by Erin Trejo
“That because of me, yeah?”
I nod slowly until a perfect smile forms on his lips. Leaning in I capture them with mine. With Mason everything else just fades away. All of the pain that I have endured, all the wrongs that can’t be righted. It all shifts to somewhere deep inside of me and hides until he’s gone.
Those are the hardest times for me. Knowing that my life isn’t what I make it out to be. Knowing that Mason is a temporary thing in my world. The nights he’s not near me are the nights I find out who I truly am. I’m the broken girl that her father made. I’m the whore that was used and abused since she was thirteen. The girl that was tossed away when she wasn’t worth anything anymore.
The fact that Mason can hide those things without even knowing it should have me pushing him away. It would be so easy to drift back into that place I was once in. The place where I harbored all my feelings and filtered them through sex. I still want to do that, but with Mason it’s different. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m less than perfect. He doesn’t let me wallow in my head like I do when he’s not around. I should be afraid of that because the deeper I get with him the harder it’s going to be once he’s gone. I should understand that and run, but I’m welcoming that plunge when it finally happens. If I can have this clarity for even a short period of time, then I want it.
I want to be the girl that never felt anything. I want to understand what it was like for others that didn’t suffer through what I had to. I want to know what it feels like to grow up and find love. I want to know what it feels like to be loved.
“You lost in your thoughts again sweetheart? Care to share?”
I pull myself back into the present moment and shake my head.
“I just like being with you is all,” I admit. Mason smiles and it’s a smile that I can’t seem to hide from. He isn’t Satan. He isn’t a motorcycle club’s vice president. He isn’t a killer or a drug runner. He’s just Mason; the one I’m falling hard for. He’s the one I want to hold onto.
“I like bein’ with you too, Whit. I just wish you’d talk to me a little more. I wanna know you baby.” His words are like a stake to the heart. I reach up and run my fingers over his cheek and down the stubble on his chin.
“I’d like that too, but can you just give me some time? My past is,” I drift off shaking my head. Mason doesn’t move or interfere with what I’m trying to say. He gives me time. “It’s hard to talk about. It’s defined who I am as a person, and I don’t really know who I am anymore.”
Mason reaches up and cups his hands around the back of my neck, resting his forehead against mine.
“We have all the time in the world Whit. As much as I want to know things, I would never push you. I don’t want you breakin’ on me darlin’.” A tear slides down my cheek. Mason reaches up and wipes it away. We stare into each other’s eyes for a long time before he kisses me stupid, something that’s not hard to do these days. Mason is perfection wrapped up in a tough, lethal package.
19
Mason
“Did you grow up here?” I ask Whitley as we walk around Little Havana. I fed her, and now I watch her as she licks her ice cream. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this relaxed since I’ve met her. It’s almost as if she’s a different person.
“In Miami? No, in Medley.”
“You have family there?” I ask. Her body tenses with that question.
“Um, honestly? I don’t really know. My dad is the only family I had. I’m not entirely sure where he is anymore,” she says. I can tell she’s trying to keep her tone even. There’s more to that story and I want it. Call me a selfish fucker, but I want to know everything there is to know about Whit.
“You didn’t keep in contact when you came out here?” I ask. Whitley narrows her eyes at me before tossing her ice cream into the trash. Her body language has totally changed. The relaxed girl I was just with is gone, and she’s morphed into the nympho I met the first night. Whit spins around and comes to a stop in front of me with her hands creeping their way up my chest.
“What’s with all the talk? There’s a ton of alleys around here that we haven’t even seen yet.” Her voice is soft and seductive just like the girl herself. I’ve been watching her lately and I’m quickly learning that sex is her way of deflecting, a shield she uses to protect herself. Not that I’m complaining about all the sex, but that doesn’t help her at all. Resting my hands on her shoulders I grin down at her.
