by Noah Steele
I abandoned the blanket and rose on shaky legs, Derrek immediately taking my hand in his as we walked.
“Thank you. Sorry to have you relive that all so soon,” the officer said as we crossed the threshold out into the night.
Flashing red and blue lights still filled the darkness, and I could see a pair of officers turning the corner with a roll of caution tape. An ambulance stood with its back doors open next to a squad car, the same paramedics who had rushed toward me engaged in a hushed conversation.
Derrek slouched his jacket off and draped it over my shoulders as I looked out as far as the busy lights around us would allow. Nothing but dark, ominous trees that stretched out in seemingly infinite rows, flanking a wide path that would undoubtedly lead us back to whatever the nearest main road was.
I gulped, quickly realizing that we were too far from any sort of public transit.
I tapped the officer on the shoulder as we approached the ambulance, pulling Derrek closer to my side.
“I can’t be in a car without a sedative. I don’t want to have another panic attack.”
The man looked from me to the paramedics, who nodded briefly, and one of them climbed into the ambulance before emerging barely a minute later and giving us a thumbs up.
“I, um, I also want to go home with my boyfriend,” I wavered, squeezing Derrek’s hand.
“We can’t sedate you and leave you in someone else’s vehicle,” one of the paramedics, a young woman with short blonde hair, said as she pushed off the back of the ambulance and crossed her arms. “Sorry,” she added, as if to soften her response.
“Go with them, Aiden. I love you too much to think I could hurt you if the sedative wore off while I was driving. It will be okay.”
He turned his head toward the paramedics.
“Can you at least bring him to my apartment if he doesn’t need to be at the hospital?” The two women shook their heads in unison, explaining they’d have to take me to the nearest hospital and we could figure things out from there. I turned to Derrek as I fished a set of keys from the pocket of my jeans, pulling his jacket closer to my body as I shivered in the cold night wind.
“I feel bad asking you to tra—”
“Anything. Anywhere,” Derrek interjected.
“I have a triazolam prescription. There should be a small bottle with a few left somewhere in my bathroom at home. Meet me at the hospital with them?” I asked. Derrek planted a soft kiss on my forehead and nodded.
“I’ll be there before you wake up. I promise,” Derrek said before he hugged me from behind and planted a scratchy kiss on my neck. With a soft smile, I climbed into the ambulance as he ran to his car.
As I settled into the back of the ambulance, one of the paramedics busying herself beside me as the other walked around to the driver’s seat, I took a deep breath in and let it out with a loud rush.
Derrek loved me.
He felt the same way about me as I did about him.
I felt the gentle prick of a needle on my arm as the paramedic administered the sedative, the smile plastered across my tired features melting into slack-jawed slumber as it began to take effect.
“We’re in love,” I mumbled lazily as bright lights of the ambulance blurred in the corners of my eyes.
Derrek and I were in love.
I never wanted to be without him again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
My hospital stay was just long enough to refuse admission again when the paramedics’ sedative wore off. Derrek was ready and waiting by my side when I came to, and once we’d talked to a doctor, I was on my meds and out again, fluttering my eyes open on Derrek’s couch after the triazolam wore off.
I blinked against the dim light of the tall black floor lamps across the room. The leather was surprisingly hot against my bare arms, and I guessed Derrek had cranked the heat for my benefit.
I pushed myself slowly upwards and turned to plant my feet on the floor, giving the room a careful scan. It looked exactly the way it always did, all hard edges and sharp design hiding soft comfort and daydreamy warmth from anyone who didn’t get too close. Standing, I took slow steps toward the kitchen and made it halfway to the fridge before I slumped sideways to the floor with a thud.
I clenched my eyes shut, a ghoulish vision of Diana pointing a gun to my head filling the darkness before I felt my body being pulled up from the smooth wood of Derrek’s floor until I was more or less upright, my legs still limp in front of me.
Derrek’s legs, bare and tan, swam into sight as I opened my eyes and released a shaky breath. He sat behind me, his heels planted on the ground as I lay reclined against his bare chest, his skin like fire against the back of my neck. His arms wrapped around my uncomfortably limp body.
