by Abby Green
She’d given in eventually, after asking Nick to take her to her apartment first so she could collect some things.
Sebastio was right. It wasn’t just about them now. It was about the baby, and she would at least do as he asked until they spoke when he came back. Which was any minute now. He’d been due to land about an hour ago.
Edie still wasn’t prepared to see him. When she heard the main door opening and closing she turned around from the window, arms folded. Tense all over.
Sebastio walked into the room, his eyes zeroing in on her immediately. She felt it like a jolt of electricity running through her system.
‘You’re here,’ he said flatly.
Edie nodded. He came into the room and Edie could see that he looked slightly strained. Her gut clenched. Did he really hate her so much?
‘I’m never sure what to expect where you’re concerned.’
Edie flinched inwardly. ‘I didn’t intend for this to happen, no matter what you might believe. It truly was a minute chance that I could get pregnant.’
‘If what you say about your cancer is true.’
Edie went cold all over. ‘You still don’t believe me.’
Sebastio was expressionless. Bored, even. ‘I believe that people will go to extraordinary lengths to seek a lifetime of security. You’ve hit the jackpot with pregnancy.’
Edie put a hand to her belly. It was trembling. ‘This is your baby. Our baby. It wasn’t conceived out of nefarious intentions. He, or she, was conceived out of l—’ She stopped herself just in time.
Sebastio’s eyes narrowed. He sneered. ‘What were you going to say? Love?’ He imbued the word with extreme distaste. ‘There was no love involved, Edie. Just lust.’
Edie couldn’t do it. She couldn’t pretend to be impervious like him. Cold and cynical.
She lifted her chin. ‘There is love—on my side anyway. I love you, Sebastio, in spite of doing my best not to fall for you. That’s why I left before the last party. To get away. I knew then that if I let the affair continue I’d get hurt. But it was too late even then...’
Sebastio heard Edie’s words but they didn’t—couldn’t—impact on the impenetrable wall he’d constructed around himself in the last few days. In spite of that, though, his last image before going to sleep every night had been her stricken face when he’d left her on his plane. And every night since she’d left he’d had that nightmare about the crash. Waking sweating and cursing. His body slick with sweat, aching for Edie’s soothing touch. Damn her.
And now she was looking at him with those wide deep blue eyes and telling him she loved him.
The words of his ex-lover came back to him. ‘Women will tell you they love you but it doesn’t exist. Not for us... They will only want you for your success and your wealth...’
‘Please,’ he said, ‘save yourself the dramatics. Your future is assured, thanks to your pregnancy. You’ll never want for anything, nor will the baby.’
Edie absorbed the fact that he’d just thrown her admission of love back in her face. ‘I get it,’ she said.
‘Get what?’
‘Why you can’t believe me. How can someone who grew up with parents who used him as a pawn even know what love looks like or feels like?’
‘Edie...’
There was clear warning in Sebastio’s voice but she ignored it. ‘You don’t believe you deserve it. How can you when your own friend blamed you for a tragedy that wasn’t your fault? Victor shouldn’t have blamed you. You were as much a victim of that awful accident as they were. You deserve to be happy too. You’ve been punishing yourself for too long.’
The bones on his face stood out starkly and he stalked over to where Edie was standing. She refused to take a step back. Tension snapped between them. She felt the heat. She could see it in Sebastio’s eyes. But he resented it. She could see that too.
‘You think it’s that simple? That all I need to do is forgive myself and forget a lifetime of lessons to trust in an emotion that is as intangible to me as air?’
She felt reckless. She stepped up to him, toe to toe. She grabbed his hand and held it over her thumping heart. ‘Is that tangible enough for you? My heart is yours, Sebastio, whether you want it or not.’
He emitted a foreign word that sounded like a curse and curled a hand behind Edie’s neck. His mouth crashed down on hers before she had time to prepare.
Who was she kidding? She’d never have time to prepare for Sebastio.
She was engulfed in heat and want and need. It was so acute she let out a little moan.
Sebastio tore his mouth off hers and stepped back. Edie almost fell forward, totally disorientated for a moment.
‘You’re wrong,’ he said harshly. ‘That’s the only tangible thing I’m interested in.’
Edie didn’t trust herself to speak. She’d already said enough. So when Sebastio turned on his heel and walked out she was almost relieved, because she needed privacy to absorb the bleak reality that there truly was no way she could reach Sebastio.
* * *
Sebastio was in one of London’s most exclusive hotels: The Chatsfield. Its darkness and exclusivity had enticed him. He had no desire to speak with anyone and sent off stay away vibes from his seat in the shadows at the corner of the bar.
His blood was still humming with an overload of adrenaline and arousal. He’d had to walk out of his apartment because one touch of Edie’s mouth against his and he’d almost lost it.
He took a long drink of the whisky in front of him in the heavy crystal glass. He put it down with a clatter that made the barman look at him for a moment. Sebastio was oblivious.
The only thing that had stopped him from taking her there and then had been her audacious claim.
