by Riley Ashby
And that was a problem.
You’re not her boyfriend, I repeated to myself every night. Every morning, I woke up forgetting.
Whole milk, butter, flour. A pound of sharp cheddar cheese. An entire box of pasta and some hot sauce. Cooked in the oven with some breadcrumbs. Somewhere, a chef was lamenting my lack of creativity and spices, but I didn’t care. I always just wanted something to get me full that didn’t require a laundry list of ingredients to make.
She came over a little bit after six, and I tried not to show how irritated I was at her lack of punctuality.
It didn’t work.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” she said before she even sat down. I realized I was scrunching my face; I had looked at the clock just as she walked through.
“It’s not a big deal,” I muttered, trying to control myself. And it wasn’t. She was probably trying to give me space and not appear overeager. But I couldn’t help being a little angry she hadn’t obeyed me, hadn’t jumped to my command a few hours after I reminded her she didn’t need to ask my permission for every little thing.
You’re not her daddy.
“You asked me to be here at six, and I was late. There’s no excuse for it. I’m right next door.” She surprised me with her confidence. She didn’t sound ashamed of herself, but she still stood a respectful distance away as she searched my face for absolution.
It made my cock so hard I could barely stand straight.
You’re not her boyfriend.
“Let’s eat,” I said, sitting before I gave myself away. She sat across from me tentatively. I resisted the urge to jerk her around the table next to me.
“You made this?” she asked as she served herself with her left hand, counting on me to hold the serving dish still.
“It’s more or less what I lived on when I found myself in my apartment for more than a few days. Other than this, it’s frozen dinners or eating out.”
“Well, it’s delicious.” Indeed, she had taken three bites in the time it had taken me to speak. I lifted the first bite of food to my mouth as she closed her eyes in pleasure.
I poured her a glass of wine, then myself. Something was bothering her, but she wasn’t about to open up to me about it. I weighed my options—I could demand she tell me, or I could let her bring it up on her own. As much as I wanted to force her to talk about whatever was on her mind, I wasn’t sure we were ready for that. She’d talked about rules, guidelines for how we would interact with each other in this new landscape. But apparently, I was too chickenshit to broach that subject with her. I didn’t want to admit that what we were doing would linger long enough for us to discuss it.
I sat outside her door until she fell asleep, but my own repose was more elusive. I kept thinking about the way her slender arms looked reaching across the table to pile more food on her plate and the curve of her lips as she sipped from her wine glass. The little drop of cabernet sauvignon left on her lower lip, and the way her tongue darted out to lick it up. She blushed and turned away when she caught me staring at her mouth.
Why the hell was she apologizing to me? What had that doctor said to her?
You did do your best to make her feel like shit for liking you.
I groaned and pulled one of my many extra pillows over my face. What was I doing? This was what was needed. She couldn’t be looking at me as a potential romantic partner. I should be glad she was putting up some distance, and I wasn’t inviting her over for candlelit meals.
Rolling out of bed, I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a small measure of brandy. Something to get my heart rate down and help me sleep. It was deadly silent this far above the city streets. As I raised the glass to my lips, I heard the unmistakable sound of a door opening. I turned to look at the door between our suites, but it was closed tight. I set down my cup and ran to the front door on my toes, pressing my eye against the peephole as Josie came in to view. She paused, her arm extending, and I knew she had placed her palm on my door.
“Sorry, Archer,” she whispered. I barely heard her through the door.
I sprinted to my room and pulled on a shirt and some shoes, then raced back to the door and cracked it open the moment the elevator doors closed. I shot down the stairs, taking them two at a time, exploding into the lobby in time to see the lobby doors close behind her. I ran out into the street and followed at a discreet distance. What was this, another trip to the club? I’d lose my mind if I had to watch her kiss someone else again. No, she wasn’t dressed for it. She had on the same dark jeans she’d been wearing all day and had put on a hoodie despite the warmth. She had it pulled up around her head with every strand of hair tucked underneath it. She made herself small as she weaved through the crowd, arms folded and head down. But she moved with purpose, so she knew where she was going.
She stopped outside a 24-hour convenience store but didn’t go inside. She leaned against the wall, acting nonchalant, but her mouth was a tight line as she scanned the faces passing her. I wandered closer with my head down, staring at the black screen of my phone. I knew how not to be noticed if I didn’t want to be seen.
“Come on, Chad,” she muttered under her breath. “Where are you?”
Every fiber in my body snapped to attention.
“You’re meeting Chad?” I demanded, coming up on her so quickly she flattened even farther against the wall.
“Archer?” she gasped, but I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder, walking as fast as I could without running down the sidewalk back to the apartment. I got some funny looks, but she wasn’t fighting me. She seemed paralyzed.
“How did you know I got out?” she asked, sounding dazed.
“You’re not as sneaky as you think you are,” I responded, leaving out the fact that I had gotten lucky. She actually had been extremely quiet.
