Being without a goal grated on me. I decided to head to the greenhouse. I’d been released from work while I was recovering, but wanted to check it out. I also did not want to talk so I hurried to get down there before most people were out and about. Jace and Bob trailed me as always.
When I got to the end of section two, Ute hailed me.
Damn it, tears burned at my eyes again. When the hell did I become that weepy girl?
He hurried over and hugged me, his head lowered to mine, his words for my ears only. “Finn talked to me today, I am not sure this is the best course.”
I squeezed my arms tight around him. “I have to go. I am dreaming more, there are labs. There is an answer there I have to find.”
Ute believed in my magic far more than I did. He nodded. “I will help. I want to go with you, but it might better serve us for me to stay, and help the rest get there as well. Finn is writing down the routes for everyone else to follow. He has approached several people. He is requesting you and I join him tonight. Same time and place and we will give you the list.” I nodded into his neck. We had been hugging for several minutes now. People were bound to get suspicious soon if we didn’t stop. With one last squeeze, I let go.
When I checked in with Zelma at the gardens, the sympathy in her eyes almost set me off again. That was why I didn’t want to run into anyone. I booked it back home. Jace kept up easily, but Bob huffed and puffed. He looked so cute, I had to hug him when he reached us.
Bob hugged me back tight and whispered, “I am with you, we both are, someone has to keep you safe. You are somewhat reckless. We also both have really good hearing so keep us in the loop.”
I smiled. “Thank you, Bob.”
“I like Giggy, although I think Jace would prefer his own name.”
I snorted a laugh. “Okay.”
With that reassurance, I still didn’t have a list but I could guess some of the things we would need.
I gathered some blankets and gave them to Giggy. He squirreled them away in my old room. Marin had decreed no more separate bedrooms so I cannibalized my own place. The pillows, the sheets, the covers.
I meandered to the kitchen next. I found it weird in all my time here that I never saw the cook, who made our meals. Maybe she didn’t make it here? Listen to me being sexist. Maybe he didn’t make it here? On rare occasions, I did see people darting around. Pretty sure they scattered as soon as they heard me stomping.
I peered at the shelves. I had no clue what I was searching for. Zanth walked in while I studied the area.
“Everything all right?”
I jumped like a kangaroo. “Um, fine, I wanted a snack.” I looked mournfully at the shelves. “I need to learn how to cook.”
“Ah, I thought you were planning on snatching some food for our trip.”
I froze then turned to him. “Trip?”
“Yes, our trip.” He gave me a meaningful glance.
I nodded back, feeling quite double-oh-seven with all this veiled talk.
I turned to the door, “Good, you get the food.” and walked back up to my room to train.
Eighteen
A few hours later Marin requested I attend Midday, but I didn’t feel up to it. I repeated the training routines and techniques over and over, while my mind raced.
A blade flew by my face barely missing my nose, causing my hair to fly into my mouth. The hand holding the knife was covered in scars and tipped in claws. I blocked and grasped his pinky. With a twist, he dropped his weapon. My fist followed, aiming toward his face. A body slammed into my midsection.
Jesus, this guy weighed a ton.
My back was pressed into the mat. I couldn’t see his face clearly, my eyes swollen shut. This was obviously not the first strike I’d fought off. I raised my hands to block his punch.
I blinked and the image was gone. I wasn’t a natural fighter as Hana once said. I’d been trained. Why would they do that?
I practiced the rest of the day and spent the evening with Marin. We walked around the village. Generally, this was the time that people would come up and talk to him, but they must have sensed our need. No one stopped us while we strolled through section two, my hand in his.
“Are you really all right?” Marin asked his voice soft.
I hip checked him. “I will be.”
“I want you to come to Midday tomorrow. Hear the plans. I will not let them get away with what they did.”
I ducked my head and veered down a bare path between some of the houses toward the lake, Marin in tow. “Okay.”
He squeezed my hand. “Talk to me.”
I shrugged. “What do you want me to say? I mean, really, you know how I feel. You know what I want. My being there won’t change anything. It never has.”
He grabbed my arm and swung me around to face him. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean exactly what I said. I’ve never belonged here. I don’t belong at Midday. There is something out there I have to find, that I have to remember. The E’mani will never stop being a threat to me. The threat to you is less, so I guess you can keep taking your time.”
“And what do you mean by that? You know any threat to you is a threat to me.” He skimmed his hands down my arms.
“Nothing,” I said, my shoulders slumping. “I meant nothing. Please ignore me.”
“No, I will not ignore you. You are everything to me. You know that. You think this does not kill me? Seeing you upset, knowing what they did, and trying to get the Fost to act. I burn just as much as you do. I hurt just as much as you do.” His voice climbed a decibel until he was screaming.
His vehemence set me back. I ran my hand down his cheek. “I know, baby, I’m sorry. I love you, you know that, right? That will never change.”
He pulled me close, burying his face in my hair. “I know. I love you too. As long as we are together, nothing can hurt us.”
I snuggled in close. This was not the place to argue and my time was coming to an end. I didn’t want to spoil it. I wanted to wring every drop of love out of the now we had been graced with. He was not going to take my leaving well. I ran my hand over my mating band, then across his.
