never to swing from a vine in this city again—but first, you’ll give back what you’ve stolen and end this strife!”
She gestured at her monkey soldiers, and they seized Quentin and dragged him outside. She turned to Hex. “I don’t know what gift of fate brought you here, sorcerer,” she said, “but I owe you my queendom.”
“But I—” Iris began. Lulu ignored her and waved one hand imperiously. A soldier hastily brought her a banana. “Humans have never sat at the side of monkeys in all the history of our people,” Lulu said, chewing thoughtfully, “but these are new times for all of us. If you choose to remain among us, you may have Quentin’s old job. Which is a real honor, I’ll have you know.”
Of course, it was Iris who’d actually exposed the traitor. He could tell Lulu, but Iris was just a young hothead with no sense for politics. She wasn’t suited for Quentin’s position; really, he was doing her a favor, saving her from future embarrassment when she couldn’t handle the responsibility. And if defeating Quentin had been his test, surely this was his reward. He could always award Iris an extra banana allowance once he was officially made chancellor—he wasn’t heartless. Hex bowed politely. “Your Majesty, I’m honored. I’ll certainly consider your offer.” She nodded and tossed the banana peel over her shoulder; a guard hurried forward to catch it. “Now,” she said, “I must attend to my people.” With that, she swept out the door, a scatter of rhinestones sparkling in her wake and the guard trailing behind her.
Next to Hex, Iris was almost speechless with fury. “You—you human!” she gasped. “You’re no sorcerer! You’re just a stupid cheat who stole the credit for my work, and now Lulu thinks you’re the one who exposed the rebellion!”
“Iris, there was nothing I could do,” he lied in his most conciliatory tone. “The queen saw what she wanted to see. I would never have undermined you on purpose. Besides, you never said you wanted Quentin’s job—just that you wanted him defeated. Really, I’ve only helped you get what you want.”
“You don’t even have the decency to tell me the truth,” Iris said furiously. “You humans are all alike. You’ll sell out anyone if you think it’ll get you ahead.” She gestured toward the door. “If you’re so all powerful, you can find your own damn way to the guest chambers.” She stalked out the door, but not before he caught a glimpse of her face and realized she was crying.
Hex watched her small back recede down the walkway, her shoulders shaking. Why couldn’t she see how reasonable he was being? He was cleverer than Iris—didn’t he deserve the queen’s praise? A strange, unfamiliar sensation tugged at his heart—was it guilt? If he had done the right thing, why didn’t he feel better about it?
“Nice one, Hex,” said a sardonic voice behind him in the formerly empty room. He whirled in surprise. Pete lounged against a wall, one leg crossed over the other, chewing on a blade of grass and eyeing him
with distaste. “I guess you can take away the memories, but you can’t take away the man. Somehow I’m not surprised.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt Iris,” Hex said. “I didn’t think—”
“You never thought about anything except yourself,” Pete said bitterly. “I thought the whole amnesia thing might give you a chance to start over, be a better man. Use wisdom and judgment for once, instead of deceit. Looks like I thought wrong, huh?”
“No!” Hex cried. He remembered the terrible flood of shame he’d felt the moment he’d first seen Queen Lulu. “I did something else to the monkeys, didn’t I? Something worse?”
Pete snorted. “Yeah, you could say that,” he said coldly. “You betrayed them, Hex. You gave power over them to the Wicked Witch of the West. You knew she would enslave them, and you didn’t care.”
“Why would I do that?” Hex whispered.
Pete shrugged. “You tell me, Hex. Convenient you forgot about that part, huh?”
“What else did I do that I don’t remember?” Hex asked, his heart sinking. “What kind of person was I?”
“I already told you,” Pete said. “A crappy one.” He stared at Hex for a long time, his expression unreadable. For the second time, Hex wondered if maybe it wasn’t better to leave his memories behind forever. “That was the test of your Wisdom, Wizard,” Pete said. “You didn’t do very well.”
“How was that a test?” Hex protested.
“If you cared about Oz instead of yourself, you’d have used your wits to help Iris restore peace to the monkeys—not sell Iris out and make yourself look like the hero. Wisdom should be used for the good of all, not just one. It didn’t occur to you to work together with Iris to find a way to defeat Quentin? To tell the queen that Iris was the one who deserved the credit?”
“But she’s just a monkey!” Hex sputtered. “How was I supposed to know that was the test?”
The Wizard Returns Page 3
