by Nick Thacker
She walked off, leaving Ben to his coffee. He tried to sip it but had to give up, finding it only slightly cooler than the surface of the sun. He was wondering how they kept it that hot without it actually boiling when he looked up to the big screen TV hanging over the bar. A local news channel was on, and Ben recognized the reporter he’d accosted in front of NIFC earlier that morning. It was the beginning of the interview she’d done with Chad. A large graphic reading NIFC NEPOTISM? covered the bottom half of the screen. The sound was turned down, but Ben was more interested in the ticker moving across the bottom of the screen as the graphic faded.
Firefighter Accused of Lying about Tragedy
“Hey,” Ben called to the waitress. “Could you turn the volume up on that, please?” the waitress snatched a remote off the counter and punched a button, barely breaking her stride. The audio was a voice-over by the reporter, describing her interview and setting the stage for what Ben knew was coming.
“…interview with firefighter Chad Turner. Prior to this interview, officials at NIFC had claimed that Turner was instrumental in rescuing several firefighters from a dangerous situation while fighting the Observation Peak Fire northeast of Boise on Friday afternoon. But new allegations have surfaced which indicate Turner’s story may be less than accurate. As Turner and I spoke in front of NIFC this morning, an unidentified firefighter approached us and made the following allegations.”
The voice-over stopped and was replaced by audio from the reporter’s ending monologue, which was abruptly interrupted by Ben’s shouted ‘HEY!’ from the NIFC entryway. The camera shifted over the reporter’s shoulder as she and Chad turned. Watching it unfold on TV, Ben was surprised at what he looked like from the camera’s point of view. It showed Ben as an enraged young man, struggling to control his anger in the face of obvious personal pain. Ben had already forgotten the exact words he’d used that morning, but hearing them again now, he almost cringed at how damning the accusation came across.
But, no, he thought. I shouldn’t be sorry. Hannah and Ronnie deserve to have somebody tell the truth, no matter what the consequence.
He was suddenly aware of the waitress standing at his left elbow, his omelette extended on a plate in one hand and a plate of peanut butter waffles in the other. She was staring at the TV, occasionally stealing glances at the side of Ben’s face. She gently slid the plates on the counter in front of him as he turned to look at her.
“All that true?” she asked, a little wide-eyed.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She straightened up, then put a hand on his shoulder. “You want my opinion? You did the right thing. Guy getting the credit, just ‘cuz he’s got relatives in high places? You shoulda hit him, instead of just shoving him over on his backside.”
“I did,” Ben said, hanging his head a little, but unable to keep a smile from forming. “A couple of times, actually. Just didn’t get those on camera.”
“Ha!” The waitress slapped him on the shoulder. “Good for you, then.” She pulled his bill out of her apron pocket and tore it in two. “You eat for free, today. Thanks for doing the right thing.”
“You don’t have to -” he started to protest, but she cut him off.
“I know what I don’t have to do. I also know what I want to do.” She put both hands on her hips and stared down her nose at him, making him feel like he was in grade school, about to get a lecture from the teacher. “There aren’t too many people in this world who’ll stand up for what’s right. I’m in here ten hours a day, and that TV is on the whole time. They been running stories about that fire since it started, and when it blew up, they ran even more. Big news, right?
“But the first time I saw them interview that other guy? I figured him out right away.” She flashed a rueful grin. “I’ve dated enough guys like him to know a liar when I see one. I’m telling you - you did the right thing.” She turned away. “Enjoy your breakfast, hon. It’s the least I can do.”
Ben watched her go, thinking about what she said. All of his actions surrounding the fire - from volunteering to go and help Bravo crew, to knocking Chad down on TV, to blowing the whistle on Chad’s well-placed uncle, to abruptly quitting the Forest Service and walking away - all of it, he’d done on instinct. Some of his choices had brought about good results, others had ended in disaster. But if he blamed himself for the disasters, shouldn’t he allow himself some credit for the successes, too?
He still wasn’t sure, but the lecture from the waitress had helped him more than he realized. He was beginning, for the first time since the bear attack, to realize that everybody has to make difficult decisions, and nobody can control everything in life. You do the best you can, with the best intentions, and let the chips fall where they may. If people criticize you or accuse you of wrongdoing after the fact, you can still hold your head up, knowing you followed your conscience.
Ten minutes later, Ben finished his breakfast, drained his third cup of coffee, and got up to leave. The waitress flashed him a thumbs up from across the busy restaurant as he walked out into the heat of the early afternoon. He continued across the parking lot and on up the on ramp. Pausing at the edge of the freeway, he looked back to the north. Huge clouds of smoke still towered behind the mountains north of Boise, more than forty miles in a straight line from where he stood, but still dominating the horizon. Ben looked at them for a long time, taking deep breaths, remembering the friends he’d made and lost in such a short time.
Then he turned away, stuck out his thumb, and started walking east.
9
Intemerata
Twin Falls Ranger District
Twin Falls, Idaho
3:30 P.M.
“Come in!” Cesar Gòdia didn’t look up at the sound of the knock on his door. He was expecting the Forest Engineer for a planning meeting. “Be right with you, Russ, have a seat.”
