by Morgan James
For a long moment, we remained frozen, suspended in time. He had been my jailer for nearly the entire time I lived with my uncle, yet here he sat, assessing me with that unsettling gaze. A chill swept up my spine. Was he here to kill me? Was he here to carry out my cousin’s final order and tie up all the loose ends?
I recoiled as he pushed from the chair, and he held his hands up in a placating motion. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ll leave.”
His hands dropped to his sides as he took a step toward the door. I didn’t know what to think. Why was he here? Johnny had never hurt me. In fact, he was the one who’d introduced me to the idea of dissociation to weather my uncle’s abuse. But I couldn’t believe he was standing in front of me here today. From the snippets of conversation I’d caught over the past few days, I was under the impression that all of my uncle’s men had been arrested—at least the ones who’d been present in the warehouse. I was sure several of them had gotten away, but Johnny most certainly would’ve been present.
“Did you get out?”
He paused for a long moment then shook his head in the negative. It wasn’t unheard of for some of the soldiers to be granted immunity or to make bail once they’d been incarcerated. “Not exactly.”
I lifted a brow, and Johnny heaved a sigh as turned to face me. With one hand, I surreptitiously pulled on the cord for the remote to call the nurse. I wanted to have it close by in case anything happened. Unfortunately, he didn’t miss the slight movement, and his eyes flicked over my shoulder before they met mine again. “Are you in pain?”
I gave my head a little shake. “I’ll be fine.”
It was his turn to cock a brow at me. “You are fine, or you’ll be fine?”
I stared up at him, my expression impassive, but I didn’t bother to respond. “I’m sure the meds have worn off by now,” he replied as he tipped his head toward the remote. “You can call them if you want.”
They’d actually weaned me off the morphine two days ago, per my request. I’d hated the way it made me feel sluggish and drowsy. After everything that had happened with Matteo, I wanted my senses at full height. I felt the overwhelming need to be aware of everything around me at all times.
My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Why are you here?”
He lifted one shoulder as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I told you. Just wanted to check on you.”
“No.” I gave my head a slow shake as I watched him. “That’s not it. What’s going on?”
A tiny smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “You’re too perceptive, anyone ever tell you that?”
Again, I didn’t bother to respond to his question. I’d spent every day of nearly the last three years studying my uncle’s posture and facial expressions, watching for any nuance that would indicate the slightest change in his hair trigger temper.
Johnny’s smile slipped away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...” His world words trailed off, and I watched several emotions flicker over his face as he seemed to carry on some kind of internal debate for speaking again. “I infiltrated the organization nearly four years ago under the direction of the FBI.”
I sucked in a sharp breath as he flicked open his jacket, revealing a shiny badge clipped inside the lining. “Are you crazy?” My eyes widened, and hysteria caused my voice to raise several octaves. “They’ll kill you! You have to—”
He dropped his jacket back into place and took two steps toward the bed. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine!” I shot back as I struggled to sit up. “If anyone finds out—”
He shook his head. “All of your uncle’s associates have been taken into custody. Even if they do get out and try to come for me, they won’t find me.”
“What are you going to do?”
Another little smile curved his mouth. “Disappear. Technically, I don’t exist anyway, and...” He trailed off and gestured toward the long scar along his cheek before shoving them back into his pockets. “Too identifiable for field work now.”
Guilt sliced through me once more, and I choked out the whispered words. “I’m sorry. I had no idea—”
He held up one hand to stop me. “I’d do it all over again.”
My brows drew together as I thought back to that morning. “Did you see me?”
He nodded slowly. “I kept talking with Lila, praying you’d have time to get away.”
“Thank you.”
He shrugged as if it meant nothing, but he shifted uncomfortably. “It killed me to have to bring you back.”
“So, it was one of Uncle’s men I saw in the parking lot that morning, wasn’t it?”
“It was.” He nodded regretfully.
“But the plates.... How—?”
He gave a quick shake of his head. “We switched them with another car that was parked at the resort. We had eyes on you for a couple days before moving in.”
“Of course.” Bitterness seeped into my tone, and my head spun as memories washed over me. Four years. He’d watched my uncle abuse me for years, yet he’d done nothing. He must’ve seen the heartbreak on my face, because he sobered. “Believe me when I tell you I did everything possible to get you out of there.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I fixed my gaze to the wall directly across from me, trying to ignore his presence.
“Every time we got close, every time we had something in place, your uncle would slip right off the hook.” He sighed. “Then all this shit with the Russians went down, and things escalated from bad to worse.”
I wanted to blame him, but I knew it wasn’t his fault. He had done what he could at the time, though I still felt betrayed. “Was it you who kidnapped me?”
His head moved in a solemn nod. “I tried to convince your uncle it would only be a one-man job, and that I could take care of it. He wouldn’t let me go by myself, so I brought one of the new young soldiers with me and told him I wanted to be the one to take care of Eric. Had it been anyone else...”
