by Jenna Brandt
Indignant, she stood up, preparing herself to walk away, but Cort grabbed her arm and gently pulled her down beside him.
In a light voice, Cort said, “Come on, Margaret, you know I am only joking around. I did not mean any harm by it. You should hear how adorable you sound when you try to talk the lingo of a cowboy. Every time you do, your lovely English accent comes bursting right through.” He put his hand on the side of her face, and then added in a serious tone, “If I did hurt you by my amusement, I am sorry. You know I never want to hurt you, do you not?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Margaret gave him a half smile. “Yes, I know that.”
“Good, and do not forget it, or how much I love you either.” Then Cort grabbed Margaret and planted a kiss on her lips.
Margaret kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Cort kissed her cheek as he whispered in her ear, “Did I tell you how much I love working with you?”
“I think you are about to show me,” Margaret stated with a knowing smile.
It was a beautiful day to be living in the Colorado Territory. The sun was high in the luminous, blue sky, the flowers were in full bloom, and the warmth was just right as Margaret and Cort sat on a blanket in a meadow near their ranch.
“I am glad we decided to go on this picnic with Henry and Susan. They have both been exceptionally good lately. They deserve to have a treat.”
“We deserve it,” Cort corrected.
“You are right. We all do.” Margaret watched as Henry raced around, trying to catch frogs, which, at the moment, were getting the best of him. Susan was toddling after him, trying to keep up.
“I cannot believe how much energy they both have.” She winked at Cort, adding, “They must get it from their father.”
Cort chuckled. “I don’t know. Their mother seems to have a lot too.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly.
“I have something I want to tell you,” Margaret confessed. “I just found out myself, and I wanted the moment to be right.” She brushed her hand along the side of his face and down his arm until her hand reach his and she took it into her own. “And I think it is.”
He smiled at her and waited for her to continue.
She swallowed a couple of times, buying herself a few seconds to get her nerves under control. “I want to try for another child.”
When Cort sat still for several moments, Margaret poked him lightly with her free hand. “Did you hear me? I said I want another baby.” She paused. “Do you not feel the same?”
“I wasn’t sure if you would want more children. We have two after all, a boy and a girl.”
Margaret smiled. “I have always wanted lots of children. My dream was to raise babies and horses on a farm one day. We seem to be doing good on the horse end; we need to just catch up on the baby end now.”
Cort frowned. “The truth be told, Margaret, I am scared. I am scared to death that I will not be capable of being the father our children deserve. It’s always in the back of my mind, the fear I will not be able to protect our children.”
Margaret slowly turned back around and brushed a strand of hair out of her face as she probed her husband with a questioning look. “But whatever would give you that idea? You are absolutely perfect with Henry and Susan, and I know you will be the same with a new baby.”
He lowered his shoulders in defeat. “I love Henry and Susan, and I try to do right by them, but I wake up every day fearful something will happen to one of them that I could have prevented—but did not. It scares me, the idea of bringing another child into this world—a world I have no control over how it treats the ones I love—it is hard.”
Margaret understood perfectly. He sounded exactly like she did when she tried to comprehend why things were as they were in the world. But it troubled her that Cort was talking that way. He always seemed to be so confident in his responsibilities, and this sounded as if he doubted himself capable of being a good father, and she already knew he was whenever she watched Henry or Susan look at Cort with love and admiration.
“You are a good man, Cortland Westcott. I have told you that before when you needed to hear it, and I am telling you again. You are a good man, a wonderful husband, and a faultless father.” She reached up and touched the side of his face. “Trust me on this. I would never lie to you.”
Cort continued to stare out into the distance over Margaret’s shoulder, answering only after several moments of silence. “When I put Polly into the ground next to her mother and heaved the dirt onto her tiny casket, a piece of me was buried with her, and I knew I would never be able to look at the world or myself the same way again. I know no man is perfect and things happen that are impossible for us to make sense of, even with the help of God. And I know we will love our children, all of them, and protect them with every last breath we possess, but I still wake up in the night sometimes, terrified that Henry or Susan will one day meet the same fate as Polly.”
Margaret realized that the only way to get through to Cort and really make him see it would be all right was by bringing into the conversation the one thing he could not dispute.
“I wonder, where is your God now?”
Jolted back to the present, away from his haunting memories, Cort leveled his gaze to meet his wife’s and said with a sudden passion, “My God?” Then, as if he pondered her query, he paused for several seconds before replying with a sudden burst of confidence. “My God is with me always and protects those I love when I cannot do it myself.”
Margaret smiled brightly and winked at him playfully. “That is more like it. Now you are sounding like the faith-filled cowboy I married.”
He chuckled. “Yes, thank you for the shove in the right direction. I needed it.” He reached out and put his hands on either side of Margaret’s face. “I think another baby sounds wonderful.”
