Chapter Four
“What are you doing?” Brittney asked me in a whisper as she followed my gaze. I was surprised to see her without Matt attached to her hip. I’d come to discover the guy was seriously one jealous dude.
“Shhh. I’m spying,” I replied, as I hid in the alcove by the water fountain, giving myself a clear view of Nikki’s locker but staying enough out of the way she wouldn’t see me. “You better leave before Matt sees you talking to me. I swear he looks like he wants to beat the crap out of me every time I look at you. He doesn’t like that I hang around with you and your brother. I thought he was going to croak when I showed up at your house last night to pick up Brett. He thought I was there to see you.” I grinned at the memory.
She shrugged. “He’ll get over it. I told him you were totally into Nikki. He says you don’t stand a chance with her.”
“Listen, I know he’s all chummy with her ex, so he feels loyal to him, but I never back down from something I want.”
She laughed. “I kind of got that after Brett told me about the little adventure you took him on last night.”
I chuckled. “Brett’s a whiner.”
“Yes, he is, but don’t tell him I said so.” She tossed her long, blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled. “Well, good luck with your spying. I’ve got to get to class.”
“See you later,” I replied, watching her walk away for a moment. She sure was a pretty girl, and I liked her. I wondered how she had ever ended up with a guy like Matt Wilson. She seemed too good for the likes of him.
I sighed and turned my attention back to my current conquest. Nikki walked up to her locker and right away noticed the sticky note I left for her, pulling it off to read it.
“Roses are red. Violets are blue. What will it take to go out with you?”
Her sigh was visible as she crumpled the note up in her hand and opened her locker. She gasped, and I laughed when the roses and violets fell out, showering her with flowers. She had no idea I’d been memorizing her combination when I stood behind her yesterday.
Perfect. I ducked away before she could see me and hurried to my first class, hoping I scored with this gesture. She made it clear she thought I was a player, and well, I really was. I’d had girlfriends in the past, but no one I was really committed to. I tended to notice all the girls in the general vicinity, looking for the next one who might be ready to replace the last.
I actually kind of found it funny I was trying so hard to get Nikki. True, I loved a good challenge, thanks to my naturally competitive nature, but never had I put this kind of effort into getting a date.
The bell rang right as I slid into my seat beside Brett in our chemistry lab.
“So, how’d it go?” he asked.
“Caught her completely off guard.”
“Did she like them?”
“I don’t know. Didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
“She better like them. Especially since I had to drive to three different garden centers with you last night trying to find those stupid violet plants.”
“Quit being a crybaby.” I grinned as he rolled his eyes. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
“What are you doing this weekend?” he asked.
“I start my mandated community service. It’s part of my sentence from the judge. I had to go to a weekend class on substance abuse and pay a five hundred dollar fine before I moved up here. Now I have one hundred hours to complete.”
“Hmmm. So I guess you don’t want to go partying with some of the guys from the team then, huh?”
I slouched in my chair. “I’d give anything to go. I told my mom I wasn’t addicted to anything, but I have to admit the cravings have been pretty bad lately. I swear there are times I feel downright jittery.”
“Man, that must suck.”
“Big time. But with my family watching me like a hawk, I don’t think it would be a wise choice right now. Maybe some other time.”
“Well, here’s a little something in case you need it.” He reached into his jacket and flashed a joint.
I automatically took it and discretely slipped it into my pocket, a natural reflex I’d done a thousand times. Ironically, the action caused me to have difficulty concentrating through the rest of class. All I could think about was lighting up and relaxing.
I hurried into the hall after the bell rang and almost collided with Nikki as she left her classroom.
“Hey.” I smiled.
She glared, and suddenly I was worried.
“Did you enjoy the flowers?”
“I sure did. They fell all over the place, and I had to stop to clean them up. It made me late, and I got a detention for being tardy. Thank you so much, but please keep your gifts to yourself from now on.”
She stormed off down the hall, leaving me gaping.
“Well, you really botched things up,” Brett’s voice came from over my shoulder. “Isn’t that strike three now? I think you’re out.”
I ignored him and strode away in the opposite direction.
“How’d the spying go, Rockstar?” Brittney’s voice interrupted as she fell into step beside me.
“Not the way I’d hoped,” I replied. “My little prank got Nikki in trouble.” I stopped and glanced down the two hallways in front of me. “Where’s the principal’s office? I keep getting all turned around in this confusing school.”