“Put me down, Archer. I can walk.” She was recovering, and a hint of anger had snuck into her voice. I set her down in front of me but kept my hands on her waist.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I growled, keeping my voice low. Still, a few passersby turned their heads. “How did he even contact you?”
She sighed. “There was another envelope today with two more pictures. There were notes on the backs of both of them this time. And then an actual letter tonight. That’s why I was late to dinner.”
That’s it. I wasn’t taking any more chances. I threw her back over my shoulder and ran the rest of the way back to the apartment, ignoring her objections and the beat of her small fists against my back. I only set her down once the elevator doors closed behind us. I kept hold of her wrist until we got into the apartment, where I pressed her up against the door.
“Why won’t you listen to me?” I demanded. “I told you I would take care of this. We don’t know what he wants. You put yourself in danger by going out there, especially without me.”
“You would have scared him off,” she protested, but her excuse sounded weak. She was shaking. I realized I was pushing her against the door with my entire body, caging in her head with my arms. I forced myself to pull back.
“Did you stop to think about how I would have felt if you had gotten hurt or worse? If you got kidnapped or killed while I was in charge of taking care of you?”
I knew how to make her listen to me. It was a low blow, especially after she apologized to me, but what was a little subterfuge when her safety was at stake? I didn’t stop to think before I grabbed her head in both hands and kissed her right there against the door. She gasped, and I plunged my tongue into her mouth. My body moved forward of its own accord to press against her again, holding her partially aloft against the door.
She leaned forward, chasing after me as I pulled away, but I held her just shy of my lips. Her desperate eyes sought mine, looking for that connection I had re-established. It was like a punch to the gut. I couldn’t deny I liked her looking at me like that, but she would be furious when I broke it off and disappeared. When I revealed I was leaving her behind and had only
played with her emotions in order to ensure her obedience.
But damn, her lips were so soft against mine.
“You’re mine, Josie. Even if it’s only for a little while. That means you do what I say. Do you understand?”
She nodded as well as she could with me holding her face. I exhaled, relaxed my grip, and pulled her against my chest. She wrapped herself around me, wet lips against my shirt, chest heaving.
“You need to sleep,” I muttered. She clung harder.
“Come with me.”
“No. You’ll sleep alone.”
“But—”
“Do you think you deserve to sleep next to me? After you disobeyed me again?”
Her mouth opened and shut in shock. But it was what she wanted to hear. What she needed to hear. She dropped her eyes to the floor.
“No,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for sneaking out. For not telling you about the photograph.”
The urge to pardon her surged strong. Instead, I wrapped her up in my arms again and held her close. “You’re going to kill both of us with your recklessness.”
“I want to know what’s happening.” Her voice was plaintive, constrained with how tightly I pressed her against me.
“Then you need to trust me to look out for you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You want someone to take care of you.” I held her just far enough away to gather her face in my hands and tilt her gaze toward me. She shook her head slightly.
“Not someone. You.”
I nodded. “Then I will. But that means you have to trust me. You can’t keep giving me these heart attacks by going out in the street and meeting strange people.” No more kissing unfamiliar girls in bars. No more meeting mysterious ex-boyfriends with unknown motives.
“But you said you’re leaving.” She bit her lip. “You’re not going to help me. You’ll leave me alone, and I’ll have to start again.”
I pulled through the tangles in her hair. My heart was being torn in two, the rational part demanding I call Castel to come get her this instant. Let her be his problem. They could find someone who wasn’t as pathetically weak as me, someone who could keep his cock under control and do his damn job without setting back Josie’s recovery. But the stronger part told me to hold her a little tighter, as long as she would let me, because once I left, I was never going to find someone like her again. And if I could only have her for this time right now, I should savor every moment.
“I’ll stay until it’s fixed. No matter how long it takes.”
Her eyes fell closed as she melted with relief at the knowledge I would be here for at least a little while longer. I wasn’t running out the door quite yet. She leaned into me, and I scooped her into my arms, carrying her the same as I did that day she broke down in front of me, but with a very different kind of feeling in my chest.
Carrying her back to the bedroom, I helped her out of her clothes, trying not to let my eyes linger on her breasts as I pulled an oversized sleep shirt over her head. I held her pants while she stepped into them, balancing herself on my shoulders. When she was back in her pajamas, I pushed her toward the bed and pulled the blankets up around her chin.
“Thank you,” she whispered. I leaned over to kiss her forehead.
“We’ll talk more tomorrow,” I promised, then closed the door behind me.
Back in my apartment, I didn’t use any lotion as I jerked off. I wanted it to hurt.
I could barely sleep with clenching my legs together, trying to stem the pleasure and anticipation flourishing of its own accord every time I relived the way he kissed me against the door. My mind took the scenario further, a little different each time, but it always ended with the two of us naked in my bed. He fucked me with my ass in the air, holding my head against the pillow to stifle my moans. I sucked him off on my knees while he fisted my hair in his hands and moved my head according to his own passion. He devoured my body with his mouth before bringing me to climax with his tongue. Every fantasy I had imagined so far and then some.