Chapter 22
She made her way onto the porch of their home and sat down on one of the rocking chairs. She looked out on the beautiful landscape of Colorado and marveled at the gorgeous sunset, which made the mountains appear majestic as the sky swirled with gorgeous shades of pink, purple, and orange around them. The breathtaking scenery reminded her of the most perfectly painted picture.
In that moment, Margaret knew what she had to do. It was time for her to give her life to Jesus fully and to hold nothing back. She wanted more than anything to know the peace her family did and have the confidence to trust the Lord with all her heart. Only then, would she feel true peace regarding her past.
Remembering how Cort would pray to God, Margaret said, “Dear Lord, as I sit here in the twilight you have shaped, I am reminded of how you created everything, even this moment, in which you cared enough for me to design something so wondrous. But not only have you made this picturesque view for me, you have blessed me with a loving family. You have been patient with me, giving me grace, even when I have not deserved it. I know you love me, you have always loved me, but I have been selfish and allowed my circumstances to dictate my feelings. God, please forgive me. I know you have kept me alive, you saved my son and daughter as well as my husband and brother. Help me to give the pain from my past to you and help me to not dwell on my losses but reflect on my blessings. I realize now, I have always prayed to you with a list of demands, but I have never asked your will for my life. I have never given control over to you, and I know now, I will never find true contentment until I do. Lord, I relinquish control of my life to you.”
Tears of joy fell from Margaret’s eyes as she finally felt true freedom in the Lord. She no longer felt burdened by her past or worried about the future. An immense relief flooded her heart, and she was finally unencumbered by completely giving her whole life to God.
The next Sunday morning, Margaret cooked breakfast for her family as Cort and Henry finished their morning chores. She could not wait to go to church with her family.
She heard the approaching footsteps from the hall and smiled to herself. It was going to be a glorious d
ay indeed.
Cort came up behind Margaret and nibbled lightly on her neck before giving her a quick hug around the waist with one arm while sneaking a piece of bacon from the platter beside her with his other hand, which he promptly popped into his mouth. “Delicious, sweetheart.”
Playfully, she smacked his hand. “You need to wait until breakfast, Cort.”
He chuckled. “If you insist. I suppose I can wait a little longer.”
He sat down at the breakfast table and, as if on cue, asked, “You ready for church this morning?”
Margaret brought the platter of eggs and bacon over to the table and placed it beside the toasted bread and fresh coffee, which already sat on top of it. “Indeed I am.”
A giant grin crossed Cort’s face as he said, “There seems to be a new glow about you? Are you pregnant again?”
Laughing as she shook her head, she replied, “No, the glow you are seeing is my happiness from giving my past over to God.”
“I am so glad, Margaret. You have no idea. I have been praying for this since you returned to us.” Then he looked at her skeptically. “I am sorry for bringing that up.”
Margaret patted his arm lightly. “It is all right, Cort. You no longer have to worry about upsetting me. I have come to peace with what happened to me. I have given all of it over to God, and He has taken my burdens from me.”
He lifted her up by the waist and swung her around and around in the kitchen, causing both of them to laugh.
“I am so happy, sweetheart. This is the best news I have ever heard.”
Henry came into the room, holding Susan in his arms. He looked at both of them as if they had gone senseless. “What is going on, Father, Mother?”
“I have wonderful news, Henry.”
“Is it about wanting to have another baby? I already know.”
She shook her head. “No, it is not about that. Although, we should probably discuss how you are aware of that since we have not told anyone about it. Have you been listening in on private conversations?”
Henry blushed from embarrassment and looked away.
“Enough of that. Today is too happy a day to ruin with such talk. I am celebrating the freedom I have found in the Lord.”
Henry’s eyebrows shot up in excited surprise. “Truly, Mother?”
“Yes, my darling, my faith in God is finally complete. I have given my past over to God.”
“I am so happy to hear that,” Henry exclaimed.
“I am sorry it has taken me this long to do it.”
“It is all right, Mother. All that matters is that you have.”
And he was right. It did not matter when but only that she did.
When Margaret and her family walked into the newly built Congregational Church of Boulder Valley, all eyes turned to them. The church had only a handful or regular attendees, including Randall’s family and four others.
Randall and Jackie rushed up to them and took turns hugging Margaret. “Mags, I am so glad you decided to come today,” Randall said.
Jackie reached out and squeezed her friend’s hand. “You should come sit with us.”
Margaret nodded and allowed them to guide her over to the front pew.
Pastor Thompson made his way over to them and said, “It is so good to see your whole family here today.”
“I am glad to be here, Pastor,” Margaret said.
After the other families came and made their introductions to Margaret, everyone took their seats and Pastor Thompson began his service.
“Friends, we are gathered here today and I feel led by the Holy Spirit to teach on love this morning.”
Margaret felt herself tense with excitement. It seemed every time a pivotal moment in her relationship with God manifested, He would have a sermon about love waiting for her to hear.
