Zach glanced around wildly and then took off running faster than any Shifter I’d ever witnessed. My brother defined the term warlock on a new level. There was no way I could keep up with him on my feet, so I flew. As we drew closer to whatever hell we were about to come upon, the air became frigid and the sky grew a menacing black.
Screwing my eyes shut and hoping like hell I didn’t run into a tree, I called out in my mind for my cats. I knew they could probably feel my distress. I just hoped the fat fuckers came fast.
“NO,” Zach roared as he stopped dead in his tracks and took in the horrifying scene in front of him.
I was only a second behind, but my own scream of shock and fury matched his. Fat Bastard, Jango Fett and Boba Fett arrived in the next instant, covered in paint and hissing like I’d never heard them hiss.
“What da fucks? Dats voodoo magic,” Fat Bastard growled as the paint speckled hair on his back stood up.
“What da fucks is happenin’ here?” Jango snarled as Boba did some kind of battle hiss and back flipped onto Fat Bastard’s kitty shoulders.
“Not sure,” I said, scanning the bloody scene. “Just be ready.”
“For?” Fat Bastard asked.
“To wing it,” I snapped.
“Youse got it, dollface,” he said. “Weese will wing da fuck outta dis.”
Zorro was gutted from his chest to his groin and bleeding out fast. An enormous blood-spattered hunting knife lay on the ground next to him. Willow lay in a pool of her own blood on the ground beside him. She had clearly already been of service to Henrietta. She was as pale as if she was dead, but I could make out her chest barely moving up and down.
Henrietta was right out of her fucking mind. The woman I’d seen at the Witchypoo Convention earlier looked nothing like she had when I’d first laid eyes on her. She was aging by the minute to her true age. Henrietta Smith was screaming like a banshee as she lapped at the blood spurting from Zorro. Her once beautiful form appeared to be about ninety in human years.
“Move away from Zorro and Willow. NOW,” Zach roared as blue and green magical sparks punctuated his every word.
“You. What have you done?” the woman screeched in a voice so furiously ugly it made me sick. “You are killing me, you worthless bastard. Come and feed me or I will drain your friends.”
“Move away from Willow and Zorro and I will feed you,” Zach bargained.
I knew he was lying. He was buying time. It was a matter of only ten minutes or so before she aged to the point of death. However, a lot of bad things could happen in ten minutes. She continued to suck and lick at the dying Zorro. It was all I could do not to hurl.
“I can blast her,” I whispered to Zach. “My aim is good and I can use black magic.”
“Is there a chance Zorro or Willow could get hit?” he asked, keeping his eyes on Henrietta.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Possibly.”
“Then no go,” he ground out tersely. “She’ll fire spells at me. I’m pretty sure I can deflect them. When I lure her away, get to Zorro and Willow to heal them.”
“What do you mean pretty sure?” I asked.
“Just do as I say, Zelda. Please,” Zach implored, looking wild-eyed with fear for the people he loved—the people he’d never been able to tell he loved and now might never be able to.
“Fine,” I agreed as I nodded to my cats. “The wing it part has arrived.”
“What’s da plan, baby cakes,” Fat Bastard asked, hopping up and down and practice- punching the air.
“Can you survive voodoo being thrown at you?” I asked, quickly noticing that the cement diaper was gone. That was good, but I wondered how he’d removed it. My cats were sneaky little buttholes.
“Weese can survive the cauldron of eternal flame in Hell. Of course, weese can survive voodoo,” Fat Bastard announced, almost stunning me to silence.
Almost.
“Are you shitting me? The cauldron of eternal flame in Hell is a real thing?” I asked.
“You bet your hot ass it is,” Jango Fett informed me with a shudder, making his tubby belly jiggle. “Dat shit is hotter dan two fuckin’ hamsters fartin’ in a wool sock.”
“Youse got that right,” Boba said with a thumbs up. “Hotter dan the Devil’s asscrack in August.”
“Youse guys gots it all wrong,” Fat Bastard announced. “I’d say…”
“Nothing,” I snapped, trying not to gag at the visuals my idiots had just implanted in my frontal lobe. “You will say nothing. What you will do is deflect any magic thrown at my brother. You feel me?”
