by Don P. Bick
conveyed that to him as we sat across from each other, slowly eating and talking.
It snowed hard as we made our way back to the condo that night. It was really coming down, the lights of the snowmobile reflecting off of the big beautiful flakes. The return trip was even more romantic than before. Trevor took a longer route this time, each of us cherishing those precious minutes together, neither wanting the evening to end so soon. I had removed my right glove and my hand was up under his ski jacket resting over his heart, my left arm was wrapped around his waist. I could feel the beating of his heart under his sweater. It was strong, steady and slightly accelerated. I remember thinking how that heart beat described Trevor's character. He too was strong and steady, while approaching life with a pace that few could match.
The rest of the night was equally special. We made love with a fervent passion and slept soundly and peacefully wrapped within each other's arms.
The next morning we were up on the ski slopes early. There was an added dimension to our relationship that morning as we prepared to take our first run down the slope. I was the happiest I had ever been. The sun was shining and the valley below glistened in the early morning light. It was my birthday and true to form Trevor was entertaining me with his unexpected stunts and statements. The world was bright and my life was perfect, absolutely perfect.
We raced down the slope. There was no way I could keep up with him, still I tried. Rounding a bend I watched Trevor pass out of sight around another curve some one hundred yards further ahead. Then a slower skier fell in my path. I swerved to the right. It was a bad decision. I hit a rough spot, then ice, and lost control. I remember seeing the tree rushing toward me before everything went black.
I awakened briefly in the ambulance and saw Trevor sitting beside me. I managed a weak hi before losing consciousness again. Some time later I came to and overheard the doctor talking to Trevor. I was in a hospital room. The ceiling was white and a curtain was drawn closed along one side of me. I could see out the window. The sun was shining.
I felt strange; kind of anesthetized. I tried to speak, but couldn't. Next, I tried to raise my right hand, but it wouldn't move. I felt no pain. Actually I felt very comfortable, although I was unable to feel any part of my body. Then the doctor's words dawned on me, the words I heard when I first regained consciousness. "She is in a coma. There is nothing more we can do at this point but wait. I'm sorry," the doctor had told Trevor.
A coma? What did he mean, "She is in a coma...?" I am not. I feel perfectly fine. I can see you both standing there. I can hear you very clearly. In fact, I can see better than before the accident. Everything is crystal clear.
But soon I began to realize that something was definitely wrong. No not wrong, different. I thought I should panic and yet I had no desire or urge to do so. An all pervading peace had settled over me. Still, I felt a mental apprehension when I was unable to let Trevor know that I really was all right. Then I came to the realization that my eyes weren't even open. How was I able to see without them? And yet I was able to see very well.
I tried for a while longer to move some part of my body. I wanted to send a signal to Trevor and the doctor. I wasn't able to attract their attention in any way. The doctor finally left and Trevor came and sat down beside me. He took my hand in his and I saw tears streaming down his cheeks. No Trevor, I'm fine, really! Please don't cry! I tried to shout to him. He couldn't hear me. And I couldn't feel him holding my hand, and yet I could. It was kind of like I could feel the essence of his touch. I was very much aware of the energy of his life circulating around my numb fingers. I was conscious of the radiant warmth of his love. It was as obvious to me as any physical object would have been prior to the accident.
Those first few days were extremely difficult. Trevor stayed at my side night and day. I recall how he slowly began to look ill from lack of sleep and nourishment. Still, he seldom left my side, even when one of the nurses or the doctor tried to persuade him to go get some rest and something to eat. He cried off and on as he sat beside me. My heart went out to him. He loved me so much. I loved him all the more because of it. It broke my heart to have to lie there and watch him. But there was nothing I could do to change the situation.
The one time in those first few days when Trevor did leave he came back carrying Wizard and placed him at my side. I know he did so hoping Wizard would bring me good luck, as I had always claimed.
Eventually I was transferred to a hospital in Los Angeles. Trevor remained at my side the entire time. I don't know how many days went by after that, before Trevor finally had to leave. I had no concept of time. I imagine he had to get back to work. But each evening he would come and sit with me for hours. He would also spend most of each weekend at my side. I loved it when he would sit and read to me or just talk out loud. When he first started speaking to me he sounded nervous, but as time passed he grew more confident and talkative. I tried to memorize each and every word he spoke. Then I would run them through my mind while he was away.
I don't know exactly how much time has passed since the accident. I do know, however, it has been months. Trevor has never missed a single day or weekend of visiting with me during that entire time. Not even once.
Oh, what a life we could have enjoyed my love. Soon you must go on with yours. The time is near at hand when I must leave you. I don't know how to describe it but I feel a gentle tug. It's urging me to leave and I know I must obey. Instinctively, I know it is my soul calling me home. In all of the time you have spent sitting at my side your love hasn't waned in the slightest. If anything it has grown. I see it filling you with all its glorious wonder. You look healthy again my darling. You've resigned yourself to the situation. But you should know that I wouldn't have you spend your life like this, here with me each day. You're depriving the world or your richness; someone else of your blessed goodness.
And now it is time my love. I love you with all the fullness of my heart, Trevor. Please know that. I am so deeply sorry I didn't share those words with you before the accident.
Why has that smile just come to your lips, Trevor? Thank you. Your timing has always been perfect.
You're beginning to dim. Your touch lingers but isn't quite as strong as before. I feel like I'm withdrawing inside. There is a burning sensation. It is powerful but short lived. Now I am beginning to move. I mean I actually feel like I'm moving upward. I'm gaining momentum. The speed is incredible. I no longer see or feel you, Trevor. I feel lighter the higher I go. There is more light around me the higher I go, it's so much lighter here. I seem to be passing through a gauntlet of tiny stars. I feel no fear or pain, Trevor. In fact, I don't think it exists here.
I burst through a disc of color into a world of bright light, a world of intense beauty, of love. Wait! I'm beginning to slow. I'm stopping. Oh Trevor, such blissful beauty, such pure love. There is no such thing as death Trevor, only the richness of life in all its varied splendor.
I'm moving up a little higher... Oh my God! Wait till you see and experience this, my love, my Trevor. Just wait till you see...
I'm awaiting your arrival. And Trevor, oh how I love you!
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About the Author
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Don is a Vietnam Veteran living in Northern California. Just recently he has spent several months in Vietnam working on his war memoirs - The Boy Died In Vietnam. He has written several novels and short stories. His two favorite topics are love and life after death. Visit his website for more information at the link below. Your comments are always appreciated!
https://www.donbick.com/