“As much as I’d love to take you in every goddamn alley in Miami, we’re here for a reason woman.” I wink at her, and then grab her hand to spin her so she’s next to me as we start walking again.
The silence lingers between us as we stroll through the busy sidewalks. This is why I don’t come out here often. Sure, I’ve been here before, but not lately. Too many fucking people. Too many risks and something about being here makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like that damn feeling. My fingers tighten around Whit’s. She looks up at me but doesn’t say a word. She can feel it too. She has to be able to sense the tension in me. As we approach a small cigar shop my eyes linger on the window, or more to the asshole inside the window. I curse under my breath.
“What’s wrong?” Whitley asks noticing my shift in mood.
“If I asked you to stay right here do you think you could handle listenin’ to me?” I ask her as my eyes burn into hers. She narrows her eyes but nods her head yes. I lean in and kiss her roughly and position her by the window so I can see her. As I reach for the door handle, I point at her. “Don’t move from that spot.” Whitley nods her head but doesn’t smile.
When I step inside the smell of my past hits me hard. My grandpa used to smoke cigars. It was a sweet smell that I used to love as a kid. It makes me miss him even more than I already do.
“You’re on the wrong side of town, no?” I ask stepping up to the asshole standing at the counter. Slowly his head turns and his gaze locks on mine.
“Cuban cigars? I’d say this is my spot, yeah?” Alvaro Diaz replies.
Alvaro Diaz. Cuban asshole. Not the club’s favorite person in the world. We made many deals with Diaz in the past. When he started working closely with Armando we pulled back. We knew there was a takeover of some sort coming. We knew that the two of them merging was going to be bad news, and not just for the club either. It was bad for all of Miami. Two of the biggest drug lords alive meshing into one? That’s never going to be a good sign. We handle Armando appropriately, but Diaz has always seemed a little odd to me. His actions never seemed to match his words.
“Thought you stuck to your own country now? Didn’t realize you came stateside quite so often,” I say while picking up a cigar and bringing it to my nose. After inhaling the rich scent, I set it back on the counter before turning and leaning my hip against it. Crossing my arms over my chest, I simply watch Diaz.
“I didn’t realize I needed your permission to come stateside as you put it.”
“You don’t. You just surprised me is all.”
“Yes, well, I do seem to have that impact on people. Surprise is the name of the game, no?” The look in his eyes just pisses me off. It’s as though he’s dropping hints and I’m totally missing them. Fucking bastard.
“Suppose so. Nice seein’ you Diaz,” I say as I shove off the counter and head to the door.
“Oh Mason? That is quite a lovely lady you have there. I heard she is very, how did Armando say it? Sharable.”
Tension courses through me tightening all of my muscles. I don’t look back at him. If I do, I’ll rip his fucking throat out. Instead I shove through the door and step into the heat outside.
Grabbing Whit’s hand, I yank her along with me as I stalk through the streets. She’s doesn’t ask me what my problem is as I drag her along. She just tries her hardest to keep up with me.
Once my bike comes into view, I release her, grab my extra helmet, and shove it into her hands. I slide mine on without saying a word. Whit just stands there looking lost. She stares at me not say
ing a word. When the tension becomes too much and I see Diaz again, I almost explode. Looking over her shoulder I see Diaz grin. Whitley turns around to follow my gaze before I hear the air rush from her lungs. What the fuck is going on here? Does she know him? There’s no fucking way that’s possible.
“Whit!” Her back is straight and her shoulders are set. She isn’t looking at me anymore. Her eyes are glued in his general direction. Diaz has since walked off and gotten into his overpriced luxury car, but Whitley hasn’t moved yet.
“Whitley! What the hell is goin’ on?” I grab her shoulders, but she jerks away from me. When she spins to look at me, I want to die. The look of pure panic is etched into her beautiful face. Cocking my head to the side I take a step closer to her.
“What’s happenin’ right now, Whit?” I ask. I put my hands gently on her shoulders. She looks as though she saw a ghost.
