by Alexa Kane
She eyes me wearily, “You mean over Christmas?”
I shrug, “Yeah, wouldn’t it be cool to spend Christmas together?”
At least this year, I wouldn’t be the odd man out. I normally hang with Tyler for most of the day but having Jessica there seems like it would be a lot of fun.
She eyes me suspiciously, “But what about our families?”
“They had Thanksgiving, I think they can let us have Christmas. If you don’t want to go on the ski trip then we can do something else. Anything you want.” I truly mean that, Jessica was so thoughtful with my birthday presents that I want to repay the favor.
She narrows her eyes at me, “Kyle, I’m going to Florida over winter break.”
“Oh,” I try hard not to let my disappointment show, “Since when?”
“Since always, I spend every winter break in Florida with my family.”
Well that sucks, I’m pretty sure she has never mentioned Florida before. Colorado will be way better than Florida, maybe I can change her mind, “But they have alligators.”
Jessica laughs softly, “And Colorado has bears.”
That’s not even an argument, “But bears are way cooler.”
She nods her head in agreement, “True, but I’m going to Florida.”
Florida it is then, “Fine, when do we leave?”
Jessica pulls back slightly to look at me, “Kyle, I’m going by myself.”
“Why can’t I come?” This sucks, we had separate dinners on Thanksgiving and now I won’t even get to see her at all on Christmas.
“Because I’m spending the holidays with my family.”
“So?” I don’t see what the big deal is, Dylan loves me and most parents love me too.
Jessica looks rather serious as she takes a knife to my heart, “No offense Kyle but I only bring guys home to meet my family that are my serious boyfriend.”
“I see,” pulling my arm away from Jessica, I sit on the couch trying to not look as hurt as I feel.
“Kyle,” she pulls on my arm but I brush her off and move to sit on one of the single chairs. She follows me and climbs into my lap, “You know you could come with me if you asked me to be your girlfriend.”
I don’t know why but the word girlfriend has always caused me to break out into a cold sweat.
If I wanted a girlfriend, Jessica would be the only person I would ever ask but I’m not ready, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to take that step. “No it’s fine, you go to Florida but over Summer vacation you better put some time aside for me.”
She scoffs loudly and I don’t get it, she didn’t want me to come in the first place. “So, you won’t ask me to be your girlfriend but you are already planning holidays that are months away?”
“What’s your point?” Summer holidays are way better than winter holidays, maybe I could take her over to Hawaii, spending an entire week with Jessica in nothing but a skimpy bikini sounds like my kind of trip.
She seems to get frustrated with me and she has been doing that a lot lately. “My point is that we are already together Kyle, everything about us screams that we are in a committed relationship.”
“Then why change anything?” if everything is so good then why do we have to label it? Why can’t it just stay the same?
“Because I want more Kyle, I was going to give you more time and I don’t know why I’m bringing it up now but you practically live here.”
As if, there is no way we are living together, “No I don’t, I have my own apartment.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and I try hard not to stare at it as I have a feeling that will make her mad. “When was the last time you slept there? You are here every night, you have clothes in my wardrobe, your toothbrush sits in my bathroom. You live here Kyle.”
Picking Jessica up I deposit her back on the couch and start pacing, when did it get so fucking hot in here, “You’re pressuring me Jessica, I can’t handle it.”
Things were going so well, we were so happy.
Why did she have to point out that I live here?
I didn’t even realize until now that I did live here.
How the fuck did that happen?
Now that she’s pointed it out, I feel like I can’t breathe.
I feel suffocated.
Jessica releases this almost defeated sigh before saying, “I’m sorry Kyle, I leave for Florida in two days, why don’t we take a break until I get back.”
“What?!” rounding on Jessica, I kneel at her feet and take her face in my hands, “Are you breaking up with me?”
“No, we were never together so it’s impossible for me to break up with you.”
“Pretty Girl no, no, you can’t do this, I need you.” I’ve never needed anyone before but I need her, I can’t breathe without her.
She tries to push me away from her, “No you don’t Kyle, you were fine before you met me and you’ll be fine after we part ways.”
Part ways? We can’t part ways. “But I don’t want to part ways.”
Jessica looks deep in my eyes and grips my hands with hers, “You either commit to me or we’re over.”
“But I am committed to you, don’t you get that, I don’t look at anyone else, all I want is you Pretty Girl.” I promised that I wouldn’t touch anyone else while I was with her and I meant that, I’ve kept my promise.
This isn’t fair, why do things always have to change.
Nothing ever stays the same and I hate it.
Everybody is always moving forward and leaving me behind.
She shakes her head roughly, “That’s not enough, I’m willing to wait but eventually I want marriage, children, are you willing to give that to me?”
“I, I don’t know, it’s too much right now.” This is all too much.
I can’t say the words she wants to hear but I can’t live without her either.
This day isn’t going at all how I planned.
She leans back into the couch and starts staring at the TV again. “We can talk when I get back, I promise I won’t see anyone else in Florida but we need some time apart Kyle.”
