by Claire Adams
But Mina seemed so excited about the prospect that it wasn't as though I could just tell her no outright.
My first customer came in, effectively closing the conversation for now anyway, and Mina smiled and said goodbye, heading back over to her own shop.
I smiled at the older woman who waited patiently for me to turn my attention to her. “Good morning, and welcome to Paradise Massage, Mrs. Talbot. Here's a massage outfit for you to put on, if you just want to step right into the massage room here. I'll give you a few minutes to get comfortable, and then I'll be in to help you.”
The words were so routine and familiar by this point that I could probably recite them in my sleep.
Which was why dating Christian, and everything that was so not routine about that, had been so much fun. I sighed and shook my head. It wouldn't do to be distracted by thoughts of Christian when I was meant to be giving a massage.
I moved into the room with Jane and got to work. “Just visiting Hawaii for a quick trip over the holidays?” I asked her quietly.
“Well, sort of,” Jane said, laughing a little. “I'm on a rather extended trip, but I arrived in Hawaii the day before New Year's, and I'll be here for about a week. Then, I'll be headed off to the Philippines, and then who knows!”
“Oh, wow,” I said, surprised by her answer. “Did you and your husband just retire?”
“Actually, my husband passed away last year.” She sighed softly. “This is the trip we always dreamed of taking. But we kept putting it off and putting it off. I'm afraid that life got in the way. There were the kids, and there were bills to pay, and then he was working toward his pension, and then even once he retired, we were looking to sell the home, and things came up. We made excuses.”
“Oh,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“So, I decided to take our trip anyway,” Jane continued, not waiting for me to say more. “And you know what? It's almost like he's here with me. I write him letters from every place that I go, almost like a journal. But it's written just for him. He would have loved the seafood in Boston. He would have been amazed by how flat the middle of the country is; he grew up in the mountains, and he was always a bit uncomfortable when he could see all the way to the horizon. And he would have loved the drive along the coast in California!”
“You're going to see the whole world, then?” I asked, smiling a little at her enthusiasm.
“Oh, probably not,” she said, shaking her head. “I'm an old bag now, and I don't know how far I'll make it. But I do want to see some of Asia; I've never made it there before in my life. And when I reach Paris, I'm going to get a little apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower and spend the rest of my life painting pictures and taking long walks through the parks. Edward always loved Paris.”
I bit my lower lip. “If you don't mind me asking, if you had to do it all again, knowing that Edward wouldn't be here with you for this trip, would you still do it?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” Jane said fiercely. “Our marriage had its ups and downs, all marriages do. And having to watch Edward get sicker and sicker until...” She took a deep breath, and I felt guilty for having pried. I just had to know. “The good times that I had with Edward outweighed all the bad,” she said. She laughed a little. “And in some ways, it's a relief to do this trip myself! He was a stingy old man, and I don't know that we would have traveled that well together. I definitely wouldn't be getting a massage if he was here with me!”
I frowned. “But doesn't that bother you, knowing that?” I asked.
“Oh, dear,” Jane said, shaking her head. “No two people are ever going to be perfectly compatible,” she said. “This isn't the movies. There are always going to be difficulties that you have to work through and compromises that you have to make. But that's what makes it all so sweet. Edward and I may never have gotten the chance to travel the world together, but what we did get to do was raise three perfect little children and give them every opportunity in the world. What we did get to do was open a small country store in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. What we did get to do was go on one long summer vacation to visit relatives in France and Italy. We were happy. We were just happy in different ways.”
I hummed softly. “Sounds like you loved him.” It was a stupid thing to say; the two had clearly been married for a while, and…
“I'm not sure what I think about love and all that,” Jane said, sounding almost like Mina in that instance. “But I can't imagine what my life would have been like without Edward there at my side for all those years. We shared the most important parts of a life together. And maybe that's all love truly is.”
I frowned, thinking that over in the context of my relationship with Christian. Could I imagine my life without him? Of course, I could. I'd been living there in Hawaii and working at the massage parlor for a lot longer than I'd known him. I knew my routine.
But there was still something there, wasn't there, that seemed to be missing, now that he was gone. Maybe love was recognizing that little piece of yourself that was just waiting to open up to the other person.
