He smiled, though it never reached his eyes. ‘You know what she needed you to know at the time. For six years after Deonti's death, Eris stayed with Gabriel to raise Suraya. In all that time, Gabriel never spoke to her. She grieved for her sister and…’ He paused, his eyes grim. ‘Yet all through this,’ he continued without completing his train of thought, ‘he showed no compassion, only blame.’
‘He didn’t talk to her for six years? He must have spoken to her about Suraya?’ I thought of my home growing up, the noise that had always been present; long talks into the night, peals of laughter provoked by the smallest of things. I couldn’t imagine a home filled with angry, bitter silence.
Adam shook his head. ‘He never even looked at her. If she spoke to him, she was ignored as he looked past her. She was worse than nothing to him. She was the person who killed his love.’
‘But he let her care for his daughter?’
He nodded.
‘Why didn’t she leave, then?’
‘She had a child to care for.’ He turned and followed Eris, his uncomfortableness with the conversation causing him to leave faster than usual. I slumped back against the tree and spent a few moments trying to control my wild breathing. How could I have missed the depths Gabriel would go to? How could I have loved another cruel man?
CHAPTER FIVE
The Damiq huddled around several small fires in groups. Their hushed tones sounded eerie in the dim light, like creatures crawling through the night looking for their next victim. I sat back from everyone, hidden in the shadows, watching the Damiq. Even now, hours later, many of them maintained contact with their returned loved ones, laying a hand on their leg or shoulder, brushing their skin with the softest touch, or clutching each other as if the threat still loomed over them.
I couldn’t join them. Nicolai had tried to urge me forward, telling me that the Damiq needed to express their gratitude, but I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t see the grief for their fallen comrades, the pain that shadowed their smile and eyes. I couldn’t face it. I had been a coward. I could have saved so many people, yet I hadn’t because I wanted to save my own skin. Now that Adam had forced me to acknowledge my reasons for not acting, I couldn’t avoid them. Harvey made sure I didn’t, with constant accusing whispers, each one a fresh blade to my heart.
Kye brought me a plastic mug filled with steaming black liquid. I clasped it in my hands, relishing the heat that eased my stiff fingers, grateful that someone had thought to get some tea on their supply run into the nearest town. If only they had gotten some milk.
‘H-How are y-you?’
‘Okay.’ I pointed to where Sally sat huddled near the largest fire. She didn’t acknowledge the Damiq at her side but watched the flames while she hugged herself. ‘How is she doing?’
‘B-Bad.’ He sighed. ‘S-She’s never k-killed before.’
I sipped my drink and grimaced when it burnt my tongue. ‘She will get used to it.’
‘M-Maybe. S-She isn’t like us.’
‘Neither were we once upon a time.’
‘True. B-But Sally is d-different. S-She is gentle.’
I hugged the cup to my chest. Warmth spread through my clothes, and I shivered. ‘I know.’ I sighed. ‘Why are you still here, Kye? Why haven’t you both gone back with Cissy?’
He grinned and nudged me with his shoulder, spilling tea onto my jacket. ‘Y-You d-don’t want me here?’
‘Of course, I do. But I don’t want you and Sally to… I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t think I could bear it.’
‘S-Sally refuses to go.’ He frowned. ‘S-She worries about me.’
‘And you worry about her?’
He nodded.
‘Why don’t you tell her, then? We both know how you feel about her. Only she is oblivious to it.’
He shook his head and looked at his hands. ‘L-Look at me. I h-have nothing to o-offer her.’
‘For an intelligent person, you aren’t half an idiot.’
‘I-If you are g-going to insult me, t-then I might a-as well go h-home.’ He nudged me again and grinned. ‘I c-can always send M-Maggie to help.’
I grimaced at the thought of Damien’s sister, Maria’s newfound cousin. ‘The last thing I need is that she-devil here. There are already enough people hunting me, thank you very much.’ Tears welled up, and I pressed my palms to my eyes, trying to stem them.
Kye slipped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. ‘Hey now. D-Don’t cry.’
I shrugged him off, took a deep breath, and locked the swelling tide down. ‘I'm sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can't seem to stop crying.’
