For a moment, I was back in the grand hall as Cleas, waiting for the ritual to begin. I hadn’t been in his memory long enough to see the outcome, but I was willing to bet that someone suffered for Eris being picked over him. She had been the woman at the end of the line. A different woman I knew today, a woman filled with dark determination.
I pushed the memory away. I dreaded the thought of getting caught in Cleas’s mind again. I didn’t want to talk about his plans just yet, I had to make sense of it all first and to do so, I needed to access Cleas’s memories. I recalled so much from the experiences I’d endured, but there was also so much I hadn’t explored, so many scenes that remained hidden to me. I was too exhausted to try yet. ‘Was it really only eighteen days?’ My mind rejected the low number. It had seemed like a lifetime.
He nodded and leant forwards, peering at me as his fingers hovered inches from mine, like he wanted to touch but didn’t know how. ‘You seemed so certain that the child had been born. How long did it appear to you?’
I closed my eyes, able to recall the Wastelands in vivid detail. ‘Several years.’ I sighed. ‘Too much time for a person to spend alone.’ I wouldn’t dwell in pity. At least not today. ‘But I'm back now.’ I tried to infuse some strength into my words and failed miserably. ‘And for some reason, I'm damned tired.’
He nodded and stood. He paused for a moment as if about to say something before he nodded again. ‘I will let you rest.’ He pushed the chair against the wall and approached the door, his eyes fixed forwards. Had it really become more awkward than before?
‘Adam?’
He turned to me, his eyes intense, darkening his features. Yet his mental wall was welded back in place, more impenetrable than a triple-layered daku box.
I waited for him to meet my gaze. ‘Thank you. For staying with me all this time. Not just while I was unconscious, but after Gabriel left.’
He paused as if about to say something before he dipped his head once and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I snuggled under the cover, not bothering to strip off the large tracksuit bottoms. A commotion started outside the room; a man, possibly a doctor, stated that they needed to examine me. Adam’s response was too low to distinguish the words, but nobody disturbed me, so I figured he sorted it.
I tried to sleep, my body practically begged me to, but my mind remained active, filtering through everything that I could remember, trying to make sense of it all. I needed to find the exact details of Cleas’s plans, but I soon realised that, unless I entered Cleas’s mind directly, I wouldn’t get the answers I wanted.
It was the only course of action, but I couldn’t do it. Every time I considered it, fear of falling back into the Wasteland gripped me, choking my throat off. Each time I dwelled on his memories, I saw burning cities, levelled to the ground. Another image kept coming to mind, of Doug, sitting in a café with Cleas and Damien. They had visited him on at least four occasions that I knew of, one of them to get the location of the daku vein. The one that bugged me the most was Cleas asking when all the world leaders came together.
I chewed the thought over for so long, my eyes became heavy and my mind drifted. One question followed me into sleep: why would Cleas care about a world meeting?
***
I sat up with a start, my eyes swollen with sleep but my brain alert. I knew why Cleas needed to know about the leaders meeting together. I knew what his sick, twisted mind was planning, at least some of it.
I pushed back the cover and swung my legs over the side of the bed. The baggy clothes felt rough against my skin as if I’d sweated in my sleep. As I stripped them off, I noticed the neat pile of clothes on the chair against the wall. I might have felt like I hadn’t slept, but I must have been out cold as I hadn’t heard anyone enter. I needed to be more alert in the future.
I desperately wanted a bath, so wrapped the edges of the hospital gown around me and opened the door.
Maris sprang up from a chair next to the door. ‘Thank God! I was beginning to think that you had gone into another coma.’
I yawned, still aching with overall exhaustion, and rubbed my eyes. ‘How long was I asleep?’
‘Eight hours. Lucky you woke when you did.’ She glanced down the corridor, in the opposite direction I had travelled during my first visit out of the room. ‘They managed to get a meeting.’ She looked at her empty wrist and sighed, missing the watch she used to wear before our lives got turned upside down. ‘It starts in about two hours.’
