Well, this time, so was she.
She wasn’t going to let Zeke just do with her as he wanted. She was going to make a few demands of her own. Turn the tables for once and take the lead. Show him that he wasn’t as in control as he liked to think he was. At least with her.
She braced herself as he drew her closer to him before telling herself that she couldn’t allow him to see how he affected her and instead forced herself to relax into his arms. Forced herself to act as though she were happy to be in his arms. But when his mouth brushed her cheek, she forgot that she was only meant to be playing at it.
He could rescue her. If he wanted to. From a life where she’d resigned herself to never being in love with anyone ever again. From blaming herself for the choices she’d made that night, and the guilt over keeping Seth a secret from him, even though she knew it had been the right decision at the time.
For all their sakes.
Then, as his arm snaked around her back, the heat of his hand searing into the sensitive skin at the hollow of her spine, she watched, transfixed, as his other hand enfolded hers easily. It was all too easy to follow where he led. Floating across the floor as though she were little more than a weightless skein of thread, draped loosely over his arm.
That dark, possessive glint in his eyes shooting right through her and heating her through to her very core. She lost sense of reality, of where they were, of anyone else in the room. They simply moved around the dance floor together, in flawless synchronicity as one piece of music blended into another and another, with nothing else existing for Tia but Zeke. Her husband, and the father of her wonderful son.
And when the music stopped momentarily, the musicians pausing for a brief rest, and Zeke escorted her off the dance floor, forging a direct path through the hastily parting crowds, she accompanied him wordlessly. But her entire body was alive, exulting in the dark, haunted look in his eyes, which she recognised only too well. She’d seen it many times over the years, but that first time had been the night he’d returned to Westlake—after she’d turned eighteen—and she’d stepped out of the calm, moonlit sea to where he’d been standing over her pile of clothes, a concerned expression clouding his features.
She’d laughed as he’d berated her for going into the water alone, at night, holding his coat out to her in some effort to preserve her modesty, and she had tugged it from his hands and thrown it onto the sand, moments before stepping right up to him and pressing her lips against his. His resolve hadn’t lasted much longer.
It had been reckless, and exhilarating. Moulding exactly how the future of their relationship would be.
Possibly she should be more mindful that over fifteen years had passed since that first moment together, and they weren’t kids any more. But she wasn’t mindful at all. She was only too happy to follow him as he made his way down the imposing hallways, looking for a small, empty room that would suit their needs.
‘This will do,’ he muttered, poking his head around the fourth door then tugging her inside.
‘It will do?’ she teased, her laughter floating lightly around them. ‘How romantic.’
Zeke rolled his eyes.
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
‘Willingly,’ she agreed, taking one of his hands in each of hers and throwing them around her back as she stepped into the circle of his arms and pressed her lips to his.
Fire roared through her. As he kissed her back, demanding and unyielding as ever, the guttural sound of his approval made desire pool between her legs. He claimed her mouth with his, plundering over and over, using his lips, his tongue, even the rough pad of his thumb, to devastating effect. With no question as to which of them was in control.
She arched against him as if trying to urge him on further, pressing every malleable inch of her lithe body against every muscular, merciless inch of his. But still Zeke seemed determined to prolong her exquisite agony, catching her hands and raising her arms to hold her wrists in one big hand as he allowed his mouth to travel from her mouth to her jawline, but no further.
Tia moved her body, half undulation, half writhe, until Zeke growled at her.
‘Be still.’
‘I can’t,’ she gasped, the rawness of his tone scraping deep within her. ‘I need more.’
‘Then I’ll make you.’
Without warning, Zeke crushed his body to hers, trapping her between his solid chest wall and the cold wall behind her. The pressure helping to ease the ache in her straining nipples. And then, finally, he lowered one hand and grazed it over her breasts. Cruelly on the wrong side of the fabric.
‘Is this where you want me?’ Teasing, taunting. ‘Here?’
Tia could only moan and breathe his name. The wild thing inside her clawing its way out.
‘Or maybe here?’ He skimmed his hand lower over her dress until his knuckles brushed her heat.
‘You know exactly where,’ she muttered, arching her back then lifting her hips to reconnect with his departing hand.
Instead, she connected with something far more solid, and primal. And Zeke’s groan of response galvanised her.
She took advantage of his momentary lack of focus, freeing her hands from his grip above her head and loosening his hold on her. Then, her eyes locking with his, she slowly, deliberately, sank to her knees in front of him.
‘Tia...’
‘Shhh.’ A wicked smile toyed with the corners of her mouth. ‘I’m only doing what you did for me barely a few weeks ago.’
Then, sliding her hands to his waistband, she unhooked the suit trousers and drew the zip down in one perfect flourish. It was only as she slid them down his legs, her hands running down the front of his thighs and revelling in the power of the muscles beneath her palms, that Zeke pushed her away from him and took a step back.
