by K. G. Reuss
“Stop thinking, Lex.” Alex pulled me to my feet and steered me to my bathroom. “Shower. We’ll be here when you get out.”
He closed me in the bathroom after giving me my pajamas. I stared stupidly at myself in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and red. My nose was red. I had dried tears on my cheeks. My mascara had created ugly black rivers on my face. Even my hair was a twist of tangles.
Sighing, I turned on the water and put the stopper in the drain. I added a bunch of bubble bath. As I watched the tub fill, the memory of Travis and me bathing days before ripped at my heart. I had to leave the room. I went back to my bedroom and grabbed my phone off the nightstand.
Alex’s voice wafted down the hall as he ordered a pizza. I could hear Ava moving around in her room. I chanced a peek inside and saw she had blankets piled on her bed, no doubt the material needed for Fort Hale.
Going to my dresser, I grabbed clean underwear before returning to the bathroom. I closed the door and undressed, sinking into the tub of warm bubbles. Knowing I had messages waiting for me, I grabbed my phone and looked. There were a ton of missed calls from Travis, the latest one coming through while I must have been undressing. I’d turned my phone to silent as a means to ignore him. Guess it hadn’t worked because curiosity was murdering the cat right then.
I opened his messages, looking at the first one.
Travis: Lexy. Please. Talk to me.
Travis: Lexy. Baby. It wasn’t what you thought.
Travis: Please. I’ll do anything. Just let me explain.
Travis: I didn’t kiss her! I swear. I didn’t want to. Please, baby, let me tell you what happened.
Travis: I’ll keep calling. I need to talk to you. Lexy, please understand, I ONLY want you. What do I need to do to prove that to you?
I stopped reading the messages as my voicemail dinged, reminding me of those waiting messages. Sighing, I dialed it, my heart in my throat as I listened to Travis.
“Lexy. Honey pot. My wife,” his voice cracked. “Please take my calls. Answer my texts. The silence is killing me. I-I need to know we’re OK. I-I don’t feel OK. I’m so scared.” He cried softly into the phone.
My heart broke all over again. Listening to the message was a bad idea.
“I can come there. Any time. It doesn’t matter the time or day. I’ll be there. I just want a chance to tell you the truth. I know you’re mad. You’re hurt. I-I am too.” He let out a soft sob again. “I never wanted to hurt you. I made a terrible mistake. Please. Talk to me.”
I squeezed my eyes closed as I listened to him breathe.
“Please don’t let me lose you. I’m here, baby. Call me back. Please. I love you, Alexis.”
He sniffled again before the phone went dead. It was the only message he’d left. I didn’t know what to believe. It didn’t even matter. I needed that distance everyone else in my life seemed to need. Now I understood it. I needed to clear my head.
Turning my phone off, I washed up before getting out and dressing again. I went into my bedroom to find that Alex had made an extraordinary fort over my bed. He smiled at me as he came into the room, carrying a pizza and a couple cans of soda.
“Where’s Ava?” I asked.
“She’s going to go stay with Rory.”
I frowned. Before I could say anything, Alex spoke again. “I told her to go. She wanted to fight me on it, but I figured with everything happening for all of us, space was key. Sorry if I fucked up.”
“It’s fine. She does need a break.” I climbed into bed with Alex following. He’d grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, no doubt something Ava had of his.
“I got loaded veggie. I know how you like rabbit food.” He opened the large, cheesy pizza and handed me a can of soda. I took it, tears brimming my eyes again. Tonight should’ve been mine and Travis’s date night. We should’ve been cuddling, laughing, and making love. Instead, he was somewhere else while I hung out with Alex. Life was a mess.
“Alex?”
“Yeah?” he answered around a mouthful of pizza.
“Did Steph come over a lot to see Travis?”
