by Laura Kemp
‘I decided to split, it was an adrenalin thing, it was all just a terrible accident and I was in agony too then, I had to get back to Mam, being a nurse, she’d know what to do. I ended up at the burns unit, I couldn’t come back here after that, how could I?’
No. She understood. ‘And this is why you kept it to yourself?’ she asked.
‘I thought if I said I’d seen him start it, I’d send him to prison. I thought if I disappeared, didn’t admit I’d found him, he might have got away. I couldn’t believe it when they found his body. I wanted to protect you, Annie, that’s all I wanted to do.’
‘Oh, Lew! I’m so sorry I thought wrongly of you.’ He’d acted out of kindness to her, carrying this load alone for years.
Her legs took her over to him and they stood and hugged, united in their grief.
‘I should’ve put that fire out straight away,’ he sobbed into her hair. ‘But I lost everything that night. My best mate. The girl I loved. My self respect. I came back, I thought I’d try to do some good here, maybe that’d make me happy. Instead I’ve just hurt everyone all over again. I went to do the talk because Wanda and me got close, she felt my scars … it tipped me over the edge, like I had to absolve myself, show these stupid kids what they’re up against. I didn’t go into all this at the school, I kept it brief, I didn’t mention Ryan. I said it was just an accident that went disastrously wrong.’
‘How could I ever have thought you’d let him take the blame? I actually thought that of you. I’m sorry,’ she said, over and over, holding on to him so tightly because he was threatening to buckle.
‘It’s okay,’ he whispered.
‘You have to tell Wanda all of this.’
‘I know, but I can’t. She hates me. We got close again, we climbed the mountain together and I let myself get carried away, she felt my scars, she ran and I’ve given up on her ever wanting to see me again.’
‘But she’ll understand!’
‘What if she doesn’t believe me? She knows I’ve lied about Ryan, I’ll have to tell her I lied about going to Scotland. She won’t be able to trust me.’
‘Come on, Lew, come on. You have to try.’
‘No.’
‘No more secrets, Lew, no more.’
He pulled back with red eyes which said there was something else.
‘Knock a woman while she’s down,’ she said, with a small smile. Because what else could there possibly be? Now was as good a time as any, get it out the way whatever it was.
‘There’s something I need to tell you, Annie.’ He looked even more drained, if that was possible.
‘Go on,’ she said, steeling herself.
‘It’s about the vandalism at the community garden.’
32
Oh, the romance of this place! My husband of fifteen years and I came here for a ‘date weekend’ and we fell in love again Under A Starry Sky! We’ll never forget the magic of gazing up at stars that had travelled for millions of years to reach our eyes – an enchanting place!
Mr and Mrs James, Liverpool
Campsite Visitors’ Book
With her hand down a blocked shower drain, Wanda was discovering it wasn’t always easy keeping the illusion of glamping alive.
Most of the time, she kept it together, a swan, composed on the surface, projecting deluxe relaxation while her legs paddled furiously below. But as her yellow Marigolds fished out pubes and head hair, she unleashed a quiet torrent of swearing. This was why she wasn’t tempted to go down the hot tub route – they were very en vogue. Yet in her mind they were basically giant pools of human DNA. It’d be just her luck to get one and then get an STD while she was cleaning it.
She shuddered at the thought, peeling off her rubber gloves, giving herself a ‘job done’ tick, the eighth so far this Tuesday morning with hundreds more to do.
Campsite life had gone crazy. The madness of the pretty much fully booked school holidays hadn’t even started yet and already she was knackered from the rush of campers who wanted a bit of summer before the site was crawling with kids. She’d made life even harder for herself by putting together a timetable of family-friendly activities for the six weeks, thinking there might be a bit of interest in yoga by the lake, den-building and cook-outs. The reaction was like she’d just announced she was selling tickets for the last gulp of air on planet Earth. Her trouble was, her brain whirred and she reacted without thinking of the consequences.