“On it,” Fat Bastard said, leaping through the air towards Zach as the other two followed suit.
Hopefully, Zach was safe. As gross and appalling as my familiars were, they were insanely good fighters and I adored them. Now we just needed Henrietta to move away from Zorro and Willow.
“Henrietta,” Zach called out. “Come to me and you can take my blood. It’s much stronger than the blood you’re drinking.”
She looked up with crazed eyes and called out a spell that sent a jagged spear of explosive voodoo hurtling at Zach. Zach ducked, but thin spear widened as it jettisoned through the air. My scream got caught in my throat as I watched a horror story come to life in front of me.
“If I die, you will die with me,” she shrieked sending a second blast on the heels of the first.
“Not today, Satan,” Fat Bastard bellowed as his porcine body grew ten times in size in the blink of an eye.
My beautiful fat freak of a cat flew through the air like an enormous furry hairball from hell and took both hits meant for my brother. They ricocheted off the Bastard and flew back at Henrietta. However, she’d already moved. She was fast for a vicious, dying old woman.
With an audible sigh of relief, I thanked the Goddess that the backfire bolt of magic hadn’t hit either Willow or Zorro. There was no way they would survive something like that with the shape they were in. I had no clue if they were even still alive, but if they were, I was going to heal the shit out of them. I didn’t care if it put me into a coma. I’d survived a coma before. I could survive it again.
The voodoo shots were coming fast and furious. I couldn’t believe the old bag still had so much black magic in her at the rate she was aging. Belly crawling so I didn’t get struck, I made my way to Willow and Zorro.
Next to me was a huffing and puffing Jango Fett.
“You are supposed to be protecting Zach,” I hissed.
“Youse has to be protected too, sweet cheeks,” he said with a little kitty grin. “Fat Bastard and Boba gots your boy covered. And I gots your ass covered.”
“I love you,” I said.
“Can weese get a flat screen TV in the cat room?” he inquired with a sly smile.
“If we all get out of here alive, then yes,” I said. “Now help me get to Zorro and Willow.”
“Will do, hot potato.”
They were in far worse shape than I’d thought. Zorro was all but gone. Willow still had a slim chance. Jango stood guard and took hit after hit as Henrietta was now firing voodoo at anything moving.
“I’m so sorry, Zorro,” I whispered as my tears fell into his open chest cavity. “But I’m going to do what I think you would want me to do.”
Gently kissing Zorro’s forehead goodbye, I turned to Willow.
Her breath came in short shallow spurts and several times I had to stop to avoid the black magic flying willy-nilly through the air. Slowly running my hands over her cold body, I took on the pain that would hopefully make her whole again.
The trees bent forward and watched me work. I wasn’t sure if their concern was for Willow or me. Her beautiful green leafy wreath had turned black and the individual leaves were dropping off one by one. I still had no clue what an Adddry was, but it was a beautiful creature.
As if to aid me, the trees above began to drop their leaves. They floated down and surrounded Willow and me and creating a soft bed. Strangely, I no longer felt the wind.
“What da fuck?” I heard Jango grunt as I looked up and gasped.
While the battle raged around us, the trees had moved and made an impenetrable wall protecting us. I could feel the natural energy and I smiled.
“You will keep us safe?” I asked, looking up at the ancient oak and pines.
“As you wish,” came the answer on the wind.
“Jango, go and help Zach. I’m shielded here.”
“Youse sure, sugar smacks?” he asked, looking up at the trees in awe.
“Positive. Go.”
In a little puff of smoke, he was gone.
“Can you help me heal her?” I asked the trees.
“As you wish.”
Together we worked on Willow and slowly she came back from near death. These trees were nowhere near as powerful as my minions at home, but they clearly loved Willow and gave everything they had. After a few intense moments, her eyes popped open and she gazed at me in shock.
“Is this the Next Adventure?” Willow asked, trying to get her bearings.
“No, dude,” I said with a weary smile. “Not your time yet.”