Some time apart, I guess that’s okay, after all she’s going to come back. Her life is here, she’s not going to stay in Florida for good. Once she comes back, things can go back to how they were. “Fine, but can I stay here tonight? Tomorrow night? I’ll drop you at the airport.”
She still won’t look at me, “No Kyle, I would rather you leave now.”
“But,” this can’t be happening to me.
I was supposed to be booking tickets to Colorado.
I was planning to get us a fancy suite with a fireplace and spend the whole trip spoiling her.
It can’t end like this.
Just say the words Kyle.
Ask her to be your girlfriend.
It’s not the end of the world.
Say it and then book a ticket to Florida.
Just fucking say it!
“Just leave Kyle, please.”
Fuck, I can’t do it.
Stumbling from her apartment I feel numb and so fucking angry.
Why couldn’t I say it?
Why couldn’t I get the words out?
She needed something so simple from me and now I’ve potentially lost her for good.
Fuck.
I’ve ruined everything.
Chapter 22
Kyle
“Uncle Kyle, why you so sad?” Tyler is currently sitting on my lap in a lodge in Colorado.
I came on this stupid fucking ski trip but I wish I had stayed in my apartment.
Colorado sucks.
“I’m not sad buddy,” I’m fucking drowning.
Jessica has been ignoring my texts and phone calls.
Dylan has been ignoring me too but he did send me a new t-shirt for Christmas so I have semi forgiven him for being a dick.
I’m wearing the t-shirt right now actually, it’s under my ugly Christmas sweater that Ashley knitted for me and I have been wearing it
since I got it.
It’s a picture of Jessica and I from my birthday and we look happy, really fucking happy.
He must have gotten the photo off Alice but Alice has also turned traitor and is ignoring me.
I managed to get James’ number but he panicked when he answered the phone and hung up on me.
I have no idea how Jessica is and it’s driving me crazy.
Tyler pats my cheeks with his little hands, “Yes you are, is this about the Pretty Girl?”
“Yeah buddy,” I sigh deeply, “It is.”
“What happened?”
Looking around, I see everyone else is distracted so I figure why not pour my heart out to a three-year-old. “She won’t talk to me.”
“Why not?”
“She wanted to be my girlfriend and I couldn’t say the words.” It’s just one fucking simple word and I have potentially ruined my life over that word.
“Why not?”
I guess I’m not going to be getting any insightful wisdom from him after all, “I just couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
What the hell is with him saying ‘why not?’ on repeat? “I don’t know buddy but you need to widen your vocabulary.”
He cocks his head to the side like a puppy, “Huh?”
“Huh is a little better than why not,” but not by much.
Tyler looks confused but then seems to come to some conclusion as he nods his head suddenly, “You need to ask her to be your girlfriend.”
I kind of figured that part out already, “How do I do that?”
“Practice, I get better a karate because I practice, you can practice words to get better at speaking.”
Hmm, interesting, “That doesn’t sound too bad buddy.”
He gets comfortable then gestures with his hands, “Then go ahead.”
“What do you mean?” does he want me to practice this shit in public, shouldn’t I do it in front of a mirror or something.
“Ask me to be your girlfriend.”
What the fuck? “That’s a bit weird kid.”
He seems to get impatient with me, “Do it!”
Woah, kid needs to chill, “Um, okay, Tyler will you be my girlfriend?”
“No but that wasn’t so hard was it?” Tyler hops down off my lap and runs over to his mom who hands him a hot cocoa.
Little shit.
“Did you just ask my three-year-old son to be your girlfriend?”
Looking up I see Mason is staring at me with a highly concerned expression on his face, “Yeah but it’s not what it looks like, he was helping me practice.”
Like this day couldn’t get any fucking worse.
Mason will most likely tell everyone about this and there is no way I’m going to live that down.
“This is about Jessica then?” he sits down beside me and doesn’t look like he is about to tear strips off me so I figure it’s safe to tell him the truth.
But the truth is that I’m a big coward, “She is in Florida and I wanted to go too but she would only let me meet her family if I was her boyfriend but I couldn’t do it and now she’s ignoring me.”
“But you wanted to do it?” he asks carefully.
“Yeah, I did, well I do, I don’t want to lose her completely Mason.” I seem to be losing everyone around me but that feeling intensifies when I think of Pretty Girl leaving me.
He pats me on the shoulder roughly, “Give her some space and then ask her when she’s back from Florida.” He stands but then turns back before he walks away, “Oh and one more thing, you ask my son to be your girlfriend again and I’ll knock you out. Practice that fucking shit in a mirror or something.”
He’s right.
Jessica was angry when she said those things but she was also sick, in another week we will both be home in Seattle and I can ask her to be my girlfriend.
I’ll practice day and night so I’m able to get the words out.
It’s not that big of a deal.
Sure I’m thirty and have never had a girlfriend before but Jessica is worth changing my rules for.
