by M. S. Parker
“What?”
I kept my eyes focused in front of me. “I’m going to DC.”
I could feel her surprise and walked faster. I couldn’t do this now with her. I couldn’t have this whole goodbye scene with her and then think clearly to deal with whatever was going on in the capitol.
She came after me. “What does DC have to do with finding my sister?”
“Nothing,” I said, making my voice hard. “Go home, Tess. Brianne doesn’t want you coming after her. The mission’s done. Go back to your life in New York.”
Ten
Tess
“Go home, Tess. Brianne doesn’t want you coming after her. The mission’s done. Go back to your life in New York.”
I actually took a step back when his words hit me, unprepared for both the attack and how much it stung. An hour ago, he’d been balls deep inside me, moaning my name as he came. What the hell had changed? It had to be something he’d seen on his phone. He’d been fixated on it when I’d come out of the bathroom, and he’d barely taken the time to put it down until we landed.
I pressed the heel of my hand against my chest, unsure what was hurting me more, what Brianne had done or how Clay was acting. Again, the two people I cared about more than anyone else were tearing out my heart, and this time, there was no chance of it being a misunderstanding or a lie.
Not again. I was through letting other people determine how I related to the world. I’d spent far too much of my life dwelling in the past and holding on to a hurt that I should’ve let go of a long time ago. If Brianne and Clay didn’t want me, that was their loss. I wasn’t going to let either of them keep me from a story though. Tough shit if it dug into things they didn’t want me to know. If they’d taken a few minutes to think about me as a real person instead of some problem they had to get rid of, maybe they would’ve realized I had skills to offer.
I kept telling everyone that I was an adult and they needed to treat me like one, but as much as I hated to admit it, when I was with Brianne and Clay, it was hard for me to remember I wasn’t the little kid tagging along anymore. I’d heard people say that going home made people feel like they were kids again, but I’d always thought of myself as above that, especially since I refused to think of anywhere I’d lived as a child as being home. Now, I understood how foolish that assumption had been. Clay and Brianne were who I associated with home, however painful those memories were, and they were the ones who made me feel like a child. I’d thought we’d made progress, getting everything out in the open, but it seemed I’d overestimated my value to them.
Fuck them.
Brianne’s actions reinforced my theory that she was hiding something, and my reporter Spidey-senses were pinging off the charts. I didn’t know if Clay was involved in whatever Bri was into, but it didn’t matter. If I was going to look into my informant’s tip regarding government involvement, there was only one place to go. Clay and I would be heading to the same place after all. But not together.
I pulled out my phone and brought up the contact list I’d finally pulled off my cloud account. I’d spent more than ten years accumulating an impressive amount of contacts, and I rarely ever cashed in my chips. Now, I was glad I’d been thrifty with asking favors because I had a feeling it would take some strings to get an immediate flight to DC.
“Cathy,” I said as soon as I heard the familiar voice. “It’s Tess Gardener.”
“Tess? It’s been a while.”
“It has,” I admitted. “How have you been?”
“Good.” Her voice was friendly, but I heard a note of curiosity in the tone. “Just had a kid a few months ago. But I’m guessing you’re not calling to hear about my thirteen hours of labor.”
I winced at the thought. “Ouch. And congratulations. You’re right though. I’m calling to see if you still have a friend at LAX.”
“I do,” she said, her volume increasing in interest. “Are you chasing a story?”
“I am, and it might be a big one.”
“Good for you,” she said just as a baby started to whimper in the background. “What do you need?”
I gave her a quick rundown of just the basics, knowing she’d understand my reluctance to give out specifics. I met Cathy in college where she’d been a TA for one of my English professors. She’d been working toward a Ph.D. in American Literature when another graduate student had stolen her thesis. I’d helped her prove that the thesis was hers, and she’d owed me a favor ever since.
I paused in front of the giant board with all of the flight information, scanning for different flights. I wanted to go directly to DC, but if I couldn’t find anything today with that route, I’d be willing to take New York or Philadelphia, anything within a couple hours’ driving distance. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Clay on the other side of a large family who was arguing over gates, but I didn’t acknowledge his presence.
Once I had a list of possible flights, I called the number Cathy had given me and started walking to the gate with the earliest DC flight. By the time I reached it, Clay was already there, but judging by the expression on his face and the way he was arguing with the woman at the counter, he hadn’t been quite so lucky in his search for a ticket.
I should’ve gloated, given him a smug smile, and said that if he hadn’t been such an asshole, maybe I could’ve gotten him on this flight too. Instead, I decided that him owing me was a better form of revenge. I called Cathy’s friend back and asked for another favor. Fortunately, he was easy to please, asking only for an autograph from a celebrity I’d interviewed a couple years back. I’d be able to get that for him before my flight even left.
“Problems?” I asked Clay as I stepped up next to him.
“Tess?” The surprise on his face gave me great pleasure. “What are you doing?”
