by Cherrie Lynn
With Iris, he didn’t yet know these things. Not that he was married to the woman, but he did have to try to live with her and share his kids with her for the next six weeks while not sleeping with her and feeling like he was always wrong.
Yeah, might as well be fucking married to her. Thanks again, Heidi.
Maybe he should have just refused and accepted the consequences of an angry ex-wife, but goddamn, he probably lacked imagination adequate enough to picture all the ways she could make his life a living hell. He longed for the day when she wouldn’t hold that power over him, but he doubted it would ever come. Even when he was free of any financial responsibility for the boys when Dylan turned eighteen, Eli and Heidi had a lifetime of shared events to look forward to. Birthdays. Holidays. Graduations. Weddings. Grandkids someday. It would get better, of course, but until that blessed day finally arrived, her high-heeled, red-soled boot would remain firmly on the back of his neck where these kids were concerned.
Iris walked in front of him, her floral scent trailing after her. He tried not to let it go to his head, but it had been going to his fucking head for days now.
Beneath the glasses and cardigans, the prim buns and her silly rhymes—What’s the word, hummingbird? was the gem she’d greeted Dylan with this morning—his kids’ nanny was alluring in ways he didn’t care to analyze. Because he hated to think, even for one second, that she drove him so crazy because she didn’t seem to like him at all. He’d thought he’d left behind such juvenile reasons for being interested in a woman.
No, to hell with that. He had left those reasons behind. And he wasn’t interested.
Couldn’t be that.
But something was damn sure eating at him, and it grumbled to gnawing life whenever she was in his space. Trouble was, she was in his space all the fucking time.
She haunted the bus like a ghost. He lived constantly with that teasing scent that was making him drool even now. For fuck’s sake. When he was on stage, he liked knowing she was over there watching; he felt her eyes on him more than anyone else’s . . . quite a feat when there were thousands of eyes on him. Those were the worst times. His blood was up, his adrenaline pumping, music throbbing in his veins, and there she stood in the shadows looking like a slice of pie waiting to be devoured. He imagined he could smell her springtime scent even through the sweat and metallic chaos of the show.
So he really shouldn’t care less whether she ventured off the bus with him or not, but he did. He would lose his damn mind if he were confined on that thing all the time, so he imagined she was the same, only she didn’t feel she had the freedom to move around like he did. The thought of going outside seemed to literally terrify her. Even now, she was closed in on herself, her form tiny and shrunken in front of him. It made him feel like an asshole for pushing her, but there was so much to see out here. He would hate for her—for anyone who’d never experienced it before—to miss it.
Iris glanced at him as he strode up to her side, maneuvering through the crowds. “What are you so afraid of?” he asked, watching her profile and the way her entire body seemed to go on alert every time she looked at him.
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“Well, you look like you would break if anyone touched you right now. I’m just wondering, is it fear for your well-being, or do you look down your nose at us that much?”
“If you’re going to antagonize me, I’ll go back—”
“No,” he huffed out. “Never mind.”
“I don’t look down my nose at anyone. I’m in no position to. I mean, who am I?”
“I don’t know. Who are you?”
“As if you care.”
“I asked, didn’t I?”
“No doubt to serve your own nefarious purposes.”
He laughed. “Nefarious. I like that. It’d be a good song title.”
“Give me a songwriting credit, at least.” The corner of her mouth pulled up in a rather adorable smirk.
“Wow, look at that. You’ve got jokes.”
“Oh, you think I’m joking?”
“All right, then. I’ll list you. I suppose you’ll want a royalty cut, too?”
“Why would I not?”
She already got a cut of his royalties, though, didn’t she? Her very paycheck was a substantial chunk of his income, bled straight into Heidi’s pocket. But it would be counterproductive at this point to mention it, so he gritted his teeth. No reason to get all bent over a harmless bit of banter. The situation wasn’t her fault, anyway. He had to remember that.
It wasn’t that he was opposed to taking care of his kids; they would never want for a single thing. He was opposed to funding his ex-wife’s extravagance. At least it looked as if Nic fucking Steele had taken on some of that responsibility. Let the asshole have it.
They fell silent for the remainder of the walk, but she seemed a little more at ease in his presence. Once they reached their destination, though, she ate like a bird, picking at a chicken salad. Eli grabbed a roadie to send more food to their bus, because there was no way she wouldn’t be starving later. When he suggested that they go watch the opening bands to kill some time, she looked unsure. No less than he’d expected.
“The sun is setting,” he told her. “Trust me, it’s gorgeous out there. You’ll miss the full effect if we don’t go now.”
“What if the boys come back and we aren’t there?”
“What if they do? They’ll hang out in the bedroom and play more games. It’s fine. Twenty minutes.” Already, they were almost having to shout to be heard over the rumble of live music and the answering adulation from the crowd. It was calling him. He wasn’t only a musician, he was also a fan.