She shouldn’t moan – talk about hashtag success problems. This was what she’d wanted to do, what she’d had to do for Mam and Carys. But she was absolutely frazzled with the long days, the paperwork, the physical back-and-forth of maintenance and problem-solving, from anything to do with hook-ups to complaints about ‘over-enthusiastic’ neighbours performing drunken karaoke at bedtime. That reminded her, she needed to stock up on earplugs at reception. There was also bedding to change in the caravan, shepherd’s hut and bell tent. And she had diarised starting to look for a part-time campsite manager to cover autumn and spring because – yes! – she’d finally managed to click ‘confirm’ on her travels.
There was a long way to go before she could think about that though. Operation Find Danny Platt was underway – she couldn’t mention it to Carys for fear of raising her hopes. Mam was back on the spreadsheets and reporting a massive turnaround in income, so much so that she could begin to start paying back Wanda. The bottom line was, Wanda had created something bigger than she had expected and now she had the task of keeping it going when she was gone. Nothing would stop her this time – she was absolutely determined to go. It kept her mind occupied, away from Lew. She simply didn’t have the mental space for him and his Jekyll and Hyde act. Her priority was family.
On cue, the Land Rover rolled into the driveway and Wanda dropped everything.
‘How was the scan, Caz?’ she asked, helping her out of her seat. She’d been released from hospital after three long nights once her blood pressure had reduced, but she had to have scans every other day to check blood flow through the placenta and measure the babies’ growth. The risk of pre-eclampsia still lurked and so when she wasn’t being lubed up with ultrasound gel, she was on strict bed rest.
‘All fine,’ Carys cried, levering herself from the car. Each time she returned, she was cheery but then once the relief had passed, the countdown to the next check-up built up again. It was a cruel circle to be in.
‘Back to the sofa, my girl,’ Mam said with a stiff finger and a slam of the driver’s door.
‘How was it?’ Wanda asked her mother, who’d driven today for the first time since her operation.
‘Twenty miles per hour all the way,’ Carys said, rolling her eyes.
‘That was for your benefit, young lady. Now in!’ Mam tutted.
Carys almost filled the door as she was ushered inside and into the lounge to her ‘don’t you dare move’ station. The coffee table was groaning with baby magazines, snacks, water and TV remotes and there was a footstool to deter more ankle swelling.
‘You okay?’ Wanda said, feeling for her on this warm day.
‘Yeah … and no. I’m just sad that I can’t enjoy this last bit. I was having a healthy pregnancy and now it feels like I’ve lost something. But you can’t help trouble, eh?’ That’s what Dad would say when life didn’t go according to plan.
‘Tell you what, tonight we’ll sort that lot out, yeah?’ Wanda nodded at the branch of Mothercare in the corner of the room. Two car seats, a moses basket and a double buggy were boxed and brand new; everything else, such as the baby bath and changing mat, was borrowed or bought second-hand and needed a wash or a wipe.
Carys’s eyes lit up – that was more like it. ‘Fab! It’ll feel like I’m actually doing something of use.’
Wanda’s heart was breaking for her. ‘But you are! You’re keeping those twins going.’
Mam shouted th
rough, announcing ‘Someone to see you’ for Wanda.
Lew? her heart yelled with hope. Her head replied with a damn you! In the kitchen, Mam mouthed ‘Annie’ and jerked her thumb to the back door.
Lovely! Wanda had given up on her lately – well, not given up exactly. She’d accepted Annie wanted to be alone to recover and, on a practical level, this was her busiest season and she needed to use all the daylight hours going to make hay. So she was chuffed to bits she’d come out the other side – they had so much to catch up on. Apparently something had happened with Spike, she’d heard it on the grapevine but hadn’t poked her nose in to ask. But she’d get the chance now. She’d get them a drink and they could sit in the garden and take five.
‘Hiya!’ Wanda said to Annie, who was just as pleased to see her, and they had a funny jiggy hug.
‘It’s been ages. Sorry. Been through the mill a bit.’
‘Same here. Got time for some lemonade? Mam’s cloudy one.’ Wanda opened the fridge and found the jug and held it up for Annie to inspect.
