by M. S. Parker
“Fuck,” I growled as I slammed my hands against the steering wheel. I needed Sofie to know where Brianne was so I could pass along the information to Tess and then get out of there.
I managed a smile when I knocked on the door, but it faltered as soon as the door opened, and I caught a glimpse of who was sitting on the couch behind the woman who I assumed was Sofie Harmon.
“Tess.” The word choked off in my throat.
“You must be Clay Kurth.”
The statement brought my attention back to the woman in front of me even though my awareness of Tess didn’t change one iota.
“I am.”
She put out a hand for me to shake, and I took it.
Sofie was forty-three, I knew that from the little I’d gleaned from her available file. Her blonde hair was longer than it was in her last ID picture, but those teal eyes were just as sharp.
“Come on inside.” She stepped out of the way, giving me a clear view of Tess again.
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I was drawn to her the same way I always had been.
“Brianne’s mentioned you, Clay,” Sofie said to me as she took a seat in an armchair. “I’m assuming that you’re here for the same reason as Tess, but as I was just telling her, I don’t know where Brianne is.”
I stuck my hands in my pockets and stayed standing. “And we’re just supposed to believe you? No disrespect, but she is your girlfriend, isn’t she? You did have your former brother-in-law pull strings to get someone – me, namely – down to Costa Rica to find her, didn’t you?”
Sofie didn’t seem fazed by a single word I said. If anything, she looked a little amused. “It doesn’t matter to me if you believe me or not. I haven’t heard from her since the two of you found Tess.”
“And you’re not worried?” Tess spoke up, her voice sending a stab of pain through me. “You haven’t heard from your girlfriend for days. Why aren’t you concerned?”
“Bri and I met in the army,” Sofie said. “Danger has always been a part of our relationship. We’ve learned to deal with it in our own ways.”
“Wow, I wish I could be that blasé about someone I cared about possibly being in mortal danger.” I didn’t even try to conceal the annoyance in my voice. “Must be nice not to care–”
My words finally did the trick and got Sofie on her feet, eyes flashing as that cool façade slipped. “Don’t pretend you know anything about my relationship with Brianne. Now, I think the two of you need to leave. I don’t have anything more to say to you.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but then Tess was up and shoving me toward the door. The movement caught me off-guard enough that I didn’t manage to catch my feet until Sofie closed the door behind us.
“What the hell, Tess?” I snapped.
She shook her head. “I don’t think she knows anything, but even if she did, she wouldn’t say a word about it to either of us after the way you talked to her in there.”
“You really buy all that?” I stopped and shook off the arguments I wanted to make. “It doesn’t matter.”
I went down the steps and then moved toward the car Ray had rented. I was done here.
“Clay, wait.”
Dammit.
She shivered as I turned toward her, and I felt a stab of guilt at how miserable she looked. I wondered how much of it came from the weather.
“Get in the car,” I said gruffly. “Couldn’t even bother to find a coat? Dammit, Tess, we’re not in Costa Rica anymore.”
I turned on the heat as soon as I started the car and cranked it up as high as it would go. She rubbed her hands together, and I was tempted to reach out and take them between mine. I was just as tempted to drive her to the closest bus stop and drop her off before heading straight for the airport to wait on standby for the first available flight out of that damned place.
“I’m sorry,” Tess blurted out. “I just had to say it. I won’t even pretend that I’m asking you to forgive me. I know what I did was unforgivable. I just had to get it out there.”
I drove down two more streets in silence with Rona’s words echoing in my head, and then I parked at the curb. “All right, say it all.”
“Say it all?” She blinked at me, startled.
“You wanted to say something before, and I didn’t want to hear it. Say it now.” I leaned back in my seat and crossed my arms, determined to hear her out and still walk away.
“I knew I was wrong to look at your phone, and I should have apologized right off the bat.” She shook her head, her eyes glistening. “No, I shouldn’t have even picked up your phone. It didn’t matter how good my intentions were. I would’ve been furious if our positions were reversed.”
“The phone thing’s a hell of a lot more understandable than using me the way you did.” My words sounded as cold as she looked. “Lying to me.”
“You’re right. About how wrong I was and how I hid things from you. Not everything was a lie though. I’d been thinking of coming to you and apologizing almost from the moment I walked away,” Tess admitted. “I meant every word that I said, and my intentions…it’s not an excuse. There’s nothing to excuse me deceiving you like that. I had my suspicions, but I should have talked to you. Just like I should have talked to you that night, no matter what Brianne said.”
The pain in her voice squeezed my heart.
“I keep fucking things up between us. I blamed Brianne and you, and then Brianne again when I learned the truth, but I should’ve accepted the blame that was mine. I don’t know if I sabotage things intentionally or if I’m just wired to screw up.” Her voice cracked. “I’m sorry for all of it, and I’ll never forgive myself for ruining what should have been the best thing in my life.”
She reached for the door handle.
Shit.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t walk away. Not without giving us a real shot.
“We did this all out of order.”
