by Cherrie Lynn
And Iris . . . he wished he’d met her any other way. “I want you to stay,” he said at last, talking to the concrete wall himself now, trying to keep his anger in check. “I really don’t give a fuck what she knows or what she doesn’t. I realize you do, though. So it’s up to you. But the offer stands, and we’ll work it however you want.”
Iris wiped both her cheeks, then pulled down the visor to check her reflection in the mirror. He sighed. She was going, just when he thought he might have her all to himself. A stretch of bleak days loomed ahead of him, and he’d tried not to think about it, but as soon as her plane went wheels up, what was he going to do with himself? No Seger. No Dylan. No Iris. Only faceless crowds and the same assholes he dealt with night after night.
Shit.
She popped open the door and slid out, while he watched and waited for her to hurl herself back inside and tell him to gun it. When it became cruelly apparent she wasn’t going to, he got out and collected her carry-on bag from the back.
At least it was light. She wouldn’t be gone long. The rest of her things were still on the bus. He might sleep on a pile of her clothes, just so he could smell her.
He extended the handle and rolled her bag behind him, drawing her close with his other arm. She tucked so perfectly into his side. No sense marring her exit by pouting about their circumstances, right? Before he knew it, the kids would be back and she would be back and—
What then? The tour would end. The boys would go back to Heidi, and so would Iris.
His steps faltered. Beside him, she stopped and gazed up at him, her eyes now hidden behind dark oversized sunglasses that concealed the tears he knew brimmed there. “What’s the matter?”
“Don’t go.”
“Elijah.” She dropped her chin, pressing her forehead into his chest as his arms went around her. Parking garage traffic streamed along beside them, distant honks echoing, but they could have been the only people in the world for all he cared.
“We don’t have much more time,” he said, stroking her back while she trembled. “And I don’t want to miss a minute of it.”
She lifted her face to look at him, and he gently pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head, needing to see what she was feeling. Expressive blue eyes met his, her lashes wet and spiky as she blinked tears away.
“If this all goes wrong, I’m risking everything.”
He simply held her face, stroking her streaming tears away with his thumbs, knowing there was little he could say to make her feel better about that. They were risking everything standing out in the open like this, though he was wearing a cap with his hair tucked in. It would take a very discerning eye to recognize him, but he knew those eyes were out there. Hell, some fans had his ink memorized.
At the end of the day, Iris was right. As much as he wanted to tell her he would protect her—and he would do his damnedest—he couldn’t defend her from the shit storm his ex-wife would unleash into her life. Any trial of public opinion he would weather easily enough—he would probably be celebrated, the nanny-banging rock star—but Iris would not. Sighing, he settled her sunglasses back onto her pert little nose, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. She gave him a soft smile in return.
If he wanted to protect her, he should put her on the damn plane and walk away. He should walk away for good, before they even got started, because they’d spent one night together and she was already crying. There was nothing but tears in her future if he didn’t end this.
He knew it, but he held her a little closer to his side as he walked her toward the pedestrian bridge and the terminal beyond.
IRIS HATED CRYING IN public. She hated crying, period, but the harder she tried to make the tears go back where they belonged, the more persistently they flowed. The reason for them eluded her, except that she’d had one of the best experiences of her life last night and was a little raw from it. A few days at home ought to be exactly what she needed to clear her head and get herself pulled together, but the thought of those long, empty hours was nearly unbearable.
At least this was an airport, and tearful goodbyes weren’t unheard of. She checked in at a kiosk, then they found a quiet place to sit before she had to leave him and go through security. He held her hand in his, tracing the lines on her palm with his fingertips as if memorizing every one.
So much had changed in so few hours.
“I hope your shows go well,” she told him, grasping for something to say.
“It’ll be weird not having you guys there watching.”
“Maybe I can find a live stream somewhere and watch every night.”
He chuckled. “I thought you hated the music.”
“I don’t hate it! And you know, I hardly hate you. You’re sort of all right.”
Grinning, he leaned closer and nuzzled beneath her ear, making her giggle. “Good to know.” Her laughter abated as he pressed a teasing kiss against her neck. She closed her eyes as he murmured, “In case it was in any way unclear, last night? Fucking incredible.”
“It was fairly clear,” she said shyly, a flush creeping up her cheeks. His fingers slid between hers, reminding her of how he’d held her hand under the covers.
“I love how you blush. I swear to Christ if I didn’t have a show tonight, I’d book myself on this flight with you.”
“What would you do with me in the air for four hours?”
His green eyes smoldered as he pulled back to study her face, as if committing it to memory. “So many things.”
She didn’t doubt the wicked man for a moment. When his gentle scrutiny became too much for her to bear any longer, she inched as close as she possibly could and nestled her head on his shoulder.
“But think of everything I could do if you stayed.”
Iris closed her eyes and shivered. “I’m here. I checked in. I need to go.”
“I could keep you in my bed on the bus and not let you out.”
“I would get bored.”
“The fuck you would.”
