by Linda Coles
Ten minutes later, the ambulance was backing into the emergency loading bay. Jack’s stretcher was wheeled inside by a waiting team, his vitals were recorded once more and Amanda was ushered to reception to do the paperwork. The intake nurse promised she could go through once he was examined properly, but she needed to wait to be called in the meantime. Swallowing back her worry, Amanda gave Jack’s details to the nurse and then sat down to wait it out.
Nearly an hour later, she was able to see him. Behind the curtain screen he was lying peacefully, fast asleep, minus his puke-soaked shirt. He now wore a hospital gown. A nurse filled in his chart at the foot of his bed.
“Hi, I’m Amanda,” she said to the nurse. “I was with Jack when he collapsed. How’s he doing?”
The young nurse smiled at her. “Are you next of kin, by chance?”
“Not officially. Jack is a widower and doesn’t have children. I’ve known Jack for some time; I’m a colleague at work. But we’re close. There is no one else.” The nurse nodded. “It looks like Mr. Rutherford has appendicitis. It’s a possibility we may have to operate later if it doesn’t settle down.”
Amanda frowned. “What can I do or get for him?”
“Nothing in particular, but patients sometimes feel better in their own sleepwear, and with their own toiletries. Are you able to access them?”
“Yes, I have his keys. I’ll go straight from here, but I wanted to see him first. I see he’s sleeping. Is that normal?”
“It’s the pain relief, and he’s had a shock to the system so he’s tired anyway. He won’t be asleep too long, but he’s better resting for now. You’re welcome to come back later if you want to get off.” The nurse motioned at Amanda’s own clothes and she realized she was still a mess and probably stank. “If he does go up to surgery, he’ll be gone a while.”
“In that case, I’ll pop off and come back. Will you tell him I was here? I’d hate for him to think no one cares, but I could do with some clean clothes myself.”
“Of course. He won’t be going anywhere for a little while.” The nurse smiled reassuringly, and Amanda felt a little of her worry lift. She took Jack’s hand again and said a few words to him, just in case he could hear her in his sleepy state.
“I’ll be back shortly, Jack. I’m going to get cleaned up and get you some things, okay? I won’t be long. I promise.” Then she bent over and lightly planted a kiss on his forehead. While he was still warm, he wasn’t clammy anymore and she hoped that was a good sign.
Chapter Sixty
It was just after 7 pm when she finally got home and changed, but even though her stomach was moaning its displeasure at being empty, she didn’t feel like eating. She dashed upstairs for a quick shower to get rid of the puke smell, then quickly slipped into fresh jeans and a clean T-shirt and was back out the door in jiffy, destination Jack’s place. She hit a speed dial number on her phone and Ruth’s voice filled the car. The wonders of Bluetooth again.
“How’s he doing, hun? And, just as importantly, how are you doing?”
“He’s sleeping at the moment. They suspect appendicitis and he may have surgery. I’m on my way over to his place – just grabbed a shower and changed.”
“You sound exhausted. Have you eaten?”
“Not yet. Being covered in vomit isn’t conducive to eating so I’ll grab something later. It won’t do me any harm to miss a meal. I’ve got a wedding dress to squeeze into, remember. I’m headed over to get some toiletries and something for him to sleep in. I’m hoping he has some PJs or else I’m in trouble. Then I’ll go and drop them off and see if I can see him awake. I’ll get an update, and then I’ll be over later. It might be late, though. Will you be up?”
“Of course. Want me to come to the hospital with you?”
“No point until they move him to a ward. You’ll only be hanging around. I’ll say ‘hi’ from you. Come tomorrow, maybe?”
“Definitely. Give him my love and I’ll see you when you get here. Text me when you leave the hospital and I’ll have a mug of hot chocolate waiting.”
They said their goodbyes as Amanda pulled up at Jack’s place. As with much of the Croydon area, any parking to be had was out the front on the road unless you were lucky enough to have a driveway down the side of your house. Jack’s older semi-detached house was one of the lucky ones, and Amanda was grateful not to have to prowl for a space a mile further down.