There was no time to waste then. ‘I need to wash.’ I stumbled to the shower room, my legs quivering. ‘Also, toiletries,’ I shouted behind me. ‘If you don’t mind bringing them to the shower room down here on the right.’ My throat was strained, I needed more water, but she heard me fine.
‘I’ll get them now.’ She ran in the other direction.
I checked several doors before I found the locker room. I flicked the light on and closed the door behind me, scanning the room. My trek through here the first time was faded, like a childhood memory, and I remembered snippets rather than the whole journey.
The enormity of what the future held for us all crashed down on me, and I leant against the door, my legs shaking. How was I meant to do all of this on my own? How could I stop a madman such as Cleas without losing my myself in his mind?
After a moment to catch my breath, I shuffled past the lockers to the showers. Hopefully, Maria would think to bring towels as I hadn’t mentioned them.
I considered sitting on the bench lining the wall to wait for Maria as I had no toiletries to clean with, but after what had felt like years of not feeling water on my skin, I couldn’t wait. I turned the shower on to let it heat and stripped the hospital gown off, dropping it on the floor to use as a shower mat. The material was thin but would be better than nothing.
I checked the temperature, childlike joy bringing me alive as rivets of water ran down my arm. When I stepped in, I let out a gasp of pleasure; it was even better than I had imagined.
The shower beat down on me, powerful streams of water that made me groan with pleasure, and my hair soon clung to my neck and back. Maria arrived and I shouted for her to slip the toiletries under the curtain. They appeared at my feet and I shouted my thanks, unable to hear her response as water filled my ears.
Soaping myself felt even better than standing under the water. The thick suds were silkier than I remembered soap could ever be, and I spent long minutes enjoying the pleasure of washing. I would never take such a simple task for granted again.
Once I had spent more time in there than I had, I turned the shower off and stuck my head through the curtain. The place was empty except for a disposable toothbrush and paste on the bench opposite me. Damn, no towels.
I stretched down for the hospital gown I had discarded on the floor. It would do little to dry me, but it was better than running down the corridor butt naked.
The thin cotton clung to my body and effectively became invisible. There was nothing I could do about it unless Maria came to check on me.
Once I finished brushing my teeth, I felt human once more. I pulled the gown away from my body in the hope that when I wrapped it back around me it wouldn’t be so revealing. No such luck; the minute I release the gown, it moulded itself back to my skin.
‘Who gives a crap,’ I muttered, collecting the toothbrush, paste and the rubbish from the sink.
I turned the hot tap on and swilled the sink around. Old habits die hard. I stared at the draining water, thinking of my parents with sadness. How I wished they were here now. I could do with some fatherly advice and motherly comfort. I hurried from the bathroom. There was no time for nostalgia. That was a life from long ago.
As I reached my room, Adam came out and looked me up and down, taking in my scant clothing. ‘There is nourishment for you on the bed.’
I went to tell him that I wasn’t hungry when my stomach growled, calling me every liar under the sun. ‘Thanks.’ I stood waiting, shifting fr
om foot to foot as I hugged myself. I didn’t want to push past him, but I was one step above naked in a corridor.
He nodded and stepped aside. I waited for him for a moment longer. Things were so different now.
‘I miss you,’ I said to my own surprise.
He frowned, his eyes shadowed with confusion. ‘I am right here.’
I shook my head causing rivets of water to trickle down my neck. ‘I miss how we use to be before—’ I looked down, indicated to my stomach ‘—before all this happened, back when you were training me.’
He guided me into the room, more concerned about my modesty than I was. He closed the door behind us and waited for me to sit on the bed before settling into the chair with a sigh. ‘It has been difficult lately.’ He met my eyes with regret. ‘Things will get harder from here.’
I sighed as I studied the food before me: tomato soup, two bread rolls with little packets of butter next to them, a pot of rice pudding, and a carton of orange juice.
I picked up one of the rolls and ripped it in half. ‘I know that.’ I dipped the dry roll into the steaming bowl. Orange soup dripped on the bed and down my chin as I bit off a large chunk of the bread.