That made her chuckle. “You would have your shows. I wouldn’t get to see.”
“Stream it on your phone. I’ll do something special just for you. The noise bothers you anyway.”
She’d come to like some of his music, especially the song that had a piano solo he played himself, and the audience always became a glittering starscape with their lighters and cell phones held aloft. By that point in the show, he was shirtless and dripping sweat and the female screams were deafening. Those moments in Ruin’s set were beautiful and full of magic. She’d often read online that aside from Eli’s incredibly powerful voice, his talents as a musician were renowned and well respected. Even critics had to agree that he knew his stuff.
This beautiful, brilliant, world-famous man was asking her to stay with him for the next few days. She wanted to stay with him.
“What if Heidi wants to see me for some reason, and I’m not there?”
“You can always make something up, Iris. You’re taking the time to go see friends or to take a trip by yourself.”
She lifted her head and caught his eye. “I would have to lie. Lying and hiding. One lie would turn into another, and on and on. I don’t like that. It’s not how I want to live.”
“Is it really a lie? You are taking time for yourself with friends.”
“By omission of truth, yes.”
“If that’s the way you want to look at it, then you’re lying to her by being with me at all, aren’t you?”
Iris looked down at her hands, feeling the dangerous sting of tears behind her eyes again.
Eli sighed and bumped her lightly with his shoulder. “Hey, it’s all right. I can be a pushy bastard. I’m sorry. How much time do you have?”
She checked her phone. “We’ll board in forty-five minutes. I’d better get through security.” From her vantage point, the line didn’t look too terribly long, but the longer she sat here, the weaker her resolve grew. If she was going, she needed to go now, though the thought of tearing h
erself away from the comfort of his warmth made her lose her breath. She drew the deepest one she could to fight the tightness in her chest.
He stood, not letting go of her hand, and she felt a hundred pounds heavier as she dragged herself to her feet. All at once, like a dam, her tears broke through, and an embarrassing, hiccupping sob tore from her throat.
Eli had pulled her into his arms in an instant. “What is this, Iris? This isn’t all about you leaving for five days, because that’s nothing. Look, we won’t do this if it’s going to tear you up. Tell me, and I’ll walk away. Fucking hell, I don’t want to. But I will.”
“No,” she told him fiercely, holding on for dear life. “It’s a lot of things. It’s not all bad. I’m sad to leave, but I’m happy too.”
“This doesn’t look like happy.”
She chuckled and sniffled. How to explain to him what she was feeling? It was too early in their relationship—whatever it was—for all that. He would never, ever understand what last night had meant to her. How happy and relieved she was to know in her heart that whatever came next for them, he would make it good. So good she might not survive it.
Fear of intimacy had been hanging over her head for a long, long time. It was still there, but it was . . . lesser. For the first time, probably in her life, she looked forward to it. She was excited for it.
Maybe she wanted it to start right now.
Iris tightened her arms around his waist, looking up at him. “Eli?”
“What, babe?”
“Get me out of here.”
She didn’t have to ask twice. All she could do was laugh wildly through her tears as he scooped her up over his shoulder, people watching all around as he grabbed her carry-on bag and kidnapped her from the airport.
Twenty-Eight
“I didn’t think I had this in me,” she told him as he wheeled their rented SUV to the bus behind tonight’s venue. Her heart thundered, her body thrummed with energy. This was it. She’d done it. The craziest, most insane thing she had ever done in all the twenty-six years of her life.
He grinned at her, that smile devastating under his black sunglasses. He’d taken off his cap—they were on his turf now—and his dark hair was tousled, making her fingers itch to rearrange some of the wayward strands. “I did,” he said, and opened his door. “Sit right there.”
The plan was in place. As soon as he saw the coast was clear, he was going to open her door so she could dart onto his bus. The fewer people who saw her, the better, though she had little confidence the story wasn’t going to spread like wildfire. Someone was going to see her. It was only a matter of time.
But she’d made her choice, and she’d chosen him.
When he opened her door, she rushed past him and up the bus steps, taking a deep lungful of the cool air and familiar smells once she was safely aboard. Had they only been gone from here a night? It felt like ages. Without the boys here, the space felt strangely silent and empty. Iris gazed around, hugging herself, and then walked gingerly to the bedroom in the back. She didn’t suppose he wanted her sleeping in her bunk anymore, at least until Seger and Dylan rejoined them. He’d already said he would keep her right here.
But she had forgotten about the mirrors. Her reflection stared back at her, fractured from several angles, and her heart, already speeding out of control, gave one wild thump. The reckless courage that had invigorated her at the airport flagged somewhat.
Eli’s steps rang out behind her, his eyes darkening when he spotted her standing near his bed. She almost wanted to run from that look, but she stood as tall as she could, watching him approach.
“We’re set,” he said. “I told the security team that no one is to come on here but me and you, and of course the driver. No surprise visits from anyone. There shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Okay,” she said. He took careful hold of her upper arms, eyes searching her face in that way he had that made her want to let her walls crumble, made her want to let him in.