‘B-Baby hormones?’
I laughed, a bitter sound that sent a shiver down my spine. ‘If only that was the problem. Eris thinks I'm crazy. I supposedly make her itch.’
He chuckled, his eyes bright with humour. ‘Y-You have always been a l-little mad.’
I elbowed him in the ribs. ‘Watch it now.’
He laughed with such ease and innocence, I envied him. ‘T-That’s better. I-It will be okay. Y-You will see.’ His face became solemn as he looked at Sally. ‘H-How do I help her?’
I studied Sally and the darkness that haunted her. ‘Tell her how you feel.’
He rolled his eyes but looked down at his clasped fingers, his cheeks flushed. ‘S-She’s seven years older t-than me.’
‘And Adam is nine thousand years older than me. It didn’t stop us conceiving a child.’
‘True.’ His face reddened. ‘B-But she doesn’t f-feel the same.’
‘Neither does Adam,’ I said with bitterness. I swallowed it down. My issues weren’t Kye’s problem. He already had enough to worry about. I nudged him. ‘Go to her. Tell her that you are there for her, no matter what. Tell her that, whatever she feels like now, it will get better and you will still be there. And if you can find the balls, tell her that you love her. I reckon that might put a smile on her face because, whether you believe it or not, that girl moons over you.’ I placed the cup on the ground and hugged my knees. ‘Now bugger off. I want some peace and quiet.’
‘Y-You sure?’
I nodded. ‘If you don’t go, I’ll have to kick your ass.’
He laughed as he stood. ‘I-I wouldn’t want t-that. T-There are already r-rumours about the Sharur.’
I scowled and took a swipe at him. He skipped back and laughed when my cup landed on its side. ‘Now look what you made me do,’ I grumbled as I shifted along the ground away from the spreading liquid.
‘N-Not me. I-It’s the crazy Sharur.’
‘Go! Be with Sally before I really do kick your ass.’
He chuckled all the way to the fire where he sat beside Sally and slipped an arm around her.
Bill emerged from the trees and hunkered down next to me, watching the shadows as they flexed in the light of the flames. ‘He’s a good kid.’
‘He needs to go home,’ I said.
‘He refused, and from the bit I heard, he was quite vocal about it.’
‘Can’t you make him realise how dangerous it is?’
‘I don’t need to point that out to him or anyone else here. They were in the cavern.’
‘Why does he stay then?’
Bill smiled. ‘Because he believes in you, as do the majority of the Damiq.’
‘Parker?’
Bill chuckled. ‘He thinks you will get us all killed.’
‘At least someone has some common sense.’
‘Maybe. But maybe there is something in the prophecy.’
I groaned. ‘Don’t you start. I've already had my fill of that crap. The baby is nothing more than a baby.
He frowned at my sullen tone. ‘It gives them hope. You give them hope.’
‘Why?’ My raised voice drew the attention of the closest Damiq. Kacie smiled and waved at me. I forced a smile in return.
‘Because you brought their people home.’
‘Eris did that.’
He shook h
is head. ‘You don’t get off that easy. She was heard telling the Siis, Adam, about you asking. She found it amusing.’
I rolled my eyes. Why didn’t that surprise me? ‘She finds everything amusing.’
He laughed. ‘You should see her with Cissy. That old woman might be a menace, but she has no fear of Eris. You have to respect her for that.’
‘Mister Bill?’ Verity called from the shadows. ‘Where are you? Matty won’t give me Annabel back.’
Bill sighed as he stood. ‘Duty calls.’ He paused. ‘Try not to think too much about it all, Ana. For now, you have people who are your friends.’
I watched him go with a heavy heart. He called them my friends, but what sort of friend would I be if I remained knowing the danger it put everyone in?
‘You’re brooding,’ Nicolai said, causing me to jump.
‘Is there a rota to make sure I’m not alone?’
He smiled as he sat beside me. ‘People care.’
‘Yeah,’ I muttered. ‘So everyone keeps telling me. Nicolai, do me a favour and throw me out of your camp.’
He sighed as he studied me. ‘I cannot do that.’
