by R A Lewis
Leif sat with her for hours discussing the ways in which she could keep her people safe, how she could win back those who were defecting daily to Jormungand’s village. Every morning when Eira brought her breakfast, she reported that another few people had left during the night. The Valdir numbers within the mountain were dwindling, and Kalina felt helpless to stop it. The responsibilities were piling up and she was overwhelmed. Sometimes she wanted to run away herself, but her duty kept her in place.
“What about setting up a warning system? Along the Grey Mountains,” Leif said.
Kalina looked over at him. He sat beside her in the small library chamber one evening.
“What kind of warning system? What can travel faster than a dragon can fly?” she said, turning the pages of the book on Askor before her.
They had been discussing the king’s ties to Askor, and what help they could provide the king via the sea.
“Fire. Light travels faster.”
Kalina sat up straighter at this, listening.
“It takes two days for a dragon to cross from one end of the mountains to the other. If we put two people atop the mountains within eyesight of the next and have them rotate watches, we could signal down the mountains within a few hours. They could dispatch a rider from the last post directly north of us. They could be here in half a day.”
Kalina mulled the idea over. They had the resources to do it, and it wasn’t a bad plan. It would give them a heads up if the king called for aid. Askor was known for its military might, but they were an icebound land hemmed in by the sea on three sides, and the Great Grey Mountains on the fourth. The only way they could provide significant help was by sea or by crossing the mountains themselves; either way the Valdir would know about it.
“It’s not a bad idea. Regardless of whether we attack the capitol, it’s a good idea.”
Leif stood and stretched. He then broached a subject he’d clearly been mulling over for a while.
“I am allowed to appoint a second in command. I’d like to appoint Rangvald.”
She nodded in agreement.
“He’s a good choice.”
Leif began to leave the chamber but turned to face her.
“I’ll go tell him.” He waved as he left the room.
Kalina finished reading the chapter she was on before standing and stretching herself. She wanted to see Maska.
Maska was laying atop the rock she’d been shot on, Nash and his dragon Sitala with him. She hesitated before approaching, the very sight of the rock making her feel anxious. But she wanted to see her dragon so she pushed forward, through the crowd of heated, scaled bodies until she was below the rock.
“Maska?” she called up and soon an overly large green head stuck out over the edge of the rock, followed by Nash’s beaming face.
“I was hoping I’d see you here.”
She shrugged in response, a small smile on her lips.
“Well, here I am.”
Sitala snaked her head around the rock and offered Kalina a lift up which she took gratefully. Once atop the rock she ran forward a few steps, throwing her arms around Maska’s neck. He had grown so much in the last month, he was almost the same size as Savath, the wyvern Kalina had first flown on. It wouldn’t be long before they were learning to fly together.
“I’ve missed you,” Maska rumbled, his voice seeming to settle into her bones, making her feel like she’d finally come home.
“Me too.” She stayed there for a few moments, Nash letting her and Maska have their time. Finally, she drew away and sat down beside her dragon who sprawled across the rock, his bulk almost taking up every available inch of space, forcing her and Nash to sit side by side, their knees touching.
“Thank you,” she said awkwardly, unsure of how to thank the man sitting beside her.
“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do for my Queen.” He nudged her slightly. She rolled her eyes.
“You’re the only one. It seems everyone else either wants me dead, or doesn’t trust me.” She thought of Jormungand and her people leaving the mountain.
“You still have the majority of the Valdir behind you,” he said encouragingly.
“I guess.” She paused before continuing. “I don’t know really how I’m supposed to feel. I want to be a good queen, serve our people, but I’m an outsider too,” she said, turning to look at Nash. “I don’t quite fit in. I didn’t grow up here and they don’t trust me or know me. I went from a nobody orphan to a queen in a matter of months and, honestly, I’m still reeling from it. And now, I’m expected to fight a war, unite a country, keep my people safe, and be a good queen. It’s too much to expect of me, too fast!” Her voice rose as she spoke, frustration and fear making her emotions high. “All I want is to see my father again. I was happy when I found my family, where I belonged, but I was thrust into a role I’m ill fit for and now all I can think about is wanting space, freedom.”
Nash nodded in empathy as a tear slid down her scarred cheek. He reached out and wiped it away, his calloused hand brushing her skin. She pulled back slightly, looking at him with wide eyes.
She didn’t let strangers touch her that way, not so intimately. It made her feel uneasy but as she watched his kind, handsome face, butterflies began to beat in her stomach. Could someone like her? Even in this state? Scarred and emotionally drained? Leif had been pulling away since his father had died, and yet, here was a man who genuinely seemed to like her.
“Then why don’t you leave?”
His question was so frank it caught her completely off guard.
“What?” she asked incredulously.
“Leave. Wasn’t your father always going on about deciding your own fate? I remember him giving speeches about that a few times over the years. You can make your own future. If this isn’t the one you would have chosen for yourself, pick a new one!”
