“But totally understandable,” Nate said. “Have a good evening.”
“You, as well,” Rachel said. “Give my love to your mom.”
“I will.”
They waved and headed on their way toward the house, and Rachel and Jess both climbed into her van.
“Nate is such a great guy,” Rachel said as she started driving the short distance to downtown. “Half the women in town are in love with him and the other half are in lust.”
“Including you?” Jess asked.
“No!” Rachel exclaimed. “I have Cody.”
For now, anyway. Until he decided not to put up with his bitchy wife anymore. She felt that familiar tremor of fear, the helpless feeling that washed over her whenever she worried she wasn’t doing enough to keep her marriage together.
She pushed it away for now, determined to try harder.
The Fishwife was busy, as always.
“Good thing I made a reservation,” she said as she and Jess walked through the crowd of waiting people.
Inside, she greeted the hostess, Maria Sanchez, a college student whose mom went to spin class with Rachel.
“Your table isn’t quite ready. I’m sorry. It’s being bused now so should be soon. Would you like to wait in the bar?”
“The bar is great,” she answered, though she was tired enough after her hard day to wish she could stretch out on the long bench out front and take a nap.
“You wanted the patio, right?”
“Sure. The weather is nice. That’s good.”
“It shouldn’t be long now,” the hostess said.
“Thank you,” she said.
She and Jess both ordered the same drink, a classic mint mojito, which surprised her. That had been their mother’s drink, she remembered. Veronica Clayton hadn’t been a big drinker but when she did imbibe, she favored mojitos. She ached for her mother suddenly, for warm cookies after school and the smell of her vanilla musk perfume and a soft hand on her forehead when she didn’t feel good.
“So. How are you, anyway?” Jess said, taking a sip of her drink.
“Fine.” Rachel forced a smile. She didn’t want to be here suddenly. She wanted to flee the restaurant, climb in her car and drive down the coast. Away. Just away.
Away from her failures and her fears and all the things she couldn’t fix.
“Is everything okay?” Jess gave her a careful look.
No. Not really. My life is falling apart. But thanks for asking.
She couldn’t say that, of course. She forced a smile, though she felt as if her face would crack with the effort. “Great. Just great. Couldn’t be better.”
10
Jess
She knew damn well her sister was lying.
Rachel wasn’t great. For one thing, Jess could see the shadows under her eyes that concealer couldn’t hide. For another, though her words were benign, the despair that trickled into her voice wasn’t.
“What’s going on?” she asked softly. She couldn’t help remembering the little sister who always turned to Jess when she had a bad dream or when their father would go on a rampage.
They were best friends, united in all things to protect each other from the chaos of their home, until that terrible June night when everything changed.
Rachel took a healthy sip of her mojito. “Nothing. I’m perfectly fine. Couldn’t be better.”
“You’re lying.” She tilted her head, trying to see beneath her sister’s facade. “Is it Silas?”
Rachel let out a short laugh. “Why would you think anything might be wrong? I’m only dealing with three kids under the age of seven, one of whom happens to be on the spectrum.”
This time Rachel took an even healthier sip of her drink.
“I don’t know how you’re doing it,” Jess said.
“What choice do I have?”
Jess blinked at the hard tone, one she hadn’t ever heard from her sister.
Rachel immediately backtracked. “Sorry. That didn’t come out the way I meant. I love my life. Cody, the girls, Silas. I am so lucky to have them all. I can’t imagine my world without them. I don’t want to imagine my world without them. Today was a hard day and you’re on the tail end of my bad mood. Sorry.”
Before Jess could respond and tell her sister what a wonderful mother she was and how she admired the way Rachel handled her challenges with grace and courage, the hostess returned.
“Your table is ready. I apologize for the wait.”
“No problem,” her sister chirped with another one of those fake smiles. She grabbed her purse in one hand and her drink in the other and followed the woman.
Jess didn’t have any choice but to do the same, though she wished the hostess had waited five more moments so she could have told her sister how much she admired her.
It was a beautiful view, she had to admit. The Pacific stretched out in both directions. She could look down and see rock formations up and down the coast. She could even see Whitaker House, with its small protected cove.
The night was pleasant but cool, making Jess grateful for the sweater she had brought along and also for patio heaters that sent out a comforting warmth.
“Simone will be your server and Donnie will be helping her out,” the hostess informed them with a polite smile as she set two menus in front of them. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“No. We’re fine. Thanks,” Rachel said. Her features were so pleasant and controlled that Jess had to wonder if she had imagined that hint of despair.
“I can’t wait to order. I’m starving,” Rachel said as soon as the woman glided away. “They have the most amazing scallops here. The sauce is seriously to die for.” Her sister then started chattering about some of the things going on in her life, talking about the PTA, her women’s group, her garden, where the peas were already coming on.
Rachel hardly let Jess squeeze a word into the conversation and barely slowed down to let them both order when Simone came over.
Jess’s day had been long and busy and she had hardly stopped long enough for lunch. She ended up ordering the scallops and a house salad.