She sighed, obviously not happy, yet somehow willing to sacrifice twenty more minutes of her day to him. Grabbing her hand, he tugged her past hustling roadies and shouting, laughing fans, then up the steps to the side of the stage. Her hand was cool in his grip, reminding him of their handshake in the pool, only this time the silken softness of her skin wasn’t slick with chlorinated water. The feel of her did things to him. He would have let her go if he hadn’t liked it so much.
As they reached the platform, he swept her up beside him so that she could get the full view of the crowd, and only then released her. Here, one had to look up to see the audience in its entirety, slanted so that the darkening blue sky was their backdrop. And as he had predicted, the lighting and setting sun turned the surrounding sandstone pillars into a blazing, breathtaking orange. He watched as Iris took it all in for the first time, her lips parting and forming a perfect little O. God, he loved that look on her. Her face turned to him with a smile that was breathtaking in its own way, and he had to read those delectable lips over the music as they formed the words, “It’s beautiful.”
She was beautiful.
Not his type at all. Not like Heidi’s bright, glamorous, knockout beauty. But fucking lovely. Natural. Innocent. Two things he hadn’t encountered in a very, very long time. If he hadn’t come to know her just a little over the past couple of weeks, he wouldn’t have trusted it. He still wasn’t sure if he did, not completely. Nothing in his world came without a price.
She watched the magical scenery; he watched her. The light breeze tickling tendrils of hair that had strayed from her bun. The slight swell of her breasts over her loosely crossed arms. Even her fingernails drew his attention: perfect, practical short ovals, pale pink polish. He liked it. Other dudes might prefer getting their backs raked apart by stiletto nails. He wasn’t really one of them.
When those thoughts started infringing, he tore his gaze away from her and pinned it on the musicians. The band was a newer up-and-comer who had been getting a lot of play on SiriusXM Octane, and it showed. The crowd was into it, which would always tell the tale. In their genesis, Ruin had opened for some bigger bands around and suffered for it, asshole elitists fans demanding the new guys get off the stage so their headlining idols could have their turn. They’d definitely had their share of failure
s. They’d paid their dues to be here.
So when the new-guy singer glanced in their direction and went a little pale at the sight of Elijah standing in the wings watching, he gave him an encouraging nod. He knew what it was like to look over and see one of your heroes watching you perform, the sudden simultaneous rush of elation and absolute bone-chilling horror. It had happened to him that way each and every time. Even if the band wasn’t his favorite, even if he thought they fucking sucked, he always tried to be cool. Some would make it, some wouldn’t. Sadly, in the latter case, it was more often because they couldn’t get their shit together. They were chasing fame instead of doing it all for the love of music and the fans. Over time it was easy to see which category they fell into.
But these seemed like genuinely good dudes. The set was coming to a close, and they all stopped to shake Eli’s hand and deliver sweaty bro hugs on their way off stage. Iris stood shrunken at his side, as if someone might leap out and bite her. It made him want to pull her to his side and reassure her, but of course that would probably scare her even more. He settled for leading her down the steps and back toward the buses. He needed to get ready for their set in a couple of hours anyway.
“See? Aren’t you glad you went?” he asked, nudging her with this elbow before standing back so she could enter the bus before him.
“I am. Thanks.”
“You should have seen Dylan earlier. He was climbing rocks like a champ.”
“I bet he was. He’s a little daredevil.”
As soon as they entered, the silence made it apparent they were alone. The boys hadn’t come back yet. The awkwardness that filled the cool air around them was almost a palpable thing. Iris, clearing her throat and putting quick distance between them, began tossing away every stray piece of trash the boys had left lying around, which wasn’t much. Eli sat on the couch and crossed an ankle over his knee, watching her desperately look for something else to do.
Finding nothing, she sighed and looked at him. “Maybe I should go get them.”
“They’re fine.”
“Heidi will want to talk to them soon.”
Fuck Heidi, he wanted to say, but decided it wouldn’t be very constructive. Not that he was sure why he should bother. He settled for not saying anything.
“Don’t you want them to watch the show?” Iris asked almost desperately.
“They can if they want. But they’ve seen it a dozen times. If they want to hang out with Russell’s kids instead, they can do that. If they want to ride to the next stop with Russell’s kids, they can do that too. They’re friends. It becomes a big slumber party when they’re all together. It’s fine.”
He could see by the downturn of her mouth that she didn’t like it, but he didn’t care. She perched on the couch across from him, her hands loosely clasped between her knees. “I feel useless when they aren’t around.”
Eli shrugged. “Well, Heidi knew it would be like that when she sent you.”
“I try to do my job as much as I can while staying out of your way, you know.”
She was in his way right now, pretty little thing, making him think things he had no place thinking. Her gaze kept finding his and skittering away. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?” he wondered out loud.
“I don’t know!” That gaze suddenly found his and stayed, flashing angrily. “But stop being nice to me one minute and making me feel wretched for being here the next.”
She didn’t get it. Hell, he didn’t get it either. Sighing, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and checked the dozens of messages he’d gotten the past few hours alone. He didn’t actually care about any of them, but he needed the distraction from her big blue eyes.