‘No. This isn’t how it’s going to go.’
Tia frowned, confused. She stood up and might have stumbled towards him, if he hadn’t looked so hostile.
‘What isn’t?’ she challenged shakily.
‘This. You. It isn’t going to be like that.’
She blinked, her mind whirring. And then the truth began to dawn, ravaging her as it did.
It was about his leg. What she’d done.
‘This is about control,’ she whispered, horrified. ‘You only want me if you’re running the show.’
‘That’s nonsense.’
‘It isn’t. You want me to give myself up to you completely, and be vulnerable, but you refuse to do the same for me.’
‘Forgive me if I thought I was just trying to make you scream in pleasure. I confess I rather like it when you shout out my name as you come apart against my lips.’
She supressed a sinful shiver at the memories his words ignited.
‘Yet when I want to give you the same pleasure, you stop me. Because in your book, that would mean letting me be in control. Opening yourself up to me.’
‘You’re overthinking this,’ he warned.
‘Is it that you haven’t forgiven me, Zeke?’ She forced herself to ask the question even though she feared the answer he might give. ‘For cutting off your leg? Or for saving your life when no one could save the lives of your buddies?’
It hung there between them, like an axe just waiting to fall. And then Zeke steeled himself, shutting her out as he always had.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
The words were too harsh, too brutal.
‘Or maybe you still don’t quite trust me.’ She refused to cry. Even though it nearly killed her. ‘You’re okay with being with me as long as you’re running things. Like the other week. But you don’t trust me enough to do the same.’
‘It isn’t that simple,’ he gritted out.
‘No, you’re right. It isn’t,’ Tia agreed. ‘It’s not about intimacy, is it? It’s about control. As long as
you have it over me, that’s okay. But not the other way around.’
She wanted to hear him deny it. Longed to. Even as she knew he couldn’t.
‘You’re right.’ He dipped his head eventually, without a trace of remorse.
Tia watched as he calmly adjusted his trousers, her entire body shaking as though from the inside out.
But whatever else they might or might not have wanted to say to each other, it was curtailed by the sound of the announcer on the PA system. Introducing the mayor and beginning the speeches.
‘I have to go,’ he ground out, smoothing down his suit and stepping past her to the door. ‘And so do you.’
The irony of it wasn’t lost on Tia.
‘I can’t.’
‘You’re my guest. You have to,’ he commanded sharply.
‘I can’t. People will see me. They’ll know.’
His look was both impatient and regretful.
‘They won’t see anything, Tia. You look...as stunning as ever.’
She shook her head but he snatched up her arm. Not rough enough that it hurt, but firm enough that she couldn’t break free.
‘The timing is bad, I’ll agree. But...this wasn’t meant to happen. We will talk about it though.’
She baulked. If she felt this embarrassed, and ashamed, and angry now, how would she feel when the numbing shock had worn off?
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Well, clearly we need to,’ Zeke countered. ‘But not now. Later. Tomorrow. We’ll go for a walk, show Seth those locks, just like I promised.’
Before she could find another objection, he tugged her to him, ran a hand through her tousled hair as though to smooth it, and propelled her out of the room.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HOW THE HELL had he let this happen?
He’d been thinking the same thing since he’d stood in front of the rowdy, clapping crowd last night when all he’d been able to see had been Tia. Her face white with shock and her eyes wide with pain.
He should never have taken her to the gala. More to the point he should never have danced with her. Or taken her to that room like the irresponsible teenagers they no longer were.
It was galling that she was right, though. That a part of Zeke either didn’t forgive her or didn’t trust her. Even though he wanted himself to do both.
Even though he wanted to move on with his life and look forwards.
But it wasn’t about his leg, as she assumed it was. It was more about the truth that every time he looked at Seth, this wonderful, glorious, little boy that he had never known he wanted, Zeke felt a rushing loss at the years he had missed out on.
And he couldn’t help blaming Tia for it.
The fact her decision to walk away without telling him that she was pregnant had been based on what had happened on that mission that night meant, unfortunately, that the two events were bound up in each other for ever.
‘So these works were quite a feat of engineering.’ He forced himself to smile at the fascinated boy, who nodded so seriously, sounding out the headers for the tourist information boards, and pointing out the part of the locks that he recognised.
He really was a marvel. His son.
Whilst beside them Tia offered a rictus smile and tried to walk as far away from him as she could.
They discussed the works a little longer, with Zeke showing Seth how the series of chains and floodgates would have worked, and Tia moved away, tilting her head up to the sun as though it could conceal the dark shadows on her eyes from lack of sleep, or the lines etched onto her usually smooth features.
And then, finally, they were walking back. Seth skipping obliviously down the dusty canal path, leaving his parents to walk reluctantly together.
‘I’m sorry,’ Zeke offered at length.
