by G. Bailey
“There is no chance of that. They might be...well, look at them, but I would never stand a chance,” I reply.
She nudges my shoulder. “Just because you’re rejected, it doesn’t make you worthless. One alpha’s reject is another’s only desire.”
I take in her advice and straighten my back a little, finally looking out at the top of the mountain. The stars are so bright up here, like I could just reach up and run my fingers through them. It might be cold, but the high shards around the mountain block a lot of the breeze. The place is lit up with lanterns all around the edges, the fire casting shadows around the several benches and cushions laid out all over the place. There are tables of bottles, food and glasses in the curves, and music I’ve never heard is being played from large speakers dotted around the edges. There is a massive bonfire in the middle, and fireflies float around in the air not far above my head, mixing with the stars, making a breathtaking view. They move around almost like they’ve been called here to dance to the music, to make the stars pop. It’s really, really beautiful.
Most of the people are dancing around to the music. The melancholic hum is fast but still sensual enough to let them dance close together. It’s really unusual to me and not like the music I’ve heard much before. After a few seconds, I realise a lot of the pack aren’t just dancing, they’re deeply kissing, their bodies pressed closely together. They move to the music like it speaks to their soul as they almost blend with whoever they are with. A part of me wishes I could be that close to someone, that open. To bare my entire soul to them, all my dark parts and secrets and be accepted.
A stray tear sneaks out of my eye, a deep-down feeling of unfairness making me feel like there isn’t enough air. I suck in a deep breath and look for something to distract me, so I focus on the clothing. The women’s lack of clothes is way too much to see, but they don’t seem to care, and the men seem to like it, their eyes eating up the women. I feel my cheeks burning red as Phim pulls me through the crowd, unaware of my internal struggle. More and more people turn to look at me the further we go, and she pulls me all the way to the front.
That’s when I notice the alphas are here. All four of them are sitting together, a genuine show of power if I have ever seen it. It’s too much to take them all in, so I focus on one at a time, choosing Valentine because he has already looked away. I notice right away he is sitting with a woman in a red dress on his lap, and he’s drinking straight from a bottle. The woman is kissing his neck, and a deep part of me hurts for a second even when it makes no sense that this would hurt me. After a second, the woman pulls back and wraps her red lips around her own bottle and takes a long drink. Valentine unsurprisingly slumps in the chair, completely out of it, and the bottle falls from his hand, rolling across the ground.
Look at them, don’t be a chicken, Mairin. Silas’s is the scariest gaze to meet, but sometimes it is best to get the hard things out of the way, so I look at him for a brief second. He is dressed in all black, his blond hair seeming even lighter than usual, and his grey eyes are nothing short of stormy. How I ever thought his eyes remind me of snow...he is a snowstorm, pure and simple. A storm that will take you under and bury you in its beauty if you let it. Ragnar and Henderson move at the same time, straightening in their throne-like seats. The sheer possessive look they give me sends shivers down my spine.
“What is she doing here?” Silas demands, treating me like I’m his to command.
“What do you think she’s doing here? The whole pack was invited, and it’s a great time for her to meet people,” Phim answers, not remotely intimidated by Silas. I’ve got to ask her how to do that. I go silent, having absolutely no idea what to say as Ragnar gets up and walks over to me.
“Well, if you’re here, would you like to dance?”
“I haven’t really danced before,” I answer. I’ve danced in my room and to old wolf songs with Jesper in the snow, but this is a different dance altogether.
He smiles and picks up my hand, and I feel instant heat sizzle between our touch. I wonder how these alphas keep doing this to me. How one touch has heat coursing throughout my body. How one single touch just makes my mind fuzzy and all rational thoughts completely drift away. I shouldn’t be here, and I shouldn’t be here in this dress attracting so much attention, especially not from them, not when they make me feel this way. I don’t seem to even notice as he wraps his hand around the back of my waist, and he guides me through the crowd. I can hear Phim arguing with the other alphas as we get near a crowd of several people, who move out of the way even in the sexual trance that they’re in. I notice at the back of the crowd, there’s more people, and moans, grunts and other noise come from them. They’re sitting on chairs, wearing less clothing than the dancers are wearing, looking so close they seem to be completely stuck to each other. Ragnar pulls me to him, pulling our bodies together, holding me close as the happy music beats on, and I gasp from the contact. The way my body moulds into his, like we were made to dance like this and feel so good.
“You look beautiful, Mai,” he tells me, his lips brushing against the tip of my ear, and it makes me shiver.
I lean back, needing some space as my heart pounds in my chest. “I’m sure you tell any woman you dance with that pickup line. It’s generic and really doesn’t compliment any of things about me I like.”
He barks out a surprised laugh. “You’re right, but the problem is, I don’t know who you are now. I only know the short story of your past.”
“Do you want to know more?” I question.
“Yes. So where are your parents?”
“Right out with the hard question, huh?” I ask as he spins me around and back to him.
“You don’t have to answer that.”
“It’s okay because the answer is, I don’t know. I was found at twelve in the forest with nothing more than my name on my clothes, written on old paper. No one in the pack claimed me, and I was shoved into the foster home,” I explain.
