Leaning further forward, he propped his chin on the top of her head. “And then you married me.”
Going from no commitment ever to the deepest commitment for life sounded like a leap. Whisper understood why it wouldn’t make sense to him.
“It wasn’t like that,” she said, pressing a hand to his chest to urge him back again. “I didn’t know you even knew who I was. I wasn’t marrying you; I was marrying an anonymous McDade…” Conceding a half-nod, half-shrug, she admitted. “Okay, I know that sentence doesn’t exactly make sense. But, I mean, all I knew was your reputation, some whispers of stories I’d heard. I know most of that shit is exaggerated, so I didn’t have any idea who you were.”
“I’ve been watching you for a while.”
“Yeah, three years apparently,” she said. “Why the hell didn’t you just come up to me in a club or something?”
“You’ve got some sense of humor,” he said. “Keegan wouldn’t have gone for that.”
“You weren’t afraid of my brother,” she said.
Though Whisper had to admit Zaid wouldn’t have been dealing with just one Doherty. If he’d thought to take what he wanted from her, all the Dohertys could’ve gone for him. If she’d known who he was, Whisper would never have given it willingly. He could’ve lied about his identity, but that would’ve only held up if, A) no one else in the club knew he was a McDade, and B) he wanted nothing more than a one night stand.
“I already told you that fucking you wouldn’t have been enough,” he said. “That first time I saw you, I wanted your fire. I had never seen a woman face danger like that head on, not while there was a guy she trusted at her side.”
“My brothers and I were always fighting,” she said, pushing his hand away from her face because it was starting to feel too warm and familiar. “I never knew on any given day if they were going to be fighting at my side or against me, so I had to learn to defend myself… Doesn’t always work…” She smiled. “Sometimes I get in over my head with a guy who’s stronger than me, but I always pick myself up.”
If Zaid hadn’t swooped into the alley to blow out the guy’s kneecaps, and he’d taken what he wanted, she’d still have brushed herself off and carried on. It was what she always did.
“You’ve never been able to trust anyone completely,” he said. “I saw how you were with your brothers. I’ve seen you with your father… I’ve seen you with guys.” The reality of being watched for three years was beginning to sink in. “But I’ve seen you with your girls too, how you relax with them, how protective you are…”
“They don’t understand,” she said, a frown leaping to her expression of its own volition. “They don’t know what this life is like.”
“I understand,” he said and tried to touch her face again.
Whisper ducked out of the way and shoved at him, leaping off the wall to get away from the cocoon of his arms.
He didn’t understand. He thought he did. He thought he had it figured out. Zaid had watched her from afar assuming that he’d never be able to have her. When the opportunity to own her had presented itself, he’d taken it.
Whisper didn’t know what he’d expected would happen. If he thought they were going to build trust and fall in love then he was more naïve than she could ever have imagined. One day, whether it was in a week or a decade, the truth of what Burl and Nicole had done, or were doing, was going to come out.
Her knowledge of it would come out too. Putting her likely death aside, whatever she’d let herself feel or build with Zaid until that point would be blown apart. Either she’d be the one to tell him and he’d blame her for sharing the news that would destroy his family, or he would feel betrayed. Why shouldn’t he when she’d lied to him since basically the beginning of their marriage?
Something touched her shoulder. Whisper reacted by spinning around and smacking it away. “Look, I know you think this is… something, that I’m… something. But I’m not…” She held up her hands in surrender. “I’m not, Zaid. I’m sorry. You think we’re cut from the same cloth because our families are in the same trade and we lost our mothers because our fathers are assholes. But the truth is…” Making herself smile, she began to retreat. “I’m not that deep. I like cock. I like booze. I like partying… I don’t like romance and all that soppy shit. I don’t want hugs and spooning on a Sunday and all that crap… You want to fuck? You know where to find me. Otherwise, let’s just keep our distance.”
Turning around to walk away from him, Whisper swallowed hard to contain the emotion threatening to bubble up. Damn, it was insane. It didn’t matter that he was her husband and it was supposed to mean something when they fought or connected, she didn’t want it to mean something.
The marriage was supposed to be a formality, Whisper hadn’t expected to feel. Zaid was making her feel and she didn’t like it.
She’d heard the songs and seen the movies where love was this happy, cheery thing. Those in it were supposed to be filled with optimism and strength. Nausea was the only thing filling Whisper. She felt alone and vulnerable, things she despised. Probably things that her mother had felt any time she had to face the kind of man her husband was.
Except, despite his reputation and capabilities, Zaid wasn’t the one causing the problem. He wasn’t the despicable human being treating his partner with disrespect, she was. Whisper was the despicable human being in their marriage. It didn’t matter who was cheating on the other when there was no honesty.
Her secret had the potential to ruin his family. There would be no coming back from that. Whisper was the last in, so she’d be the first out. That was the way it went. Beyond the certainty that her father would end her life for messing up his alliance with the McDades, Whisper was more unsettled by the idea of losing Zaid.