He inclined his head with a curve to his lips. Forever.
We ambled back home to our room and made love, our bodies coming together in heat and lightning. He fell asleep after, curled around me. He hadn’t been sleeping well. I caressed his face. My Marin.
Close to midnight, I snuck out again. Jace and Giggy escorted me to Finn’s. The forest path was the safest bet. We were unlikely to run into anyone on the way.
Hana answered the door to our knock and pulled me close. “I am so sorry.”
My eyes burned. I hadn’t seen her since the wedding. Any sympathy set me off. Waterworks, incoming. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled her close. We hugged for a few seconds until I forced myself to let go. Come on, Beta, keep it together. “I know.”
We walked back toward the kitchen. Ute was there along with Zanth and Finn. They had a tentative list of supplies we would need for our trip on the table.
“Good, everyone is here. To start, I want everyone to study the list and mark what you can get. This will be a team effort. We are in this together now, so do not think about backing out. If you want out, get out now, but I will hold you to your word not to speak of our plans until we have left,” Finn began. His serious expression made me think of that Brad Pitt movie.
Do not talk about Fight Club.
I giggled.
Finn glared at me. “What is so funny, Beta?”
“Nothing.” I covered my mouth. “Sorry, Earth humor. Go on.”
With a huff, he leveled his gaze on the group. “We all know what we have to do. This is important. The Fost as a whole cannot move as quickly as we can. We are not betraying anyone. We are taking the lead. We are a preemptive strike against our enemies. So with that said, the list. We will each be carrying roughly the same load. Water will be the heaviest item—.”
Jace pi
ped up. “Why take our own water then?”
Finn inclined his chin to him. “Good question. When I traveled the route during winter, water was the hardest thing for me to find. I could melt the snow, but this took time and heat. Given we are traveling during spring, this might not be an issue for us, but I want to be careful.”
Ute asked, “Will the spring affect the route at all?”
Finn ran his hand down his chin. “Probably, but there is no way for us to know until we travel. We will need to be careful. Beyond food and rations are the supplies. Everyone will have to pack their own clothes and limit what they bring. Remember, you are carrying your own weight. I want you to limit it to three pairs of leathers, five shirts, two boots, five pairs of socks, a light outer jacket, and thick bedding. The nights will still be cold, so we will have to sleep close together.”
At that little tidbit, Finn deliberately grinned at me. I rolled my eyes and Zanth frowned.
Finn waved his hands. “Any questions?” When no one answered, he continued. “Everyone may also have one small personal item, no bookcases.” This time his grin was directed at Ute.
God, the list didn’t seem like much, but Finn felt it would last us till we reached shelter on the plains. Everyone marked off items they could get and bring here each night to accumulate. Finn had the packs and would put them together for us.
Finn had said I would get most of the supplies, but there was little left for me to find except for candles. I figured I could make them myself for the trip. Rosa of Hazern would show me how. The rest was covered.
The meeting ended and we walked back in silence, the path dark. No one commented on what we talked about.
The next day passed in a blur. I spent the morning with Rosa learning about wax, how to build and maintain a fire, and how to cook a basic stew. Some of what I made was even edible. Go me.
At Midday, Marin sent Jace to retrieve me. Again, I ignored him and kept on making candles. I wandered back to the house after Midday to train.
Marin joined me and thankfully, he didn’t mention the meeting or my ignoring of his summons. I didn’t want any more arguments.
Since the baby, I lost weight without trying. Not that I needed to, it was the hours of training. I got lost in the movements. My mind wandered and more and more, I remembered.
“Guard up, little one. You need to keep your guard up at all times. You think your enemy will remind you?” The voice was high, almost effeminate, but not quite.
I laughed heartily as his fist missed my face.
“I’m not the one who needs a shave.”
Masculine laughter filled my mind, and I grinned like an idiot.
Those are not the feelings I associated with the E’mani. Who was I training with? Why were they letting me train? It didn’t make sense.
The next few days passed in the blink of an eye. We gathered goods and survival techniques like misers. Tomorrow we would head out. My stomach flipped. How do I say goodbye to Marin without really saying goodbye? I placed my hand over my belly. This was harder than I imagined it would be. Marin was going to be so pissed. My eyes closed. But he would understand in the end. I had to believe that.
I lingered downstairs after breakfast hoping to catch him. I needed to get some fishing gear from Clan Torg, but I also wanted to spend as much time with Marin as possible before I left. I searched the house but he was nowhere to be found.
At Midday, I considered going but figured it would make me angry, and I didn’t want to give anything away. So far, I’d avoided all of Marin’s attempts to get me to participate. The gardens called. When I wandered out, most of the snow was gone due to the improving weather. The grass was green again, and seeds were sprouting. I spied a few of the golden butterflies that I loved so much returning to the garden. With a sigh, I sat on the bench, near my daughter’s grave and watched them dance in the air.
Marin joined me a few minutes later. “There you are.”
“Here I am.” I patted the bench next to me
He sat and slipped his arm around my waist, his mouth against my ear. “How come you do not want to know what is going on?” Suspicion was etched on his face. “Because you feel you do not matter?”