“Too much too soon, babe,” he said steadily, his rich voice pulling me slowly out of my stupor and into reality. I turned my head to rest my cheek against Derrek’s chest, letting his body heat course across my hungry skin.
I lifted my arms weakly to rest my palms on Derrek’s knees as he shifted behind me. Slowly, with one finger, I traced tiny circles in lazy patterns across his leg, skin barely touching skin, while he ran careful fingers through my hair every few seconds.
“I love you,” Derrek said suddenly behind me, his body tensing into knots.
“I love you, too,” I said, barely more than a whisper.
I pushed myself upward into a slouch and watched in my periphery as Derrek stood and circled to appear in front of me, his arm outstretched. I took his hand and he lifted me slowly off the cool wood floor, one arm pulling me in at the waist, the other searching for a way to tangle our fingers together in some clumsy dance.
“This feels gross,” I mumbled as we made our way slowly toward the bedroom.
“This is gross,” he surged. “I hate that all this happened to you because of me.”
I brushed my free hand along the top of the couch as we walked, the leather already cold and biting again. When there was no couch left to brush against, I let my arm swing gently beside me until we reached Derrek’s bed.
We sat on the edge beside each other, fingers still tangled tightly between us as we fell backwards. I could feel Derrek’s eyes on me, his unspoken concern thick and heavy in his dark lashes. I squeezed Derrek’s hand as tightly as I could and turned my head to face him. The light was dim, but it was enough to catch his clenched jaw, his taut shoulders, the weight of the night behind his eyes.
“Don’t blame yourself. You’re a victim, too,” I mumbled.
“Aiden, you almost died. And I—those other guys, because of me—”
“Because of her,” I said quietly, and his hand tensed and released in mine, tears spilling down his cheeks.
“At least I know now why none of them responded when I tried to reach out,” he said.
Derrek turned his head to look straight up, but I knew I was right. Diana was the reason he was alone. Part of the reason, anyway.
“You didn’t take her deal,” he finally said, as if reading my mind.
He let go of my hand and vaulted to his feet, bending to pull something from under his bed. I lifted my head off the plush warmth of Derrek’s sheets to find him sitting cross-legged at my feet, a small box on the floor between us.
His memory box.
My stomach twisted as I pulled my legs up onto the bed and moved to lay on my side, using one hand as a too-small pillow while the other flopped over the edge of the mattress. Derrek opened the box and began rummaging through it, pulling out the letters and photos from his family in Mexico.
He flipped the lid down again and tapped it thoughtfully a few times before meeting my eyes and standing, disappearing into the bathroom before returning a minute later with an empty metal garbage can and a barbecue lighter.
He set the can down and emptied the box into it before ripping the box into smaller chunks of cardboard. My head spun as I bolted upright, my feet slamming onto the ground.
“It’s fine,” Derrek said before
lighting a final piece of cardboard with the barbecue lighter, tossing it into the can and crossing the room to open a window. “They got the money they were chasing me for.”
He paused at the window, his tight grip on the window-sill melting into a soft brush of skin on wood before he let out a deep breath and crawled over his bed to sit beside me again.
“But you—”
“Of course I wouldn’t,” I said. “I don’t think there’s a me without you anymore.”
Derrek’s mouth fell into a soft ‘O’, the first time since I’d come to on his couch I’d seen any part of him relax. The smell of burning paper started to fill the room as soft tendrils of smoke coiled upwards beside us.
“You were all I could think about tonight, Derrek. I had no phone, no photo to help me snap out of my panic attack. I only had you. I only wanted to get back to you.”
“Aiden…”
“Aiden, what? It’s true. I haven’t talked to my dad since I was eighteen and he finally blamed me out loud for the accident. I don’t have any other family. For a while, it was just me, and then it was me and Olly, and I love him, but not the way I love you, Derrek. You’re it. We’re it. I couldn’t die without telling you I love you,” I panted, all the air leaving my lungs as I rushed to say everything before I fell to lay flat on my back.