She turned back to look at me, and I saw the spark of hope flicker in her eyes.
“We can’t really forget our history. We have too much of it, and we have more of the good than bad, so we shouldn’t forget it. But maybe we can put the past behind us and start things clean, the right way.” I held out my hand. “Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Let’s go on a date. A real date. No talking about Costa Rica or Brianne or anything to do with cartels. Just you and me having fun.”
She slid her hand into mine, and the expression on her face told me that I’d made the right choice. I curled my fingers around hers, and the touch felt just as right now as it had the first time I’d touched her after realizing what she meant to me. This was what was important, what she and I could be. Everything else would wait.
Twenty-One
Tess
A date with Clay Kurth. On Valentine’s Day, no less. Fifteen-year-old me would’ve been thrilled.
Thirty-one-year-old me was thrilled but also terrified. I’d meant everything I’d said about how I was the one who’d screwed everything up, and I knew he was giving me a second chance here. I wouldn’t get another one. I didn’t deserve another one. Hell, I didn’t deserve this one.
As much as I’d wanted to think of the fundraiser as a date, I’d always had it in the back of my mind that I needed to look for opportunities to search for information. This time, it was just Clay and me, nothing else. That, plus the fact that I was giving him complete control over everything made my mind race with all the possible scenarios that could come from an unknown number of variables.
I wondered if I’d even be able to eat tonight, what with my stomach churning the way it was.
Clay hadn’t said where we were going on our date, but my clothing options didn’t allow for much in the way of choices. I’d bought a fancy dress for the fundraiser, but I’d also picked up a couple simple dress outfits in case I needed to go into a meeting where jeans would be frowned upon. It was one of those dresses I put on now.
It was the definition of the simple little black dress w
ith three-quarter sleeves, a fashionable but not revealing neckline, and a hem that hit mid-calf. I wore the same heels I’d worn to the fundraiser and only a hint more makeup. All in all, I thought I looked good, but that did little to ease my nerves. I knew Clay was physically attracted to me.
But I didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore.
The thought of losing him again froze me to the core, and I knew I’d need to be careful to keep from showing Clay how scared I was. I didn’t want him to feel any pressure from me. No matter how much I wanted to be with him, I didn’t want it to be reluctant on his part. I wanted it to be a new start, just as he’d said tonight would be.
He knocked on my door right at six o’clock, and I had to force myself to count to five in an attempt to calm my racing pulse before I opened the door. He was dressed more casually than he had been the last time we’d left this room together, but he looked just as good.
“You’re beautiful.” He smiled at me and held out his hand, just like he had yesterday in the car.
“Right back at ya.” I returned the smile and took his hand. My heart flipped as he threaded his fingers between mine. “I assumed we’re going to eat, so I didn’t have dinner. If we’re not, I make no promises that my stomach will stay quiet.” I felt like an idiot as I talked, but I kept going to fill the silence. “Not that we have to go eat. I’m okay if we don’t. I’ll be happy with whatever you have planned. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy or–”
Clay stopped just before we reached the front doors to the hotel and yanked on my hand, tugging me against his chest. I barely had time to clutch his shirt before his mouth slammed down on mine. The kiss was brief, rough, and thorough, stealing the air from my lungs and turning my knees to rubber.
When he finally ended the kiss, I swayed on my feet.
“You were saying?”
The eyebrow arch and accompanying cocky smile heated me from the inside.
“I-I don’t remember.”
“Good.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Then my plan worked.”
I wasn’t sure why I’d expected our first official date, on Valentine’s Day, to be something as simple as dinner and a movie. Maybe if we’d been in Denver or New York we would’ve done something of that sort, showing each other our favorite places to eat, but this was DC, the place where we’d grown up together, and Clay had something special planned.
“How many people have lived here since we moved away?” I asked as we stood in front of the house where I’d lived as a child.
It looked smaller.
“Three or four, I think,” Clay said as he wrapped his arm around my waist. “I lost count after I joined the FBI. They kept me moving around a lot.”
The night wasn’t as cold as last night, but it was still cold enough that snuggling into his side was equal parts for warmth and to be closer to him. I turned my face into his side and inhaled deeply.
Damn, he smelled good.
“Doesn’t look like anyone’s living here right now,” I said as I turned my face back to the house. “It’s sort of sad. Seeing it empty.”
“It is,” he agreed. “I know things weren’t always good for your family, but I also know there were fun times here. Times I was fortunate enough to share on occasion.”
“Most of the best times here were with you,” I said.
“Do you ever think about moving back?”
“Not really,” I answered honestly. “The things I missed about DC, I have in New York.” I squeezed his arm. “Almost everything, anyway.”
“I had a great first date planned back then,” he said, keeping his arm around me as we turned away. “And since we happen to be having our sort-of first date here, I figured, why not dust off the old plans.”
“I’m getting a second-hand date?” I teased.
“Not at all,” he said with a laugh. “Merely the date we should have had if things had gone differently.”