“Nothing. It’s… nothing. Can you take me home please? I’m not feeling very well all of a sudden.” Lies. Something is wrong. She’s fucking lying to me right now.
“What do you know about him?” I growl at her. She knows something. I can tell by her reaction to him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just want to go home Mason.”
“You know somethin’. You went white as a fuckin’ ghost Whit. How do you know him?” I roar a little louder this time.
“I said I don’t. Are you going to take me home or should I just start walking?” she snaps. The longer we stand here arguing the more I can see her eyes flare. She stuffs the helmet back in the saddlebag and glares at me. Before I can make a move, Whitley starts to walk past me. A little huff leaves her mouth. I reach out and grab her jerking her back in front of me.
“I’ll take you the fuck home, but you are gonna tell me what the fuck that was about,” I growl in her ear. Whit pulls her arm from my grasp and gazes up at me.
“You think you own me Mason? Don’t you? Is that what you think? You are not my father. You are not my boyfriend. I don’t have to tell you shit, asshole.” The way she grits her teeth and bares a part of her soul just guts me. I don’t need her words. I don’t need her to open up and tell me. I’ve lived this life long enough to know when something is wrong. I’ve seen enough to know fear, rage, and anger even if it is being used as a disguise for something else. I fucking see it all in her right fucking now, and it pisses me off.
“Maybe I’m not anything to you, but babe you are somethin’ to me. And I will pull every one of your goddamn secrets out of you. I don’t give a shit how long it takes me or how hard it is to do. You got me?” I snarl. Whitley watches me closely no doubt trying to gauge me. When she can’t, she snatches the helmet out of the saddlebag and places it on her head. She doesn’t look at me. In fact, she’s looking everywhere but at me.
Not that I give two fucks. She’s going to tell me what I want to know if she likes it or not. I will get it out of her. I climb back on my bike and she hurries on behind me. As soon as her arms are wrapped around me I rev up the bike and take off.
20
Whitley
“It’s so good to be back!” I squeal as I pass out drinks. Sliding shots down the bar, listening to the loud music, and hearing the ramblings of the customers is amazing. Being off for a few days has really put a damper on my attitude. Don’t get me wrong, I loved spending time with Mason, but the more time we spend together the more he wants what I’m not willing to give. My heart and soul don’t belong to him. Hell, they don’t even belong to me; they belong to the devil. The first time I tried to kill myself he took them and I can’t say that I mind. It’s easier this way.
Seeing that flash from the past really stirred up something in me. Alvaro Diaz. Once upon a time I thought I loved that man. What a fucking joke that turned out to be.
“There’s my favorite person!” Carla squeals as she drops onto her normal stool.
“Well now. Aren’t you just all sunshine and rainbows? Must have been a good day today?” I ask as I begin to mix her drink.
“Best day ever. Have you ever met someone and just felt so comfortable with them that you can really just be yourself? Even though you don’t know them well, but you can just feel it?” she asks with a smile I’ve never seen on her before. Setting her glass in front of her I pour a drink for myself. After taking my shot I smile at Carla.
“I want all the juicy details babe, but I’m super busy,” I tell her as I grab another beer and slide it down the counter. My regulars are mostly here tonight, so the orders are easy. I know what each of them wants to drink. Even that old, nasty Mr. Baker that chases every drink with water. I’ll never understand it, but I get good tips from him.
“Don’t you dare throw up on my bar tonight Jared.” I point at the pretty blonde man that I passed a beer to. He chuckles and just shakes his head.
“Lesson learned babe.”
“Good thing. That was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever had to clean,” I remind him. Spinning around when I hear the bell chimed alerting me that someone just came in my breath freezes in my chest. He’s doing that fucking smile that could make me do whatever he wanted, and the way his eyes sparkle just makes me fucking sick. He walks closer to the bar as my heart starts beating faster.
“Hola, mi amor,” his thickly accented voice sends chills down my spine.