‘I haven’t had that for years!’
‘Come on then,’ Wanda said, pouring two glasses, ‘let’s go into the back garden. Pretend we’re ladies of leisure.’
They both let out a loud groan of ecstasy as they planted their bums on deckchairs. Mid-July and they were already done in.
‘We’re old before our time!’ Wanda laughed.
‘That’s hard graft for you.’
‘To think I used to moan about sitting down all day every day in an office. I dream of a nice sit down these days.’
‘Cheers!’ Annie said, swigging away, making the same appreciative noises as Wanda at the bitter-sweet on their tongues.
‘What’s up then?’ Wanda asked, stretching out, letting her mock Crocs fall off her tired feet so she could feel the cool grass on her bare toes.
‘Oh, you know, not much. Falling in love with someone, putting the brakes on a relationship with an adoring man who then thanked me because the rejection made him see he’d gone too fast. Breaking a little boy’s heart by taking my dog away from him. Plus I’m responsible for Blod’s cats being under kitchen arrest.’
‘Not much at all then.’
‘No. Quite quiet, actually.’ By Annie making light of what had happened with Spike rather than crying over it, it showed she was in a better place than she had been. ‘What about you?’
‘Just as dull. The love of my life – yes, you were right, I admit it – turned out to be a lying bastard. Not just to me but to you too.’
‘That’s the thing …’ Annie took a sip and fixed her eyes on Wanda over the rim.
‘Oh, no. Don’t tell me you’ve come over to defend Lew. After what he’s done! He hasn’t had the guts to come over. He told the world before he told me. He virtually confessed to the fire.’
‘It wasn’t like that.’ Annie said it quietly but firmly.
‘How was it, then?’ Wanda said, feeling sour. But as Annie explained Lew’s version of the night’s terrible events, Wanda held her heart. She could imagine him trying to reason with Ryan, to stamp out the fire Ryan started. Her eyes shut with the pain of hearing how he’d fallen into the flames, then carried the torture all alone for fifteen years. How could she have thought badly of him? It all made sense: his disappearance and his absence at the funerals. Why hadn’t she chased him up? Why had she thought the worst, that he was off living his life? That’s what he’d meant when he’d said Wanda wasn’t the only one affected by the fire. But there was so much love for him too: the horror he’d been through, the strength he’d found to confess it all. It didn’t matter who he’d told first – it only mattered that he’d found a way through the agony at all. She wanted to get up and find him and hold him and say how sorry she was. Yet something was holding her back.
‘He doesn’t know I’m here, Wanda. He doesn’t know I’m telling you.’
‘Why hasn’t he come to me himself? He must think I’ll hate him …’ she said, distressed at the thought.
‘No. It’s exactly the opposite. He respects you too much to come and bother you. He wants to stay out of your way. He thinks he’ll be rejected, he’s ashamed of the lies.’
‘Oh, Lew,’ she whispered.
Annie leaned forward and stared into Wanda’s eyes. ‘It’s not too late. You both adore each other. You’re made for each other.’
‘I know,’ Wanda confessed. ‘I felt it the morning we hugged on the mountain top. It’s never felt more right.’
‘There you go!’ Annie smiled. But it dropped when she saw Wanda’s shaking head.
‘It can’t happen. I’ve decided – I’m going travelling in October. I can’t start something with him. I can’t not leave. Not again. And there’s no chance of anything happening before I go. There’s too much to do. Not enough hours in the day. And if I was chucked an extra one or two, I’d either go to sleep or spend it with Carys and Mam. I need to be on the ball before I go. I need to make sure those two – or four – are set up for good.’
‘Are you not coming back, then?’
‘Who knows? That thing about doing all the things I wanted to do away but doing them here, I’ve done them – you made me see what I needed to do was here under my nose all along. Now though, I feel I’ve reached an end point.’
‘What about Lew? Wouldn’t you come back for him?’
‘The thing is, I have to go away, right. If I was going to start something with him, I’d have to stay.’
