by Dean Murray
I tried to speak softly, but firmly. It was as if I were the one talking to their child, instead of the other way around. “Dad, I did listen to you. I’ve heard everything you’ve said. But, I have to do this. No matter what happens, I know that I have this time — just three years — to myself. The queen has kept the prince as far from me as you’ve kept me from him. You won’t even tell me his name. I can’t keep watching the years waste away, Dad. I’ve got to have some of my own life before this betrothal goes into full effect. And, I’m going to be near Cole, I’ll still have family close.”
I winced as he slammed his palm on the wooden tabletop. “Don’t you talk to me about him! You know that I regret that moment. If I could take it all back, I would. You shouldn’t do this, Amelia.”
I sighed and tried to put my hand over his, cursing myself for bringing up Cole and aggravating the situation further.
“I know, Dad. It’s just…well, I’m not asking. I’m telling you that I’m doing this.” I tried to hold his confused stare but couldn’t. “I just want you to know that I won’t be alone, Dad. I’ll be okay. I’ll make friends — human friends. It will be everything you ever wanted for me.”
“No, Amelia,” he said, sounding defeated. “This is nothing that I wanted for you. I wanted to go away from here. I wanted to take you far, far away, but I…I just…couldn’t.” I watched his pupils dilate and the flash of green that meant he was losing control again.
“They are watching, Amelia. They are always watching. They can’t believe it; they can’t believe you have what they want,” he said.
He was looking around the room as if Queen Julia’s Hunters were right there, listening behind the pantry door. I couldn’t take it when he got like this. “They’ll leave you alone, you know that, right? You just have to try a little harder to convince them. You have to stay in control, Amelia.”
I had grown to hate the word “control” more than anything in the world. I was a constant failure at it, and that one word was the source of almost every argument my father and I had ever had. Taking a deep breath, I tried to placate him, to stop his hands from shaking as his emotions swelled and the pressure in the room grew. It was a struggle to maintain my own power as it fed off of his, my emotions rising in reaction to the despair I heard in my father’s voice. I had long-accepted his eccentricities but it wasn’t often that his anger gave way to fear, as it was doing now.
“It’s okay, Dad. I’m going to be okay. I’ll do everything you taught me. I won’t use my power. I’ll stay under the radar. I’m going to be fine, Dad, do you believe me?” His fingers tightened on mine as he nodded a little too frantically. Standing, he yanked me in for a rare hug. “Just watch for them, Amelia. They are everywhere. Watch for them and stay in control.”
The weight of my lies were a stone on my chest as I tried to relish our short embrace, nodding into his shoulder at the appropriate times. I was going to Brighton to experience a normal life — that part was true — but I was also going to try to figure out exactly who I was. I never believed I could get out of the betrothal, but at least I could go in prepared — something my father refused to do for me. There had to be someone out there that could explain what being an Elder meant and how to control the power that was growing faster than I knew how to handle.
I moved through the morning in a bit of a haze. I went to class and took my notes, but never really contributed. With everything my father had ingrained into me, I still didn’t like to draw attention to myself even though my almost-black hair, hazel eyes, and slim figure would always make me more noticeable. Realizing that I would likely run into Aidan today, I had put in a little more effort than my normal thrown together outfit. It shouldn’t matter — he shouldn’t matter — but I was still a girl and he was still gorgeous. I don’t know how I’d never really noticed him before, but a lot of our classes were seminars with tons of people in them and I never made efforts to seek out new friends.
Before I stepped a foot in the door of Composition, I knew Aidan was there. From outside the room, I could feel my internal reaction. It was as if we were back on that beach and the pads of his fingers were burning their marks into my skin. It was uncomfortable and exhilarating, my body reacting to just the nearness of him. As I walked into the room trying to reconcile myself with the heat in my veins, there he was, the guy setting the fire, sitting right there in my normal back row seat.