‘Why not? You’re their leader. You should be thinking about what is best for them, not about some damn prophecy.’
‘I am thinking of them.’ He pointed to Vanessa who sat by the fire clasping her sister's hand. ‘You did what we couldn’t.’
Why couldn’t he understand the danger I posed? ‘Because of me, your home is destroyed.’
‘We will find a new home.’
‘Many people are dead because of me,’ I insisted, not wanting to be let off the hook.
He sighed. ‘When Trish was taken, it was Vanessa's day to hunt. She was reading a new book and was enthralled, so convinced her sister to take her place. When she found out what had happened, she was inconsolable. No one could calm her, and she needed to be sedated. That night, Bill found her on the clifftop above the pasture. She was ready to take her life.’
‘It must have been hard losing her sister.’
He shook his head. ‘That wasn’t the reason she was there. It was the guilt. It was eating her up inside.’ He sighed. ‘Guilt is a strange thing. It served no real purpose in that instance, yet it was one of the most powerful emotions Vanessa has ever needed to deal with.’
‘Don’t worry, Nicolai. Your Sharur isn’t going to throw herself off a ledge.’
‘Do you remember what happened to Parker when he went back to visit his mother?’
I nodded. ‘She tried to exorcise him.’
‘After that, Parker should have left. He didn't. He tried to make his mother understand. He was still a child and her rejection hurt him. At the time, he didn’t comprehend the power of his abilities, nor realise that his feelings were being transferred to his mother. She committed suicide, two weeks after his arrival.’
‘That’s awful.’
‘Before she took her life, she took Parker’s two sisters to the lake.’
I tensed, already knowing the answer but unable to resist the question. ‘She drowned them?’
He nodded. ‘Parker tried to save his sisters, but he was too late.’
‘Nicolai, it’s not that I don’t appreciate a little insight into Parker, but I don’t know what this has to do with me.’
‘We all carry guilt, Ana. Some of us buckle under it, and some of us become stronger. Do not let it eat away at you. It serves no purpose other than to harm.’
Adam emerged from the darkness and joined us. Nicolai nodded to him before leaving us alone.
I buried my face in my knees. ‘If you have come to check on my well-being, don’t bother. I have had enough well-wishers to last me a lifetime.’
‘I have received word that Gabriel will arrive at sunrise. I will leave to greet him.’
I looked up with a start. ‘You will tell him about the baby being yours?’
He nodded, his eyes dark with apprehension.
‘I don’t think that is a good idea.’ Adam telling Gabriel would make it worse.
‘I can think of no other.’
I stood and stretched my legs off, wincing at the pains that filled every part of my body. I scooped the empty mug off the ground. ‘I will meet him.’
‘That is a bad idea.’
‘So was having sex, but here we are.’ I flinched, regretting my harsh words, and touched my fingers to his arm. ‘There is less chance of him hurting me.’
His lips quirked into a small smile that brought light to his eyes, reminding me of the old Adam from a time before our lives fell apart. ‘I am not concerned for my safety.’
‘Fine! There is less chance of him being hurt if I go.’
He sighed with weariness as he studied me, all humour draining from him. ‘You worry for him?’
I shrugged, uncomfortable under his gaze that seemed to see deep inside of me, regardless of how I tried to hide my chaotic mind. ‘I feel sorry for him, especially as he is coming here on cloud nine.’ I pressed my hand to my chest. ‘I feel his happiness here. It is like a weight has been lifted. I can almost see him in my mind's eye, grinning with joy. He has hope again, Adam. He hasn’t felt that way since I left him, but now... The truth is going to destroy him.’
‘I know.’ He sighed with bone-deep, heart-breaking weariness this time, making me want to reach out to him. ‘However,’ he continued, ‘begging his forgiveness will not change that.’
I glared at him, all feelings of comfort flying out the window. ‘Don’t be confused. I have no intention of begging for his forgiveness. We may be bonded by shi, but he isn’t my boyfriend anymore. He gave that right up.’
He frowned in obvious confusion, draining the rage from me, leaving a hollow ache in its place. ‘Then why feel guilt?’