‘Not necessarily, you could still go off.’
‘But I’d be choosing something over him. Everything could change for me if I left. Like, my life could take another turn. I might find somewhere else to live, be bitten by the travel bug. Run off and join a remote community in the wilds of Mexico!’
‘I see what you mean; your perspective might change as a result of your experiences.’
‘Exactly. And staying here for a man goes against everything I kind of believe in, in terms of being in charge of my own destiny. And who’s to say he’s part of it? Maybe he was always destined to be the one who got away or the one who got me to go away?’
‘I know it’s not the same, but with Dean, I only realised things would change if I made a change happen.’ Annie drained her lemonade and heaved herself up out of the deckchair. ‘But that doesn’t mean Lew can’t be part of it.’
‘I dunno. I can’t see a way round it.’
Wanda followed her out, praising her for not letting Dean get the better of the community garden.
‘It’s looking good again though, you’ve worked so hard on it.’
A cloud crossed Annie’s face as they stepped outside.
‘Don’t say anything,’ she said in a low voice. ‘But it wasn’t Dean who did it.’
‘Eh?’
‘Lew was filming from his drone to catch the sunset over the mountain. He’s showed it to me and I saw who did it.’ Annie cut eye contact – there was clearly something very difficult going on.
‘What? Who was it?’ Wanda reached out to touch her arm in case she wanted to talk.
Annie sighed and shook her head. ‘I can’t say. I’m going to have to speak to them. But I’m not sure how to handle it.’
‘Shouldn’t you tell the police?’
‘It’s not that straightforward,’ Annie said, jangling her keys and taking her secret with her.
When was anything straightforward?
33
Well, this was awkward.
Full of trepidation, Annie had arrived at Spike’s with a four-pack of warm cider, a big bag of value cheese balls and a defrosting Viennetta from Blod’s Shop. But when he’d shown her to the garden where they’d be eating al fresco, she saw she’d got the mood all wrong.
She’d assumed his invitation to join him and Arthur for a Friday night bite to eat would be casual to the point of
fish fingers and chips. After all, it was about getting the three of them together for Arthur’s benefit – he was playing up at school again, which didn’t surprise Annie at all. She felt a responsibility for the impact her almost-relationship with Spike had had on him – and hadn’t she said she would still be part of his life even if it wasn’t as a substitute mum? Seeing Teg would help him, too. It wouldn’t be a biggie, there was no need to posh it up, was there?
Instead, Spike had gone to town with his patch of countryside. A square wooden table had been laid for three – and a dog. The humans each had a tea-light candle flickering away in a jam jar set above their cutlery, which was entwined in ivy, while Teg had a bowl of biscuits. Spike immediately explained he’d move it to the grass when they actually sat down. He wasn’t that mad, he’d winked and Annie had laughed in spite of her nerves. Jolly multicoloured outdoor lights were strung across the boughs of trees, there were throws on the backs of the chairs for when the night set in and a milk jug contained a posy of freshly picked blue hydrangea blooms. It was beautiful and sweet, magical even, but it wasn’t appropriate – it was as if he was over-compensating. And it revealed that Spike wasn’t on the same page as Annie.
As she took a seat and the muggy air settled on her, he nipped inside for a bottle of chilled rosé. Her toes were curling. There were so many reasons for it.
She’d misjudged tonight with her low-key offerings, which of course, being the man he was, he had accepted with grace. They had kissed one another’s cheeks hello, stiffly entering each other’s personal space, which, along with his delicious clean smell, brought her unwelcome longing scrambling up to the surface. The chit-chat of ‘Come in!’ and ‘How are you?’ was so far from the natural intimacy of the relationship they’d had before Spike had abandoned ship, for entirely valid reasons. She had agonised about even going. There were things that needed to be confronted. But to rebuff this chance to see Arthur would cause everyone pain. Annie had had to come. It was all so delicate and excruciating – and yet still she felt herself warm at the sight of him as he came through the back to join her.