She let herself in the front door and stood in the hallway to get her bearings. It had been some time since she’d been to his house. There was a fusty smell, a mixture of old stale food and old stale sleep. Wrinkling her nose, she walked straight through to the kitchen and opened the back door to let some fresh air blow through. When Jack had last opened a window Amanda had no idea, but it sure hadn’t been recently. She looked under the sink for a plastic bag, something to put a few belongings in. As she pushed old containers of cleaning fluid to the side to look, a mouse ran across the back of the cupboard. An involuntary shriek filled the kitchen.
“Shit. You scared the hell out of me,” she said accusingly to the mouse as its tail disappeared through a hole in the failing cupboard wall. Grabbing an old grocery store bag, she left the kitchen and headed upstairs to the bathroom to get his toiletries. The tiny bathroom was standing room only. The walls had once been painted turquoise, and the fixtures had once been white. Now there were rust-coloured stains in the bath and basin where dripping taps had done their damage over time. A brownish tidemark circled the bath. Amanda didn’t want to judge, but she was shocked that the man she’d known for so long lived in a place such as this. Sure, he needed his hair trimmed and he sometimes looked a little unkempt, but his home needed some urgent domestic attention.
His shaving gear was on the windowsill and she scooped up what she thought he’d need into the bag, along with some old-looking aftershave, deodorant, toothbrush and paste and his dental floss. With his toiletries collected, she stepped back out of the tiny grubby room and into the hallway.
As she stood at the top of the stairs, she noticed there was a room to her left that she assumed was his bedroom. Old semi-detached houses like this one all had the same footprint inside, or a mirror image of this one if the house was adjacent. From her spot on the landing, she could see by the dull light in the room that the curtains were still closed. Jack hadn’t opened them when he’d left for work that morning. She pushed the door open fully and went inside, then stopped dead and gave an involuntary gasp of dismay. Hanging on one of the two wardrobes that had been squeezed into the room was a candlewick ladies’ dressing gown and a floral cotton nightdress. On the floor, placed directly underneath, were a pair of ladies’ slippers.
They looked like they’d been there for years, and Amanda knew with a dull ache of certainty that, in fact, they had been. She stood transfixed in the doorway in the dying light and scanned the room: pink floral wallpaper densely covered in what looked like huge lilies decorated all four walls and was peeling slightly at the top edges. Pictures of Jack and Janine at the beach, at parties, at gatherings, at lawn bowls tournaments, each frame filled with smiling faces, adorned the chest of drawers. As did a thick layer of dust. The bed was unmade and, judging, by the yellowing once-white sheets, it hadn’t been changed for a while. A dark pink eiderdown hung off the edge of the bed; a pair of gents’ PJs dangled from a hook behind the door. At least he’d hung them up after he’d taken them off. Figuring they wouldn’t be the freshest if the rest of his home was anything to go by, she left them where they hung and pulled out the top drawer to find a clean pair. There were three neatly folded pairs, thankfully, and she selected one. Amanda glanced at the bedside cabinet and saw a couple of books and a spare pair of reading glasses. Not knowing which of the two books he was currently reading, she picked them both up, grabbed the glasses and laid the items with his fresh sleepwear on top of the unmade bed.
In search of a more substantial bag to put all his belongings in, Amanda opened the dated wooden door of a wardrobe
that looked like something from before the war. On the top shelf was an old leather bag, and she lifted it down. Quite surprisingly, it was heavy and she dropped it onto the bed before deciding whether to look inside and remove its contents. While she didn’t want to pry, she really needed a bag. The thick leather buckle-type fastener on the top unclipped easily and the bag opened slightly, allowing her to put her hand in to open it more. She felt around inside, still uncertain what she might find. She felt wool-like fabric, maybe a sweater, and some other cloth that was much smoother and lighter. And there was something else, something in a hard, leathery box, and when she tried to pick it up with one hand, she found it was too heavy to do so.