“I’m here to pick up my tickets.” I gave him a polite smile before turning to the attendant. “I have two first class tickets being held for me. They should be in the system by now. The name’s Tess Gardener.”
“ID please,” she said with a bright smile.
I dug in my purse, grateful that Brianne had at least thought to send my purse along with me. I retrieved my ID and handed it over, all the while aware of Clay’s eyes on me.
“I only have a name on one ticket, miss,” the attendant said. “What’s the name on the second?”
I looked over at Clay and couldn’t deny how much I was going to enjoy making my offer. “Would you like a ticket to DC, or do you already have one?”
He scowled, and I could see him working over everything in his head, all of the things he wanted to say and everything he needed to do. His pride warred with whatever had captured his attention on the plane. I didn’t hurry him. The fact that they were getting ready to board passengers would force his hand soon enough.
“Sir, if I may,” the attendant put in, “there may be a seat that comes up empty, but if you want a guaranteed seat, this is your best chance.”
“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll take it.”
“What name should I put on it?”
He dug into his pocket and pulled out his ID. “Clay Kurth.”
“All right, Mr. Kurth, Miss Gardener, we’ll begin boarding shortly.”
“Great.” Clay forced a smile as he looked at me. “Thank you.”
I offered the briefest of nods. “You’re welcome.” I deliberately turned away before either of us could feel the need to fill the already awkward silence.
This was going to be a long flight.
Eleven
Clay
If Ray’s texts hadn’t been so urgent, I would’ve waited to get a ticket on my own, but when I’d texted Ray back to say that I was trying to get a seat on the next flight out, his response had been to tell me to do whatever it took to get to DC. I’d offered to call him so he could get me up to speed before I arrived, but he’d said he didn’t want to talk about anything over the phone.
All of that was the reason I’d spent five h
ours sitting next to Tess, all too aware of how soft the skin on the inside of her wrist was. The sounds that she made when she came. The color of her nipples and how hard she liked them sucked. What it felt like to have her legs wrapped around me.
I was the only person who knew those things, and there was a voice screaming in the back of my mind, telling me that I needed to make sure I was the only one who ever knew them. A male flight attendant had checked her out as he’d walked by to ensure everyone had their seatbelts on, and I’d been tempted to tell him that she was taken. The man across the aisle had chatted her up, and it’d taken more self-control than I’d known I had to keep my hands to myself.
By the time we landed in DC, my body was a mass of tension and my stomach was tied up in knots. None of it was related to what Ray had in store for me. I’d barely thought about it, even though I knew it was important. I didn’t generally have a problem compartmentalizing, but when it came to Tess, all of my usuals went right out the window.
As soon as the seat belt light went off, Tess got to her feet, but the man in front of us was up too, blocking the aisle as he pulled a bag down from the overhead compartment.
“I’m meeting Agent Matthews,” I said. “It’s official FBI business, which means no visitors.”
I didn’t think it was actually FBI business, but I needed her to understand that she couldn’t keep pursuing whatever this was with Brianne. She’d clearly come to DC to find out what was going on, and she needed to just go back to New York and her life. This was the only way I could think of to get her to go.
I didn’t expect her to be happy about it, but the icy gaze she leveled at me wasn’t like anything I’d seen from her before. She’d been furious at me before, but that heat had been something, at least. This was nothing.
She didn’t say a word as she turned and walked away. I watched her go and let other passengers fill the space between us before I stepped into the aisle as well. I told myself that it didn’t hurt to see her walk away because I’d always known this was where we would end up anyway. When I finished my meeting with Ray, I’d go back to Denver and Tess would eventually be in New York.
This wasn’t the first time I’d made a similar argument, but it didn’t make me believe it anymore now than I had the other times I’d made it. Nor did it make the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach go away. I ignored it and kept walking. Something big was going down, and it was my job to stop it. I needed to focus on that. Tess was gone, and it was time to move on.
I took a cab to the hotel where Ray was staying and texted him on the way. By the time the car pulled up to the front entrance, he’d responded with his room number and nothing else. I really hoped he wasn’t as pissed at me as he seemed because I was getting really tired of people being angry at me for things that were out of my control.
Besides, Ray was the one who got me involved in this in the first place. He couldn’t be angry for something he’d gotten me into.
I checked into a room of my own first, then headed up two floors to Ray’s room. He answered on the second knock, giving me a grunt in greeting before stepping aside to let me in. He looked about as exhausted as I felt, with dark half-moons under his eyes and dark stubble on pale skin. His slacks were wrinkled, and the white undershirt he wore had sweat stains that could’ve been new or from days ago.
“You look like hell,” I said as I closed the bathroom door behind me.
“Right back at you,” he said as he sat down in the armchair. He pointed at the desk chair. “Sit.”
I sat, rubbing the back of my neck. “All right, Ray. What’s going on?”