“Um, Mr. Gòdia?”
Cesar looked up, startled. Harvey Bennett was standing in front of his desk. Cesar put down his pen and leaned back in his chair. He looked at the young man for a few moments, head tilted to one side. “You ok, Harvey? You’ve had a pretty rough week, from what I hear.”
“I’m all right, thanks,” Ben said. “I just wanted to stop in and tell you thanks for giving me a chance. I didn’t mean for things to turn out the way they did.”
“I believe you,” Cesar said.
Ben nodded. “Thanks for that too, then. Not a lot of people in the Forest Service seemed to care about my side of things.”
Cesar sighed and waved at an empty chair. “Sit down. You quit today, did you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You do that because of the Turner kid, and his uncle?”
“Yes, sir. I mean, no. Well… partly, I guess.”
“You wanna elaborate?”
Ben blew out another breath, resting his elbows on his knees. “I was pretty excited, you know, to take that job. Figured it was gonna be a fresh start for me, give me a chance to get out on my own and prove myself, you know?”
Cesar just listened, letting Ben spit it out.
“I wanted to get away from things. Away from here, away from my mom, and my brother. Away from the memory of what happened to my dad. When Lucas told me you might be able to get me on a fire crew, I was stoked. I thought -” he trailed off into silence, staring at his hands.
“You thought a new life was gonna be less painful than the old one?”
“I guess so,” Ben muttered. “But then I screwed that up, too.”
“How so?” Cesar asked. “How did you screw it up? From what I heard, you did some pretty good things on that fire, including carrying injured firefighters to safety, and volunteering to put yourself in harm’s way for others.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on the desk. “Just because somebody tells lies about you, Harvey, doesn’t mean you have to believe them. Is it all true, what you said to that reporter?”
“Yes, sir. Every bit.”
“Then you have nothing to apologi
ze for. Brock Turner is a blowhard. He called me the day before I hired you and basically ordered me to hire his idiot nephew, no questions asked. Maybe I should have told him to pound sand. You look at it that way, maybe I’m more to blame for getting your crew chief killed. After all, I hired the guy who caused it.”
Ben shook his head. “At least you didn’t lie about it to anybody. There was a roomful of suits at NIFC that were all tying to get me to admit that I was the one who ran, just so they could make Chad and his uncle look good.”
“Well, don’t be too quick to judge everybody, based on a few bad apples. This is a good agency, with a lot of really good people in it, but it is a bureaucracy. Bureaucracies attract inefficiency and nepotism like road kill attracts flies. Sad to say, but the really bad apples often float to the top, while the best people get held at the bottom of the barrel.”
Ben nodded. “To drown? Unless they get tossed out altogether first?”
Cesar smiled. “You didn’t get tossed out. You quit.”
“It was going that way, anyway. I figured I’d save ‘em the trouble.”
“Probably.” Cesar leaned back in his chair. “So? What now?”
“I have no idea,” Ben said. “I didn’t really want to come back here, but I felt like I needed to set things straight with you. I’m pretty much right back where I started two weeks ago. No job, no place to stay. I guess I’m wide open at this point.”
“Well,” Cesar said, “I’d hire you right back on, except I’d keep you working out of this office as an engineering assistant, working on a road and trail crew, or something similar. Only problem with that is that I don’t have any openings for anything this late in the season.”
“I didn’t come here looking for another job, Mr. Gòdia,” Ben said.
“Which is one reason why I’d hire you back, if I could. From what I can tell, Harvey, you do the right thing, because it’s the right thing. That’s a rarity, especially in kids your age.”
“Thanks,” Ben said. “But all I really wanted was to stop by, tell you I appreciated your help.” He stood up. “I should get out of your hair now.”
Cesar stood and offered Ben his hand. “You do still need a job, though, right?”
“I guess so,” Ben said, smiling. “I’d like to be able to afford food every now and then. I’ve got a pretty expensive plane ticket on my credit card I’m gonna need to pay for, too. Maybe I’ll talk to Lucas again about the dairy.”
Cesar smiled. “You willing to give government service another try?”
Ben couldn’t keep a scowl from passing over his face. “I thought you said you didn’t have any openings?”
“I don’t,” Cesar said. “But I might know a guy who does.”
Twin Falls, Idaho
9:30 P.M.
“What’d you tell him?” Lucas asked.
“I told him I’d have to think about it,” Ben said. He looked over at his friend. “What would you have done?”
Lucas shrugged. “I’d have taken it. No offense, but it sounds cool to me.”
“It might have sounded cool to me too, before. Now, it just freaks me out.”
“So, don’t take it.”
“I need the work, though.”
“So, take it.”
“You’re not helping, Lucas.”
“Sure I am. I’m supporting my friend’s decisions. Even though he keeps changing them.” Ben’s face clouded. “Hey man,” Lucas said. “That was supposed to be a joke.”
“No, it’s all right,” Ben said. “I was just thinking, what if I take the job, and I’m still freaking out when it comes down to doing it?”
Lucas put his feet up on the coffee table. “You won’t ever know if you don’t try. If it was me, I’d take it, just for the chance to get outta town, start someplace new. I know that’s what appealed to you about the Forest Service, so here’s one more chance to get that. You probably won’t get another like it.”