I love you, Sebastio.
Edie was lying. She had to be. How could she love him? She had played the long game and he’d been an utter fool. Blinded by her naive innocence and her fresh-faced beauty.
She was just angling for more. Marriage.
She’d left everything behind in Buenos Aires. Including the diamond necklace. The first piece of jewellery he’d actually picked out himself for a woman.
She’d left it all behind because she was intent on making him believe she was different. Genuine.
Sebastio noted the tremor in his hand as he lifted the glass again. When she’d held his hand over her heart and said that it belonged to him he’d felt a very weak part of himself crack for a moment... So he’d kissed her, in a bid to remind them both of the only thing there was between them. Desire.
He’d told her too much. He’d given her the key to strike right at the heart of him. She knew his weaknesses and vulnerabilities almost better than he did. And, exactly as his mother had done, and as his first lover had warned him women would do, she was intent on using that knowledge for her own gain.
So why didn’t he feel better at that assertion? Why was it that all he could see in his mind’s eye was the expression on her face just before he’d walked out... Stricken.
* * *
When Edie woke the next morning she felt groggy and disorientated. She’d slept for hours. But before she even left the bedroom she sensed the apartment was empty. She explored tentatively and everything was quiet. She didn’t even know if Sebastio had come back last night.
Then she saw a piece of paper on the table in the main reception room and recognised the arrogant slash of his writing.
Edie,
I have to go to Paris until tomorrow. In the meantime please think about where you want to live and I will set you up.
There will be no shortage of financial support throughout your pregnancy, and we will discuss what happens when the baby is born.
As for anything more, our relationship will not be about that. So please save yourself the effort of trying to convince me otherwise.
Call Matteo if you need anything. He’s staying in the city for a few days and he knows the situation.
SR
The note fell out of Edie’s hand to the ground. It was as if he was afraid there’d been some ambiguity about his parting words yesterday. There certainly wasn’t now. Maybe in the future some other woman would crack open his heart. But it wouldn’t be her. No matter how much heat was between them.
There was no hope.
* * *
When Edie woke early the next morning it took her a second to realise she’d woken because she felt pain. Down low. Cramping. She got up and went into the bathroom and saw spotting.
Immediately she changed and went into the living room, searching for her phone. She was about to call Sebastio, without really thinking about it, but then she hesitated. First of all he wasn’t in the country, and secondly she didn’t imagine he would appreciate the interruption.
She had a sudden image of him lying amongst tangled sheets, his limbs entwined with those of some beautiful woman. The kind of woman whose cynicism matched his.
Another cramp pierced Edie’s belly and she felt sweat break out on her brow. She remembered Sebastio mentioning Matteo and called him.
He answered immediately. ‘Edie, is everything okay?’
‘Hi, Matteo.’ Her voice wobbled and she fought for control. ‘I’m having pains and there’s some blood. I’m scared.’
‘Stay right there. I’ll get help straight away.’
He terminated the connection and Edie sat on the couch, curling into a ball. She’d been so lucky in the last four years, but now all the fears about her health and the ghosts she’d thought she’d laid to rest came back.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there, but it only felt like a nano-second when she heard the door and footsteps. Familiar footsteps. Oh, no. She looked up to see Sebastio in the doorway, looking a little wild.
She tried to get up. ‘Sebastio—’
But he had crossed the room and lifted her into his arms before she could say anything more. They were out and in the elevator, and all Edie could do was study the hard line of his jaw and think to herself, He’s not in bed with another woman...maybe that’s a good sign?
Then she thought of something else. ‘How are you here? I thought you were in Paris?’
‘I was.’ He was grim. ‘I left early this morning—a change in plans.’
They were down in the basement and he was putting her into the passenger seat of a car she’d never seen before. He buckled her in and came around to the driver’s seat, getting in.
Edie realised the significance of this. ‘Where’s Nick? Why are you driving?’
He was pulling out of the car park now, onto the quiet London streets. He said, ‘He’s off for the day, and a cab will take too long.’
Edie tried not to let the fact that he was driving for the first time since the accident get to her. ‘How did you know?’
‘Matteo rang me. I was on my way up to the apartment and the car that brought me home had already gone.’ He glanced at her. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I hope so. There’s a little bleeding, and cramps woke me up.’
Sebastio faced front again, his expression grimmer than ever. Edie couldn’t help thinking that he must be cursing her for this new responsibility in his life.
Within minutes he was pulling in to the forecourt of an A&E department. Edie was whisked through to a bed and was being attended to and asked a million questions before she could even get her breath back.
She told the consultant about her cancer, and the treatment she’d received, and as she did so she was conscious of Sebastio’s brooding presence in the corner. The consultant asked for her doctor’s details and Edie gave them, knowing they’d need all her history.
For a few hours she was poked and prodded and asked yet more questions. Sebastio moved in and out of the room, speaking on his phone or just sitting or standing. All the time he was looking at Edie as if she might explode at any moment.
Later that afternoon the consultant came back in, looking weary but pleased. Edie held her breath.