“Zach?” she asked, struggling to sit up.
“Spell’s broken. He’s buying time until Henrietta dies. My cats have his back. He’ll be fine,” I told her.
Her smile was positively ethereal and the trees sighed in happiness. I was seriously going to have to look up an Adddry when I got home.
Willow’s smile froze on her face. “Zorro?” she demanded in a panic.
I shook my head and tried not to cry. “No.”
“Not possible,” she insisted, grabbing a low hanging branch and pulling herself to her feet.
Her face went ashen as she spotted her best friend. Moving faster than my eye could follow, she was suddenly right next to him. She began to chant in a melodic language that sounded like a mix of Greek and something I’d never heard. Bright green pops of magic burst around her hands as Zorro’s broken body began to very slowly mend.
“Help me,” she begged. “I think together we can save him.”
“You can heal?” I asked as I crawled over and began to work side by side with her.
She shook her head. “No. I can’t, but I have gifts. I can help you.”
The trees began to fret and whisper amongst themselves. They were clearly not in favor of Willow using her gifts.
“Hush,” Willow said harshly, glaring up at the leaf-covered giants. “I love Zorro like he was my own. Keep your thoughts to yourselves.”
The trees weren’t happy but obeyed her. I wondered if she understood all trees or just the ones in this forest.
“I’m gonna have to dig deep here,” I said as I took a look at what had to be done. My earlier healing of Zorro now seemed like child’s play compared to what was about to go down. “If I pass out, it’s fine. I’m okay. Just get me home to Mac and he’ll know what to do.”
“This won’t permanently damage you?” she asked, worried.
“Nope. But it’s gonna hurt like a motherfucker.”
I was correct. The damage done to the goat was so horrendous, I ceased to realize where I was and if anyone was around me. I could feel the light touch of Willow’s magic working in tandem with mine, but it grew fainter as I took on Zorro’s more severe internal injuries. Time slowed and my vision blurred. Thankfully, I didn’t need to see. I only needed to feel and I could still do that. The sounds of the fight seemed far away or maybe they’d stopped. Minutes felt like years as I used everything I had to mend Zorro back together. Henrietta had to be dead now. Right?
As I felt Zorro’s heart start to beat again, I smiled in exhaustion and relief. My insides still burned like they were on fire, but I knew that would stop eventually. With my eyes still closed, I ran my hands over Zorro’s body. I froze when a hand grabbed mine.
“Gurlfriend?” Zorro whispered in a ragged voice. “Is that you? Pretty sure my purple leather suit is a goner.”
I started to laugh and cry at the same time. Life was good. We were all alive and tonight I would cuddle my twins in my arms and introduce them to their uncle. And of course, I’d finally get to play Princess and the Penis with the man I loved more than any other. “Yes it’s me. And yes, we need to go shopping for you. The purple leather is toast. I do have some drop crotch pants and chunky dad sneakers you can borrow in the meantime.”
“Hell to the no,” he choked out with a weak laugh. “Zach? Willow?”
“Both fine,” I said as I laid my head on his now closed chest and tried not to fall asleep.
“Willow,” Zach cried out in anguish. “Goddess, no.”
Just when I thought the shit show was over… it hit the fan.
Again.
Chapter Nineteen
Pulling from energy I didn’t know I possessed, my body jerked violently to attention. Zach’s magic filled the area and I rubbed my eyes to clear them. Naps were for sissies. I wasn’t a sissy. What had gone wrong? Willow was fine.
She wasn’t fine now.
Willow lay next to me on the ground. She was not breathing at all that I could see. Her skin was so pale I could see her veins.
“NO,” I hissed, mirroring my brother’s word. “She was fine. She helped me heal Zorro. This is all fucking wrong.”
“Oh my Goddess, no, no, no,” Zorro choked out, trying to sit up and get to Willow.
“Stay,” I instructed the goat in a harsher tone than I’d intended. “I can’t re-heal you and Willow.”