For all the hype she had given, Rachel ended up ordering something completely different, a blackened salmon and strawberry salad she said was her second favorite thing on the menu.
After the server had taken their menus and walked away to put their orders into the system, Rachel sipped from her water glass then folded her hands together. “So. How are things going for you? You’re helping Eleanor Whitaker clean out her house. That must be amazing. I’ve always wanted to have a day to spend just wandering through that place.”
“It is beautiful.”
“I still want to know if she’s going to put the house up for sale. I always thought Nate would inherit it, that it had been in the Whitaker family too long to let it pass to someone else. But what do I know?”
“I don’t know her plans,” Jess said, in complete honesty. “Right now, we’re just focusing on cleaning out the house and getting rid of some of her husband’s things.”
“Jack was such a great guy. I remember in high school he visited as a guest lecturer to my English class. I think he was friends with Stella Davenport, my teacher. He could really make Steinbeck come alive. His death was so tragic. I mean, cancer isn’t uncommon but colon cancer is so brutal and painful. So sad.”
“Yes.”
“How did Eleanor hear about you?”
“She had a friend who used our services. And apparently you mentioned Transitions to her once, so that was another mark in my favor. Thanks for that.”
One of the servers delivered a wooden bowl of sourdough bread to their table. Rachel instantly picked up a chunk and broke off a piece of crust to eat first.
She had always done that, Jess remembered. Jess had loved the inside and Rachel h
ad loved the crusts. They had made the perfect pair.
“I don’t remember that conversation at all but if she says I did, I believe her. I’m glad she listened to me.”
“So am I,” Jess said. “It’s been a fun job so far.”
“What about men in your life? Anything new there?”
For some ridiculous reason, Nate’s image flashed into her brain. She frowned, annoyed with herself. “I’m taking a break right now from relationships. Work keeps me too busy to think about men much. Anyway, I’m never in one place long enough to form any serious connections.”
“That’s the way you like it, isn’t it?”
Rachel’s matter-of-fact tone held no condemnation but Jess instinctively wanted to protest anyway. How could she? Her sister was right. “Maybe. You know I’m not really on the happy-ever-after team.”
“Only because you’ve tried hard to convince yourself of that. Everyone deserves a happy ending.”
“Wouldn’t you agree that happy-ever-after has a different definition for everyone? Finding someone you love enough to share your life with is only the first step on the journey. Then you have to figure out how to live with them to be truly happy. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Haven’t you found that with Cody?”
For an instant, Jess thought she saw sadness in her sister’s eyes but the server came with their salads and she couldn’t be sure.
What was going on? Was Rachel’s marriage in trouble? She had heard that having a child with special needs was one of the hardest challenges a couple could face together, that the divorce rate was higher than normal under those circumstances. Rachel and Cody had been in love since high school. She hated to think they might be struggling.
She wanted to ask but Rachel seemed determined to keep their conversation superficial, avoiding any of Jess’s efforts to push more deeply.
She finally gave up. If Rachel didn’t want to tell her, she couldn’t make her. Still, Jess couldn’t help but ache again for the close relationship they once had.
They opted to share dessert, a lemon cake so thick and luscious that Rachel had to pull out her phone and take pictures. Despite all the fuss, after she put away her phone, she only ate about two bites then set down her fork.
Fine. That just left more for Jess, she thought. When she had eaten as much as she could manage, she pushed away the cake and met her sister’s gaze. Over the flickering candlelight, she saw another hint of that despair she had glimpsed earlier.
She sighed. She couldn’t ignore it. This was Rachel. If she didn’t push, her sister would never tell her.
“Okay. You’ve put on a good front for the entire dinner. I commend your efforts. Now, why don’t you tell me the truth? What’s really going on? How’s Silas? You said today has been a hard day. Is it more than just today?”
She wasn’t sure Rachel would answer. The silence dragged on for an uncomfortable moment, broken only by muted conversation and the chink of cutlery on china from nearby tables as well as the murmur of the sea below them.
After a long moment, Rachel curled her hand around her water goblet stem so tightly, Jess worried it would break.
“I hate complaining. It makes me feel like such a horrible mother. But the past few months have been hard. Silas has become really out of control lately.”
“Out of control how?”
“Not napping. Not listening to anything I say. Not interacting with his sisters at all except to do exactly the things they don’t want him to do. It’s a lot to handle. My girls were both so sweet-natured at this age. Silas isn’t and I’m at my wit’s end, if you want the truth. There. Aren’t you sorry you asked?”
“No. You shouldn’t be carrying this by yourself. Have you talked to his pediatrician about it? Some of it might be his age.”
“Not really. This is all pretty new. Within the past few months, anyway.”
“Maybe you should call her.”
Rachel sighed. “We’re meeting with a team of specialists at an autism clinic next week in Sacramento. I hope I’ll be up to the drive. Sometimes he can howl and bang his head on the seat the entire car ride. And other times he loves it. It’s always a roll of the dice.”
Jess had caught a glimpse of Silas’s behavior issues the other day when she had dropped by unexpectedly and found the house in chaos. Was that the reason Rachel seemed so brittle? If she wasn’t sleeping well and then had to wrestle with a challenging two-year-old all day, Jess couldn’t blame her for being exhausted.