She pointed in the right direction. “Good luck. I can talk to her at cheer practice if you need to me to.”
“Thanks for the offer. I’ll let you know.”
I headed down the long hall until I found the office marked, Justin Woodside, Principal. “Hey. Can I serve detention for someone else if I’m the reason they got one?” I asked the secretary when I burst inside.
“Um, let me check,” she replied with a fluster and picked up the phone.
A few minutes later, I was seated before Mr. Woodside. I explained what happened with Nikki and how in my own haste to get to class, I neglected to realize my actions would make her tardy also. I asked if I could please serve her detention. He looked at me like I was a little crazy.
“How about I tell her teacher about this, and we’ll call it a misunderstanding on everyone’s part?”
“That sounds great.” I stood to leave.
“Wait,” he replied, and I halted. “In return, give me your word you’ll try harder to keep your nose clean around here. We don’t need any more trouble makers.”
I nodded and left the office after he had written a note excusing my tardy to my next class.
As soon as the dismissal bell rang, I jumped to my feet and hurried to look for Nikki. I was surprised to find her waiting by my door.
“Hey,” I said, wondering what she was doing there.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked nonchalantly.
“For taking care of the detention. Mr. Woodside called me into his office and told me what you did.” She shuffled her feet nervously.
“I didn’t mean to get you in trouble. The flowers were supposed to be a friendly gesture.”
“They were.” She pulled her hand from under her book, and I saw she was holding one of the roses. She sniffed it and extended it toward me. “This one is for you.”
“This could count as a gift, you know? People will start to think you like me,” I teased.
She shrugged. “Oh well.”
“Will you go out with me?” I asked again.
She smiled. “No. You and I wouldn’t be any good together.”
“I happen to disagree. I think we could make fireworks happen.” I lifted the rose and tucked it into the hair behind her ear.
“That’s why I can’t do it, Chase. I’m sorry, but I played with fireworks before and got burned. I promised myself I would never date a guy like that again.”
I stood staring as she walked away, not knowing what to say or think. I wasn’t used to rejection, and I was surprised by how badly it hurt. I was also surprised by ho
w much I felt the need to find her ex and rearrange his face.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, and for once I couldn’t wait to get home. I was glad it was Friday, and I wouldn’t have to look at Nikki all weekend. Maybe I could finally forget about her like she obviously wanted.
There was one thing I needed to do first. I found Brett in the parking lot.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” he asked when he saw me striding to where he was talking to Chad and Wes.
“You sure you can’t come party with us, dude?” Wes asked, bumping fists with me.
“Not this time, but soon hopefully,” I promised. “That’s why I’m here though. Can any of you spot me some blunt right now? I can pay you for it.” I pulled a twenty from my wallet.
“No worries. I can take care of you, bro,” Chad said, and he reached into his backpack and removed a baggie. “There’s more where that came from too.”
Sweet. I’d found a supplier. “Awesome,” I replied. “I appreciate it. Catch you guys later.”
I walked away toward my truck and was certain of only one thing. I was getting high tonight.
Things worked perfectly. Grandpa was out of town acquiring some new equipment for the ranch, and he needed me to do all of the chores for him. I fed the animals as quickly as I could, and then went back to the house to do my homework.
Grandma called me down for supper, and I ate with her and my mom. If there was one thing I couldn’t begrudge about living on the ranch, it was Grandma’s cooking. I quickly dug into the fresh steak with the heaping side of mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn on the cob.
“So how was your first week of school?” my mom asked.
“It was okay,” I replied in between bites.
“Just okay? You didn’t make a lot of new friends?”
“Yeah. I did.”
“Well, that’s good isn’t it?”
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
“Hmm. You don’t seem very excited about it. How about the girls? Find anyone you might want to date?”
I put my fork down. “Mom, do we have to talk about this right now? The school is fine. I’ve made friends with some of the guys on the team. There are lots of cute girls, but I don’t know if I’ll be dating any of them soon.”
“You should have some of the guys over sometime,” Grandma interjected.
“I’d like that. I know at least one who would like to come play video games.”
She covered my hand with hers. “This is your home too now. You can invite anyone you’d like to have here. I want you to be comfortable.”
“Thanks, Grandma.” I smiled. “How’s your new job?” I asked my mom, trying to turn the focus off myself.
“It’s a job. I don’t know how much money I’ll make in real estate here, and I guess this agency covers quite a broad area. So there may be times I’m gone for a few hours to show houses to potential clients.”
“Well, I’m sure you’ll be great at it.”