I stood awkwardly for a minute staring at the back of his head, not sure what to do. He was fully immersed in conversation with a guy one seat over, fist-bumping and laughing over some story being told. I caught just the slightest stiffening of his back as I moved through the doorway. He knew I was there too, but didn’t even acknowledge me as I walked past him and sat a few rows up and to the left. My annoyed stare could have bored holes in the back of his head as I walked past, even though I realized that he very well could have chosen my seat without realizing it. It was ridiculous that I was so irritated, and just the fact that he could get me worked up was making it worse. I couldn’t stand how much I wanted to know more about him.
I got myself settled, already hating my middle seat but pulling out my notebook and our poetry assignment for today’s class anyway. As I was leaning up from my backpack on the floor, I stole a glance in Aidan’s direction through the hair that had fallen in my face, only to find myself locking eyes with him. He was staring right at me — his chin in his hand and a slow smile creeping across his face, not even remotely trying to be subtle. I couldn’t move. As if in slow motion, I saw his right eyebrow raise and humor shine through his eyes. It was no coincidence that he had taken my seat today. He was issuing a direct challenge and I was having a hard time backing down. I narrowed my eyes as if to ask him what he wanted, and he did the damnedest thing — he winked at me.
That tiny motion brought me back to myself. I whipped back around and started straightening my papers, fidgeting in my seat. I heard a low chuckle from behind me and just knew it was him. It reverberated through me and sent a burst of heat to my cheeks. Apparently, the good-guy act from last night was just that. This guy was a player. Great. Just what I need.
The classroom door slammed and we all turned in surprise to find a man standing just inside the room. He looked uncomfortable in his wool cardigan, dress slacks, and Buddy Holly glasses. I couldn’t tell if he was going for Mr. Rogers or a failed attempt at hipster, but thankfully he broke the silence as he surveyed the class. “Ms. Brown is ill, so today’s class is canceled.” I was disturbed by how his eyes seemed to linger on me, but he finally turned on his heel and left.
I quickly gathered my things and bolted out the door. The hallway was empty since the other classes were already in session, making it a quick jaunt out into the commons and toward my car. I was just cutting across the last patch of grass when I heard footsteps clearly running to catch up.
“What’s your hurry, doll? We never got to finish our conversation last night.” Aidan fell in step with me, the dry grass crunching under his flip-flops. With all of the contempt that I could muster, I glanced his way only to find him giving me a cocky half-smile. I stopped short, finally noticing the eyes I found so intriguing last night were actually gray. It was like staring into smoke and I was caught off guard by the flecks of bright blue scattered throughout his iris.
“W-we weren’t having a conversation last night,” I stuttered. “You surprised me, and then I realized I had somewhere to be.” I tried my best to sound distant, pulling my posture up to at least pretend I could look down at him as if he didn’t have me by at least a few inches. I finished with, “I’ve got no real interest in knowing you. I’ve seen your type.” I don’t know why I said that. It sounded weak and silly and I didn’t even mean it, but Aidan was just unnerving.
That eyebrow rose again but he didn’t comment on my ridiculous statement. “You had somewhere to be? At midnight on a Thursday? In the middle of a party you were clearly trying to escape?” I could feel him holding in his laughter. D
amn it, this guy irritated me.
“Yes,” I snapped. “And, what I do or don’t do is absolutely none of your business.” With that, I hit the key-less entry, tossed my backpack and purse in my car, and climbed in. I gave a fake wave, complete with a roll of my eyes, and backed out of the spot. In my rear view mirror, Aidan stood in the grass looking confused and mildly amused with his hands in his shorts pockets and head cocked to one side. I had to force myself to pull my eyes away and put the car into drive, but that didn’t stop me from glancing up a few more times as I pulled away.
Chapter 3
I was making a half-hearted attempt at my algebra homework when my phone rang. Rynna was calling for a check-in and I was glad for the official distraction. My mind had been constantly wandering off since I got home. All avenues pointed to Aidan and what I should have said differently, or how I could have made myself look any more foolish. I sighed as I slid my finger across the screen.