“She was there a few nights a week sometimes. It wasn’t a ton. But they seemed close, so that’s why I thought they were together. I guess I didn’t want to think it was you because I knew Travis.” He sighed and looked down at his slice of pizza. “Lex, I don’t doubt he’s head over heels in love with you. And you shouldn’t either. I know he’s always been kind of a player. But I’ve never heard him use the word love before or look so devastated when things ended before. I don’t know what the hell went down in those stacks, but I really don’t think he’d do anything to hurt you.”
“Really?”
“Really. I mean, I think he was trying to do right by you but just fucked it up. He overthinks things. It’s one of his weaknesses when it comes to playing football. It’s going to get him hurt one of these days, holding that ball, trying to think things out to the point where there’s no other possibilities.”
I nodded. “Alex?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I tell you something I’ve been keeping quiet about for way too long?”
“You can tell me anything, Lexy. You know that.”
I took a deep breath, letting the words tumble out of my mouth. “Travis and I got married in Vegas.”
Alex stared at me, his brows crinkled, mouth open. “What?”
“It’s true. The night we went out, he challenged me to marry him, and I did. I-I slept with him that night too.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Lexy,” Alex groaned, dropping his pizza back into the box.
“You said you wouldn’t be mad!”
“I said you could tell me anything, not that I wouldn’t be pissed!” He rubbed his eyes, his face red. “Why the hell did you think marrying the biggest player this university has ever known would be a good idea?”
“Because I love him too. I always have and just didn’t realize it,” I whispered, finally admitting it out loud.
“Oh, Lex,” Alex sighed, pulling me in for a hug as the waterworks started again. “I’m so mad right now. You don’t deserve this pain.”
“What do I do, Alex? Tell me. I need to know what to do.”
“Lexy, I can’t tell you. You have to figure it out and decide on your own.”
“What if it were you? What would you do?”
He sighed and grew quiet. “Travis is going places. He’s going to go pro. I know he will. His life is going to get hectic and busy. He’ll be constantly surrounded by beautiful women and temptation. You got a taste of it this week with the Heisman announcement. It’ll only get worse. I don’t know if you can handle that, Lex. You overthink things just like he does. The love between you would have to be strong to make it through. And even if Travis doesn’t go pro, he’ll go back home and probably take over his dad’s car dealership. You’re meant for big things too. You don’t want to move back home and live just enough to survive. You may have love, but you might want more someday. I feel like you’d regret not following your own dreams. Being the town doc probably won’t fulfill you. I think you need time to think about things. Think about what you’re willing to live with and what you’re willing to live without. Then make your choice. If it’s Travis, then I’ll support you, despite how pissed I am at him. If it’s some random adventure, I’ll support that too. OK?”
I nodded, sniffling as he hugged me.
“It’ll be OK. I promise, Lex. Just give yourself some time to think.”
“I will.” I wiped my eyes before speaking again. “Is that what you’re doing with Ava? Giving it time?”
He sighed. “I love her, Lex. Like really love her. I’m an asshole. I want to fix it. We did talk a little. She’s going to meet me for coffee tomorrow.”
“I’m glad. Tell her you love her, Alex. You’re good together.”
“I know. So are you and Travis.” His voice was soft. “Even if he’s a lot like me and fucks things up. Cool off and then decide what you want
.”
“What if I don’t know anymore? What if you’re right and my life will be riddled with everything that happened today?”
“Then you guys clear the air and let it go if that’s what needs to be done. But don’t decide anything yet. OK?”
“OK.”
“Good.” He ruffled my hair. “Let’s watch one of your documentaries.”
“Subtitles?”
“Ugh. If we’re going for torture, then by all means, torture me. I’m here for the long haul.”
I gave him a watery smile and turned to the TV.
Time. Sound advice I’d take.