‘Don’t you know? It seems to be my emotion of the day, the reason every damn person feels they need to hold my hand.’ I sighed. Why did my mind have to feel like a rollercoaster? It was exhausting. ‘Over or not, you are his best friend. I suppose I owe him an apology for that.’
He looked to the trees through the darkness, yet his eyes were unfocused and his heart heavy. ‘We were friends once. That will not be the case soon.’
‘I suppose not.’ I dropped my cup on the pile of dirty dishes by the fire. ‘You can come, but I want to speak to him first.’
He raised one eyebrow in question. ‘Since when do I take orders from you?’
‘Since you stuck a baby in me.’
He chuckled but soon sobered up, his eyes shadowed, speaking of mental exhaustion. ‘It will not be pleasant.’
‘What is anymore?’
* * *
The shadows changed from black to grey and the first of the birds sang their morning tune. Their soft song did nothing to ease my tension, neither did the dagger strapped to my leg. It wouldn’t help me in this situation. I hoped to God that it wouldn’t help; if I needed to draw my weapon, things had gone horribly wrong.
Gabriel approached. He remained out of sight, maybe half a mile from where I stood with Adam, but I felt him as if he stood in front of me. His happiness sparkled in my mind, speaking of a man who sang as he walked, enjoying every beauty that the world had to offer. I didn’t want to face him. I should have listened to Adam and stayed back at the camp. But even knowing what he had done to Eris years ago, I couldn’t chicken out on this one. Maybe he didn’t deserve my explanation, but I needed to give it for my own peace of mind.
I chewed on my nail, trapped the end in my teeth, and tore it from the nail bed. ‘Damn,’ I hissed as blood welled up. I sucked the blood off and, without control, moved on to the next nail.
As Gabriel drew nearer, I dropped my hand and paced in the small space we awaited him, four steps one way and four steps back, over and over again as my heart rate increased. My shi pricked with his approach, crying the urge to run to him, to press my body against his. I stopped with clenched hands and groaned, resisting the urge to hit the tree. I wouldn’t give in to that desire. It wa
s a false emotion, created by our bond. It had nothing to do with any residual feelings I might harbour for him. Nothing at all.
Harvey snickered. You just keep on believing that.
Shut up! Even if I did still care, it didn’t matter. It wouldn’t change anything. We were still broken, and the more I learnt about him, the more I knew we could never be fixed. I continued to pace. I wouldn’t be a coward. I wouldn’t run from this confrontation. If only I could.
The light breeze fluttering through my mind increased, becoming a pressure-filled with bouncy happiness. I looked to Adam, but his eyes remained ahead, and his jaw clenched. I glanced up at the sky, already turning blue as the rays of sun spilt across it, colouring the clouds with hues of gold and pink. Maybe God could strike me with lightning. Not strong enough to kill, I really wasn’t suicidal, but enough to stop the confrontation occurring. ‘I don’t want to do this,’ I murmured. ‘I don’t, I don’t, I really don’t.’
‘Repeating yourself will not prevent it from occurring.’
I shot him a sharp look. ‘Neither will being snarky.’
Gabriel broke through the trees, his smile broader than I could have imagined and his eyes bright with happiness. He hurried straight to me, gripped my waist and swung me around. ‘When I heard, I thought it must be wrong.’ He pressed his lips to mine. A short kiss that left me no time to protest. ‘But Eris assures me it’s true.’ He lowered me to the ground and pulled me into his arms, oblivious to the fear that controlled my thundering heart. ‘We are having a child together. Everything that happened, everything that I did, it doesn’t matter now. We are to be parents.’ He lifted me and kissed me again before lowering me to my shaky legs. He looked into my eyes. ‘It is impossible, but it is true. Ana, you must see now that we are meant to be. I know that I have so much to make up for, and I will, I promise you. I will make you forget the terrible things I did.’ He squeezed me again, hard.
I couldn’t speak, my tongue remained glued to the roof of my mouth. I glanced at Adam, wanting to ask for his help, to plead for him to take over the conversation, for him to make it all right.
Noble Lies Page 8