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t worry.”
“I’ll try not to.”
He lifted one hand, placing it against her jaw so that his thumb rested under her chin. “Because whatever happens, I’ve got your back, Iris.”
She never had much cared for her name, but she would never grow tired of hearing it in his voice. “How long do you have before the show?”
“A while, but we have sound check and press and a meet and greet. I need to go in about . . .” He checked his watch. “Well, now, actually.”
“Oh.” No sense in letting herself feel disappointed. This was what she had signed on for: hiding and waiting while he went out and did his thing.
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back. We’ll get to spend time together before I go onstage.”
Feeling raw and unsteady, she trailed after him to the front of the bus, unsure of what to do with herself once he kissed her again and was gone. Everything seemed alien now, like she’d stepped into a whole new world, an alternate universe. It was exciting, and she was eager to explore. But fear of what she would find here chilled her to the marrow.
Sara would want details, and Iris hadn’t had a chance to talk to her today. She ran to her phone, still in her purse in the bedroom, and dialed her friend. Sara answered with a shrill, “What happened?”
“Oh my God, Sara.”
“Did you call him Daddy?”
“Ew, stop.”
“Did you have sex?” Every question was louder than the one before. Much more volume and Iris’s eardrum would burst.
“We couldn’t. No protection.”
“What kind of celebrity hot enough to seduce my bestie has no rubbers on him at all times?”
Iris laughed, but as Eli had ruefully explained before they’d even gone in from the pool, his parents’ house was the last place he’d expected to need condoms. “Honestly, I’m glad. We’re moving slow and I like that. He was amazing.” She lay back across his bed and closed her eyes, the memories alone making her shiver, and some of her uncertainty began to shrivel up and blow away. All those feelings from last night were the reason she was here right now. They’d been strong enough to burn through everything else. She wanted more.
“Tell me he went down on you at least.”
“Sara.”
“You know I’m all about lurid details.”
“He did.”
“Good man. And he was cool about not going further? No ‘just the tip’ bullshit?”
“He was perfect.”
“Iris! I’m so happy for you! What’s going on now?”
She debated what to say without revealing too much. “Now we might have a little bit of a problem. I was supposed to come home for a few days while the kids are visiting relatives. But I’m staying with him instead.”
“Whoa. I thought you were moving slow.”
“I mean, we are. But once the kids are around it’s nonstop. Everything is about them.”
“So you two are gonna feel each other out for a few days, huh? Literally and figuratively.”
“I guess that’s one way of putting it. I wish I didn’t feel so retched about it.”
“I’m not even addressing that, because I know you. Is this guy our age, older, what?”
“He’s a little older.”
“Thirty-five?”
“Older.”
“Forty?”
“Younger.”
“Yum. You’re much better off with a man who has some experience and knows how to use his fucking dick at least.”
“So crass.” With a wry twist of her lips, Iris thought that Sara was probably a better match for him at the end of the day.
“Hey, he might have you talking dirty before it’s over.”
“I’d be too embarrassed.”
“So you think. When he’s giving it good, you’ll be shocked at what’ll fly out of your mouth.”
The thought of Elijah giving it good ma
de her bite down hard on her lip for a moment. How would he look at her, how would he sound when he didn’t have to keep it down? “Well. My face is sufficiently red. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Iris had to wonder if Sara would have different advice if she knew all the lurid details. The sneaking, the hiding. The real risk to her career. The trust she was betraying by being here. She’d never thought she would throw caution to the wind over anyone, especially over a man.
But this man made her feel safe. He was the only one who ever had.
QUIN’S GAZE MET ELI’S and then skittered away. Quin hadn’t missed any more shows, but neither was he being any less of an asshole. The other guys seemed fairly cool with him, but Eli preferred to stay out of his way as long as he showed up and did his job. Since his epic fuck-up several nights ago, he’d been fine, but Eli didn’t hold out much hope of that being the case for the rest of the tour. The other shoe would drop soon enough.
He was the one person Eli didn’t want knowing Iris was here. It was sad in a way, because a few years ago he might have trusted Quin as much as any of his band brothers. The guy simply hadn’t grown up as much as the rest of them. He didn’t feel the affinity with him any longer. The two of them ought to have a talk, but he wasn’t sure it would help.
The girl in front of him was shaking so hard she couldn’t get her camera on. Smiling at her, Eli took the phone from her hands, then held it out and pulled her close, snapping the selfie for her. She kept muttering, “Oh my God!” as he handed the device back to her.
The hero worship was a kick, but he didn’t get it. If he were a regular schmo on the street, he doubted any of these people would give him a second glance. All they got of his life was what he chose to show them. The music, the videos, the hour and a half he spent onstage.
He moved down the line, answering questions, graciously accepting the adulation, until one cute, pixie-haired fan had to ask, “Do you have a girlfriend, Elijah?”
Signing the CD case she handed him, he grinned sheepishly, thinking of Iris and realizing that he would probably never be able to publicly claim her. “Why?”