“Sorry, Jack, I hope this isn’t private stuff but I could do with the bag,” she said aloud to the empty room. She began emptying the bag onto the bed, setting each item in turn on the bedspread, and finally pulled out the heavy box.
She smiled then, realizing, and patted the lid.
It was Jack’s lawn bowls gear.
Chapter Sixty-One
“I’m not kidding you, Ruth, the place was like time had stood still – about ten years ago. Even Janine’s clothes were hanging on the front of her wardrobe, like a shrine. Slippers too. And it needed a bloody good clean. Jack looks like he could use a little help.”
“What are you thinking? Going in and sprucing the place up? He might not appreciate it, you know, proud man and all.”
Ruth had a point, Amanda knew. “Well, when I turned up with his things and he saw the leather bag, he looked a little embarrassed.” Amanda was thoughtful for a moment then added, “And sad too. And I think I might know why.”
“Why? Did he say something?”
“No, he wouldn’t but I felt I’d intruded in something sacred. No, change that: I have intruded in something sacred. After he thanked me, I put the bag on the floor as instructed and he kept staring at it from time to time, like someone was going to jump out of it. On the set of drawers with all the other pictures were a couple of him with a small group, a team maybe, all dressed in white. Several women and a couple of men. I reckon he and his wife played in lawn bowls tournaments. There was a box of lawn bowls in that bag, and all his bowling clothes, as well as some smooth-soled white shoes. I nearly keeled over when the smell hit me, though. I bet they’ve been in that bag the whole ten years.”
“That’s sad, don’t you think? Something they both did, and then she died and he probably hasn’t played since.”
“I know.” Amanda fell very quiet in thought. “I put his reaction down to being unwell, but I’m sure there is more to it than that. He misses her terribly, I know that. He probably lies awake in bed at night staring at her nightclothes wishing she was next to him.” Amanda felt her eyes well up with tears and blinked them away before they spilled over. “So tidying his place might be a bit intrusive.”
“Then let’s do the next best thing.”
“And what’s that do you think?”
“Let’s organize for a cleaner to go in once a week. That way, if he doesn’t want it, he can cancel and nothing would get disturbed without his say-so. We can get someone in while he’s in hospital to do the main things like his bathroom and kitchen and a quick dust of his bedroom. In fact, do you think it would be better if we both did it?”
Amanda knew Ruth was trying to be helpful, but she shook her head. “I think that would be worse. Well, having me involved would be, at any rate. He’d hate for his direct boss to have cleaned his loo – as would you or I. No, he’d be annoyed with that idea. Sorry. Nice thought, though.”
The two of them sat quietly, their minds busy while they rattled the ideas around, trying to come up with a solution. Finally, Amanda spoke again.
“One thing is for sure: he can’t go back to the house as it is, so I say we get someone in to do the main stuff. Call it a get-well present from us. There. That’s it, done.” Amanda stood with authority as the last words left her mouth and Ruth could only smile and nod her approval. As Jack’s work colleague, Amanda knew best. “I’ll make the call first thing.”
“How long are they keeping him in?”
“Surgery went well. If he carries on with his meds without a hitch, he’ll be there for three days so there’s not much time to get his house sorted. But right now, I’m off to bed. I’m knackered. You coming?”
Ruth mock-saluted in reply, then gathered their mugs. Without turning the kitchen light on, she placed the mugs on the drainer and, looking up at the window and the dark night sky beyond, she caught her half-reflection looking back at her. After all the talk about Jack and his home being a shrine to his wife, her thoughts drifted sadly to her own father, who had been widowed just over a year ago. He too now rattled around the family home on his own and, while she saw him regularly, at times like this Ruth realized it wasn’t enough. Tomorrow, she’d call him and arrange to meet for lunch and give him a hug. She’d not given him nearly enough over the handful of years she’d known him; she’d shown up late in his life, the surprise daughter he had never known he had, and she felt like she was making up for lost time.