“Thanks, Chase.” She gave me a hug as she passed on the way to the sink, taking my plate with her.
“Grandma and I were thinking of going to a late movie since Grandpa is gone. Would you like to come with us?”
I shook my head. “No. I still need to muck out the horse stalls. I promised Grandpa I’d get a thorough cleaning done on them this weekend. I’ve got to go to Cooley tomorrow for my service hours anyway.”
“Would you like us to stay here with you? We can go another time.”
“No. Have some fun. You deserve it. I’ll try to come next time.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” I felt a little guilty knowing what I had planned, but I wasn’t about to change my mind.
I made my way to the barn and finished up my work. When I had the last of the fresh straw in the stalls, I let the horses back in. I briefly spoke to old Mitzi and fed her a carrot before I climbed into the hayloft, pushing the top exterior door wide open. I leaned against the frame, and slid down to the floor.
The stars shone brilliantly against the clear night sky, and I lit up, drawing the smoke heavily into my lungs, closing my eyes as I sighed in relief.
Man, I’d forgotten how good this really was. I smoked one whole joint and immediately lit up another. The night was quiet—everything was so still. I didn’t want to think about anything, willing all the voices in my head to be silent. There would be no death, moving, arrest, girls—only me, sitting in the night.
While that was nice in theory, it wasn’t long before flashes of my dad popped into my head. I pushed them roughly aside, and they were immediately replaced with thoughts of Nikki.
I sighed. I need to let her go and find another girl. Any girl would do. She needed to be someone I could pass the time with. Maybe do a little partying, then some making out and who knows what else. I wasn’t going to keep investing myself in trying to pursue a relationship that was going nowhere.
I snorted at my choice of words. Who was I kidding? There was no relationship. Sure Nikki was gorgeous, but we were complete opposites. She wasn’t even my type. She was a good girl, and I was branded a bad boy. A punk, as she’d called me, and the problem was everyone else thought the same thing. No one had ever taken the opportunity to really get to know me before they passed judgment.
Maybe I didn’t help my reputation at all, taking advantage of the times I could prove exactly how punk-like I could be, but what was the point of trying to be something else when everyone already had a preconceived notion of what you were?
They all thought they knew me, pegged me from the first glance. No one had any clue who I was on the inside. They didn’t see the athlete who was determined to win, no matter the cost. They didn’t see the raised bar I’d set for myself physically to be the best I could be. No one cared how hard I used to work on getting top grades before my dad died. He wanted me to get into a good college, and I wanted to do anything I could to make him happy. I wanted to get a football scholarship, but I was determined to have a high grade point average too when scouts looked at me.
I had an excellent employee record during my summer job as a lifeguard, receiving commendations for service from my boss. My job was always standing with him. He’d told me he would hire me anytime I could work because I was so reliable.
I had always been warm and friendly before. I was nice and polite to the people I met and formed, what I thought to be, lasting relationships with those around me. I was popular, well liked, and admired by many.
It never ceased to amaze me how everyone simply faded away into the background, melting slowly out of my life after my dad was killed. They couldn’t understand how devastated I was by his death—how it felt like everything in my world had turned completely upside down.
He died on my birthday. On my birthday! I didn’t ever want to have another one again. Every day I walked outside to get in my truck, and for one second I was standing on the carport hugging him before rushing off to school to show my friends my new gift. I didn’t know it would be the last time I ever saw him as he stood in the driveway waving after me with a big smile on his face. I should have thrown a fit, begged him to skip work and stay home for my party. If I had he would be here, and we’d all still be living our real life, not this fake one which had risen up to take its place.
I never told him goodbye, and now I’d never have the chance again. The grief eating me up from the inside was unreal, unbearable. It became all-consuming, until it was the only thing I could think about. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the scenes of my dad flashing through my mind—how I’d taken everything for granted, assuming he would be there forever. It overwhelmed me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and I was desperate to find a way to relieve the pain.
I jumped on the chance when it was offered, drowning my sorrows in alcohol and drugs. It didn’t matter if it was wrong, I needed a way to escape, to be oblivious—a way to not feel like I needed to vomit every second of my waking life. I lived to get as drunk or hig
h as I could . . . anything to move past that state of consciousness.
My problem now was no one was willing to look deep enough to see the real me lying dormant beneath the surface. Everyone thought I was a troublemaker, the bad boy, the punk.
I wasn’t. I was just broken.
Chasing Nikki Page 4
