And he was right, she had deceived him. It didn't matter that it wasn't intentional. She'd learned the hard way not to hold back the truth. But it was too late now.
When he changed his cell phone number it nearly crushed her spirit, but she decided to move on and cope the best she could while she was waiting to be deployed. It was all she could do to keep her chin up most days. She even found herself praying once and asking God for strength. Yet she still kept her heart from Him.
Today her commander had noticed her dark mood and called her into his office to find out what was going on. She told him she was no longer acting in Tombstone because she'd had a bad experience with a male actor and she didn't want to face him anymore.
Her commander looked her square in the eyes and said, "I think you're stronger than that. You'll get back up and move on. These things take time to heal. Don't deny what you enjoy doing just to avoid coming in contact with that man. Sometimes the best revenge is moving on and letting them see they can't hurt you anymore."
When she felt strong enough she might follow his suggestion. Right now her pain was still too raw and she'd probably beat him with her firsts or scream like a crazy woman. Better to stay away than make a fool of herself, especially in front of actors she respected, Chet not being one of them. She would make one last go of it before her deployment. She promised herself that much.
*****
Saturday morning arrived and she felt a bit better. She decided to try what her commander suggested. She dressed up and appraised herself in the mirror. If she were a man, she'd be tempted by the way she filled out her costume. Unfortunately, the former desire to flirt made her mouth go dry from the distastefulness it brought to mind. The appeal it used to have simply wasn't there anymore. Nevertheless, she'd give it a go. She had nothing to lose.
She parked near Nellie Cashman's and got out of her car. She stepped onto the boardwalk and tried to decide where to go first, but her nerves made her walk in circles. Before she turned the corner she heard familiar laughter. She turned and peered around the building.
Jimmy and Chet exited the restaurant with two young ladies on their arms. The women were dressed like socialites and they appeared to be in their mid-twenties. So what did that mean that he was hanging out with a good girl now? Had he found someone else or was this symbolic in some way? The notion tore at her resolve, but only until she swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth.
She wasn't going to let it bother her. She would raise her chin high and act like she hadn't noticed them. It would be difficult, but she'd keep her chin up and her pride intact.
Turning before they noticed her, she dashed around the corner and nearly twisted her ankle when her thin boot heel caught between two planks. As she tried to right herself she lost her footing and fell to the ground in a heap, her pantaloons now tangled up in her skirts.
Humiliation from her clumsiness made her seethe. She tried to stand but it was useless. Some material from her dress had caught under her heel and it pulled down as she attempted to rise. Her breasts tumbled out of her top and she gasped and pulled her corset up. Her face burned and she prayed no one had seen her. That mishap finally decided it for her. She was never wearing that miserable outfit again. It had gotten her in too much trouble.
As she glanced up she noted that Jimmy and Chet had paused and were staring directly at her. They had to have seen her bare breasts. Mortified by being exposed in front of them, she tried again to stand. This time she made sure her boots weren't pinning her dress down. With one forearm covering her corset, and the other helping her balance, she finally pushed off the ground.
Seconds later, she yelped and fell back down. It was no use. The screaming pain in her foot wouldn't let her stand for more than a few seconds.
Jimmy and Chet whispered to each other and Jimmy ran across the street.
The coward.
His response made her seethe even more. The two ladies giggled and gave her one last cursory glance as they headed down Allen Street toward the OK Corral.
Chet approached her and smiled wide as he crouched down. "Looks like you sprained your ankle there. Can I take a look-see?"
She slapped at his arm. "Get your hands off me, you pervert."
He jumped back, his eyes wide. "I'm just trying to help you. I'm an EMT."
Tears filled her eyes. The ankle pain was enough to make her wince. But the pain in her heart was more severe. "Why isn't Jimmy helping me?"
"Actually, he is. I had him run to get an ice pack and a bandage for you."
Okay, now she felt bad, but not enough to keep her mouth shut. "Why couldn't you get the ice instead? Wasn't my humiliation enough for you? But no, you just had to get a closer look at my boobs, didn't you?"
"That's not my… ah, forget it."
"Tell me the truth. Did you offer to help me to get a closer look?"
"I might've done that in the past, but right now I'm just trying to help. Jimmy didn't want to upset you more so he went to get the supplies. Now just let me help you, okay?"
Biting her lip, she conceded as he gently touched her ankle.
"This looks really tender. I think it's just a sprain, but I'd get off your feet before your ankle blows up like a balloon."
Jimmy returned and handed him the ice and ace bandages.
"Thanks. Now this isn't going to fix your ankle, but it will stabilize your foot until you have a doctor see it. Do you have medical insurance?"
"Yes, I have Tricare. I'll go to RW Bliss on Monday if it's not better by then." She glanced over at Jimmy, who immediately turned his reddened face away.
"Sounds good. Now do your best to stay off your feet, okay?"
She barely registered what he'd said. Jimmy didn't want to have anything to do with her. His avoidance made that clear. While she hated to accept it, when Chet offered his hand she took it and grabbed hold of his arm in desperation. Let Jimmy get jealous. She didn't want to care anymore. She turned on her saloon girl persona and purred, "Why thank you, handsome cowboy. You saved my day. Can I offer you a little comfort in return?"