“You don’t get to call me that. What the hell are you even doing here?” I hiss as I walk closer to the bar. I don’t need him making a scene.
“Coming for a drink. Isn’t that what patrons do in a place such as this?” he asks taking a seat on a stool. I swallow hard and glance around wishing someone was here. Anyone? No, not anyone. I want Mason.
“Drink your drink and then get out,” I hiss grabbing a beer and setting it on the counter in front of him.
Alvaro reacts quickly. He grabs my wrist nearly yanking me over the bar before he whispers, “You have always been mine muñeca, so when I see you with such trash it’s cause for concern.”
My insides tighten. I have no idea why he’s here or what the hell he wants, but he won’t be using me again.
“What I do is none of your business. As a matter of fact, it hasn’t been your business for a very long time Diaz. Now drink your beer and get the hell out of here before I turn you over to the authorities,” I all but growl at him.
Diaz chuckles as the door opens once more. I hear the growl before I even pull my gaze away from Alvaro to see Mason storming toward the bar. Alvaro keeps his hand tightly around my wrist keeping me pinned in place.
“Why the hell are you everywhere all of a sudden?” Mason’s voice thunders through the room. When Alvaro realizes who it is, he releases me quickly. I step back away from the bar and make myself busy.
“What the hell is happening in here?” Joe asks while walking up behind me. I glance over my shoulder to where Mason and Alvaro are, before looking back at Joe.
“I’m assuming they don’t like each other very much. I think they’re having a pissing match,” I inform him before taking another shot.
“Are you involved in this?”
“Not by choice, no,” I mumble under my breath. Joe goes on cursing under his breath keeping an eye on the situation in front of us. I move back down the bar to Carla.
“I saw that,” she leans into me to whisper. Nosey bitch. I have no doubt she saw it all.
“Ex in the suit and the hot biker? I kinda fucked them both a few times.” Carla giggles making me giggle with her.
“You get all the guys. Some less desirable than others.”
“Don’t I fucking know it. The past needs to stay where I left it. If he’s coming around that means nothing good will come of it,” I tell her.
Carla and I both watch as Mason’s hands tug at his hair. Alvaro just stands there with the same collected look as always on his face. Both of them look pissed. A few seconds later Mason’s eyes come to meet mine and the air in the room gets even thicker. He jerks his gaze back to Alvaro quickly finishing the
conversation. Mason doesn’t move from his position as he watches Alvaro leave the bar. I blow out a breath of relief and thank god that he left that easily.
“Joe. In the back. Now,” Mason snaps as he rounds the bar and shoves through the back door. Joe huffs but follows him to the back anyway.
“Oh shit. That’s not good,” Carla says under her breath.
“Nope, not good at all. I would go check it out, but I don’t think I can weather that much testosterone,” I giggle.
Grabbing Carla a beer, I set it in front of her when the door flies open again. Mason’s face is red with anger. He moves toward the door crossing his arms over his chest. Joe comes out next and his eyes are on fire as well.
“Go with Mason. I’ve got the bar the rest of the night,” Joe says.
I’m about to protest, but Joe throws his hand up to stop me. Rolling my eyes, I grab my bag from under the counter and storm around the bar. As soon as I stop in front of Mason he leans down and kisses me roughly. His fingers dance around to the back of my neck and pull me deeper into the kiss. My mouth parts and his tongue seeks mine out. I let him have his moment, but we will be talking about this little caveman moment he just had.
21
Mason
I pace the living room of her apartment dragging my hand through my hair. I’m letting my anger get the best of me and I can’t seem to stop. Whit went to take a shower and I almost went with her, but there is too much on my mind right now. Someone fumbling at the front door sets off the panic button inside of me. I grab my gun and turn to see Jackson walking in. He screams like a girl alerting the whole goddamn floor that something is wrong. The bathroom door flies open and a very naked Whitley comes running out.