I felt Derrek get up and heard his bare feet padding out of the room before an angry spraying sound filled my ears. I looked down my nose at Derrek standing over the garbage can with a small fire extinguisher. He gave me a sheepish grin as he rested his back against the wall behind him and slid slowly to the ground, his legs splayed out in front of him, the fire extinguisher against the wall beside him.
“I guess that was kind of dramatic,” he said, stifling the barest hint of laughter.
“It kind of was, but I get it,” I said. “You’re bad at feelings.”
“I’m great at feelings!” Derrek shouted. “You just…you do things to me.”
I smiled at the ceiling, goosebumps rising and falling in a wave across my skin, the tips of my fingers and toes buzzing with the force of his words. I pulled a pillow from above my head as I moved to stand up and threw it at Derrek, who caught it at the last second, his signature grin spreading across his face.
“I’m starting to feel better,” I said. “Mind if I shower?”
Derrek scoffed.
“Like I’d say no to you being wet and naked.”
“Great,” I said, pulling my clothes off and tossing them across the bed to land in a clumsy pile in Derrek’s lap. I peeled off my underwear, a modest pair of black boxer-briefs, slowly in the threshold of the bathroom door and stretched them over my thumb, sending them flying across the room.
Derrek caught them deftly with one hand, his eyes filling with a dark hunger. I gave him a coy smile as he stood to circle the bed before planting a chaste kiss on his lips and pushing him backwards to lock the bathroom door.
“Tease!” Derrek shouted from the other side of the bathroom door.
I laughed as I turned on the water and climbed into the shower.
He had no idea.
But he was about to find out.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I took a deep breath in front of the bathroom mirror, wiping away a steamy swath of fog with one hand while furiously drying my hair with a towel in the other. Exhaling, I dropped the towel, planted both hands firmly on the edge of the sink and shook my head to push the still-damp hair from my eyes.
My cock twitched at the thought of Derrek on the other side of the locked bathroom door, waiting, and a heat rose in my cheeks that threatened to obscure my reflection all over again. I smiled stupidly, shaking my head again as if it would throw the blush from my face.
It wasn’t like we’d never fooled around. Hell, we could have been caught in the back room at the bookstore! But after everything that had happened between us, after surviving one of the worst nights of my life, after clicking the lock shut on the bathroom door and seeing myself in Derrek’s mirror, I knew I could get through anything with him.
Two boys navigating a whirlwind, and the storm was finally dying down.
I opened the bathroom door to find Derrek dozing, his feet still planted firmly on the floor. His chest rose and fell with a gentle steadiness, one arm resting across his bare abs. A powerful wave crashed against every bone in my body as I walked from the bathroom to the foot of his bed and knelt naked between Derrek’s legs.
Slowly, I brushed my fingertips in slow, small circles across Derrek’s skin, his body shifting at my touch, his eyes still closed. I leaned forward, planting soft, quiet kisses up his thighs until I was eye-level with his navel, kneeling as tall as I could. I tickled Derrek’s skin with my lips, darting my tongue out every few kisses to make him twitch under me, his skin hot and sweet.
I curled my fingers around the waistband of Derrek’s underwear and stifled a chuckle as I recognized the pair of too-tight black boxer-briefs he’d taken from my apartment a couple days ago. His cock, thick and semi-erect, twitched as I took it in one hand and stroked it slowly, my tongue darting out to tease his balls before I licked up the length of his shaft.
Circling the tip of Derrek’s dick with my tongue, I grasped my own and pumped slowly as I closed my lips around him and sucked. My head bobbed as the head of Derrek’s thick cock tickled the back of my throat, my tongue running wet lines along his shaft as I thrust my head up and down.
I let go of myself and lifted my arms to tease at Derrek’s nipples with my fingertips, feeling them harden and peak at the soft brush of my skin. I closed my eyes and slowed my pace, tasting the barest hint of Derrek on my tongue.