Jimmy shot her a concerned glance and she bit back a grin. So he didn't like her flirting, huh? Great, now she'd do it all the more. Why not tick him off? It sure beat being ignored.
Chet coughed, but offered her a playful grin. "Ah, thank you for the offer, dear lady, but I won't take advantage of woman on the mend. You rest up and take care of that ankle. Stop by and see me next weekend and maybe we'll talk about the other."
She gently squeezed his arm and purred louder, "Sounds perfect." She rested her head on his shoulder as she hobbled alongside him.
The sound of Jimmy's boots hitting the boardwalk suddenly stopped. She sensed the distance growing between them and her heart chilled. Why did she have to love a man who couldn't love her back? It was maddening.
When they arrived at her truck she pulled out her keys and slid them in the door lock. Leaning against Chet, she glanced over his shoulder and saw Jimmy watching them. Her mean streak returned and she indulged herself in the vengeful feeling. The moment she was sure Jimmy was looking straight at them she turned Chet's head and kissed him full on the mouth.
"Why, thank you, darlin'. You are too kind. You'll get your lovin' later."
Chet actually blushed, which threw Sammie off. Wasn't he normally Mr. Uncouth? So what had changed about him to tame him like a lion in a circus ring? Was he worried that Jimmy would be upset with him if he flirted back? Somehow she didn't think that was the case.
While pondering the possibilities she barely acknowledged Chet's assistance as he made sure she was comfortably seated and shut her door. She started the vehicle's engine and slowly pulled on to the street. Peering in her rear view mirror, she watched Jimmy yell at Chet and point in his face. Chet shouted right back at him. Good. Let them fight over her.
If she couldn't have Jimmy, she could at least upset him with her absence, right? But for some reason the revenge she'd planned tasted like gravel in her mouth. In
stead of giving her satisfaction, guilt burned in her throat. Oh my, what had she just done?
*****
Jimmy was mad enough to toss a horseshoe at Chet's head. How dare he mess with Sammie? "Why did you kiss her? I thought we were friends."
"I didn't kiss her. She kissed me!"
His face screwed up in anger. "Oh, you wish!"
"Just listen to you, man. You're all ticked at me and that's exactly what she wanted. That conniving woman looked over at you before she kissed me. She did it on purpose, buddy. She didn't want me, she wanted to tick you off."
"Well she did a great job. You know you loved it!"
"I can't deny that it was kinda nice, but there was no feeling in it. I'm telling you she did it just to torque you off. Don't let her win this one."
Jimmy lowered his arms in defeat. Chet was right of course. "I'm sorry, bro. That was wrong of me to accuse you of stealing her from me."
Chet snorted. "Yeah, especially when she's not yours to begin with. Don't let this eat you up. You have been doing great in your walk with God since you two broke up. Are you going to let some conniving woman mess that up for you?"
It didn't take long for his words to sink in. "No, you're right. I'm not going to dwell on this. I am so over her."
With a sigh, Chet muttered, "You are so lying to yourself."
Jimmy decided to ignore that comment and walked down the street to the park. He needed time alone with God to think about what had just happened. Did Sammie still have feelings for him even after the horrible things he said to her? Thought about her? No doubt his words and accusations had hurt. Maybe she was just getting even with him. Or maybe she really did care. He didn't want to ponder it too long for fear of softening toward her again. It was already giving him a headache.
"Sorry I let my temper get the best of me, Lord. Help me to move on and not focus on this woman anymore. I can't deal with the grief it causes me."
Jimmy sat on a park bench and sighed. He prayed silently. "Are you listening Lord? I really need your help here so I don't start thinking about her again. When she fell down and I could see more of her than I had business seeing, my mind forgot all of the progress I'd made these past few weeks. I wanted her all over again and it scares me. Lord, help me to be strong. Please?"
He felt like such a hopeless case. Only a loving God would stick with someone as weak as him and forgive him time and time again. Thankfully God was patient and always willing to help if he asked for it. This time he promised the Lord that he wouldn't stray off the narrow path no matter what happened. He intended to keep that promise, even if it killed him.
*****
The following weekend Sammie stood on her neighbor's porch and knocked. She'd been so lonely this past week while she lay in bed to help her ankle heal that she felt like if she didn't have some adult conversation soon she'd lose her mind. She had never felt so pitifully alone in her life. She'd even agreed to attend church with her neighbor, Trinity, and her friend's grandmother just to have something to do.
When they arrived at the little country church Sammie kept her eyes on the ground. Her ankle was still tender. The last thing she needed to do was twist it again. She glanced over at Trinity when the service started. It was obvious that her neighbor wasn't interested in the service and only attended to make her grandmother happy.
At first Sammie's mind had been elsewhere, too. Then she decided to listen to find out exactly what was so important to Jimmy that he insisted she believe the same way he did in order for them to be in a relationship. The sermon was all about tithing. While the preacher had a compelling argument for it, there was nothing in the sermon that touched her heart. Maybe she'd just picked the wrong Sunday to go with Gram.
