Ethan swallowed back all the words he didn’t have the courage to say because he knew they wouldn’t make a difference. The strength he was feeling only happened in Chloe’s presence. With his fingers tightly clutching hers he felt like he could weather any storm. But that wouldn’t last. Winter break would end and so would this feeling of hope Chloe filled him with. Like everyone else in his life, she wasn’t really his.
All he truly had was Owen. But even he was slipping away, having found hope and strength in Margot.
Ethan took a shuddering breath. “I’m not strong, Chloe.” I’m a coward, because I’m too afraid to make you mine.
Chloe
“Yes, you are. And if you let your feelings in you’ll see that,” she argued. “Feeling pain and sadness for someone you’ve lost is good because it means they’re still a part of you. They’re still here.” She pushed her hand over his heart this time. “Missing someone means they left their mark on this world and the people in it and I happen to think that’s a pretty incredible thing.”
Ethan chewed his lip. “I guess.”
Chloe smiled. “It may sound silly, but when I miss my Grandpa I like to think I’m here remembering him and he’s somewhere remembering me. It makes me feel kind of special to have him watching over me all the time. More loved, ya know?”
“I don’t know if I believe in that,” Ethan said.
“I can respect that.” Chloe smiled. “But, one thing I know for sure is that if my grandpa is watching me, he’d be pretty upset if he knew he was the reason I wasn’t smiling.”
Chloe saw a spark of emotion in Ethan’s eyes. “So would my mother.”
“My grandpa used to say, Co-Co, you’ve got a smile that could end famine. Don’t go wasting it on a frown.” She laughed. “Whatever that means.”
Ethan’s hands found their way to Chloe’s face. “Your grandfather was right,” he said, tenderly. “Your smile is more than enough to live on.”
Chloe swallowed hard. Ethan’s lips were so close to hers that the heat of their breath tangled into one bright cloud. Chloe watched the cloud of steam dance between them, wondering how on earth she was still breathing when everything in her body felt frozen with anticipation. She licked her lips, shivering with nerves at the thought of Ethan’s kiss. She closed her eyes but instead of his kiss, Chloe was met with a snowball to the back of the head.
“Ow!” She stumbled forward and Ethan caught her. “Hey!” she yelled seeing Brady, Margot and Owen charging toward them with armfuls of snowballs.
Ethan grabbed her hand. “Run!”
25
Ethan
The next hour was spent sprinting through the woods and hurling packed balls of snow at Owen, Margot and Brady. Eventually, Margot and Owen paired up, leaving Brady on his own, something Ethan was happy to exploit. He pegged the jock-wad more than a few times, each time easing the jealousy he felt in the pit of his stomach knowing Brady’s lips had once touched Chloe’s.
She was far too good for a guy like Brady. Probably far too good for Ethan, too. But he was taking one thing at a time. And right now he was enjoying beaming Brady with snowballs and holding Chloe’s hand as they dashed through the woods.
Chloe
Chloe was exhausted when Ethan pulled her behind a fallen tree. She doubled over trying to catch her breath from laughter and excursion. She was covered from head to toe in snow. She didn’t know how there was any left on the ground after their epic snowball battle.
“I can’t breathe,” she gasped between laughter.
“Shhh,” Ethan teased, pushing his finger to her lips. “They’ll hear us.”
Chloe immediately stopped laughing as Ethan’s finger lingered on her lower lip. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized she didn’t care who heard her. That tiny bit of contact ignited a fire inside her that threatened to engulf her if she didn’t give in to what she wanted right now.
She reached up and pulled Ethan’s face closer to hers. Their lips met, slowly at first, but then their kiss erupted into an electric sizzle that made her chest burn from the inside out. How did kissing him always manage to get better?
He was oxygen to her flames, kindling to her fire. She didn’t care that her lungs ached from lack of air. She didn’t need to breathe as much as she needed this kiss.
Ethan pulled away, his eyes wide, chest heaving. But Chloe wasn’t ready to stop yet. She moved to pull him back but he stiffened.
“Chloe . . .” he breathed.
There was warning in his voice, but longing too. And something more. There was always something more he was holding back. “Why don’t you ever say what you’re thinking?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Because I don’t want to scare you off.”
“Maybe I don’t scare that easily,” she challenged.
Ethan’s hand rubbed the tension from his jaw as he wrestled with his thoughts. “Everyone scares, Chloe.”
“I’m not everyone.”
He stopped his fidgeting and looked at her. “No, you most certainly are not.”
She took a tentative step closer. “Do you not want me to kiss you?”
“No! That’s not it at all. I think . . . I think I want you to kiss me more than anything in this world.”
A slow smile spread across her face. “That doesn’t sound so scary to me.”
“That’s not the problem, Chloe. The problem is that I’m a mess. I’m no good for you. And this,” he gestured between them, “will never work.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Because I won’t make it easy. You’ve barely scratched the surface of my issues. I’m not an easy person to love.”
“Maybe you should let me be the judge of that.”