We can start off as boyfriend and girlfriend and then I can work on the other things she wants too.
Right now, I’m not enough for Jessica but I sure as hell want to try and be better.
She deserves so much and if I can’t give it to her then she will find someone else who will and I’ll be damned if I let that happen.
Chapter 23
Kyle
She’s not home.
It’s been a fucking week and she’s still not home yet.
I’ve been pacing my apartment, spying out my window and trying her phone about a million times a day but nothing.
Still fucking nothing.
Alice still isn’t answering her phone but I know where she likes to eat lunch on a Friday and I’m not above stalking.
Sure enough, she arrives right on schedule and I block her from leaving the café.
“Great,” she turns around and takes a seat at one of the empty tables. Opening her container, she starts eating her lunch and gestures for me to sit.
Once I sit down I become agitated, “Where is she Alice? Why hasn’t she come home and why hasn’t she been answering my calls.”
She pauses mid chew to consider my question, taking her sweet ass time to swallow her bite, I have to wait an eternity for her to say, “She’s here, in Seattle. She came home a week ago.”
Stunned into silence, I don’t know how to react.
If she’s been here for a week then why hasn’t she come to see me? She said we would talk when she got back and I have my speech all prepared to ask her to be my girlfriend, I’ve even been practicing in the mirror.
Sure I look like a complete idiot but I want her to know that I mean it and I don’t want to stuff it up.
Alice must feel sorry for me so she continues, “She’s been staying with me.”
I guess that explains why I haven’t seen movement in her apartment but why is she going to so much effort to avoid me?
“Has she met someone else?” the thought of her being with another guy is enough to put intense pressure on my heart, so much so that I worry I might be having a heart attack.
Or is it heart break?
Fuck, how would I know the difference?
Until Jessica, I didn’t even know that I was capable of feeling shit like this.
This is why I didn’t want a girlfriend in the first place, they are nothing but trouble.
Except Jessica isn’t trouble and I need her in my life.
I need her apartment, her couch, her smile, fuck, I just need her.
Alice reaches over and puts her hand on top of mine, “No Kyle, she’s not with someone else but you two need to sit down and have a serious talk. This isn’t the time for jokes okay? Just sit down with her like a sensible adult and react accordingly.”
“What does that mean?” react accordingly? React accordingly to what?
She sighs deeply, “Nothing, look, she’s going to her apartment after school to grab some more clothes. Don’t tell her I told you she would be there but remember,” she points her finger in my face, “Be an adult.”
“Fine,” standing up I don’t know whether to be pissed off or happy with Alice.
She’s obviously helping me but at the same time it feels like she’s telling me off with all this adult crap.
Of course I’m a fucking adult.
Why does everyone treat me like a child?
Walking away from Alice is easy now that I know where Pretty Girl is.
Even though she won’t be home for a few hours, I let myself into her apartment rather than going home.
There is no way I want to take the risk of missing her and in truth, I’ve missed her apartment.
I’ve been impressed with my self-control actually, I haven’t let myself into her apartment in three weeks but as soon as I walk inside I’m hit with a bunch of memories.
I walk over to the couch first, lying down I give the big object
a hug, needing the comfort of something familiar.
When I’ve had enough of the couch, I walk into Jessica’s bedroom and start going through her things.
I must get distracted as I hear the key turn in the lock and I jump with fright.
Putting her pillow back on the bed, since I don’t want to be caught cuddling it, I exit her bedroom and pause when I see her standing by the table.
She still takes my breath away.
Everything about her is beautiful and I wipe my hands on my jeans, getting ready to say my speech.
“Pretty Girl, I-”
“Ahhhhhhhhh!” Jessica jumps about a foot in the air and is clutching her hands over her heart.
Fucking idiot.
Why did I have to freak her out? Now I’m off my game.
I walk over to her with my hands raised, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“What the fuck are you doing here Kyle?” she seems mad but she also seems pale.
That’s odd, she still looks sick but I haven’t seen her in three weeks, “Are you still sick Pretty Girl?”
“Don’t call me that,” she puts her hand over her stomach and her other hand goes to her forehead.
Walking over to her, she tries to push me away but I practically force her into a chair at the head of the table and then I sit down in the closest chair to her. I try to take her hand in mine to begin my speech but she pulls away again.
I see now why Alice told me to act like an adult, she’s really pissed for some reason.
“Pret- Jessica, there’s something that I have to tell you.” Here goes nothing, “Will-”
“It’s actually a good thing you’re here, I need to talk to you too.” She taps her fingers on the table nervously and I think maybe she’s letting me off the hook.
If she asks me to be her boyfriend then that would be ideal.
I feel like I’m two seconds away from chickening out but I’m not leaving until we are an official couple.
I can’t wait for things to go back to how they were and the first place we will be visiting will be her bed.
Or is that too far away?
I do enjoy fucking Jessica on the table, no, it’s up to her where we fuck. My priority is getting back in her good graces.
Eyes off her tits Kyle.