Had she been hit with voodoo and I didn’t realize it? The light touch of her magic had faded as I went in and did the heavy work on Zorro, but I think I would have known if she’d been struck by black magic. She had been right next to me. Granted, I probably couldn’t have told you my name during the most excruciating parts of the healing… but how had she been harmed? There wasn’t a mark on her body.
The trees swayed and I heard the frantic chattering on the wind. The leafy giants began to weep, sending leaves and twigs flying everywhere.
“Help me, Zelda,” Zach ground out desperately as he laid his hands on Willow and sent all the magic he had through her unmoving body. “Wake up, damnit. Willow. Wake up.”
Zach looked bad. He was burned and bleeding. My cats were missing a tremendous amount of fur, but they were alive. Voodoo was bad business.
“Henrietta is dead?” I asked as I moved in next to my brother.
“As a fuckin’ doornail,” Fat Bastard assured me.
“Let me help,” I insisted, placing my hands over Zach’s and centering myself.
The amount of healing enchantment that entered Willow’s body was unheard of. She should be able to run a three thousand mile marathon and come in first with this much magic flowing through her veins.
But Willow didn’t move. Her heart rate didn’t increase and she grew even paler.
“Tell me what a fucking Adddry is,” I hissed, pulling from my core and sending another round of healing magic into the dying Willow.
“She’s not an Adddry,” Zach snapped as he too sent more magic into the woman he loved.
Everything we were doing was in vain. She was fading away. Fast.
She wasn’t an Adddry. Willow was not a fucking Adddry. Well, then what was she? Maybe if I knew her species, I could heal her. It was a long shot but… Wait one fucking minute.
“Dry is the second syllable?” I demanded of my brother. The fact that our kind was so cryptic and had so many farked up secret rules was ludicrous.
“No. Not the second,” Zach said, taking Willow in his arms and cradling her gently against his broad chest.
Dry… add. Holy Goddess in chunky dad sneakers—wait, the Goddess did wear chunky dad sneakers. Whatever. I was an idiot, but not anymore. Willow was a dryad—a freakin’ tree sprite. Greek mythology. Bad tree jokes. Walking out of a trunk.
Shit. That was it.
“Give her to me,” I shouted and took a limp Willow from my brother’s arms.
Flying over to the largest tree I
could find, I laid Willow’s barely alive body at the base and dropped to my knees. Pulling the wand from my pocket, I pointed it at the tree.
“Take her within you. You are the only thing that can heal her now,” I begged.
My wand sparked and sent tendrils of shimmering green mist into the air.
“It is too late. We warned her,” the huge oak answered sadly.
“Bullshit,” I growled. “I command you take Willow in. I am the fucking boss of the trees. You will do as I wish or I will chop your ass into firewood.”
“If we could, we would,” the tree whispered. “She had too much love for others. It is what has finally killed her.”
“Again, I call bullshit. Love doesn’t kill, you wooden jackhole. Hate kills. Apathy kills. Greed kills. Love does not fucking kill,” I shouted and glanced around wildly. “Any of you—can any of you heal her?”
The trees all drooped forward and I had my answer before they spoke. However, I wasn’t about to take no for an answer.
“If we could, we would. Even together we are not strong enough to mend her,” another volunteered in a weepy voice.
My head fell to my chest and I felt helpless. I fucking hated feeling helpless. I was supposed to be the Baba Yaga In Training even though I still wasn’t taking the damned job. But the Baba Fucking Yaga never took no for an answer and I wasn’t about to either. I was the Shifter Wanker—the best dressed, most profane damned healer known to witches. If there was any life left in Willow, I was going to save it.
“I’ll give you one last chance to obey me,” I threatened as I held my twig wand high. “One of you will take her within you. NOW.”
“The stick in your hand has more power in it that all the trees in this forest put together,” the large oak said softly as his leaves rustled in the wind.
“Seriously?” I asked, glancing up at the stick in my hand. “This twig is more powerful than a forest full of huge trees?”
“It is the simple truth,” the tree answered as they all bowed to me and my stick.
Could it be that simple? There was only one way to find out.
“Get up,” I commanded to everyone. “NOW. We’re leaving.”
Switching Witches Page 14