I felt the grip of hands on the back of my head before Derrek tangled his fingers in my hair and thrust his cock deeper into my mouth, pushing into the back of my throat as he thrust in and out, my tongue slick against his shaft as he gyrated under me.
Groaning around the thickness of him until he pulled out of my mouth, I licked my lips as he pulled me up from the floor and into a messy kiss. Our tongues met, wrestling back and forth, the heat of Derrek’s lips on mine searing away the pain and fear and fatigue of the night as the air around us turned to steam.
I planted a foot on the edge of the bed and rose to stand over Derrek, taking his head in my hands even as he leaned forward, his tongue already eager to taste me. I clapped a hand to my mouth, barely catching the whimper that escaped me as Derrek’s lips tightened around my cock, his tongue teasing me in the same way I’d teased him.
With one hand, I pulled him closer and pushed him away, over and over, his lips hot against the base of my cock each time I pushed deeper into him, the back of his throat tight around me. His hands moved to cup my ass and he began to massage me, the push and pull separated only by sharp, strong slaps that rang through the room and made me moan.
Derrek took my cock in one hand, stroking it powerfully even as his tongue worked to lap at my balls, his other hand pumping his own cock in time with mine. A deep, hungry rumble vibrated through me as Derrek moved to plant soft, scratchy kisses on my thighs. He pulled me down, my feet barely back on the floor for a second before Derrek pushed me onto the bed beside him and climbed over me, burying his face in my neck.
I wrapped my arms around him, my hands clawing weakly at his back while Derrek’s tongue danced from my neck up to my earlobe, his dick thick and wet against my own. I threw my arms up against the cool silk of Derrek’s sheets and he followed them, pinning my wrists together with a muscular grip as his lips found their way to mine again.
Our tongues lashed, wrestling for control, my cock twitching at the rush of Derrek’s breath on my skin, the light stubble of his beard burning against me as he erased any space left between us. When our lips parted again, Derrek let go of my wrists and ran his hand through my hair, gripping it in a tight fist as his mouth made its way to my ear.
“Turn around,” he breathed quietly.
My heart thundered in my chest as Derrek rose to k
neel beside me, stroking himself slowly, grinning a devilish grin. I turned to lay on my stomach, my dick pressed flat and hard against the bed, dripping on the sheets.
Derrek’s hands gripped my thighs as his tongue trailed slowly from the head of my cock to the base, his hands shifting to palm my ass as he went, until I felt him run his tongue along my hole. I sucked in a sharp breath and Derrek pulled at my waist until I was on my hands and knees in front of him.
I balled my hands into fists, gathering folds of silk between my fingers as Derrek devoured me. His hands pushed me open as they worked me over, his tongue teasing my hole until I broke, burying my face deep into a pillow as Derrek sent waves of nervous heat pulsing so deeply through me I thought my cock might explode.
When his tongue began just barely breaking into me and his hand wrapped around my trembling dick to stroke with a slow intensity, I came with a breathy moan, feeling the heat of it smear across my chest as I collapsed into it, panting.
Derrek moved to climb over me, still teasing my ass with one hand as I felt him pull my head up by a rough handful of hair. He kissed my neck before his lips met my ear again.
“We’re not done yet,” he crooned, licking at my earlobe before pushing my head down and vanishing behind me.
I heard the rushed click of something snapping open and shut before Derrek’s hands were on me again, slick and wet as he massaged lube onto me.
“Tell me how bad you want it,” he growled, and I pushed myself backwards, begging for any part of him to fill me.
“I—oh, fuck, I want—I want you to—oh, fuck,” I panted as Derrek pushed a finger into me.
I melted forward as he inched himself in and out again, in and out, until it became two fingers, and then three, and I could feel myself getting hard again. Derrek stopped suddenly before I felt his hand push me onto my side and then my back.
He pulled me toward him by the waist, pushing my legs into the air as he sidled up to tease my hole with his cock. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down over me as I rose halfway to meet him, our foreheads touching.