Bosco had become a friend. Sometimes she thought even Doran was warming to her. Parker was always out or away, she’d barely seen him with Nicole, so she didn’t have much of a relationship with him. For the first time, she wondered if that was part of Burl’s plan. If his son was away, he couldn’t impregnate his wife, and the patriarch would have a clear shot at the lonely Nicole.
That didn’t matter, it wasn’t her business. Whisper had made none of the decisions, but was bearing the burden of them. Her marriage was doomed, just like she’d said to Bosco. The fuse was lit, she just had no idea how long it would burn before the bomb went off.
The bomb wasn’t going to wait a decade. After avoiding each other for over two weeks, she and Zaid had managed to find a rhythm that involved not saying much to each other beyond what was absolutely necessary.
Sometimes it was hard and she wanted to play with him or tease and seduce him. But every time they came to the crucial moment when she’d have to follow through, Whisper backed down. Playing with him meant bonding with him, meant risking more of her heart that was already tugging her toward him.
He was a hard man, but not a hard man to care about. Whisper wasn’t sure she’d ever even cared for her brothers and cousins the way she found herself caring for her husband.
At dinners in Kitty’s or at home in the courtyard when the family were grilling, she liked his easy touches. None of them were sexual as they had once been, yet they could set her alight.
He’d drink from her glass or eat from her plate. He’d rest a hand on her leg when she had them stretched out somewhere or he’d lay a hand on hers without even looking at her. Every time his skin made contact with hers, she’d begin to tingle.
It was an odd way to live. To be attracted to your husband but not allow yourself to feel for him. Still, that was her life and she had to make the best of it.
The Thursday had started like any other, with her sneaking into the shower early and leaving for work before Zaid was awake. She’d come back to the McDade house early after starting her day early and spent some time reading in her bedroom.
Feeling peckish, Whisper decided to descend the stairs, as she’d done many times, to poke around and see what could be s
cavenged for dinner. Her mind was preoccupied by the book she wanted to get back to, so it took a few extra seconds to hear the two male voices by the front door. After she did, Whisper slowed to a stop on the stairs.
“I’ll talk to Doran about it when we get back,” Burl said.
She could hear him putting on his jacket, which made sense because he and Parker were both supposed to be going away that weekend. Whisper actually thought they were gone already, which was why she hadn’t minded heading for the kitchen with enthusiasm. She got her explanation as to why they were still there after hearing the front door open. The whoosh of crisp, cool air rushed up to her from the outside.
“Damn car still isn’t here,” Parker said. “I hate amateurs.” There was a pause. Whisper decided to wait, she didn’t want to talk to either man, much less both of them together. “Zaid will be a problem, even if you can convince Doran.”
“He won’t be a problem,” Burl said. “They’ll both do what’s best for the family.”
“You’re ignoring how Zaid feels about Whisper. He’s obsessed, he won’t give her up.”
Pulling herself closer to the bannister, Whisper made herself as small as she could.
“I make the decisions for this family,” Burl said. “I don’t like this alliance with the Dohertys. It’s not working out.”
“And you think the Byrnes will be better? I’m damn pleased I was already married when you started this shit. Was it Rick Byrne’s choice or yours to match Doran to Madison?”
Madison Byrne was Rick Byrne’s daughter. The only daughter, much like Whisper in her family. Though she and Madison were nothing alike. They’d come across each other several times over the years and were around the same age. But their conditioned hatred was too deep to allow either woman to really see the other.
“Doran loves a pretty face and there’s none prettier than Madison.”
That was true, even Whisper agreed with that. The beauty was five feet ten inches tall too, much better suited to the McDade boys who were all over six feet.
“But marriage? It’s hasty. You did it with Zaid and Whisper and now you’re saying it hasn’t worked out. Why do you think Doran and Madison will be different?”
“Because Madison wants this to work. She wants this alliance to happen. She’s much better suited to this family.”
Her mind was racing at a thousand miles a minute. Parker’s probably was too because for the longest time, he didn’t say a word.
“This isn’t… Whisper didn’t do something, did she? If you know something Zaid should know—”
“I don’t have to justify my decisions to anyone. I make them and you boys carry them out. That’s it. End of story.”
He could accuse Whisper of doing something terrible, but there would be no logic in it. He wanted her out of the family as quickly and quietly as possible. Burl wouldn’t care what her own family did to her afterwards.
But if he made an enemy of her by dragging her through the mud while at the same time ruining her marriage, he’d give her even less to lose. After that, Whisper could do as she’d promised and tell the truth to anyone who’d listen… and even those who didn’t want to, like Zaid.
“I’m sorry. You’re right,” Parker said.
If she thought about the context of Parker’s deference, his attitude would baffle her. Sure, Burl was the head of the family, but he was also more than two decades older than the fitter man who’d just been kowtowed. They lived an obscure life at this end of the social spectrum.
“I want rid of that woman no matter the cost. I want the Dohertys out of our lives. Doran will marry Madison Byrne and we will stand with them to eradicate any trace of every Doherty from this city.”
“Zaid will fall in line,” Parker said. “You make the law around here.”
“There’s the car. Take care of him as soon as we get to the airport.”
Noise of movement carried to her. After the front door closed, Whisper turned around to dart back upstairs as fast as she could. The pair of men would be gone for the weekend. They wouldn’t be back until at least Monday, which gave her a chance at a head start.