“I get that I haven’t shown you why I’m here,” she said softly. “I’m trying. But you won’t let me. Any chance you get, you take the boys and leave me here.”
“I have every right to do that. They’re my kids.”
“I know, but why even bother getting me off the bus? Why care if I see the scenery?”
“You seem like a nice person who got dealt a shitty hand, Iris. I get that. But I can still be pissed off that you’re here.”
“Don’t be pissed off at me, because it’s not my fault.”
And around and around we go, he thought. Hell, he was half ready to go get the boys himself, just to occupy her. Because if he sat here and stared at her for much longer, bad things might start happening in his mind again. He got to his feet. “I need to get ready,” he muttered. “Do whatever you want.”
He left her sitting by herself.
Thirteen
She felt hollow as she watched him walk away. Every time she made an effort, it always ended like this. Tonight, he had seemed to make the effort, with the same result. What did she have to do to create peace?
Go home, her mind told her. Tell Heidi you can’t cut it, the boys are fine, but you can’t put up with his whiplash moods anymore. Heck, Heidi hadn’t been able to put up with him either, hence the divorce. Why did she expect Iris to fare any better? Surely she would understand.
But she’d made it this far. Two weeks down. Six to go.
Ugh.
She skipped the show that night. The boys had settled in with their friends, though she did walk over to make them take five minutes away and call their mother. After that, it was Netflix in her bunk, then sleep. She didn’t even know when Elijah came back, but the bus lurching from its parking space woke her hours later. Sighing, she flopped over and rearranged her covers, willing herself to drift off again.
She had almost done so when she heard a very feminine laugh.
Iris’s eyes blinked open, scarcely seeing the bare wall in front of her face. Had the sound even been real? Her mind, half in and half out of consciousness, could have been playing tricks on her. She listened intently as seconds ticked by, thinking surely she had imagined it. Her eyes closed.
There it was again, a low, throaty giggle. Iris sat up, propping herself on her elbow. Really? His kids spend one night off the bus and he brings a woman on? He’d probably been waiting for the opportunity, being an asshole to Iris hoping she would . . . what, leave? Go to a hotel? And now, for revenge, she had to listen to him have sex?
Well, she had earbuds at least. As the bus picked up speed, she also had road noise. Sighing, she let herself fall back onto her pillow. After the way Elijah had been angry at Quin and helped that girl get back home, she’d hoped he wouldn’t behave the same way. Obviously, she had been mistaken.
The woman’s muffled words turned into a soft moan. Iris hunted under her blanket for her phone and earbuds, though she wondered if she’d be able to hear music over the sudden, furious rushing in her ears, the painful throbbing of her heart. For no reason she cared to examine, her eyes stung.
He’d been nice to her earlier, and it had given her hope for a smooth ride the remainder of this tour. For the last two weeks, he’d been nothing but a doting dad to the boys. But now she supposed his true colors were coming out.
She’d been an idiot.
Iris shoved in one earbud and was fumbling with the other when the girl out front—it sounded as if they were in the front of the bus, closest to her, so he hadn’t even had the decency to go to his bedroom and shut the door—make a ridiculous squealing sound. Oh please, she’s totally faking. Not that Iris would know about those things, but if she in her limited experience was convinced, he should be too.
He didn’t make any sound at all.
She should march out there and tell them to cut it the hell out, people were trying to sleep in here. Whatever was going on, the girl was getting it good now, grunting and gasping like the women in the few minutes of porn Iris had endured before clicking away. She supposed that’s what these men liked to hear to feed their enormous rock star egos.
Even if, despite her outrage, her cheeks heated a little to hear those sounds. She lay there with only one earbud in, arguing with herself, admonishing herself to roll over and tune them out. I
t was none of her business what he did as long as his kids weren’t privy to it. He was rich and famous and had his needs.
She didn’t know why the thought of him with a woman wrapped around his gorgeous body squeezed her heart so painfully hard. Did she look like Heidi? Blonde and tall and voluptuous? Probably. Speaking of Heidi, did she really have to tell her boss about this?
Oh God.
He totally deserves it.
No, he doesn’t. It’s no one’s business but his.
He made it yours when he let you be an audience to it.
Damn him.
How was she ever supposed to find a man when she hated them all?
There was little sleep for her that night, even after the woman yelled that she was coming and then did, very loudly. After that, Iris didn’t hear a peep out of anyone, so they must have fallen asleep. Probably entwined together, an image that haunted her dreams during the few moments of sleep she was able to snatch here and there.
When the bus pulling to a halt jostled her fully awake again, she checked the time and saw that it was after eight. It was an off day, so maybe they had reached the hotel. Thank God. She could get off this cursed bus, get the boys, and get them safely to a room. Try to forget this had ever happened.
She wasn’t sure she could tell Heidi, no matter how angry she was. Heidi had been proven right while all these people were wrong. That was enough.
Fearing what she would find, Iris snatched her curtain open and stood from her bunk, squinting at what sunlight filtered through the blinds. No one was in the living area, and Elijah’s door was closed. Good.