‘What for?’ He hated that distant, detached quality to her tone. ‘For not being able to forgive me, or for not being able to trust me? Or maybe you’re only really sorry that I found you out.’
For a moment he didn’t answer, and when he did it was more contemplative than anything. The truth only just starting to work its way free in his own mind.
‘It isn’t about forgiveness,’ he began. ‘There is nothing to forgive. I know you did the only thing you could when you amputated. If you hadn’t then by the time I was flown anywhere else they would have had to amputate above the knee. That’s if I had even survived the flight anywhere else.’
‘What about your buddies?’
‘Duckie and Noel,’ Zeke breathed slowly. ‘I blamed myself for a long time. You’re right—I hated the fact that I was here and they weren’t. I wondered what was so damned special about me that I hadn’t been killed too.’
‘They were just unlucky, Zeke. Desperately, tragically unlucky. It wasn’t about you, or them, or anyone else in your squad that night.’
‘Logically, I know that. But...you know this well enough, Tia. Logic doesn’t always win out.’
‘But you know it?’ she whispered.
‘A part of me does.’
‘Then last night...?’
‘That should never have happened,’ he ground out.
The truth was that he suspected it was more to do with trust than he had realised. He still sometimes thought of Tia as that young teenage girl, and himself that invincible teenage boy. Whilst he might have long since come to terms with his prosthetic or bionic ancillaries—even learned to embrace them and the new life they had opened up to him—the idea of Tia seeing him as anything less than whole still rankled.
Seeing his bionic leg when he was in his everyday environment was one thing, but seeing it in a more intimate setting—when they were about to make love—was something altogether different. Tia was the only person in the world in front of whom he would feel exposed and less, if she saw him as he was today.
Yet he suddenly found he couldn’t admit to any of it. Because he already knew what her response would be. He knew she would tell him not to be so ridiculous. He could picture her indignation and her frustration; her ponytail would swing wildly from side to side as she emphasised her words. The image made him smile to himself, even as something clenched hard in his chest, like a fist closing around his heart.
She would tell him that, of anyone, she was the person he could trust the most and how he would want to believe her. But he wouldn’t.
He couldn’t.
Because however much he had achieved with Z-Black, and with Look to the Horizon, he was still the guy who had let her down. And let their son down.
Zeke squared his shoulders, his voice taking on the authoritative tone that had always come to naturally to him, but which felt strained right at this very moment.
‘I’m glad you came here, and we had a chance to...iron things out. Before you return to Delburn Bay, we’ll agree on our arrangements for the future.’
‘Our arrangements?’ Tia echoed warily.
‘Financial and, more importantly, access to my son.’
‘Let me get this straight...’
Staying detached was harder, much harder, than he could have imagined. He was almost grateful as two cyclists suddenly flew around the corner, causing Tia to stop abruptly and Zeke to rush ahead and scoop up Seth.
A split second later Zeke caught sight of the expression on one cyclist’s face.
‘Get off the path—’ he flung Seth to the side, before racing forward as if he could stop the cyclist from mowing down his wife and son ‘—and get Seth to safety.’
* * *
Tia watched in horror as one of the cyclists slumped forward in his saddle and tipped sideways, the bike veering mercifully away from her little boy but then plunging into the canal as the man fell.
A moment ago she’d been almost grateful to them and their breakneck speed, for appearing so abruptly and giving her a momen
t to collect her scattered thoughts. Last night she’d been angry, and humiliated. She hadn’t thought there had been a single thing Zeke would be able to say to her that would have made her feel any better.
But it was what he hadn’t said this morning that had somehow soothed her soul. He was ashamed of himself, and angry at his own actions. And he was holding back from her, as though it was him who needed protecting rather than her.
A vulnerability that he had rarely—if ever—shown throughout their marriage. But rather than making her feel safe with a strong man, as she suspected had always been Zeke’s intention, it had made her feel shut out, and held at arm’s length. He had never let her close enough to see his softer side.
And surely a man so utterly and completely alpha male as Zeke couldn’t be dauntless all of the time? Was this a chance to finally get to see the true Ezekial Jackson as he had never allowed her to before? The whole man?
Her thoughts had been spinning and whirling so fast all morning. But when he had apologised, stopped talking, she’d seen those shutters slamming down on her all over again, and she’d been powerless to stop it.
She’d grappled for something to say. Anything. But nothing had come.
Now she had a moment’s reprieve. She didn’t have to think, she simply had to react. Falling back on what she knew best.
Running up the canal path, shouting and signalling to the cyclist who was in front that something had happened to his buddy. And then Zeke sped past her, shouting at her that Seth was safe behind them and shedding his leg moments before he jumped straight into the canal, cutting quickly through the water to where the cyclist was already sinking below the surface.
Spinning around, Tia watched as her son ran up to her, fascinated and not in the least bit afraid.
‘Go on, Mummy, you’re a doctor. You and Zeke have to save that man’s life.’
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