After the massage, I walked Jane to the door and let her out into the sunshine. “You have a good day, Mrs. Talbot, and safe travels!” I told her. I waved as she walked down toward her car.
As I turned to go back into the shop, I caught sight of Lino out the side of my eye, and I froze, wondering what he could be doing there.
“Hey, Gretchen,” he said cautiously, walking slowly toward me, as though he was afraid that I might bolt. “Can we talk?”
“I don't think so,” I said coolly, remembering how angry he and Christian had looked at the New Year's Luau. I still wondered what had happened there, and I couldn't help wondering if Lino somehow had some hand in Christian's abrupt departure. But I had been truthful with Christian about the whole mess with Lino, so it wasn't as though Lino could have told him anything he hadn't already known.
“Come on,” Lino said, reaching out to catch my arm as I started back into the massage parlor. “Gretchen, seriously. I'm beginning to realize what a huge mistake I made. And I know you have no reason to ever forgive me, but I'm hoping that maybe you could find it in yourself to give me a second chance. I just panicked. I wasn't mature enough to have a kid yet. You have to know that. And I said a lot of things, did a lot of things that I regret. I know the miscarriage was hard on you. It was hard on me too. I just didn't know how to tell you that. I-”
“Stop,” I interrupted, yanking my arm away from him. My heart was pounding, and there was a part of me that wanted to believe him, to fall into his arms and hope for something good to come from it.
No. I knew that what I'd had with Christian had been ten thousand times more than what I'd ever had with Lino. Still, Christian was gone, and Lino and I had a chance of building a future together, in Hawaii. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to give him a chance—but that was ridiculous. For all he said that he had grown up now, his behavior around Christian was not the behavior of someone who had grown up, not even a little.
“Lino, whatever we had between us, it's over now,” I said, shaking my head. I laughed sadly. “You know, if you would have talked to me even two months ago, things might be different.”
Sure enough, Lino was frowning. “What, if I'd just gotten to you before Christian did?” he asked bitterly. “But Christian's gone. He got sick of you, I guess. And-”
“He had to go back to work,” I said coolly. “I knew that was going to happen eventually. And Christian has nothing to do with anything that you and I had. Just, I've moved on now.” I pulled open the door to my shop. “If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. I have another client coming in, and I have to get everything ready.”
Without waiting for his response, I went inside, shutting the door firmly behind me. My heart was racing as though I'd just run a marathon, and I felt like I might start crying, over Lino or over Christian, I couldn't even say.
I slumped down in the massage room, pressing the heels of my h
ands against my closed eyes. The thing was, I couldn't help thinking that maybe I should give Lino another chance. He was there, and I knew that Christian wasn't coming back. If love was just about sharing a life together, Lino and I could share a life together just as easily as Christian and I could; couldn't we?
Chapter Thirty-Three
Christian
Two weeks later, I was still struggling to get my head back on things at work. I was doing everything that I needed to do. But it seemed to be three times as much work as it ever had been before. Usually, I got home in the evenings, downed a few glasses of scotch, and passed out on the couch with my suit still on. It was starting to show in the bags beneath my eyes.
“So, obviously, Christian's appearance on the second edition of International Dream Homes is going to help boost our stocks, but beyond that, we've got to think big,” Alex said, droning on.
“I like the idea of doing something that we've never done before,” George said. “It seems like every year, we open up with a big advertising campaign, and although that always seems to work a little bit, it still seems like we could be doing more. What if we…”
I tuned him out, doodling aimlessly on the edge of my meeting brief until Paul reached over and caught my wrist, stilling it firmly.
I frowned, feeling like a schoolchild who has been scolded, but I knew that he was right. I needed to give at least the appearance of paying attention. George and Alex had been growing warmer toward me since I'd managed to still keep out of the news over the past couple weeks, but that didn't mean that I was out of hot water just yet. Especially when we were talking about something as sensitive as stocks, I should be showing them how invested I was in this company's future, rather than doodling pictures of Gretchen dancing the hula.
I blushed a little, realizing just what I'd been doing, and scribbled over the image.