The following week she spent nearly every evening hanging out with Trinity's grandmother. She started opening up about how she felt after her breakup with Jimmy. Then she began to talk about her other losses. After awhile, hearing all of that pain come out of her mouth felt good, almost cleansing.
Gram had said talking about things was good because then she didn't carry the hurt around anymore. There must be some truth to that because she felt better every time she left Gram's house and headed home.
Last night Gram took her to the local book store. She bought Sammie a Bible and encouraged her to read it. Sammie began reading the book of John at Gram's suggestion. Every night the following week she cracked open the Bible until she'd read the entire new testament. For the first time in her life she drank in God's Word and she allowed it to cleanse her soul.
She wished she'd known about the healing power contained within its pages sooner, but Jimmy never talked about the Scriptures with her. He just wanted to make out with her, not that she could blame him when she was the one who kept turning up the heat.
Sammie thumbed through the pages of her Bible and started on the Old Testament, but it was more difficult for her to relate to. Still, she read the Scriptures whenever she got the chance. Nothing else soothed the ache in her heart like reading the Bible. She even started taking it to work with her to read on breaks. Another captain noticed her reading her Bible during lunch today and told her about a Bible study for women at the Chapel that she might want to check out. She figured she had nothing to lose and started attending that night. It was the smartest thing she'd ever done.
Nearly a month had transpired since she last spoke to Jimmy, but that didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was her growing relationship with Jesus. Her only regret was that she couldn't share her salvation experience with Jimmy. The Lord told her not to, so until He gave her the okay, she would be obedient. Nothing—not even talking to Jimmy—was worth losing her close relationship with the Lord. Now that she'd found a love beyond measure to fill that hole in her soul, nothing could compare to the joy that filled her. Not even the feelings she'd once had for Jimmy.
Sometimes Sammie was tempted to be angry with Jimmy, like when she remembered his promise to her that she could trust him, and that he wouldn't leave her no matter what happened. But the Lord had reminded her that she needed to forgive him, so she did. After all, she had deceived him. She needed to remember that his anger toward her had merit. But wasn't he supposed to forgive her?
Sammie thought about her neighbor. She believed that Trinity was close to accepting the Lord, too. She prayed towards that end with Gram every chance she got. While Trinity and Grandma knew about her Army career and how it would eventually separate them, they loved her anyway. That was what true friendship was all about.
Chapter Sixteen
Jimmy slept soundly and woke earlier than usual so he had extra time for his devotions. He decided to take a short drive to the section of town that had the best view of the mountain range so he could read his Bible as he watched the sun rise in the east.
He treasured his morning devotions with the Lord. Once he'd finally given his distress about Sammie over to the Lord he felt like their fellowship had been restored. Peace filled his heart as he watched the morning arrive in all of its glorious beauty. The sunrise confirmed awareness in his heart of the omnipotence of the God he served.
The powerful rising of the sun declared that there was nothing too difficult for God. He created the world and fashioned the universe by His own hand. He'd read that in the Scriptures numerous times but watching the sun rise this morning brought the words to life that he'd burrowed in his heart.
As Jimmy read the Scriptures by the dawn's early light he sensed the grace of God and the peace of the Lord wash over him like the rays of the rising sun. As he admired the different hues of the sky, he marveled that the same God who created the heavens and the earth wanted to have a relationship with someone as insignificant and disobedient as he.
Jimmy was sure that he would never fully grasp the true extent of God's love, but he was forever grateful for the grace and mercy that the Lord had bestowed upon him. Warmth filled his heart and flooded his soul as he read about the sanctity of marriage and about believers being the bri
de of Christ.
His thoughts shifted to how he'd once thought about making Sammie his wife. He'd managed to put her out of his mind after the incident where she'd kissed Chet, but then the Lord showed him that she was just reacting to him because she was hurt. Still, he had been so sure she was the one intended for him. It grieved his heart that he'd been so wrong about her. Would he ever learn to listen to the Lord?
He came to the story in the Scriptures about the woman caught in adultery. For the first time in his life the beauty of the Lord's words, "Go and sin no more" struck a chord in his heart that was powerful enough to move him to tears. He'd been forgiven of so much. How could he not forgive her when the Lord had forgiven him? God didn't put limits or conditions on his mercy, so how he could do any less since Christ was his example? He'd given His life so that Jimmy might live.
Jimmy read more Scriptures about God's grace and mercy. He prayed for over an hour. His devotions lasted longer than usual on this Saturday morning, but the time seemed to fly right on by and he didn't want his time with Jesus to end. Being close to the Lord again made him so happy it defied description. He wondered why he'd allowed his sin to separate him from his Savior and vowed not to do that willfully again.
A month ago the separation he'd felt from God because of his own neglect of their relationship had nearly killed him because the rift was so deep. Now the joy he felt on the other end of the spectrum made him feel like he was about to burst. If only he could share his renewed joy with Sammie. But he wasn't going to follow his own agenda this time. He would listen to the Lord. If the Lord told him to keep his distance from her, he would obey.
The Shy Captain Page 17