Adam sighed, I thought because of the mess I was making until he said, ‘We need to talk about what you saw in my memories.’
‘No, we don’t,’ I said through a full mouth. I gulped down my food and ripped open the orange juice, drinking it to help clear the crumbs from my mouth. ‘Your memories are your memories. You can have the utmost confidence that I will not share anything I experienced.’
He scowled at me. ‘That is not what we need to discuss, and you know it.’
I dropped the bread to the tray and turned to him. ‘Look, I know that your family only died a few years ago, and after being with Gabriel, I know how long Siis take to recover from the loss of a loved one.’ I sighed, needing a moment to find the conviction to say my next words. ‘We are having a child together, and you know, if it wasn’t for everyone trying to kill me, I would probably be really happy. But that doesn’t make us anything except two people who had a night of passion—’ I paused to get my breath. ‘—which is completely understandable considering how we both nearly died. But that doesn’t mean you are betraying Clara’s memory.’
He flinched, as if hearing his wife’s name had stung him. I watched him, my heart aching. If only things with us were different. If only I had met him first, before Gabriel. If only his wife had died many years before, preventing his guilt.
I mentally slapped myself. It wasn’t the time to dream about what-ifs when reality demanded attention. ‘You need more time.’ I filled my mouth with soup.
He leant back in his seat, his brows raised in question. ‘You believe that you are qualified to know what I need?’
I nodded. ‘After being in your head, yes.’
The door crashed open and Maria barged in. She stopped with her hands on her small hips and looked me over. ‘Why aren’t you dressed yet?’
I picked up the bread roll I’d discarded on the tray. ‘I'm still eating.’ To prove my point, I dipped the roll in the soup and shoved it in my mouth, spilling more orange drips on the sheet. Oops; they were going to stain.
‘Well, hurry up then.’ She grabbed hold of the door. ‘I have so much to tell and show you.’ Her eyes sparkled with wonder. ‘They employ witches. Fi, she was in Downing Street with us fighting the Siis and, oh my God, that woman has some cool powers. And they have this whole building, all to deal with the threat of the Siis. I can’t wait for you—’
‘Shall I get changed first? Or do I need to get the whole story while I eat?’
She shook her head. ‘No. You eat and dress first. Nobody wants to see your naked ass. Fi is giving me a complete tour of the facilities before the conference. Oh, and Adam.’ She turned to look at him. ‘Eris wants you in the conference room.’
‘Immediately?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘You know her, she said “Get me Santea. Now!” and some other threats about what she would do if I didn’t move with haste.’ She grinned. ‘Obviously, I took the longest route here, so she will probably be hopping with rage by now.’
Adam scowled at her as he stood. ‘Trust you to make a matter worse.’
She backed out of the room, allowing him to pass. He stopped in the doorway, his eyes heavy on me. ‘Our discussion is not finished with.’
Maria watched him until he turned out of the corridor. ‘What discussion?’
‘None of your business.’ I gave her a direct stare, adding weight to my words. The last thing I needed was Maria’s input on the situation. Her saving his life might have made things easier between them, but they were far from being friends. ‘Don’t you have a tour to get to?’ I wanted her out of the room. Her excited conversation exhausted me, and I needed a moment for my brain to enjoy the quiet.
‘Right!’ She flounced over and gave me such a tight hug, my spine creaked in protest. ‘See you in a bit then.’ She pranced from the room, leaving me alone. I stared at the closed door for a minute, a sliver of unease winding itself around my spine. She seemed very at home with whatever set up they had going on here. Comfortable enough that when the time came to leave here, I wasn’t sure she would come with us.
As I ate my dinner, the quiet wasn’t as satisfying as I’d thought it would be. After so long of having nothing but silence, I needed to hear voices, to prove that I’d really escaped the Wasteland.
I finished half of the meal before my stomach ached, stretched and uncomfortable. I hurried to dress into the dark grey combat trousers and tee-shirt, one of their uniforms. When I bent over to dry my hair with the sheet, I found combat boots under the chair. They fit perfectly.