He scratched his head, the new lines on his face making him look years older than he was. “A shitstorm, that’s what’s going on. I don’t know what you guys stirred up down there, but it’s got some serious ripple effects. When you called me after you found Tess, I was already on my way out here for a meeting and decided to update Secretary Ganesh myself. He was twitchy, constantly looking over his shoulder. I didn’t think anything of it until I got back to my room here and found a note slipped under my door telling me to get my people out of Costa Rica.”
“Did they mean you personally or the FBI?” I asked.
Ray shrugged. “I don’t know, but no one’s contacted the FBI directly. Just me.”
“Right before Tess went missing, she met with an informant who said that the government was responsible for us being down there.”
“I did some digging thinking there was something more to the story,” Ray continued. “But every time I started asking around about Brianne, I hit a brick wall. The army kept telling me that her records were confidential. Then I got the idea that maybe there was something with the whole cartel angle. That’s when I got the warning.”
I was starting to understand why he’d been freaking out via text.
“I couldn’t get past assistants to talk to anyone, even Secretary Ganesh. And every time I got back to my hotel room, there were more notes telling me to get my people out of Costa Rica. Some serious shit is going on.”
No fuck.
Twelve
Tess
I hadn’t been back to DC since I’d left with my mom and Brianne, and I’d never intended to be here again, but my life was currently saying ‘fuck you’ a lot, so here I was.
I kept my head down in the cab, not wanting to see what was around me even though I wasn’t near the neighborhood where I’d grown up. If I didn’t see the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument, the things that identified the city as DC, I could pretend that I was checking into a hotel in some random city.
“First time in the capitol?” the cab driver asked.
“I grew up here.” I knew my tone was short, but I couldn’t seem to help it as I kept my eyes focused on the screen of my phone. “I’m here on business now,” I added, anticipating his next question. “I’m a journalist.”
“Since we’re going to a hotel, I’m assuming you don’t work for someone here.”
I bit back a snarky reply and reminded myself that the driver was just being friendly. It wasn’t his fault that I’d had a shitty day. “I work for the New York Times.”
At least, I hoped I still did. It was too late to call anyone tonight, no matter how long it’d been since I’d last talked to someone at the office. If I called my editor this late, I definitely would be fired. I’d make the call in the morning and hoped the story I planned on pitching would make up for how long I’d been gone. I planned on sharing what had happened to me, so it wasn’t like I wouldn’t already have a good excuse, but I didn’t want to only have excuses.
“Did you move straight from here to New York then?”
“No, I lived in Arizona for a while and moved to New York for college.” I risked a glance out the window and saw that we still had a couple blocks to go. “What about you? Are you from here?”
As I’d hoped, my question prompted him to begin his life story and stopped him from asking more about me. Normally, I didn’t mind a chatty driver, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. Listening, however, that I could do. Or, at least, pretend to do. I smiled and nodded in all the right places, and by the time we pulled up to the hotel, he’d made it all the way through to the birth of his second child, Tami.
“Here’s my card,” he said. “If you need a cab any time you’re in the city, just call me direct.”
“Thanks.” I slipped his card into my purse. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
As nice as he was, I breathed a sigh of relief when I walked into the hotel by myself. There were people around, but they were all concerned with their own business, leaving me alone with my own. I just hoped they had a room empty. I really didn’t want to have to repeat this process.
“Good evening, Miss.” The desk clerk smiled, but I could see a hint of wariness in his eyes.
I didn’t blame him. Even though I hadn’t seen myself in the mirror, I had a pretty good idea of how worn I looked. When this was all over, I planned on sleeping for two days
straight.
“I don’t have a reservation,” I said. “But I’ll take any room you have.”
“How long will you be staying with us?” he asked as he entered information into his computer.
“I’m not sure, but if I need to check out or change rooms later, that’s fine. As long as I have somewhere to sleep tonight.”
“I’ll need a credit card and some form of ID.”
Less than twenty minutes later, I was settled in a two-person suite that was more space than I needed, but I could have it indefinitely, so I’d opted for the bigger room. Besides, even if the Times didn’t reimburse me, I felt like I’d earned a bit of a splurge.
I was exhausted, but I didn’t even consider going to bed yet. I had work to do. Work that I should have been doing all along instead of spending my time with Clay. I refused to let him distract me anymore. I was going to get to the bottom of whatever it was Bri had going on.
I didn’t have access to a printer, and I had no idea what Brianne had done with my laptop, but I’d spent the end of the flight reconstructing what little information I’d gathered, and now it was time to try and put some of it together. I’d picked up some supplies in the little gift shop, and now I set them out on the table. Different-colored post-it notes, two black pens, and two blue pens.
Piece by piece, I wrote down the facts I had evidence to back up. Then I moved on to a new color post-it and wrote down facts that didn’t have evidence but that I knew were facts anyway. After that, I went to speculation, guess-work, and opinions. Color coding and then sorting out the post-its onto the table gave my mind something to latch onto. It was a relief to focus on lists and facts, things that had nothing to do with emotions. Even though Brianne and Clay had their places in those facts, this way, I could separate them into compartments, think of them clinically rather than as people I cared about.