His advice was sound. Her father had told her to make her own fate, and if she wasn’t happy here, she could leave. But she had a responsibility, a duty to these people as their queen. She had made a vow when Eira had crowned her. She smiled and waved at Nash in dismissal, her heart clenching in loneliness and doubt.
“I doubt that’s quite what he meant.” She stood to leave. “Thank you for the company, and for letting me vent. I feel much better now.”
She wanted to spend time with Maska alone. Maska stretched beside her, ready to follow. Nash stood as well, dusting off his hands.
“Any chance you’d like to go flying with me and Sitala tomorrow?”
He sounded hopeful, and despite her own frustration, Kalina was grateful for his company, and his words. She smiled at him.
“Sure. I’d love that.”
Chapter 8
Kalina spent the evening talking with Maska, telling him what she had found in the books she was reading. He allowed her to relax a bit and for the first time since she’d come to this mountain, forget that she was someone important, forget that she was a queen with responsibilities. He was turning into the perfect partner for her and, not for the first time, she was grateful for their bond. He allowed her to be the book-obsessed little orphan she had always been at heart.
The next day she raced out of her rooms, eager for her flight with Nash, when she almost ran right into Kari outside her door. Kari looked like a malignant thunderstorm: on the one hand she looked like she was going to yell and scream, but on the other hand she looked like she might puke on Kalina’s feet. Kalina motioned for her to come into her rooms.
Kari crossed the room and sat on the sofa, putting her head into her hands. Kalina sat beside her, not entirely sure how to help her cousin. So she just waited, hoping Kari would speak up and tell her how she felt. Finally, after a few minutes had passed, Kari looked up at Kalina.
“He’s gone.” Her voice was hollow.
Kari and Rangvald had lost their own father many years ago, and Kalina knew that Geir had often stepped in to fill that role for them. Her own heart ached at Kari’s pain. She knew
what that felt like. Geir had begun to fill her own father’s shoes in the months since her father had died. She felt an emptiness in her own chest, that sometimes threatened to swallow her whole.
“I know.”
She patted Kari gently on the back, her own heart clenching.
“He was like a father to me-” Kari’s voice trailed off in a sob, tears streaming down her cheeks now. “I wish I knew what he’d want me to do.”
“About what?”
Kari gestured at the world in general.
“About everything.”
In that moment, Kalina realized how much pressure her cousin was under. Being on the council and helping to lead the people was a larger burden than she had realized. She searched for the right words to say.
“I think I understand. But I know he wouldn’t want us rushing off blindly into battle. We have to be more cautious than that.” She said it gently but Kari’s face hardened.
“Don’t you think I know that?” Kari’s words were harsh and sharp and Kalina sat back at the venom in them. “Don’t you think I know what Geir would have wanted? I’ve known him all my life!” Kari stood suddenly and started pacing towards the door. “You’ve barely known him for ten minutes.”
Her words stung Kalina, and she felt her heart sink. Just because she’d known Geir for less than a year, didn’t mean he wasn’t important to her, precious to her. He had been her first trainer, he had taught her how to fight, how to fall, and even how to fly. She had every right to mourn him too.
“I loved him too, Kari.” Her voice was low and she stood from the couch, her back stiff and straight. “I am doing what I think is best. What he and my father would have approved of. Not the rash, impulsive thing.”
The last bit was meant to hurt. Kari’s eyes blazed at her cousin as they stood across the room from one another.
“Fine. Do the safe thing. You’re just going to get us all killed.”
Kari turned and stormed from the room. As soon as the door slammed behind her, Kalina regretted every word. She only had a few people here she was beginning to trust and get close to, and Kari was one of them. If she alienated everyone she knew, then she truly would be alone. She already felt isolated from everyone else, why would she make it worse? Silent, hot tears slipped down her cheeks and her chest felt hollowed out.
She realized suddenly that she was now late to meet Nash for their flight, and despite the urge to curl up in a ball, she knew that she needed the time in the sky. Flying never failed to make her feel better, so she grabbed her crimson leather jacket and made her way down to the dragons’ cave wiping tears from her face. She found Nash waiting with Sitala and Maska. She smiled tightly at him while she climbed into the saddle behind him. Maska spread his wings beside them, eager to fly.
One thing she knew she could count on was that Nash would make her laugh. He cracked jokes the whole time they flew over the vastness of the wastes. He and Sitala enjoyed doing aerial acrobatics which, while dangerous, put a huge smile on Kalina’s face and she began to push aside her own fear and frustration and just enjoy the moment.
“If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?”
Nash’s voice flew back to her on the wind, the only other sounds the loud thumping of the dragons’ wings that was more like a concussion to the air than an audible sound, and the whistling wind. She laid her cheek on his back, thinking. Who would she be if she hadn’t followed this path? Probably just some orphan, still working in the Abbey kitchens, serving the High Father. She grimaced inwardly at the image. She was grateful she had left. Life was infinitely more interesting now, but was queen what she wanted? What if she could walk away from it? Who would she be?