“You didn’t happen to enjoy this date with a girlfriend at a later date?” I kept my voice light, but I wasn’t sure if it would fool him, so I added, “It’s okay if you did. At least I know you would’ve worked out the bugs.”
He laughed and kissed my temple. “I never used it. I couldn’t visualize it with anyone but you.”
I didn’t deserve the relief that flowed through me, but I embraced it anyway. “Where to, then?”
“Well, after I picked you up from your house, I was going to have us take a bit of a walk.” He glanced down at me. “It was a warmer time of year, if you remember.”
“I remember.” I remembered everything.
“There’s this little family-owned restaurant a few blocks over that’s still around. I stumbled onto it a couple weeks before you moved. It’s got the best lasagna I’ve ever had. And the best strawberry rhubarb pie.”
Both of those were my favorites and had been back then too.
“After we eat, we’re going to go ice skating.”
“Wasn’t the ice rink closed at that time of year?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “But the water park’s closed right now.”
“You were going to take me to a water park?” I asked in amused amazement. “After eating lasagna and pie. Didn’t your mother ever tell you to wait an hour after eating to go swimming?”
He laughed. “I never said I was a smart seventeen-year-old.”
We’d hardly gone more than a few steps before it started to snow. Not some little flurry either, but fat, wet flakes that clung to our lashes and dampened our clothes. I heard kids squealing in laughter as they danced around, catching snowflakes, but they seemed far away from our little bubble.
I waited a few more minutes before saying what was on my mind.
“We could’ve taken the car, you know.”
“Yes,” he said, “but then I would’ve missed you snuggling close to me for heat.”
“True,” I agreed. I enjoyed a few more minutes of listening to the snow crunching beneath our feet, but the growing lack of sensation in my toes made me speak up. “Not to complain, but are we walking much farther? I don’t know about you, but I like having all my toes.”
“You’re a true comedian, Tess,” he said wryly. “It’s only another block. Though I can try to warm you up if you’d like.”
The look he gave me left no doubt about how he intended to warm me. Tempted as I was, tonight was about fresh starts, and falling right back into bed together without really thinking about it was a habit we needed to break no matter how good it was. Fortunately, the restaurant that Clay promised had the best lasagna ever appeared in front of us before I could argue myself into suggesting a return to my hotel room. I couldn’t say a part of me wasn’t a little disappointed, however, that he hadn’t tried to kiss me again.
The door opened, bringing with it a rush of warm, garlic-scented air. An elderly couple smiled at us as Clay held the door open for them. As she walked by, the fragile-looking woman patted my arm and wished me a happy Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t until then that it really hit me. For the first time in my life, I had a date on Valentine’s Day. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and gave Clay a watery smile as we walked inside.
“Mr. Kurth, how good to see you again! It has been too long.” A plump, dark-haired woman came forward and grasped Clay’s hands. When he leaned down, she kissed both of his cheeks. The surprise on her face when she saw me lasted only a few seconds, and then she was greeting me with the same enthusiasm.
“It’s great to see you again, Mama Rosita,” Clay said. “Work has kept me away for far too long.”
With a knowing look in my direction, she said, “I do not believe it is the work that has kept you away. You have found a beautiful love.”
I flushed and waited for Clay to explain that it was too early to use that word, but he didn’t. Instead, he simply said two words that set my heart galloping.
“I know.”
“You have brought her here to meet your parents, yes?”
Clay smiled. “Actually, they already know her. Mama Rosita, I would like you to meet Tess Gardener. We were high school sweethearts. Sort of.”
Her face lit up with understanding. “She is the one you wanted to bring here years ago.”
“Yes. It’s taking us a while, but I finally have my date.”
“Come with me,” she said. “I have a special table just for you.”
She led us to a cozy booth in a shadowed corner and then left before taking drink orders. When I looked puzzled, Clay smiled.
“Trust me, Mama always knows the perfect wine to go with every meal.”
His comment didn’t do much to help my confusion. “But she doesn’t know what we’re having yet.”
“Yes, she does,” Clay said softly. “With the exception of alcohol, I had a meal all picked out before. She’s going to make it for us tonight.”
I could spend the next sixteen years with this man and not deserve him. Some of that must’ve shown on my face because he reached out and took my hand.
“What’s wrong?”
“This is wonderful,” I said. “You did all this, and I treated you so badly.”
“Hey, clean slate, remember? We’re moving past all that.” One corner of his mouth tipped up in a partial smile. “Besides, I’ve done my fair share of stupid stuff I’ve had to apologize for. We’re not perfect, but if the past couple days have taught me anything, it’s that I’d rather be imperfect with you than perfect with anyone else.”
Tears pricked at my eyelids, and I blinked them back. “Me too. I don’t want anyone else.”
“Ah, perfect timing,” Mama said as she came back to the table with a bottle of wine. “Declarations of love are always the best way to start any meal.”
I didn’t dare tell her we hadn’t gotten to that yet. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Besides, I wasn’t sure her word choice was wrong.
“Ice skating was definitely better than a water park,” I said as Clay and I walked back into the hotel lobby.