“We are all bonded together through God’s unconditional love. It links us together in genuineness and unity. We are called not to love with only words but by our deeds. Our actions will show the world who we serve and who has poured out His merciful grace upon us. Grace that heals us, grace that frees us, grace that completes us. We love God because He first loved us, and that love is all we will ever need. It will carry us through difficult times and sustain us when we are weak. It casts out all fear.”
Pastor Thompson’s words confirmed everything Margaret had come to understand over the past couple of days. She knew she was changed forever because she had surrendered herself to her destiny as a child of God.
After service, Jackie asked Margaret and Cort to come over for dinner. They wanted to celebrate.
As they sat around the dinner table, Margaret felt it would be the perfect time to tell her brother and best friend about their additional good news.
Jackie had really found she had a talent for cooking and was quite adept at making fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. She also had prepared fresh corn on the cob from their most recent crop, along with a homemade peach pie from their orchard.
Margaret helped set the table with dishes and eating utensils and poured glasses of iced tea for each of them while Jackie placed the platters of food in the center.
“I am so happy you decided to rededicate your life to God, Maggie. It was hard when I felt we could not talk about it without upsetting you. My relationship with the Lord has become the most important part of my life. I feel like such a different person because of it.”
“I know what you mean. I feel so light now that I have given God control of my life. The pressure of trying to do everything myself is gone.”
As they sat down around the table, Margaret lovingly looked around at her family. Henry was sitting with Charlotte and Susan both in his lap, in between his uncle and father, and Jackie was next to Randall. Everyone had enormous smiles on their faces, and Margaret was grateful for all her good fortune.
“Let us all join hands together as we pray over the meal.” Randall waited for everyone to do as requested, then continued after everyone’s heads were bowed and eyes were closed. “Dear Lord, thank you for this day you have given us, for the food you have provided, and the family with whom we share it. Amen.”
Margaret squeezed Cort’s leg under the table and looked at him, relaying her desire to tell everyone about their pregnancy. Cort nodded. “Everyone, we have some fantastic news.”
“More good news? I say, I think we will not be able to handle it,” Randall jested.
“I promise this is the last of it.”
“Randy, stop teasing your sister,” Jackie chastised her husband. “Go ahead and continue, Maggie.”
“Cort and I have decided that we want to start trying for another child.”
Jackie clasped her hands together and exclaimed, “Oh, chéri, that is such wonderful news. We are so happy for you.”
Randall said, “Wonderful news. Today is truly a great day indeed.”
Cort looked over at Margaret with a tender expression. “We are fortunate beyond all measure.”
Chapter 23
Lord and Lady York were throwing a ball, an uncommon occurrence in the territory, in honor of their grandson coming to America after attending university in France. Margaret had not been to a ball since crossing the Atlantic, and she had not danced since France.
The night was going to be simply fabulous. She was wearing one of her dresses that she had brought over from France, and since the West was almost two years behind with fashion, the dress was barely out of style.
It was in a shade of deep blue, the under-slip consisting of a rich mixture of satin and silk. The top layer was chiffon that had gold that wove in and out of the material. The bodice had to be let out a smidge in order to accommodate for her body’s changes after having her second child. A row of tiny embroidered gold flowers trimmed the edges of the top and sleeves, and her feet were graced with golden slippers.
Drops of diamonds and gold hung on each ear with a matching necklace—a gift from Cort after the sale of their first colt. Her hair was done in an up-
twist with gold threads of lace woven in and out of her raven locks.
As Margaret applied her final touches of rouge, Jackie flounced into the room, wearing a dress in deep green that contrasted beautifully with her strawberry blonde hair and enhanced her golden-green eyes. Margaret noticed that her sister-in-law was just beginning to show that she was with child.
Jackie glanced at her friend and stuck her sultry red lip out in a frown, saying in a pout, “It is so unfair that you, chéri, after having two children, are still so small, while I am as big as a chalet.”
Margaret laughed, replying in jest, “I hardly think that you are as huge as a cottage. A cow perhaps, but a cottage… never think it.”
Jackie rustled over to a nearby chair and threw herself into it with the back of one hand flying to her brow—always the dramatist.
“I look so unattractive. I could almost pass for old Lady Ginine.” Both women smirked at the mention of Jackie’s archnemesis back in France. Continuing her tirade, she added, “Whatever will I do? You look the picture of desire, chéri. All the men will flock to you, and I, I will be left in the background trying not to drink all the champagne.”
Margaret shook her head. Jackie always felt a failure unless she knew every heart would swoon in her path.
“I doubt that, my dear friend. You will, as always, break many hearts this eve.”
The door opened and Cort, followed by Randall, entered Margaret’s room dressed in their formal attire. Both men were wearing the traditional black and white suits, although Randall had opted for tails, a top hat with a white bowtie, and was carrying a black cane with an ivory hilt. Cort had gone the more basic route—true to his cowboy nature—and wore a simple but tailored coat with a black bowtie while choosing not to wear a hat or carry a cane.