The woman smiled. She said, ‘Well, the fact that you got pregnant is indeed good news, Edie. And you’re very lucky—you know your chances were so slim as to be almost nil?’
‘I know,’ Edie said, not looking at Sebastio.
‘It’s quite miraculous, but it would appear that the radiation you underwent has not been as detrimental to your reproductive organs as feared.’ She continued, ‘I’m confident nothing is wrong. Spotting and cramping can be fairly common in early pregnancy. However, we’ll keep you here for a few days’ observation, just to make sure everthing is okay, considering your history.’
Edie felt a surge of relief. ‘Thank you.’
The doctor left the room and Sebastio moved over to the bed. Edie forced herself to look at him. For a second there was something raw in his expression, but then he masked it. Her silly heart fell.
‘Edie... I owe you an apology. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. If I had, then I would have insisted on you seeing a specialist and this wouldn’t have happened.’
He looked tortured, and in spite of herself she felt her heart ache. She shook her head. ‘This had nothing to do with you believing me or not believing me. Everything is fine. You do not get to blame yourself for this.’
The fact that Sebastio obviously acknowledged the baby was his felt almost irrelevant right now. Edie knew that the one thing she would not be able to deal with was Sebastio’s pity. Because now he would have to admit that he might have been wrong about accusing her of manipulating their whole relationship, and then he would realise she’d meant it when she’d said she loved him...
She wouldn’t be able to bear that.
She’d actually prefer his disdain and distrust. She was too vulnerable to take his pity on board.
He opened his mouth to speak but she said, ‘No. I don’t want to hear it, Sebastio. Your note made things perfectly clear. We can discuss what happens next when I’m discharged. But until then I don’t want to see you.’
Maybe by then she would have recovered her composure enough to discuss things without falling apart.
‘Edie...’
She turned her face away and closed her eyes. ‘I’m quite tired. I don’t want to talk about it. Please, just go.’
* * *
For a long moment Sebastio stood there, but he knew it would be futile to try and talk to her now, no matter how much he wanted to. Or needed to.
He left the private room and stood at the window, seeing how Edie had curled up on her side, away from him. She was so slender, fragile. And yet he knew the core of steel within her now.
He had a flashback of her marching into his study in Richmond and saying, ‘I want you to make love to me.’ The fiercely determined look on her face had been mixed with something much more vulnerable. And then he thought of how she’d so expertly called him out on his deeply embedded guilt complex. She’d known him better than he’d known himself.
He’d got it so wrong. And he’d started to realise that last night, in the middle of a glittering function in Paris. In the kind of milieu he’d avoided for so long by playing rugby, before tragedy and family legacy had forced him back into that world.
He’d seen a vision of himself in the future, still alone amongst the same social piranhas. Clinging on to his rigid beliefs. His toxic cynicism. The full enormity of the fact that Edie was pregnant with his child had hit him, finally sinking in, and an indescribable feeling of joy had bubbled up inside him, breaking apart the protective shell he’d worn for so long.
He’d changed his plans to come back to London as soon as possible, suddenly filled with a sense of dread that it might be too late. And then Matteo had called. And when Sebastio had seen Edie curled up on the couch looking so pale and vulnerable he’d alm
ost lost it. She’d been far too reminiscent of another pregnant woman he hadn’t been able to protect.
He hadn’t been able to stop the insidious spreading of guilt, which had been compounded as the consultant had confirmed that of course Edie had been telling the truth about her cancer.
And then she’d cut him off. Told him to leave.
What had he expected? For a moment a sense of bleakness pervaded Sebastio as he looked at Edie’s slight form under the bed covers. It couldn’t be too late. Surely if she’d meant what she’d said...?
It was bitterly ironic, but for a man like Sebastio who had never admitted to feelings as wishy-washy as hope and optimism, suddenly they were the only things he had to cling to...
CHAPTER TEN
WHEN EDIE WOKE again Matteo was in the room. And for the next few days Matteo was her constant companion. When she asked about Sebastio he just said something vague about him having returned to Argentina on business.
He wasn’t even in the country. Edie felt acutely disappointed, in spite of her brave words to him to leave her alone.
When she was discharged with a clean bill of health it was Matteo who took her back to the apartment and who cared for her. She hadn’t wanted to worry her parents, who were only just back from their cruise. Not after everything they’d been through before. She planned on going up to visit once she’d passed the three-month mark.
Sebastio rang intermittently, but their conversations were clipped and impersonal. He asked how she was and she said fine. He told her he would be in Argentina for another week or so and they would talk when he got back.
Edie dreaded the prospect as much as she welcomed it. But in the meantime, because she was going crazy, she was going to do everything she could to start feeling in control of her life again.
A week later
Sebastio stood across the street and took in the scene. Edie was in one of the main Marrotts windows, working on a new display. He was vaguely aware that it looked like a display for bed linen, complete with bedroom furniture. She was dressed much as he’d first seen her, in black trousers and a grey sleeveless top, a white shirt.