“I’m not sure. Probably a scribe or a scholar. That’s what I was at the castle before coming here. I love reading and writing.”
She smiled. A part of her longed to be in a quiet library again reading a book with Moose the cat curled beside her. Nash looked over his shoulder.
“What about you?” she asked, looking up into his green eyes that turned amber in the fading sunlight.
“I would be a merchant. Make my fortune trading with the countries south of us, where the king of Ethea and Askor don’t hold sway. Where we can govern ourselves.”
Kalina noticed his use of ‘we.’ She looked at him questioningly.
“We?”
She raised an eyebrow at him and for a moment his face was blank as he realized what he’d said. Then he grinned back at her.
“Yea. We. Maybe. You don’t have to do this.” He gestured at the mountain as they approached. “Any of this. We could leave, go south. I could sell anything, and you could procure books. The Valdir don’t really have a library but I think they should. And you should help build it!”
Kalina froze, her heart pounding in her chest. Beside them, Maska looked at her, soaring on his wings, letting the air currents hold him up. Kalina knew he was listening. Part of the ancient magic that bonded dragons and the Valdir was that they never really had to speak, they just sort of always knew what the other was feeling. She would say a few words, he would respond, and then they’d lapse into silence, spending time together on a deeper emotional level than she could with any human.
Nash had a point. They could leave. She didn’t have to do this, be a queen. She could leave and immerse herself in books. He was good company too, and for a moment, she wondered if it was possible, if they could do it. But the moment passed as she thought of her people, and the responsibilities looming over her head. The small smile that had lingered on her face faded.
“It’s a beautiful idea, Nash,” she said. “But I don’t think it’s something I can do.”
His face fell slightly at her words but then brightened.
“That’s fine. I’m just happy I get to spend time with you like this.”
He gestured to their dragons and the general open sky around them. She nodded in agreement.
They flew until the sun was dipping below the horizon, turning the high scudding clouds orange. When they had landed in the dragons’ cave and took the saddle off Sitala, Kalina turned to Nash, ready to ask him to fly with her the next afternoon as well when she came face to face with him. His green eyes watched her intensely as he reached for her waist. Her heart began to pound at his nearness, his touch.
Nash’s face was determined as he stepped in close to her, pulling her towards him. She took a step back, her back coming up against a wall. She pressed her hands against the rough stone of the cavern, feeling the coolness there, and allowing it to take the edge off the panic she felt welling in her at his nearness, at his touch. She liked Nash, in fact, she liked him very much, but it was so rare for people to touch her that it still sent her into a panic. She closed her eyes and breathed.
His breath was warm on her face and he smelled faintly of vanilla. She swallowed and removed her hands from the wall, resting them lightly on his upper arms. He continued to look into her eyes as they stood there, breathing each other’s breath.
“Are you okay- with this, I mean?” He spoke in a near whisper.
She nodded, her stomach doing flip flops as he leaned closer, his lips gently brushing hers. She had been kissed before, by Talon. The most recent time had been just after her father’s death; and the kiss, and Talon, were so tangled up with that grief that Kalina hadn’t really known if she had enjoyed it.
Nash’s lips were soft and light as they brushed over hers once, twice, three times. He trailed kisses along her jawline, her breath speeding up, the panic with it. She gently pushed him away, breathless and anxious.
“Thank you,” she said rather awkwardly as they took a step back from one another. “Would you like to go flying again tomorrow?”
Nash’s face brightened at the invitation.
“Absolutely, my Queen.”
He bowed and winked at her and she found herself smiling.
She began to walk away, towards the tunnel up into the heart of the mountain when a moveme
nt made her look up. Standing in the doorway, his face stony, was Leif. Her heart dropped into her toes at his face as she realized he’d seen everything. But before she could call out to him and hurry to his side to explain, he turned and disappeared up the tunnel. She sighed as she trudged after him. She would have to explain why a queen seemed more interested in kissing a lowly soldier than running her country and it wasn’t a discussion she was looking forward to having.
Chapter 9
Kalina resumed her training sessions, but instead of training with Leif, he assigned her to Arvid, effectively cutting off any conversation they might have had. At first her shoulder hurt intensely, pain shooting up her back and across her chest with every movement, but the more she worked the easier it got. Eira gave her a salve to rub into the still pink scar.
“You have to break up the scar tissue in order for the muscles to work properly again.”
So she did, rubbing the salve in after her nightly bath, and working hard in the training chamber with Arvid to loosen and strengthen the muscles there.
Kalina spent three days trying to decide whether to track Leif down to talk or let him be. They had crossed paths a few times in the dining hall and the training cavern, but he had only nodded at her and turned the other way, determined to avoid any awkward conversations that Kalina was intent on having. Finally she decided she’d had enough and she bugged Rangvald to tell her when Leif was running a patrol.
When he entered the entrance cavern, she was waiting for him. Maska stood beside Arikara, the two of them having a discussion, but they broke off when Leif entered the room. Kalina stood nearby and she gave him a tentative smile as he approached.
