by J. L. Jarvis
Lately, he’d wondered what it would take to capture Annie’s heart. He’d given it a lot of thought—too much thought. She was too smart and independent to do something impulsive. Like marry Matt on a whim? But she had already made that mistake, which was why it would take a miracle to bring her to the altar.
Whoa! Hold on a minute! Nobody said anything about marriage! Let’s just take a step back and regroup.
He was way overanalyzing this. Seeing her there in the bakery drinking in coffee and that guy’s lingering gaze made it clear that he’d overestimated her. If he had fully examined the history, he would have remembered her type. She’d married Matt. She’d even admitted that she had been dazzled by him. Dazzled! Alex wasn’t wild like Matt, but he was the kind of guy who walked into a room and got noticed.
Annie liked flashy guys. Finn would never be flashy. He would always be the boy next door, no one special, just a guy she hung out with when nobody else was around.
He couldn’t understand why this bothered him so. He was almost behaving like she’d been unfaithful to him, but they’d never been close to romantic. In fact, the idea of dating Annie seemed absurd at this point. It would be like starting over forty-three years after they’d begun. Except they had never begun.
Instead, what they had was an unspoken agreement to be there for each other, or so Finn had assumed. His heart sank.
That was just a fairy tale I made up in my head, when the truth is, Annie wants a man in her life. And that man is Alex.
So that was settled. All Finn needed to do was get over it.
Did she even know anything about Alex? Finn hadn’t been able to get much out of him in the way of background except that he was a lawyer and partner in an Albany lobbying firm. That sounded shifty. He was a new friend of Regi’s. But she could be flaky at times. She was the type to pull over and pick up a stray if it looked lost. Usually, that meant dogs and cats, but this time, it was Alex. He was Regi’s rescue guy.
What if Annie needed to be rescued from Alex?
17
Annie unpacked the groceries and got to work baking. It wasn’t a proper Christmas without Christmas cookies. While her favorite Christmas playlist played carols, she measured and stirred her way to three batches of cookies—sugar cookies in holiday shapes, Scottish shortbreads, and classic chocolate chip. The whole cottage smelled like heaven, assuming heaven smelled like brown sugar, butter, and hot chocolate simmering on the back burner. And why wouldn’t it? Could there be a more heavenly smell?
Her original plan had been to make cookies and then make a casserole for dinner, but after cleaning up her baking mess, she decided a sandwich would be good enough. After all, this was her perfect Christmas. No one expected anything from her. She could do whatever she wanted. Right now, she wanted to put her feet up. Night had fallen, so she did her usual outside inspection to make sure the car was inside the garage with the door shut. Only then did she realize it was snowing. Big, fluffy flakes had already blanketed the ground. She drew in a deep breath. Her Christmas alone just got better and better.
She ran out of firewood but decided to read one chapter from her book before going out to the woodpile. She warmed up the hot chocolate she’d made earlier and put two cookies on one of her grandmother’s bone-china dessert plates then cozied up with a fluffy throw blanket on the sofa and Mr. Willoughby at her feet. Annie decided she was fully on board with the whole concept of Christmas vacation.
Halfway through her chapter, the cottage went dark. She’d lost power. Using her phone’s flashlight, she found some candles and a lighter and was about to light them when she remembered that she was out of wood. She couldn’t leave lit candles with a cat in the house, so she saved the task for later. After three trips to the woodpile, she had a neat stack of wood outside the door and enough wood inside by the fireplace to last until morning. She’d just settled down by the fire with an extra blanket and her book when her phone rang. Caller ID lit up the screen.
She took a breath and answered the call. “Finn?”
“Hi. It looks pretty dark over there, so I thought I’d check on you.”
He sounded like the old Finn, which confused her. He’d been running hot and cold lately, to the point that she felt more comfortable not talking to him. “Thanks. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Well, just so you know, when I moved back, I had a solar system installed.”
“Which one? The Milky Way?”
Finn used his talking-to-a-two-year-old voice. “That’s a galaxy, Annie.”
“I know, I was just… never mind.”
“Anyway, if that fails, I’ve still got the trusty, rusty old generator as a backup.”
“Thanks, I’ll manage.”
“Do you have enough water?”
“Sure.” She went to the sink, and nothing came out.
Finn said, “‘Cause you know the well water can’t pump without power, which means you won’t be able to flush your toilet either—unless you’ve got a bucket of water.”
“Oh.” Not only was she going to freeze, but her whole house would smell like toilet while she dehydrated her way into hypothermia. Lovely. “Maybe it’ll come back on soon.”
Finn actually chuckled. He didn’t even try to hide it. “Look, Oakley, you can go full-on pioneer over there if you want, but just be aware I’ve got heat, water, more junk food than you could possibly dream of—and movies. The cable’s out too, by the way. But you won’t miss it because you don’t have power.”
“I’m low tech. I read books.”
“Okay. But if that Abe Lincoln reading-by-the-fire bit gets old, come on over.”
“Thanks, Finn. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Two hours later, Annie was at Finn’s door with a blanket, a pillow, Mr. Willoughby peeking over the top of an overnight bag, and a plate full of freshly made Christmas cookies. She knocked at the door.