“That life must have been difficult. I see how they treat anything different back there,” he replies.
“A new friend taught me that I might be worthless to them but maybe not to everyone. Maybe not to myself,” I answer, meeting his eyes.
“Worthless is never a word I want anyone to use about you ever again. You are not worthless; in fact, no one in this world is. We are born with a purpose, and only the gods are allowed to judge us,” he answers, slowly moving his hand up my back until his fingers graze my bare skin above the line of my dress. The little caressing touch makes my heartbeat all that faster.
“Is it my turn to ask a question?”
“Go on then,” he replies.
“Who cooks and cleans in the house?” I ask.
He grins. “Henderson is the cook, and we all clean up and take turns with the clothes washing.”
“How about I do the clothes?” I suggest. “I mean, I need to help out, and I don’t know much about cooking or cleaning.”
“All right, the washing room is in the attic. Have at it,” he replies with a big grin. “My turn for a question.”
“It seems the song has ended,” I answer as we both stop dancing.
“Then I’ll hold you to it,” he replies, and I smile, a real smile that feels full of hope before he nods his head at me and disappears into the dancers. Phim comes to find me seconds later, pulling me to the food and introducing me to random people for the rest of the night.
The only thing I notice is the alphas have gone.
I stare at her, the woman I can’t believe is here and alive, like my soul is commanding me.
When it comes to Mairin...it always has, but for her, she doesn’t remember who I am. Gone are the memories we made, the connection we built, and instead she sees us as strangers.
But she grew up. If I thought I had a crush on her at twelve when I was thirteen, it’s nothing to how fucking incredible she looks now. Her blonde hair is long, silky and wavy, begging me to wrap it around my hand and claim her pouty
pink lips. Her curvy body is built for seduction, in a way only she could be.
No women here hold a candle to Mairin Fall. She outdoes them by just existing. The sexy fucking short dress she has on only makes her enchanting.
And makes me fucking hard in tight trousers.
“Are you coming?” Ragnar asks, patting me on my shoulder. He follows my gaze, watching Phim introduce Mairin to a group of women. “You could have asked her to dance.”
“I don’t ask women for anything. They give,” I snap.
He chuckles low. “Not Mai. She doesn’t remember you before, so you might want to tone down your normal dickhead self to get to know who she is now.”
“She isn’t her,” I simply state. “Not anymore. We hoped for nothing.”
He leans against the wall as a man, Lewis, walks over to her, holding out his hand. She shakes his hand with her tiny pale one, and he holds onto her hand for a second too long.
A low growl leaves my lips. When he steps closer and Mai laughs at something he says, Ragnar stops me with a hard whack against my chest. I turn and narrow my eyes on him. “What?”
“You’re still as possessive and protective as you’ve always been with her. Trust me, she isn’t interested in him,” he tells me. “And you storming over will frighten her. Remember, she doesn’t know us.”
“How could I forget?” I growl out.
“She will remember, or we will tell her when the time is right,” Ragnar states, like either of those two things can ever happen. Her memories come with a can of worms none of us are ready to open.
She is better off a million miles away from us, but now that she is here, I couldn’t let her go a million miles away again.
Fuck the world.
Fuck the gods.
Mairin belongs here, with us, in our pack. In our home.
Ragnar laughs as he leaves me hiding behind a rock in the shadows, where I stay for the rest of the night to watch Mairin. She speaks to dozens of people, most all of them seem enchanted by her as I am, and I hate it. I don’t want to share her with anyone. Her smiles should be for me, her body should be for my eyes only, and my wolf fills my head with thoughts of biting her pretty neck, marking her as my own.
I’ve never felt a possessive thing towards any woman, and she makes me feel all of them. She makes me a possessive asshole, and I don’t give a monkey.
I watch as Mairin and Phim leave the party, more than just my eyes following her. The second she is out of sight, I jump down from behind the rock and look for Lewis. I find him in the corner with three other men I don’t remember the names of.
I catch some of his conversation as I head over. “She has a fucking nice ass, doesn’t she? I can’t wait until she is out of the alphas’ house, and I…”
He drifts off when he sees me, cowering even before I pick him up and slam him against the brick wall. I hold him up by his neck as the party goes silent. “Mairin Fall is not to be talked about or touched. I challenge anyone who goes near her. Am I understood?”
My voice echoes around. Lewis doesn’t meet my eyes. “Yes! Sorry, alpha. I’m so sorry!”
I drop him onto the ground and walk through the crowd, feeling everyone’s eyes on me, wondering what Mairin is to me, no doubt.
The truth, that I don’t like to admit, is that she has always been far more to me than I am to myself.
Even if she doesn’t remember.
“Enough,” I say. Silas just looks down at me lying on the floor and rolls his eyes at my answer to why I look like I’m dying and not getting up off the floor. Every inch of me aches, and I’m not a damn superhero like he is. I’ve never been worked this hard before, and I hate it.
“It’s not enough,” he snaps, crossing his arms. “That was barely two miles.”