Ben nodded, staring blankly at a spot on the wall.
“Your dad’s service was nice.”
“Thanks for going,” Ben said. “I’m sure my mom appreciated that.”
“She missed you.”
“Did she say that?”
“No. But she still missed you. Wasn’t easy for her not to have you there.”
“I know.” Ben looked at him. “I thought you were gonna punch me in the head today, when you found me sitting on your porch again.”
“I should’ve,” Lucas said. “But I figured you’d been through enough.”
Ben nodded. “Thanks.”
“You’re mom’s been through enough too, don’t you think?”
Ben shook his head. “I know, Lucas. I just don’t know how to make it right between us.”
“That’s easy,” Lucas said. “You go home, tell her ‘Sorry I was a jackass, mom, I’ll try to be less jack-assish from now on,’ and you’re good. She’ll forgive you.”
“You really believe that?”
“‘Course I do. Your mom’s cool like that. Give her a chance.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Why not?” Lucas asked, frustration showing in his voice. “What makes you so different from anybody else in the world who just needs to suck up their mistakes and say they’re sorry?”
“It’s different, because it wasn’t just random mistakes. I completely let her down. I bailed on her when Dad was in the hospital, then I bailed on her again at his memorial. I’d probably hate me too, if I was her.”
“I doubt she hates you.”
“You didn’t see her face last time I saw her.”
“Maybe you should be asking yourself why you bailed, then.”
Ben thought about that. “I’m not really sure.” He got up and walked to the front window, staring out at the darkness. “I just felt like it was my fault, and everybody knew it. It felt like there was this constant question in the air about why I wasn’t with Zach, or why I took so long to get to them when the bear was attacking.”
“But you were the one that brought the rifle!” Lucas said. “If you hadn’t done that, they both would have died - probably you would have, too! Why didn’t your dad grab the rifle - have you asked yourself that question?”
“I’m not sure,” Ben said. “He ran right by it, so I guess he just went straight to Zach when he heard him scream.”
“And you did the same thing,” Lucas said. “You ran straight for him too, but you had the presence of mind to grab the rifle on your way. Why doesn’t it count for anything that you picked it up?”
“I just -” Ben faltered. “I just should have been there first, that’s all.”
“How can you take that much responsibility for something that was out of your control?”
Ben shook his head. “I Dunno. I just can’t get past it.”
Lucas gave him a long look. “So, let me get this straight. You went to the trouble of going down to see my Uncle Cesar, just to apologize for supposedly letting him down - but you’re not willing to do the same for your own mom?”
“I told you - it’s different.”
Lucas was having none of it. “That makes no sense. What about Zach, then? Does he at least deserve an apology?”
“I don’t know, Lucas!” Ben was getting mad now. Mad at Lucas, the bear, the fire, Chad - but mostly, he was mad at himself. The worst part was that he couldn’t figure out how to fix a problem that, if he was honest, was entirely of his own making.
“I probably should have just punched you in the head,” Lucas said, scowling at Ben. “Would’ve saved us both the trouble of having this conversation.” He stood up.
“Where’re you going?”
Lucas picked up his keys. “Truck needs gas. Should’ve filled up on the way home.”
“You want company?”
Lucas sighed, looking at the floor. “Listen, hermano. I told you before you left for Boise, you needed to talk to your mom. You didn’t do it then. You need to do it now.” He looked up at Ben, his e
yes intent. “I don’t want to see you again ’til you do.”
Ben stared at him in disbelief. Of all the people he knew, he’d thought he could trust Lucas to not push him away.
“Don’t look all hurt,” Lucas said. “You can’t come up in here, crying about your problems, and expect me to just agree with you on everything. Comes a time, you gotta man up and admit that you’re part of the problem. That starts with swallowing your stupid pride and making nice with your mom. And your little brother.”
“It’s just not that easy -”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that song before, man. It doesn’t cut it. I love you like a brother, Harvey. But if you wanna keep treating your mom and brother like they don’t matter, well - I’m not gonna be a party to that.”
Ben didn’t know what to say. He looked at Lucas, trying to figure a way to make it right -
“There’s the door, man,” Lucas said, pointing. “Best get through it.”
Out of options, Ben got up and walked out.
Lucas watched him walk down the driveway and turn south toward town. He shook his head in disgust, and climbed into his truck.
Ben’s mom lived in the opposite direction.
Twin Falls Ranger District
7:30 A.M.
“Mr. Gòdia?” Ben stuck his head into Cesar’s office.
Cesar looked up from the file drawer he had his head buried in. “Hey, Harvey! Come on in. Did you make up your, ah… What happened to you?”
Ben looked down at himself, embarrassed. His clothes were rumpled and he could tell his hair was sticking out at odd angles. He hadn’t thought to find a mirror before coming in. “Sorry - I, ah, I slept on a park bench last night. Sprinklers woke me up this morning.”
“Should I ask why?”
“Long story short,” Ben said. “My mom and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms, and I didn’t have any place else to stay.”
“My nephew threw you out, did he?”
“Sir?” Ben was caught off guard. “How’d you know about that?”