He answered the door with a broad smile on his face. “What took you so long? Come on in.”
If she had known cheerful Finn would answer the door, she would’ve come an hour sooner. She still didn’t understand these moods of his lately, but she was happy to be in a warm cabin, so she set thoughts of Finn’s moods aside.
The place was so toasty that she stood and soaked in the warmth for a moment.
“Are you okay?” He seemed genuinely concerned.
“I’m just so happy to be warm!”
The warmth in his cabin was nothing compared to the warmth in his eyes. Why did it always come back to this? It didn’t matter how much time passed; he could still affect her. At the moment, he was doing it by putting his arms around her shoulders as he led her to the fire.
“We need to get you warmed up.” He proceeded to rub her shoulders and arms and then moved to her hands. She wanted to offer her feet for a massage, but she exercised self-control and didn’t ask. If she were forced to choose between giving up the wood stove or his arm about her, it would come down to survival or Finn. Why did she always choose Finn?
Countless times over the years, she had wondered how long it took to fall out of love. But as she sat in his cabin feeling all safe and warm, she realized it was never going to happen. She would always love Finn. She’d begun to realize that in the bakery with Alex. He was exactly the sort of man she could fall in love with, but her heart was already taken. She’d convinced herself all these years she’d stayed single that it was for Ella. But if she had remarried, Ella would have been fine. But Annie would never be whole without Finn.
Annie lived in the real world, so she had to make do. But for now, it was snowing outside, and the real world looked like a winter wonderland. So she would enjoy being safe inside with the man she secretly loved. People say age gives you wisdom, but for Annie, it gave her the ability to live in the moment and appreciate it for what it was. So, for now, she was having her perfect Christmas with Finn, and that was enough.
They spent the next hour toasting hot dogs over the fire with Finn’s outdoor barbecue fork
. Why had she never thought of that? They were delicious. Then Finn made popcorn over the fire in an antique fireplace popcorn popper that had belonged to his grandparents.
“You know you can do that in a microwave.”
He stared at her as though she’d lost her mind. He made no attempt to hide his disdain. “Yeah, I guess you could if you didn’t care what it tasted like. It’s not the same without the little charred bits from the fireplace flames. Besides, Oakley, you don’t get the same warm, cozy feel sitting and staring at the dots on your microwave door.”
Annie kept her mouth closed and suppressed the laughter that was bubbling up. She didn’t even say a word when he microwaved the butter to pour over the top.
With a mouthful of popcorn, she said, “Oh my gosh. This is really good.”
He gave her an I told you so look, then they chose up sides of the sofa for the next event of the evening, the great movie battle. They went through a long list. Little Women—any version—was a hard no for Finn.
“In fact, nothing with Victorian costumes—or costumes in general.”
“But—”
“Sorry, no.”
They wound up agreeing on Die Hard with one stipulation. Annie said, “Do not think that we’re going from that to Lethal Weapon, ’cause that’s not gonna happen.”
Finn protested. “Why not?”
“Well, for one thing, you can’t start a Christmas movie with a guy trying to commit suicide.”
Finn raised an eyebrow. “Four words: It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Any wrinkled her nose. “Technically, that’s five words, but point taken. Still…” She took the Lethal Weapon disc from him. “The answer is no.”
He rolled his eyes. “Fine. We’ll start with Die Hard and take it from there.”
They shook on it and started the movie.
By the time the movie was finished, it was too early to call it a night but too late to start another movie, so Finn put on some soft Christmas music, poured them each an Irish cream liqueur, and plopped down on the sofa. “It’s weird, isn’t it? Being back here together?”
“I don’t know if ‘weird’ is the right word, but we do seem to have come full circle.”
Finn smiled to himself. “You know, sometimes I look over at your place and miss the way things used to be.”
Nostalgia overwhelmed her. Finn had caught her off guard. “We grew up. We had lives of our own. To be honest, I never got the impression Georgina thought too much of me.”
“She was jealous.”
“What?” That was absurd.
“It was our friendship. We had something she and I never had.”
Annie wasn’t sure what to say. There were things she could say, but they would make matters worse. The last thing she wanted was to dredge up feelings she’d worked so hard to bury. Why was he doing this now?
“Georgina didn’t understand that our friendship couldn’t make the marriage any worse than it already was. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” He smiled. “It’s the liqueur talking. I guess I’m still getting over the divorce. Although it’s not like it was a surprise. We both knew early on it wasn’t working, but we were like the musicians on the Titanic. We just kept going as if nothing were wrong. Then she got pregnant, and I refused to be an absentee father. So here I am.”
Why was he telling her this?
As if reading her mind, he explained. “We’ve never talked about certain parts of our lives. So I thought this was as good a time as any.”
Since they were digging into the past, Annie went with it. She had questions of her own. Maybe she’d get some answers. “How did you know it was a mistake?”
A troubled look filled his eyes as he stared at the fire. “When I came here in the summers after I got married, seeing you was like looking through a window at a life that was gone. All that was left was crushing disappointment.”
Annie’s heart ached for him and for what he’d been through. “You always seemed happy.” Not always, but she couldn’t tell him about the times she’d watched him walk down to the creek as though something weighed heavily on him.