I shook my head “I don’t feel I can add anything, my love.”
He smiled at the endearment and kissed my temples. “Promise me you will come tomorrow. I want you to know what I have planned, what we are doing. I think you will be happy. It will not be long now until we can move on our enemies. The weapons are ready, we only need the gear and supplies and timing. Finn already mapped our path. I promised you. I will keep my promise.” He choked out a breath. “They killed our baby.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his arm. Not now, please. I got up and tugged him to the pool, pulling off my shirt as we made our way there. When we got close, I turned to look at him over my shoulder and winked. “Race you.”
Air buffeted past me. With an oof, I smacked into Marin’s chest. “Cheater.”
“I win.” He turned and threw me into the water, clothes and all.
His husky laughter followed me, his naked body only a few seconds behind, pushing me deeper into the pond.
This is what I wanted. I turned to kiss him. He backed me onto the ledge and rested between my legs. His hands skimmed my sides when I floated into him.
Our sighs merged as we made love in the pool. I pulled power as we coupled and released it on a sigh. Mist danced in the air. We came together staring into each other’s eyes.
Afterward we washed each other’s backs then strolled to the house. I didn’t feel like training today. I kept Marin all to myself, in bed, of course. Sometimes I felt I knew everything about him. Other times, he surprised me endlessly. Today was an endless day.
Marin hated wool, but loved satin, especially how it looked on my skin. Even that horrible jumpsuit he first saw me in. He loved the contrast between sweet and sour, more than just plain sweet. I’d described the sports of my world and he liked baseball but found football confusing, rugby even more so. And soccer, sign him up for that. He tended to tap his fingers when anxious, but didn’t let himself do it. It revealed too much of his emotional state during political affairs.
Marin constantly brushed back his hair. I wondered out loud why he didn’t cut it or tie it back. He told me he loved when I grabbed it during sex, and by leaving it loose, he encouraged that practice. He loved cuddling way more than I suspected though he rarely slept in to enjoy it.
I should have kept him in bed longer. I should have done a lot of things, but my time was up.
Nineteen
At midnight, we gathered in Finn’s kitchen. Finn wanted to leave a few hours after nightfall. That way people were less likely to see us depart and it gave us an eight hour head start on the day. Finn knew the route blindfolded so leaving after dark wouldn’t be that big of a risk. We would have torches to guide our way once we got far enough away from the city that they wouldn’t be detected.
To aid our escape, Ute requested a morning meeting with Marin, which should keep him occupied for a few hours. I’d left a note by the bed saying that I’d gone to Hana’s in case Marin searched for me. Lame, but it was all I could think of last minute to explain my absence. My heart twisted at the thought of leaving him. Marin would be mad once he figured it out, but he would understand. He loved me.
Our plan hinged on Marin finding out we’d left when other people were around. That way, by the time Marin gathered the supplies he would need to follow, Ute would have tied his hands politically. The rest of the clan leaders would brush off our leaving as suicide, and keep to the original idea like they had after my attack.
The gear was laid out on the table. Mine and Hana’s packs appeared noticeably lighter than the rest of the group’s. We were all here, huddled in various corners of the kitchen waiting for nightfall.
Tick-tock.
Hana sat next to me at the table while Zanth was on my other side. Jace, I noted with interest,
had his hand on the back of Hana’s chair to her right with Giggy next to him. Baren, an earnest miner from Clan Stein, stood by the fire talking quietly to Ute. Finn, Near, and Edd huddled near the doorway.
Seeing the last three men together gave me pause. Near was the leader of Clan Barrell and Edd was the leader of Clan Tryst with Finn, that meant three of the nine clan leaders bucked Marin’s rule along with his mate. No wonder Finn never mentioned who was joining us. This wouldn’t go over well. My heart sank.
My belly churning, I addressed my words to Near and Edd. “Are you sure you two want to do this?”
Edd inclined his head at Hana. “I want to protect her,” he said simply.
Near shrugged. “Are you?”
Touché.
I twiddled with the leather strap on my bag.
When midnight came, Finn ushered us outside. The night was clear and dark as pitch. We were close enough to the lake that I heard the waves lapping against the shore. I took a deep breath and shook my hands out, glancing toward my home, where Marin now slept. He would forgive me. He had to.
We started off single file down the path toward the exit. Finn led the way with me behind him and Zanth behind me. We tried to stay as quiet as possible.
Zanth’s hand landed on my shoulder making me jump.
“What?” I squeaked.
“Hold on so we do not lose anyone in the dark. Grab hold of Finn.”
I nodded, not that he could see, and grabbed onto Finn’s belt. “Traveling this way will slow us down.”
Zanth whispered back. “This is only for tonight. The rest of our trip we will walk during the day.”
When we were about fifty feet from the gate, Finn held his arm out to the side, forcing the group to a halt. We huddled in the bushes on the side of the path.
Finn motioned Ute forward. “There are two guards. Distract the one patrolling and we will sneak past the other, it looks like he is just sitting in the gate house.”
“How can you tell?” Ute squinted at the entrance.
Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2) Page 13