It’s been like this for the last week now. It’s not gotten any easier with Silas, aka Mr Constantly Moody and Full of Angst. In fact, all we do is run around the house until I drop in a breathless, sweaty mess and he laughs.
Asshat.
“We only run, and you haven’t even taught me how to fight! You haven’t taught me how to do anything but run!” I snap, getting to the end of my rope. “Newsflash, alpha, I learnt enough of that in my own pack!”
“Then it shouldn’t be so hard, should it?” he counters, and I huff as we stare each other down for a long time. Those stormy eyes that I can’t read feel like he is burying himself into my soul to find out my secrets. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Why he hates me so much. I climb to my feet and look at the door just as Henderson comes in.
“Hey...wow. Everyone looks in a really great mood in here,” he sarcastically comments. Henderson looks amazing as usual as he brushes his black hair to the side.
“If your trainee is terrible, the mood cannot improve,” Silas coldly replies. Ouch.
“Hey, I’m doing my very best,” I all but growl out, making them both chuckle—even Silas, who quickly realises I made him laugh and goes silent with his eyes narrowed.
Henderson just laughs at our squabble, and Silas walks out of the room, not saying a word to either of us. I pick up the towel in the corner of the room and wipe the sweat off my forehead as Henderson gets to me.
“Is he always this moody? Does he have an asshole off button?” I ask.
“No, but if you find that button, let me know,” he says, making me laugh. “I was wondering if you want to do some shifter training. Just something a bit more, well, better than this?”
“Anything’s better than running two miles and doing sit-ups for an hour. Then more sit-ups and yeah, just more sit-ups,” I reply.
Henderson laughs and cocks his head at the door. “Come on, I’ll teach you how to call shifter energy to shift. You might not be able to actually do it. Not until Silas gives you permission, but you will at least know how to do it. I thought it could be fun, anyway.”
“No, I’d like that. That sounds really good,” I answer. Much better than having a shower and hiding in my room for the rest of the day, like usual. He smiles and we both walk out of the training room. In my week in the alphas’ house, I’ve learned Silas is the moody one. Well, Valentine might also be classed as moody since he can be found in the bottom of a bottle all the time. Henderson is kind of funny, but also very protective. Ragnar is the one who spends all his time in the garage, and I’m pretty sure he loves his cars more than anything else. And then there’s Trey...he pretty much lives in this world of his own, and he is too mature for his young age. He doesn’t seem to do any kind of kid-like things. I did learn that he can outrun me when he literally outran me three days ago when I was doing two more sprints around the house. Now, after that embarrassing time, he no longer comes into training, but I see him around. I have sat down and watched several of these movies on Netflix with him in the evenings when no one else is around.
Henderson and I leave the house and go out of the back doors into the forest. The back area is covered in decking with nice, picturesque, fenced areas around it. There are some planters around the outskirts with soil in it, but nothing’s been planted in them for a long time by the looks of it. We go straight into the forest, and I’m quite eager to explore more of this forest, as I felt too nervous to leave the house without one of the alphas so far. Except for the party, but that was with Phim, and I felt safe with a beta. But I haven’t seen much of her since the party to ask her to take me into the pack. At some point, I need to be brave and leave, but I am giving myself a week. We walk through the forest for a while before Henderson randomly sits down, and I sit opposite him and cross my legs in the way that he has. He smiles at my little gesture and looks up at that beam of light that is shining through the side of the mountain that falls on my shoulder, making my hair look almost white.
“You know, you don’t have to stay in all the time. If you want, you could just ask and one of us will take you out,” he suggests, and it almost freaks me out that he read my thoughts so well, but I realise I haven’t been hiding my fear for
the outside of the house very well.
“Is it that obvious I’m going a bit stir crazy?” I ask.
“Only to us,” he answers, and I sense a deeper meaning to his words I’m not getting, but I leave it. I look down at the ground and pick up some branches on the floor.
“It’s not that. It’s just like you said, I don’t want to be challenged. I’ve always stood out everywhere. And no matter where I’ve gone in the pack, as much as it seems different here, I don’t want to stand out that much.”
“You did stand out at the party. As I’ve heard, you made a great impression on loads of people,” he counters. “How would exploring the pack with me at your side be any different?”
“That was different because Phim was the confident one, and I only had to talk after her,” I answer.
“No, it was different because it was you. It’s okay, your confidence will build the longer you stay here,” he answers. I suck in a deep breath.
“Okay, so how do we call the shifter energy?” I ask.
“Well, I’m guessing you were not taught any of this?”
“No one ever mentioned how to call shifter energy, how to change into a wolf. We were just told that when we mated, our mate would tell us everything that we needed to know. That they would control the shift so we wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. But okay, so we start from scratch,” he replies, running his hand through his soft hair, and I track the movement. I wonder what it would be like to be closer to him, to run my hands through his hair, to feel his body pressed against mine...or lips touching. I shake my head and focus on what he is saying. “Our shifter energy is from the gods. That’s where it comes from. That’s where it’s always come from.”
“Why doesn’t everyone know that? No one in Ravensword does!” I whisper in shock.