His mouth opened, then shut. Again, he stopped the words that were clawing to get out. Watching him hold back was insufferable. Chloe wanted to climb inside him and see everything he was hiding. She needed to chase away her doubts because she was pretty sure that he felt exactly the same way she did, but she didn’t want to be wrong again. She didn’t want to let herself get hurt like Brady had hurt her. “Ethan, please tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking you shouldn’t say that kind of thing.”
“What kind of thing? That I could love you?”
Anger flared across his face before it melted into agony. “Yes,” he hissed. “I’m not easy to love, Chloe.”
She took a step closer. “You said that already. I’m not scared.”
“I am,” he whispered.
Ethan looked at her then with so much fear in his gorgeous heartbroken eyes that it left Chloe breathless. She feared she could drown in the stormy green ocean of his eyes. But when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, the tumultuous sea calmed and Chloe realized that she could never drown when it came to Ethan. She was his lifeboat. All she had to do was get him to trust her enough to climb in.
Bliss stole over her as Ethan clung to her, his kisses deepening. She’d never felt this type of completion in her life. He needed her and she loved something about that so much. She’d always felt that she was the needy one. It was why she was so lost when Margot left and Brady dumped her. Chloe had never felt necessary, but with Ethan, she felt strong, vital even. The way he clung to her with such unrestrained passion made her never want to let go.
With him, she felt more like herself than she ever had. She was no longer a lone bookend, slipping away. Ethan gave her something to hold onto. They’d both been falling, but together they held each other up. Together they were whole.
Sadly, Chloe didn’t get a chance to convey any of that to Ethan. Their passionate kiss ended much too soon, interrupted by Margot’s gasp.
“Oh!” Margot inhaled sharply, snowball still raised in her hand. “I didn’t realize . . . I . . . um.” She stuttered over her words and finally looked at her watch. “I think we should go. Mom and Dad texted. They need help at the lodge.”
Chloe’s cheeks burned. She wish
ed Margot hadn’t found her kissing Ethan like that. She’d only yesterday promised her sister no more secrets and here she was kissing Margot’s boyfriend’s brother. And from the stunned look on Margot’s face, she wasn’t happy about it.
Before Chloe could even attempt to say anything Margot dropped her snowball and ran back toward the snowmobiles. Chloe heard the engines sputter to life a minute later and her heart sank, taking the euphoric kiss she’d just shared with Ethan with it.
“Are you okay?” he asked, quietly.
“Yeah.” She smiled up at him and linking their gloved fingers. “Ready to head back?”
He kissed her cheek, sending warmth through her whole body. “If we must.”
She laughed. “I think we must before we thaw this whole forest,” she teased, feeling the feverish flush her cheeks still held. “But this,” she said, gesturing between them, “is just a pause.”
“I think I like the sound of that.”
26
Ethan
The snowball war went on so long that there wasn’t time for Chloe to teach Ethan how to drive the snowmobile. But he didn’t mind. He actually preferred riding on the back with his arms looped securely around her waist. He couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. He loved the feel of her soft hair lashing his cheeks and the way she leaned into him a bit more whenever he squeezed her thighs.
He took in the snowy landscape that rushed by, noticing that everything looked brighter and more beautiful somehow. He knew he had Chloe to thank for that. Being with her made everything better.
As they neared her house, Ethan noticed a flash of sunlight reflecting off the surface of the pond. “Hey, look at that.”
Chloe slowed the sled to see where he was pointing.
“Is that the pond you used to ice skate on?”
Chloe nodded. “Yep.”
“It looks frozen.”
He caught her smile as she turned her head to look closer. “Wow, you’re right. That hasn’t happened in years. The temperature must’ve dropped pretty low last night.”
Ethan laughed. “Why do you sound surprised by that? It’s freaking freezing right now.”
Chloe snorted. “Oh, Manhattan. This is nothing.”
She gunned the snowmobile and they rocketed across the snow, turning the light snowfall into a blur of icy needles that stung any exposed skin. Surprisingly, Ethan didn’t care. He just gripped Chloe tighter, letting her laughter warm him all the way through.
Chloe
Chloe’s parents were rushing out the door when she and Ethan walked up to the front porch. She let Ethan go inside ahead of her and hung back to talk to her parents.
“Hi, honey,” her mother said. “We’ve gotta do some last minute prep for the wedding. Lunch is on the table. Can you meet us at the lodge after you’ve eaten? We could use the extra help with the wedding today.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks, sweetheart.”
Chloe was overcome with the urge to hug her mother, so she did. “I love you, Mom.”
It felt so good to have her mother’s familiar arms around her. This was the first time Chloe had seen her parents since Ethan told her about losing his.
Her mother’s shock was evident as she hugged Chloe back, slowly at first, until the embrace turned fierce. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
Her mother pulled back and gave Chloe a look of concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s great, Mom,” she replied. “I just realized I don’t say I love you as much as I should.”
Her parents exchanged a worried glance, but that didn’t stop Chloe from giving her father a giant hug, too. “Love you, Dad.”
“I love you, baby girl.”
She kissed her father on the cheek and pulled away. “I’ll see you at the lodge in an hour.”