I didn’t touch myself. Nothing I could do to myself would live up to him. By the morning, my unspent desire left me exhausted.
I sat in bed for a while, unsure about this new dynamic. Would he come get me up? Did I need him to pick out my clothes? But by the time an hour had passed, and I knew he would be long awake by now, I decided to get up on my own. He hadn’t made me promise to do anything except obey him. We just needed to figure out the rules.
In my life before, I would have relished being left alone in the morning and allowed to make my own decisions, but today, my nervous energy was due to being by myself. My leg bounced incessantly as I ate breakfast, then washed my dishes. I sat on the couch and tried to read but couldn’t focus on the page. When he knocked on the door, I was on my feet and across the room in a flash. He was wearing shorts and a tank top. I could see all the tattoos running up his arms, ink I had barely been able to make out before beneath his long-sleeved dress shirts. I wanted to go to him and look at him closer.
He took a moment to appraise my jeans and T-shirt. “You need to go change. We’re going to the gym, and you’re going to work out with me.”
I frowned. “What? Why?”
Blanching immediately, I worried about questioning him, but he wasn’t angry. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“We’re too secluded here. You haven’t been keeping up on your physical therapy. You need to practice getting outside—without using subterfuge—and make sure your body is strong as well as your mind.”
I wasn’t prepared for this, but he was spinning his finger in the air and pointing at my bedroom, so I ran back and changed into some workout clothes. When I went back to the kitchen, he was standing by the door with two water bottles. I reached out my hand to take one, but he shook his head and tucked it under one arm as he held open the door for me.
It was almost embarrassing how quickly we slipped into our roles. Me looking at him for direction, him taking control of the situation. I had no chance to grab the doorknob before he opened the door; he had already pressed the button for the elevator before I could extend my hand. It was as natural for him to take care of me as it was for me to submit to him, and it had taken us less than a day to realize it.
We rode the elevator in silence. I smelled the chlorine of the indoor pool before the elevator doors even opened.
“Let’s work out,” he said, pulling me away from the doors to the pool and into the room filled with weight machines and treadmills. He started with resistance bands, getting me to work on the flexibility in my right arm before anything else. I was sweating by the time we finished, but next, he pulled me over to something that looked a lot like a medieval torture device. I’d watched him use it for days without knowing what it was.
“This is a power rack,” he said. “You can use it to do squats.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That sounds difficult.”
“It’ll work your biggest muscle group and help you get stronger overall. You can’t really do bench or overhead press right now, so we’re gonna put the heavy weight on your lower body. Step underneath the bar.”
He helped me line up with the different marks on the barbell and showed me where to put my hands. It was a little painful to keep my grip on the bar, but I could manage it with some modifications. Then he critiqued my form as I squatted with just the bar.
After I re-racked the bar for the final time, he wrapped his arms around my middle and ran his hand up and down my stomach as it expanded and compressed with my breath. He was very big about me breathing into my stomach while I lifted.
“You did good,” he said quietly, tickling my neck with his beard. It was getting long again. “You looked strong.”
I slid my hands on top of his and met his eyes in the mirror.
“What changed your mind?” I whispered. I sank back into him, and he didn’t move away.
“I’m going to keep you safe in any way I can, even if that means I have to manipulate you
.”
So there, he admitted it. He was using my vulnerabilities against me to ensure my cooperation. The worst part was it was working. He took control of me physically, and I didn’t want to disobey him. He rewarded me with touch, and it drove me crazy for more. I would do anything he asked if it meant he would put his lips on mine.
That should have made me angry, but it didn’t. It felt like I had won something. I knew that was a horrible way to look at it, but damn if this wasn’t the most fucked-up love story in the world.
Not a love story, I told myself. He’s still leaving.
“Where does this end?” I finally dared to ask, still looking at him in the mirror. His hand came up to the collar of my shirt, pulling it down to expose more of my chest and the tops of my breasts. I had to remind myself to breathe as his other hand slipped down to where my legs met, cupping my core and reminding me just how unsatisfied I still was after the night spent alone.
“I’ll let you know when I figure that part out.” His hand continued its journey around my left thigh, running up over my hip to my waist. “You know this isn’t going to be a fairy tale.”
I looked down and nodded. “I understand.”
“Good. Now look at me.” I did as he said. “Do you want to cool off in the pool?”
He held my eyes as I nodded.
“Okay. Go get changed and come back down.”
“You trust me not to run off?”
He spun me in his arms and kissed me roughly, once again not giving me any chance to kiss him back.
“You won’t.” He pulled on my ponytail to tilt my head toward him. “Will you?”
“No,” I whispered.
He let me go. After a moment longer, I moved away.
I pondered his words in the elevator and as I slipped out of my sweaty clothes into one of the bikinis I found in my closet. What was I getting myself into, letting him put an expiration date on what we had? Did I care enough to stop him from taking us any further? Maybe it would be a good idea to call Vail and ask her if I could go stay with her now. It wasn’t ideal, not by a long shot, but could it save me from future heartache?