With no hairbrush to hand, I raked my fingers through my long locks to tame them and twisted my hair into a bun. As it was wet, I managed to secure it in place without a band.
I sat on the bed and marvelled at my return. I was unarmed and had no idea where I was, but I was back in the real world. I touched my hand to my stomach, smiling; I was also still pregnant. I had been so certain that I had lost my child, or that, in the best-case scenario, I had missed her young years. I stroked my stomach. I was having a girl. ‘Hello, Elinor.’ My mother’s name brought tears to my eyes. I could think of no better person to name my daughter after than the woman who had loved me with tenderness, gently guiding me to be the best that I could be, and who had done everything she could to ensure my happiness.
My chest hitched and I pressed my eyes closed. I wouldn’t cry, not this time. ‘I miss you, Mum. I miss both of you. I really wish you were here right now because I don’t think I can stop what is coming, and I don’t know what to do.’ I imagined my mum holding me close as she stroked my forehead. I heard her words as I had so many times before.
It doesn’t matter how bad things feel now, sweetheart, you just do everything you can to fight against it. Eventually, the sun comes up, and it will be a new day filled with new possibilities.
I smiled, wiping tears from my eyes. Even though my mother was dead, her words still carried the same power. She was right, it was time to suck it up and do what is needed, even if it meant taking it one day at a time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Adam opened the door as I cleared the last traces of tears away. ‘It is time.’ He held his hand out for me. His grip warmed my cold fingers as he led me down corridor after corridor, only releasing my hand as we entered the conference room.
People stood in small groups, all close to the table as if ready to sit. When they noticed my arrival, the conversation faded until silence remained. Everyone stared at me with a mixture of unease and some curiosity. I saw no sign of the Prime Minister or the weaselly Defence Minister. For that matter, I didn’t see any of the prominent figures I expected to be present.
Adam pointed at the wall of screens opposite us. Of course it would be conducted via video. I doubted the Prime Minister wanted to ever be in my presence again, not after w
hat he had done.
We will see about that!
‘Where is Maria?’ I asked as Adam led me to the table.
He pulled a chair out of me and indicated for me to sit. I ignored him, trying to spot Maria in the room filled with soldiers. For that matter, Eris appeared to be missing, too.
‘With Eris,’ he said, ‘They are both deep in discussion with the other witch.’
I refused to appear weak and be the only one sitting. I nodded my thanks to Adam but pushed the chair back into place and leant against the smooth, curved edge of the wooden table. I should have sat in the chair, even with the sleep my limbs hummed with exhaustion, but I wouldn’t look up at them all. When they sat, I would. ‘In discussion about what?’ I shifted under the hostile glares sending daggers my way. Less than one day of being conscious and I was surrounded by enemies.
Adam retrieved me a glass of water, and I drained the glass, much of it dripping from my chin in my haste. He refilled the glass, placing it on the table beside me and handed me a napkin.
I nodded my thanks and cleaned myself up. ‘Are they deciding what do with Doug?’
He nodded. ‘And Maria’s cousin.’
I enjoyed a quick fantasy about the punishment Adam could inflict on Maria’s jumped-up maniac of a cousin. The male witch was practically begging for me to kill him.
We waited for over twenty minutes before a young woman in camouflage uniform informed us that the meeting was delayed until four. A few people muttered as they left, while a few remained in the room. I glanced at the round, plain clock above the door seeing that we had over an hour to kill.
‘Can we get outside?’ I asked Adam, unsure what terms had been agreed upon while I lay snoozing.
He smiled and nodded. ‘I would highly recommend it.’ His eyes gleamed with mischief. There was only one time I saw such an expression—when he was about to knock me on my backside.
My enthusiasm gone, I followed, dragging my feet. I wasn’t in the mood for any surprises. When we reached the end of a corridor I hadn’t explored yet, he stopped.
Noble Lies Page 27