As Chloe turned to go inside, she heard her parents whispering to each other, wondering what all the hugging was about. It made Chloe happy and sad at the same time. Hugging her parents and telling them she loved them was such a simple gesture, but that fact that it caused them alarm meant she didn’t do it nearly enough. She made a mental note to change that.
Chloe walked inside, instantly hit by the stifling heat of the roaring fire. She stripped off her layers and headed upstairs to change. Taking a deep breath, she readied herself to face her sister.
It was time to smooth things over with Margot.
27
Chloe
Margot was sitting at Chloe’s vanity, brushing the snow out of her hair when Chloe walked in.
“Hey,” Chloe greeted, sitting on the bed behind her.
Margot’s eyes met Chloe’s in the mirror. “Hey.”
“About me and Ethan . . .”
Margot turned around, her eyes wide. “So, I wasn’t hallucinating? You were really kissing him?”
Chloe nodded.
“Co-Co, if your plan is to make Brady jealous, I get it, but don’t use Ethan, okay? I’ll help you find another way.”
“I don’t want Brady back.”
Margot frowned. “You don’t?”
“I want Ethan,” Chloe said, surprised how easily she’d admitted that. She watched her reflection in the mirror and liked how confident she looked after that statement.
Margot stood up and walked over to the bed. She sat next to Chloe and took her hand. “Co-Co, Ethan and Owen . . . they’ve been through a lot.”
“I know.”
Margot’s pretty face scrunched in confusion. “You do?”
“I know about Ethan’s mom,” she said. “He told me last night.”
Margot’s deep hazel eyes held a strange hope. “He talked to you about his mom?”
Chloe nodded and watched relief sweep through her sister.
“Chloe, I don’t know if you realize how incredible that is. Owen has been so worried about him.”
That made Chloe’s eyes widen. “Owen’s worried about Ethan?”
“Of course.”
“Then why wasn’t he the one watching Miracle on 34th Street with Ethan last night?”
Margot chewed her lip, looking agitated. “Is that what you two were doing on the couch?”
Chloe nodded.
Margot sighed. “Owen told me Ethan wasn’t going to do that this year.”
“You knew about it?” Chloe couldn’t believe Margot had known and did nothing to make her boyfriend and Ethan feel better. That wasn’t like her at all.
Margot sighed. “Chloe, Ethan and Owen have a very different relationship than we do. They love each other, but they deal with things differently. Owen has trouble dealing with his grief, but he manages it in his own way. And Ethan . . . the only person he’s ever opened up about his feelings to is Owen, but it’s too much for Owen to handle all the time. He doesn’t know how to help Ethan when he’s hurting so much himself.”
“So he just ignores his brother?”
Margot frowned. “I don’t understand it myself really. I just try to be there for Owen when he lets me. He’s very private about his family. He only just told me about his mother a few weeks ago.”
“That’s why you invited them here for Christmas, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it’s one of the reasons,” Margot said, wringing her hands in her lap.
Chloe mulled it over. Margot’s cryptic reply and nervous hand-wringing was making Chloe think there might be even more that she still needed to learn about the Hall boys. But either way, she was glad they were here. “I’m glad you brought them home with you, Go-Go.”
“Me too,” Margot said, squeezing Chloe’s hand. “I don’t know how they dealt with so much for so long. It makes me count my blessings.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I’m glad Ethan is talking to you, Chloe. I know he needs someone in his life. And if it can’t be Owen right now, I’m glad it’s you.”
“You are?”
“Of course.”
“So, you’re not mad that I like him?”
�
�Why would I be mad?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it a little weird?”
“Why? Because he's in college?”
“That and because you're dating his very similar-looking brother.”
“Life is short, little sister. When you find the good ones you gotta hold onto them.”
“How do you know the good ones?” She’d thought Brady was good.
Margot grinned. “You just know.”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “That's helpful.”
Margot laughed. “It's hard to explain, but you’ll know it when you feel it. Trust me.”
Chloe smiled. She did trust her sister. And she knew Margot would never throw that phrase around lightly. “I do trust you. I just wish there was more we could do for them.”
“I know. Ethan and Owen are really good guys. I don't know what I would've done without them in the city. They really took me under their wing. And I know they're brothers but I’m learning they’re just as different as you and me. Owen is so happy and full of life, and he just makes me smile all the time. I feel like Ethan could be that way too if he would just let someone in. Owen worries about him a lot.”
“I think it would help Ethan if he knew that.”
Margot got a wistful look in her eyes. “Maybe, but sometimes I think people need to find their own way back to each other.”
Chloe nodded. “But it might not be the worst thing if we helped them connect a little. I know how bad it would hurt if you and I grew apart.”
Margot chewed her lip. “Co-Co, I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you with Brady. It must’ve been awful.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. You’re my sister and I love you more than anything in the world. I want to be the one you call with the good news and the bad news.”
“Me too,” Chloe said, letting her sister pull her into a fierce embrace.
The Winter Boyfriend: A Stand-Alone YA Contemporary Romance Novel (The Boyfriend Series) Page 14