“Hey, Ryn!” I couldn’t help but smile as I answered. Rynna had been my rock during the rough years after Cole left, and I fully credit her with me being as functional as I am today. She also provided a constant connection to my father since he refused to use telephones. Just another one of his wonderful eccentricities.
“Amelia, I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up. I just wanted to let you know that things are going…okay.” Rynna’s soft, proper voice floated through the speaker but I heard the muted panic behind her words.
“Is he eating? Will he even talk to you yet? Ryn, I’ve been gone for two months. Please tell me he’s at least talking to you?” My father had never engaged with Rynna. Since my mom had died, he hadn’t spoken a single word to her. My father was an odd man. On the worst days, he was outright mean. She had been my mother’s best friend and they had all grown up together, yet he refused to acknowledge her existence. He hadn’t actually even hired her to be our nanny, she just took it upon herself and continued to show up. For years she cooked, cleaned, and helped with homework for free. She always said mom would have done it for her if the situations were reversed.
She sighed and I knew she was holding back. “Come on, Ryn. Just tell me. Did he light the barn on fire again? Finally kill the neighbor’s dog?” I had to make light of the situation because there were so many worse things my father could have done.
“You know I try to keep you out of these things, Amelia. Your father…he’s just having a hard time. He’s…lonely.” Her hesitation only made my reaction worse.
“LONELY?” My blood pressure skyrocketed and, with it, my power bounded through me. A headache started to take hold at the base of my neck. It was the one I always got when too much power let loose too fast. “Rynna, you honestly think he’s lonely? I spent years under that roof and was lucky if he spoke to me once a day. You think he is the lonely one? I have one friend here and can barely manage stringing a coherent sentence together around new people.”
The temperature in the room rose and I knew I had to get myself under control. No one could send me into a tailspin like my father, and Rynna knew that. All those years of me desperately trying to make him show me an ounce of affection, even knowing he was the one who gave my future away.
“Now, Amelia, calm down. Honey, be fair. You know that your father hasn’t been himself. Your leaving has just been…a transition.” Her quiet patience was doing nothing to tamp down my anger. My guilt. I knew when I left that he wouldn’t take it well, but I only had these few precious years to myself.
“Just tell me,” I gritted the words through clenched teeth, trying to hold back tears, already expecting the worst.
Another sigh. “Well. He left. He moved out into the woods. He said that with you and your brother gone, he doesn’t have to do it anymore. That he can be free, whatever that means. I don’t think he really means it, honey, I just think he’s hurting. You know how his delusions take hold. We just need to wait him out a little bit. I won’t let him go far, you know that, right?”
Rynna continued on, trying to smooth over the words she knew cut me to the core. Hurt flooded my heart and my mind. He can be free. I dropped to my bed as the tears threatened and Rynna’s voice faded into the background. I bit the inside of my lip, the metallic taste and the shot of pain stopping the onslaught of emotions. I was on my own. I’ve always been on my own, I reminded myself. Swallowing down emotions I didn’t want to acknowledge, I hung up the phone, not caring if Rynna was still on the other end.
After my conversation with Rynna, I tried and failed multiple times to focus on my homework. The longer I sat there, hearing her words inside my head, the more my power spun and built inside me. From the deepest corners of my heart, the hurt bubbled over and my power was quick to respond. Ever my internal champion, it warred with the pain — pushing, shoving, and growing in response. I was a war-torn battlefield of emotion. My gut ached, my anxiety built, and the power vibrated through every cell. Something was going to have to give. There was only one place I could go, one person who would understand what I was dealing with.
As I pulled up to Cole’s gym, I felt ready to burst. All of the pain and anger my father’s words had stirred up inside me were snowballing into something near hysteria. My power and emotions were so closely tied that I couldn’t control either. I needed Cole and needed him quickly. I had to keep myself from running into the training room looking as frantic as I felt. Luckily, I didn’t even have to get all the way through the doors before Cole was pulling me into a hug.