He smiled bitterly. “I was happiest here. It was all about Connor. I wanted my son to have the sort of memories I have of this place. He’s why my marriage lasted as long as it did. All children deserve a happy childhood, no matter how unhappy their parents might be.”
Annie knew she was in danger of saying too much, but she couldn’t help herself. “I wish we could have talked then.”
Finn’s eyes bored through her. “That would not have been a good idea.”
She almost asked him why not, but she knew. “I just mean that I could have used someone to talk to. You and I had grown distant. I couldn’t talk to my parents—before or after Matt died. They wanted so much to believe I was fine that I couldn’t disappoint them. When did the roles reverse, so we don’t want to tell our parents the truth any more than they wanted to tell us the truth about Santa Claus? So we all just pretend to be okay for each other’s sake.
Finn stared at the fire. “I got so tired of trying to seem happy.”
“Me too.”
He turned and gazed into her eyes, and the pain she saw there was so deep, she thought she might drown. She averted her eyes.
Finn said, “Can I ask you a question?”
The fact that he’d asked permission made her sure that she didn’t want to answer, and yet she said, “Okay.”
“Why didn’t you ever remarry?”
She smiled through her sorrow. “I’d already made one mistake. I was better off alone than in a bad marriage, so I decided to focus on Ella.”
She saw his questioning look and answered before he could ask. “I got lonely sometimes. I even got to a point where I hoped I’d meet someone, but I never did.”
“You know, Annie, if you’d ever needed anything, I would have been there for you.”
“I know.”
“And that offer will stand until… I can’t.” He grinned.
“Same here.”
18
“Annie, come here.” She joined Finn at the window, where over a foot of snow had coated the lawn leading down to the creek. Snow-laden branches bowed down to the glowing moonlight. The night was so still, only the large flakes of snow dared to stir. It was as if life had paused to give Annie a sense of her bearings. It worked. In this moment, she felt completely at peace.
Finn broke the silence—and the peace. “What are you doing with Alex?”
The question came out of nowhere. “Alex?”
“I saw you together.”
“At the bakery?” She narrowed her eyes.
“Have you been anywhere else together?”
She didn't like his tone, so she smirked. “Is this Finn the cop asking? Am I under arrest?”
“I was in town picking up supplies for the storm, and I walked past the bakery,” he said. “There you were.”
She knew that look. He was clearly upset, but she wasn’t sure why. “We had coffee. No big deal.”
“Big deals start with coffee.”
Annie narrowed her eyes and smiled. “You should write ad slogans. Let’s get Folgers on the line.”
He snapped at her. “I’m not joking!”
“I thought you must be because otherwise, you’re making no sense.”
“What do you even know about him?”
“Well, for starters, he likes coffee.” She couldn’t help herself. She didn’t understand why Finn was acting this way. Her knee-jerk response was to lighten the mood, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect.
“You just met him.”
“Yes, because he’s new in town. No one knows him—except Regi. And she introduced us. But you know that already because you were there.”
“Regi! Now there’s a great judge of character!”
“Well, she’s got me as a friend, so yes, I’d say she is.”
For someone so quick to criticize, he was suddenly quiet.
A
nnie said, “I like Alex. He’s smart, kind, and…” She almost said handsome, but she didn't think that would go over too well. “And he must be successful. He bought that stunning Victorian house I’ve always loved.”
He turned in stunned disbelief. “So this is about a house?”
Annie was stupefied. “No, this is about coffee!” Was he really suggesting that she would strike up a relationship with a guy to get to his house?
Finn was relentless. “If he works in Albany, what’s he doing up here?”
“The same thing any of us are doing. It’s beautiful. Most of his work is remote, so he moved here because he can. What’s wrong with that?” Annie had never seen Finn like this.
He seemed to calm down somewhat. “I just don’t think… I didn’t think you were looking to date anyone.”
“I wasn’t, but I could. But just to be clear, this wasn’t a date. We ran into each other outside the bakery, and we sat down and had coffee. But I wouldn’t mind going out with him—and I might. What's wrong with that?”
Jaw clenched, Finn stared straight ahead.
His annoyance was so bizarre that it amused her. She playfully nudged her shoulder against his.
Completely unaware of her attempts to make eye contact, he fixed his gaze through the window, where the wind picked up and sent snow flying about. “Do you know how many times I’ve wished I had the chance to talk you out of marrying Matt? I refuse to make that mistake again.”
Annie’s jaw dropped. “You think I’m about to marry Alex?”
“Not this minute, no. But I can’t stand by and watch another train wreck.”
That hurt. He was probably right. Her marriage to Matt had been a train wreck, but it still hurt to hear it.
Finn shook his head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business.”
“Good point.”
“Go ahead and repeat your mistakes.”
If this had been anyone else, Annie would have just walked away. But this was Finn. There had to be a logical reason he was badgering her, but she sure couldn’t see it from where she was. “First of all, if I haven’t been clear, this was coffee. But, yes, I think he’s interested in me. Go figure! There’s no accounting for taste. But for you to compare Alex to Matt—”