“Cody’s going with you to help out, isn’t he?”
“We both thought it would be better if he stayed with the girls to take Ava to preschool and then his mom’s and get Grace off to school then be there when Grace gets home.”
Rachel needed help. She couldn’t drive all the way to Sacramento on her own with a difficult toddler. “I’ll take care of the girls. I’m sure I can work out the schedule with Eleanor. I can probably even take Ava with me for the day.”
“I can’t ask that of you.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered. And I mean it. You and Cody are in this together. As Silas’s father, Cody should absolutely go with you to the clinic appointment.”
Rachel appeared to be weakening as she considered the offer. “It would be nice to have him along. Silas does better in the car if one of us sits with him to keep him distracted from the sensory overload. It’s an early-morning appointment, though. I have to leave at six to make it on time.”
“You said this is Tuesday? Why don’t you go the night before? I don’t mind staying overnight with the girls. It will be fun. Like a slumber party. And maybe you and Cody can enjoy some time away together. You’ll still have Silas, but not all three kids.”
Rachel looked hopeful, as if the sun had slipped out from behind the clouds on an otherwise relentlessly stormy day. After a moment, she shook her head.
“It’s too much. I can’t ask that of you.”
“We’re family, Rachel. The main reason I took this job with Eleanor was to give me more time to be with the girls and Silas. This will be the perfect opportunity for me to hang with Ava and Grace. I’ll feel even better, knowing I might be helping you out a little bit.”
Rachel looked as if she didn’t know what to say. “Let me talk to Cody and see if that might work with his schedule,” she finally said. “We had basically decided he was going to stay with the girls. He might have scheduled a job for that day while Ava is with his mom.”
“He can unschedule it,” Jess replied bluntly.
She liked her brother-in-law very much, usually. Cody had always treated Rachel well, as far as she knew, and seemed to be a devoted dad to the girls and Silas. But she had to wonder if he had any idea the burden his wife shouldered all day, coping with three young children.
“I’m going to guess he’s not too busy to go to an important clinic appointment with his wife and son. If he is, somebody should have a talk with him to remind him what his priorities ought to be.”
“We are his priority.” Rachel’s voice took on a definite defensive note. “He just has a lot on his plate now with the roofing business.”
“And you don’t? Trying to manage Silas while you’re busy with the girls, the house, not to mention your own work, too?”
“It’s different. You know how it is.”
Jess did not know how it was. All she knew about family dynamics was derived from her childhood, watching their father grind their mother’s confidence down to nothing.
“Talk to Cody and let me know so I can arrange the time off with Eleanor. I know it won’t be a problem.”
“I’ll talk to him. Thanks for thinking of it, Jess. Seriously.”
Though Rachel put up a fuss, Jess insisted on paying for dinner. “My treat. Consider it a late birthday dinner.”
They were on the way to Rachel’s car when her sister suddenly stopped in
her tracks and grabbed Jess’s arm. “Speaking of birthdays. I completely forgot yours is coming up. Next week, isn’t it?”
“I’m trying to forget about it. But yes.”
She usually didn’t mind birthdays but there was something about this one that had been wearing on her lately.
She was turning thirty. It was a number she still couldn’t wrap her head around.
“We have to do something to celebrate! The kids and I would love to have dinner and make a cake for you. Can you put us on your calendar?”
The invitation touched her. How long had it been since she had spent her birthday with family? Probably fourteen years, since that last horrible summer.
“Considering you’re among a very small group of people I know in town, it shouldn’t be that hard to rearrange my busy social calendar. I’ll plan on it.” She paused. “I would enjoy that. Thank you.”
“Great. I’ll be in touch with details about that and about whether Cody thinks he can come with me. Thanks for offering. It’s really sweet of you.”
Rachel smiled and this time Jess was relieved to see it appeared genuine.
“I had better get you back to your cute trailer.”
Rachel drove with the windows down in her minivan, the May night sweet with the scent of flowers and the sea.
“So what do you think about Nathaniel Whitaker?”
The question, coming out of nowhere, made her flush. Jess was grateful it was dark inside the vehicle and her sister couldn’t see.
Had she given off some sort of signal that made Rachel somehow suspect her unwanted attraction?
“I haven’t thought about him much at all,” she lied. “He’s Eleanor’s son. He seems nice enough, I suppose, though I really haven’t had much to do with him.”
“Sad about his wife dying so young. Michelle is considered a hero in town, even though she and Nate never lived here together.”
She didn’t want to know this but didn’t know how to tell her sister to stop talking without giving Rachel reason to wonder about her reaction.
“Is she?”
“Yes. I guess because he’s a hometown boy and she was his wife, she gets the hero status by association. She was killed while she was deployed overseas when a soldier they were training went rogue and started firing on US soldiers. Michelle rushed him to try to stop him and was killed. Sophie was only a baby, I guess. I don’t know if she even remembers her mom, poor thing.”
The Path to Sunshine Cove Page 10