He trailed off, and I picked up his train of thought. Had Massimo sent anyone else, Eric would be dead, and I would’ve been someone’s plaything until they tired of me and killed me, too. Anger surged, hot and fierce. “So... what? You brought me back here instead of letting you go? How was that helping me?”
Johnny dragged the chair next to the bed and sank down, dropping his head into his hands. He was silent for a long moment before meeting my eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that. None of that was supposed to happen. We had a plan to get you out, but Massimo scheduled that dinner and threw everything off. And Matteo...” his voice softened. “Christ. I wish I could make him suffer for everything he put you through.”
He looked genuinely distraught, and sympathy tugged at my heartstrings. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I would take back everything if I could.”
Though I’d known the man for more than three years, I’d never seen this side of him before. His reaction seemed genuine, and I felt the need to console him. “Whatever you did, you did to survive. Just like me. Had you gone against my uncle’s orders you would’ve been killed. That’s on his hands, not yours.”
His eyes went cold, his expression stony, at my words, and apprehension washed over me. I thought about the video I’d found just two days before my abduction. Lila and her boyfriend had begged for their lives before their execution. I knew one of the men was my uncle. The other I hadn’t been able to identify at the time. But now...
“You did it, didn’t you?”
His expression shuttered, and he swallowed hard but refused to speak. Tears burned over the bridge of my nose, and one slipped down my cheek as I turned my head toward the window, hiding my face from him. I closed my eyes and cried; for myself, for Lila and her boyfriend, for the man beside me who’d been forced to choose between his life and another’s.
After several long moments, I finally managed to compose my
self. I dabbed at my eyes with my knuckles and turned back to Johnny just as the door to the room opened with a quiet click. Eric froze, one foot in the room, his keen gaze missing nothing as it swept over first me, with my red, swollen eyes, then Johnny sitting next to the bed. His brows lowered, and I could see the storm brewing in his eyes as he started toward us. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“Eric.”
The sound of his name halted him in place, and he tore his gaze away from Johnny to look at me before returning to the other man. “What the hell happened here?”
“It’s fine,” I assured him.
Johnny hadn’t moved, just sat there with his arms crossed over his chest, looking impassive as ever. Eric glared at him before turning his attention back to me. “Are you sure? If you don’t want him here...”
I shook my head. “He came by to check on me, that’s all.” Eric’s lips settled into a thin line as he regarded the other man. Seeming to accept my response, he lifted his chin and reluctantly extended one hand. “Thanks for your help.”
They shared one firm shake before dropping their hands away and lapsing back into silence once more. After a tense moment, Johnny turned to me. “I should get going anyway.”
“Thank you,” I said softly. He’d given me the closure I needed, no matter how much it hurt. “Will I see you again?”
He stood and gave an almost imperceptible shake this head. “No, ma’am.”
My mouth lifted in a brittle smile as I watched him make his way toward the door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob before glancing back at us. “Good luck. You deserve it.”
With that, he was gone.
Eric stood frozen as he watched the door shut behind Johnny, then he turned back to me, concern furrowing the space between his brows. “You sure you’re okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” Part of me wanted so badly to tell him everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Instead, I forced a smile to my face. “I’m just tired.”
Eric nodded, but the expression in his eyes told me he didn’t believe me. I swallowed hard, watching Eric as he watched me. Except for the police report, we hadn’t discussed what had happened over the past couple weeks. He didn’t pry, and I didn’t offer up more than necessary. Eric had been attentive without smothering me, and for that I was grateful.
All I wanted was to put the past behind me and move on. The only problem was, I had no idea if we could ever go back to the way we’d been.
Thirty-Two
Eric
My eyes popped open, and I swept out a hand, automatically searching for Jules. The sheets were cold, and I propped myself on an elbow as I scrubbed the last vestiges of sleep from my eyes.
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. I wanted only to give her a little bit of space, but the sheer exhaustion of the past couple weeks had apparently caught up to me. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand, its digital red numbers glowing in the darkness. I’d only been out for about two hours, but it was too long without having her next to me.
Throwing aside the covers, I slipped from the bed. A pair of black sweats lay discarded on the chair in the corner, and I hastily stepped into them. The lights were all off downstairs, but moonlight streamed in through the floor-to-ceiling windows that spanned the back wall of the cabin. My heart clenched, and I paused on the landing at the top of the stairs as my gaze landed on Jules. Knees drawn up to her chest, she was huddled in a small ball on the floor, staring sightlessly out the window. She didn’t acknowledge my presence as I quietly descended the stairs and moved closer. She remained silent, and I took a seat next to her, resting my forearms on my knees.
For several long minutes, we sat there together, just staring out the window. I turned my gaze to her, studying the pretty profile of her face. Long dark curls had tumbled forward, and I swept them back over her shoulder. She flinched at my touch, and her chin dropped to her chest. I snatched my hand away and replaced it in my lap, my fingers curling into a tight fist. The sound of my heart hitting the floor was deafening to my own ears, and I wondered if she could hear it shatter in the silence.