Amanda’s voice broke into her thoughts, calling her to come to bed.
“Coming,” Ruth called back.
Ruth was annoyingly wide awake. She lay in bed thinking about her own family situation and how hers had changed since she’d been a teenager. Her new dad, Gordon, her biological father, had been shocked at her existence but gentle soul that he was, he had warmed to her quickly and they now got on well. Her stepmother, Madeline, on the other hand, hadn’t been quite so easy.
Of course, that hadn’t all been Madeline’s fault, she thought guiltily, not for the first time. When she was younger, Ruth had taken every opportunity to snipe at her, demean her in some way, through subtle digs here and there. Gordon had encouraged her to give Madeline a chance, but Ruth had behaved that way for so long that she’d found it hard to stop.
Until one day, quite by accident, she had discovered Madeline’s secret, and had found herself admiring the woman. At last she’d warmed to her, and Madeline had welcomed the blossoming of the affectionate feelings between them, but their new relationship was to be short-lived. Ruth would give her back teeth to have her time over with Madeline again, and if given the chance she knew she’d behave very differently the second time around. But that was never going to be.
She sighed and turned over in bed. Her father was now on his own, and all the talk of Jack being on his own and not coping with his domestic responsibilities too well made her feel maudlin. Amanda lay next to her, little snoring noises coming from her mouth as she navigated through a dream, and Ruth turned to watch her sleep in the slight light of the room. An orange glow from the street lamps outside shone through the crack in the curtain, and it cast an eerie glow that was just enough to get either of them to the bathroom during the night if need be. She hoped both her dad and Jack were peacefully asleep and not lying awake, like her, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about how fragile life was.
One minute the person you love the most in the world is by your side, she thought gloomily, then the next minute, they’re gone – forever. Soon Amanda would be her wife. What would the future hold for them both? Would they start a family like Amanda wanted, even though she was in her early forties? If Amanda never came home from work one night, was killed on a job – a very real possibility – how would Ruth cope without her close by and fully in her life?
Ruth had no idea. Sighing heavily, she realized she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. Rather than sink deeper into ‘woe is me’ thoughts, she lifted the bedclothes and went back down to the kitchen and her laptop. Griffin had asked her for a favour and she still hadn’t done anything about it. Now seemed the perfect time to do something.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Downstairs in the kitchen, Ruth put milk in the microwave to heat up for another mug of hot chocolate. It was about the only thing she used the machine for, even though she bitched about the unhealthy microwaves
it emitted into food every time she pressed start. Still, it was quicker than heating milk in a pan. The turntable slowly moved the mug around in a circle, and Ruth followed it with her eyes, transfixed, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was almost hypnotizing. The microwave pinged and stopped turning. In the quiet of the kitchen, it sounded like a frantic bicycle bell behind something slow and Ruth mentally ‘shushed’ it. The last thing Amanda needed was to be woken up after a tough day.
Taking her mug and laptop into the lounge, she curled up on the sofa and sipped at the hot chocolatey liquid in thought. But this time her thoughts were on Griffin’s friend’s problem rather than the two men in her life. She mused to herself, “So Griffin has a friend, a woman friend in his life. About time, too, young man.”
There was no malice in her thoughts but she knew that few people warmed to Griffin, with his eccentric and somewhat OCD ways. To many people, he was just weird, pure and simple. How many folks were as precise as Griffin at everything? How many folks broke routine down into fifteen-minute slots and found new adventures almost impossible to deal with? That was the norm for Griffin. But he’d found someone, it seemed, and Ruth was pleased for him.
She opened the laptop and the screen sprang to life, the bright blue-white light illuminating her face in the near darkness. Opening the TOR browser, she started digging, putting what she thought would bring back results into the crude search box. There were a lot of misconceptions about the dark web, and many newer users confused it with the deep web. In fact, they were two different things entirely. She pulled up the video file and photo Griffin had sent to her, as well as a new window with the software she needed open ready.