In a split second, all of his strength and soothing emotion enveloped me and the swirling inferno slowed. This was Cole’s gift, his ability to calm the raging storm of my emotions, and thus my power. Before he left, from the time I was a baby until I was ten, he would be the one to pull me out of my nightmares and allow me to sleep. He was also the one to help me keep my power in check, to stop the surge before my father sensed it and locked me in my room again. Dad always claimed it was for my own protection, so they wouldn’t see. So they couldn’t know what I was. But, they had to know. The Hunters had arrived just after mom died and they knew I was an Elder. The Hunter knew exactly what he was doing when he demanded my betrothal to the prince.
Cole’s strained voice broke my train of thought. “Hey, there. It’s okay. Ame, what happened?” He had my head tucked under his chin and I had to turn it to the side to stop my voice from being muffled by his shirt.
“It’s Dad. Rynna says he took off. Since we’re gone, he can finally be free.” I punctuated those words with as much sarcasm as I could before tears filled my eyes and a sob filled my chest. Cole was the only other person in the world who understood what our father could do to a person’s self-esteem; what spending a childhood with him could do to you. It was why he left when I was ten and he was eighteen. At that point, I wanted to hate him for it. Now, I understood. Even then, I understood that it was because of me that he had to leave. I was born and mom died. Mom died and dad went crazy. It was all because of me.
I pulled away, furiously swiping at the tears on my cheeks and feeling even more ashamed for needing my brother, yet again, to save me from myself. “I’m sorry, Cole. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be putting this on you. I don’t know why he does this to me. Why I let him.”
Cole’s aura changed from soothing to angry. He wasn’t trying to help me anymore. He was pissed. “Damn it, Amelia. Don’t do this to yourself. How many times do I have to tell you this isn’t your fault? None of it is. If you need me, you come to me. That’s our agreement.”
Cole lightly gripped my chin between his finger and thumb and forced my head up to meet his eyes, his voice softening to a whisper. “Right, Ame? That’s our agreement. That’s why you’re here, so I can help you. You know that’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since I left.”
The anger had melted away and I saw his own guilt over leaving me; felt him showing it to me. I sighed and moved in for another hug. “You’re right,” I mumbled into his chest. “And, it’s not your fault either. God, I hate h
ow screwed up he’s made us.”
“Speak for yourself, half-pint, I’m doing just fine.” A laugh rumbled in Cole’s chest and I pulled away smiling, blinking back unshed tears. Cole ruffled my hair and slung his arm over my shoulder. “You look like hell, Ame. How about you go get cleaned up and I’ll buy you some dinner. Unless, you want to take a turn in the training room? It might do you some good.”
I seriously considered it for a second, but right now I needed food more than a heavy bag. “Nah, soon though. I’ll come in and have at it. And really, Cole, at least I don’t smell like a mix of sweaty boy and dog,” I said with a snort. “Did you and Charlie work out together today, because pheeww! Besides, you know I can’t turn down a free meal.” Trying to get things back to normal, I stuck my tongue out at him for the full effect and got a poke in the ribs for my sass.
“You leave my dog out of it. Charlie might be a brute of a dog but he’s worth every gnawed table leg and new pair of running shoes I’ve had to replace,” Cole said. The vision of his giant Great Dane snacking on his table leg gave me a chuckle.
I know Cole will never see me as an adult, but I can’t help but play the part of the younger sister. I’d missed him. Even though we only spoke through letters and emails, Cole never let his “big brother” status slip.
I made a pit stop in the bathroom and spent a few minutes staring in the mirror. Focusing, I was able to concentrate on my red, puffy eyes until my power finally responded to my command and moved to that area. I watched my eyes brighten and the dark circles fade, feeling pleased with what I could accomplish. It was still a work in progress, but I was slowly figuring out how to conquer the basics. I’d been blowing things up in bursts of power for years, but even Rynna hadn’t been allowed to explain the little things.