Sixty-Four
Travis
I stared at myself in the mirror. The suit I’d picked out which had looked so great only days before now hung limply from my body. I hadn’t seen Lexy since the library incident. She wouldn’t answer my calls. She hadn’t been in class. Ava avoided me like the plague and threatened to kick me in my dick if I so much as looked at her. Alex hadn’t come home, which was just as well since he’d probably just punch me in the face again. I needed to stop thinking about the disaster I’d made of things. My parents were coming to attend the ceremony, so I needed to pull myself together to meet up with them.
Sighing, I looked down at my phone. Lexy was supposed to be with me for this moment. Hauling in a deep breath, I dialed her number, hoping beyond anything she’d answer and tell me she still loved me and would be there.
My heart plummeted when her phone went straight to voicemail.
“Hey. Uh, it’s me. Travis. Today’s the Heisman ceremony. I really wanted to share this with you.” My throat grew tight before I started babbling. “Lexy, baby, please come. I want my wife by my side. And not just tonight. Always. I miss you so fucking much. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m not me without you, honey pot. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. Anything. Name it. It’s yours. I’ll quit football. I’ll change my number and start over. I’ll go work at my dad’s dealership. I just don’t know what else to do. I know now’s not the time, but please, listen.” I was barely holding it together as I rambled. I knew damn well Lexy would never want me to give up on my dreams, but I’d toss everything away just to get her back.
“That stuff in the library shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake. I don’t even like her. I went there that day to get a documentary for our date night. I was hoping I’d find something you’d love. Then Steph turned up.” My voice cracked. “I didn’t do what you think I did. I’d never do that to you. Never.” A sob rushed out of my mouth as I sank onto my bed, crying. I’d said those words to her voicemail before. I’d texted them to her. Nothing.
But maybe this time she’d respond. “I k-know it looked bad. I’m sorry. I’m s-so fucking sorry. But i-it wasn’t like that. N-never. I love you, Alexis. P-please come tonight. Please. I just want to see you. I miss you, Mrs. Owens.” I drew in a breath meant to calm me, but it only made my heart ache more. “I’ll wait for you outside the ceremony. Please come, baby. I love you so much. I always have. Always will.”
I hung up and wiped my eyes, the tears not wanting to stop. So this is what heartbreak feels like. Guess I was getting a healthy dose of my own medicine.
“Hey,” Mason called out softly. I hadn’t even heard him come into my room. I didn’t bother looking up at him.
“You OK?” Concern laced through his voice.
“Yeah.” I wiped at my eyes again. “I don’t think she’s coming tonight.”
“Do you want me to try to talk to her?” He stepped into my room and leaned against my dresser. “Or maybe Ava? She’s staying with Rory right now.”
“That means the twins must be plotting my death,” I muttered, thinking about how Alex and Lexy were probably holed up in her apartment, coming up with ways to take my ass down.
“I doubt it. From what I understand, Alex and Ava are working on getting back together. They went out last night.”
“That’s good,” I grunted, feeling genuinely happy for them. They were good together.
“And Lexy?” I was eager for anything he could tell me.
“Uh, I don’t know, man. You know Lex.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” I locked eyes with him.
He gave me a shaky smile. “It’s not really my place to say.”
I got to my feet, my heart in my throat. “What the fuck do you know, Mason?”
“I don’t know. I-It might just be her still being angry—”
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“Rory said she thought she heard Ava on the phone talking to someone a-about a divorce.” His words came out in a rush.
My heart dropped to my feet, and my mouth went dry.
“It could be nothing. It might not even be anything. Maybe it’s Ava’s aunt or cousin or something.”
“Ava’s Uncle Marty is a lawyer,” my voice was hoarse. “She’s leaving me.”
“Man, don’t think like that. Tonight is your night. Go win that fucking award—”
“I have to see her. Fuck the award—” I’d already gotten to my feet.
“You’re being insane. I’ll go find her. Go to your ceremony. You’ll only piss her off more if you don’t show up. Your whole future is on the line. Don’t fuck it up.”
“She’s my future,” I snapped.
“She won’t be shit if you disappoint her. Go to the damn ceremony. Even if she doesn’t show, have a good time.”