Hurrying into the bedroom, she didn’t loiter and went straight into the closet to begin packing. Keeping the clothes to a minimum, Whisper selected a few outfits that would cover as many eventualities as possible and packed every piece of jewelry she owned.
Pulling her cellphone and all the cards from her wallet, she left them on Zaid’s vanity diagonally opposite hers. For a second, she considered opening the drawers beneath the mirror to see if he had anything she could hock. The idea of stealing from him turned her stomach and it would make her traceable too.
There was a slim chance her own jewelry could be traced as well… her father probably had pictures for the insurance. So she decided to go to the pawn shop before leaving the city. That way, she wouldn’t leave a trail across the country for anyone to follow.
“What are you doing?”
Whisper hadn’t heard Zaid coming in, but she’d gotten sort of used to his creeping. “I thought you went out before your father left.”
“I was in the gym,” he said. She guessed that was the reason for his damp hair, fresh tee-shirt and shorts. “I said goodbye and then went to workout. And I asked you a question, what are you doing?”
“I, my friend, am outta here,” she said, having been caught there was no point in lying. Holding up her hand, she examined her wedding ring. “I don’t know why, but I feel weird about hocking this so…”
Pulling off her wedding band, she put it on his vanity with the other things then grabbed her bag from the central bench to head for the door.
Zaid blocked her way. “You think I’m gonna let you walk out of here?”
“I think you can try to stop me, but you know how persistent I am. If you tie me down, you’ll only be doing their work for them and…” She paused before her admission. “It sounds stupid, but I want to remember you like this, with concern in your voice. I don’t want to have to sit still while you cut me down.”
The next time Whisper tried to pass him, he grabbed her bag from her hand and hurled it to the other end of the closet.
“Would you stop with the bullshit and trust me?” he demanded. “What’s going on?”
Laying a hand on his chest, she knew staying calm made more sense than losing it. Her bag was lost, her financial escape plan with it. If she went back to get it, he’d only take it from her again. Whatever happened, her concentration had to remain on getting out of the house. After that, she’d find a way to make it. Anything was better than sitting there waiting for her demise.
“This one I can’t tell you,” she said.
“You can tell me anything,” he said, reaching for her face.
On reflex, she ducked back, away from his hand. “No, I can’t.”
“You’re in trouble.”
That almost made her laugh, but she did her best to contain herself. “Yeah.”
“You think someone is coming for you.”
“I know they are,” she said, pressing her hand a little deeper into him, regretting all the time she didn’t have left to be near to him.
“Then trust your family to protect you. That’s why we’re here. That’s why we’re a unit.”
Letting her head shake, Whisper peeked up at him. “I know that you believe that. But I don’t belong here anymore than I ever belonged under my father’s roof. I’m female. I’m disposable. I’ve got to look out for me because no one else will.”
“I will.”
It seemed like he was actually offended by the idea he wouldn’t, which made her smile and slide her hand a little higher.
“After I walk out that door, I’m never gonna see you again,” Whisper said. “So I’m going to do something that I’ve never done before. I’ll deny it ever happened if you tell another breathing soul.” She raised a pointed finger toward his face. “I swear I’ll come back and haunt you if you ever repeat what’s about to happen. I
’ll find a way to turn your balls green or keep your dick soft for eternity. I swear it. This goes no further.”
Shaking her straight finger at him once, she made her point and then her hand fell to her side. It took a couple of tries for her hands to find his torso and slide around to his back. Edging closer, she began to regret her decision the moment her body sank against his.
Whisper had never held a man or been held by one. There weren’t hugs in her house growing up, she hadn’t even had a creepy uncle who’d think about trying his luck using one for cover. Given that she was short, men often picked her up on the way to bed. Situations like that were the only time she’d had her arms around a man. But this, it was something different.
Her eyes closed. Breathing slow, Whisper strengthened her arms, pulling herself closer, deeper into him, inhaling his scent and absorbing his heat. There was comfort there in that embrace; something she hadn’t considered just touching another person could give. Her husband was broad and solid and felt indestructible, at least against her meager form.
But the moment his arms began to close around her shoulders, Whisper leaped back. She was mortified to feel a tingling behind her nose like maybe her emotions were thinking about manifesting themselves.
That was it. Over. Time to go. She eased past him, but only got a couple of steps before he grabbed her wrist to haul her back.
Whisper was about to argue when he curved an arm around her and yanked her off her feet to dump her down on the vanity. Her mouth opened, but there was no time to focus. He lunged in close and then his mouth was on hers.
His mouth.
Zaid was kissing her.
They’d been married for almost two months. Whisper had lost count of the number of times she’d given him head and they’d even had sex once. But kissing? She’d never kissed him. As she lost herself to the deep suction of their consuming kiss, she wished she never had.
Every emotion she’d damped down came rushing to the fore. Every feeling she hadn’t let herself have about this man bubbled up. Her hands drifted from their places hanging in midair up and around his neck, pulling him closer, begging for more.
Only Yours (A McDade Brothers Novel Book 2) Page 14