I swallowed hard and pretended like her rejection hadn’t just gutted me. I’d seen the evidence of the abuse all over her tiny body, and it sent rage curling through me once more, hot and volatile. I had no idea what she’d endured during her time with him, and I had no idea how to make it right. She’d been different over the past week, wary and closed off. Something inside her head had changed, and I had to face the fact that whatever I did might not be enough. She might very well walk away from me. After everything we’d been through, I might still lose her. The thought terrified me, but I had to do what was best for Jules.
“Can’t sleep?” I finally ventured. She gave her head a little shake but didn’t speak. I’d seen cases like this before, and the internal damage was often so much worse than the wounds inflicted on the outside.
“Do you want me to get your medicine? I—”
Another shake of her head cut me off. “It’s not that.”
Hope caused my breath to suspend in my lungs. There was an interminable silence before she spoke again. “How did you know?”
I tipped my head to one side. “How did I know how to find you?” I clarified.
Her eyes stared straight forward, but her head moved in a jerky nod. I drew in a deep breath. “Right after you moved in with me, we had a discussion about the Tavern. Remember that?” She didn’t bother to respond to my rhetorical question, so I continued. “I grew up in Chicago, and I had this gut feeling that you had too. I still have friends there, and I asked a contact with the bureau to find any information on you that he could. That’s how I found out about your dad.”
My voice cracked a little bit as memories washed over me, but I pushed them down. “I knew that’s where you had to be.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “Why did you come after me?”
“Because I love you,” I said baldly. “There isn’t a single thing that I wouldn’t do for you. I’d have burned the world down to bring you home if I had to.”
More tears squeezed from her eyes, and she dropped her forehead to rest on her knees. I scooted behind her and swung my right leg around her, then eased her into the vee of my legs. She turned slightly, and I wrapped my arms around her as she curled into my chest. I gently rubbed her back while she cried, each sob cutting through me like a knife. She turned her head into my neck, and I stroked one hand over the silky locks of her hair until she finally quieted.
“I feel dirty. Broken.”
The pain in her voice caused my heart to constrict, and I clenched my jaw so tight my molars ground together. God, I wanted to kill Capaldi all over again for what he’d done to her. She moved as if to shift away, and I tightened my hold on her. I couldn’t help wanting her close to me, and though I wanted her to feel comfortable and safe, neither could I find it in me to give her the space she was begging for.
“You are stronger than anyone I know. Half the men and women I went to the Academy with couldn’t have done what you did. You trusted him, and he...” I broke off, emotion choking my voice. “You didn’t deserve any of that. You’re not broken, baby. You’re absolutely amazing.”
I cuddled her closer and pressed my cheek to the top of her head. For nearly a moment, neither of us spoke. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to tell me what happened.”
The marks on her body told a story of their own anyway, and I could put the pieces together well enough. She sniffled but remained quiet, and I drew in a deep breath.
“Just know that if you ever need anything”—my voice faltered as tears burned the backs of my eyes—“you can always talk to me. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I’ll always be here for you.”
Another sob tore from her throat, and I pressed my lips to the top of my head as I clenched my eyes closed and steeled my heart. Though I wasn’t nearly ready to let her go, this felt like goodbye. I would never tether her to me against her wi
shes. I would respect whatever she chose to do, no matter how badly it hurt. She’d already been through so much; letting her go, allowing her to be free, was the least I could do. I just had to hope and pray that one day she would find her way back to me, because my heart would remain with her forever.
Time slipped away as we sat huddled on the cold floor, wrapped in each other’s arms. Ten minutes, an hour—I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. I couldn’t let her go. If this was the last time I ever got to feel her in my arms, I was going to commit every second to memory.
Thirty-Three
Giuliana
Guilt crashed over me like a wave. Here in the circle of Eric’s arms, I felt safe, protected, and I didn’t deserve one bit of it. I’d lied to him about my past, about who I was. How could he say he still loved me after all that? My thoughts brought on a fresh bout of tears. Through it all, Eric held me close, lending silent comfort.
“I don’t understand you,” I finally choked out.
Beneath my cheek, the muscles of his chest tensed. “What do you mean?”
Reluctantly, I peeled myself away from him and dabbed the tears suspended on my cheeks with the pads of my fingers. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
His left arm dropped to rest on his knee, still propped up on one side of me, but his other hand remained at the small of my back, his touch light but sure. Eric answered my question with one of his own. “How long have you known?”
I assumed he was talking about our entangled past. “I didn’t put the pieces together until you told me about the incident in the warehouse.”
I should have told him that night. Instead, I had withheld the truth and put both of our lives in jeopardy.
“That was just a couple days before you were abducted,” he clarified. I stiffened at the word, but I couldn’t dispute the truth of it. It sounded so dire, so distorted, but that was exactly what Matteo had done. With no regard to myself or anyone else, he had taken me away and done the unthinkable.