I shook my head and grabbed my phone. “Fine. Just… if you see her, tell her I love her.”
“I will.” He squeezed my shoulder before following me downstairs. The frat guys were all waiting for me.
“Hey! There he is! Man of the hour!” Brandon shouted. Jay whooped and let off a popper, sending confetti shooting all over. The other guys called out good luck and clapped me on the back as I passed by them. It should’ve been a great moment. I should’ve been smiling as I walked through the door and got into my truck. Thank goodness the ceremony was here in New York, so I didn’t have far to go.
But I felt empty inside. I cried the entire way to the ceremony. Somehow I managed to send Lexy a photo of me in my suit, sitting behind my steering wheel before I got out. I’d at least dried my eyes before snapping the photo. I added a message to the photo:
Please come.
I darkened my screen and got out to find my parents waiting on the lawn of the convention center for me. I fixed a wobbly smile on my face and greeted them.
“It’ll be OK, baby,” Mom murmured, pulling me in for a hug. I’d already told them what happened.
“I hope so,” I whispered. “I hope so.”
Sixty-Five
Lexy
“Hey,” Mason greeted me as I pulled open my door.
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I came to visit one of my best friends. Are you busy?”
“No.” I stepped aside, and he walked into my living room.
“Aren’t you going to be late meeting Travis for the award ceremony?”
“Cut the shit, Mason. We both know you know what happened.” I moved into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water before turning to give Mason a pointed look. He sighed and went to the island and sat on a stool.
“What’s it going to take for you to give the guy a chance to explain things?”
“He doesn’t need to explain anything,” I answered softly. “I’m just taking some time to figure out what I want.”
“Lex, come on. You know you love him. Why not go to him? Tonight is his big night. He wants you there. He could win this thing and—”
“And what, Mason? I want his dreams to come true, but I also know what it’ll be like if I go back to him. There would be more women like Steph. He’d be gone a lot. I’d be working. If I saw something on TV or in gossip magazines about him… I just couldn’t.” I shrugged helplessly.
“Lexy, do you love him?” Mason’s gaze leveled on me.
“Of course, I do.”
“Then nothing
else matters. Because I know he loves you.”
“It just hurt, Mason. Seeing her on him. Kissing him. Half-naked. It made me realize we don’t belong together. Love be damned. We’re too different.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“What?”
“I don’t know when it’ll be, but it will happen if you guys don’t fix this. You’ll wake up one day, and he’ll be married to someone else. He’ll have a family with someone else. He’ll find happiness with someone else. That someone should be you, Lex. You two are perfect for one another. Go to him tonight. Talk to him. He misses you. He hasn’t come out of his room hardly since things went south. The guy married you not because it was a game. He did it because he’s always loved you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Mason got to his feet. “I’m going to meet Rory tonight. I hope you make the right choice.”
I nodded tightly and led him back to the door. He gave me a hug before leaving. My phone dinged, and I looked down at the message.
Please come.
A photo of Travis looking handsome in his suit greeted me. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. Eyes that had once shone bright, now looked dull and tired. The voicemail icon tugged my attention to the top of my screen. Knowing better, I hit TALK on it and listened to Travis’s message, my heart clenching with each of his sobs.
Sighing, I put my phone down and went to my bedroom. I pulled my dress out of the closet and proceeded to get ready, promising myself I could go and just not say anything to him. I’d stand in the back. If he won, great. I’d snap a photo and run out of there. At least I could say I was there for his moment.
The idea seemed like a sound one, so I got all prettied up and made my way to the convention center. I was already running late since I’d only decided last minute to go. But it was just as well. Everyone had gone inside by the time I got there. Someone was giving a speech. After I finally got inside, I settled in a spot near the back next to a large twinkling ficus tree. I peered through the leaves and spotted Travis sitting at a table with his parents. He kept glancing around, a frown on his face. I shrank further away, not wanting him to spot me.