Fortunately, the meeting didn't last that much longer. George finally clapped his hands, seemingly satisfied with whatever it was that they'd decided regarding marketing, I didn't remember, and he and Alex got to their feet. Paul reached over to catch my wrist again, signaling that he wanted to have a little talk with me.
I sighed once the door shut behind the other two business owners. “Sorry,” I said to Paul. “I know I should have been paying attention. Consider me chastised. Can I go now?”
“Hey,” Paul said, frowning at me. “You probably should have been paying a little better attention, or at least, not making it so obvious that you were nowhere near paying attention. But I'm more…” He paused. “I'm concerned about you, Christian. Are you feeling okay? Did something happen while you were on your trip? You haven't seemed like yourself since you've been back.”
“Thought I wasn't supposed to be acting like myself,” I said sullenly, even though I knew that wasn't what he meant. “After all, the whole reason you all sent me away was because you didn't want to deal with me acting like myself.”
“Christian,” Paul said chidingly, and I sighed.
“I know,” I said quietly. I ran my finger over the edge of the scribble, still faintly able to make out the image of Gretchen that I'd been doodling. “There was this girl, in Hawaii.”
“Just one?” Paul asked, arching an eyebrow at him. He grimaced, looking chagrined, when I gave him a flat look. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that,” he said. “Tell me about this girl.”
“Her name's Gretchen,” I told him. “She's a masseuse. And she's beautiful. And interesting.” I laughed a little, hoping the sound didn't come off as sad to Paul as it did to my own ears. “I don't know the last time I dated someone interesting.”
“I don't know the last time you dated someone,” Paul said, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
I shook my head. “Yeah, I know. But it's just that she was something special.”
“But what, you didn't make plans to kidnap her back to New York with you? You weren't able to woo her away from the island?”
“I didn't even try,” I admitted. “Her whole life is there. And she is so not the kind of woman who you find here in New York. She's warm, and she's sensual. God, you should see the way she dances. And she laughs. And-”
“Christian,” Paul interrupted, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully at me. “Are you sure that you still want to be here in New York?”
His words hit me like a slug to the gut. I ducked my head a little, wanting to hate how easily he had seen through me, but also secretly grateful that I hadn't had to voice the question myself. “I'm not sure,” I admitted. “I love this job, I do. And my life is here, just the same way that her life is there. I'm not the kind of guy who can just do nothing with his life. I wouldn't last a year in Hawaii. I probably wouldn't even last six months. And then what would I do, once I'd left the business and…you know?”
“You'd find a hobby, maybe?” Paul suggested. “I know that's a novel concept for you since all your time has always been taken up with work and women, but most people have things that they like doing.” He grinned at me.
I sighed and shook my head. “I honestly wouldn't even know where to start with finding a hobby,” I admitted. “I know that that sounds stupid, but-”
“You'd probably enjoy sports,” Paul said. “And I'm sure there are all sorts of swimming and volleyball and soccer leagues in Hawaii since the weather is always so nice. Or cycling, maybe? And with all of your knowledge in interior design and homes and everything, maybe you'd like-”
“Okay, okay,” I interrupted, holding up a hand to cut him off before he could list off every possible hobby that I might be interested in. “I know, there are options out there. But all the same.” I ran a hand back through my hair. “I'd have to do work, right? And something tells me that real estate ventures in Hawaii are somewhat limited. I don't want to work in the vacation rentals business, and anyway, it would be too much of a commute for me to get from Hawaii to anywhere else if I worked for a big company like Sunrise. So-”
“You could just retire,” Paul suggested.
I snorted. “I'm not old enough for that yet.”
“Think about it,” Paul said, shaking his head though. “You have enough money saved up that you could retire now and live comfortably for the rest of your life on your savings, even if you ended up having kids or whatever else. Hell, you could comfortably retire here in New York for the rest of your life, and I'm sure a house in Hawaii costs the same, if not less than that ridiculous penthouse suite that you've got at the moment.”
I frowned and then shook my head. I didn't even want to start considering it. I shook my head again. “It doesn't matter, anyway,” I told him, thumbing the design once more. “I fucked things up when I was leaving. I didn't tell her I was going, I just…”
“Pulled a Christian Wall,” Paul said, shaking his head. “Look, why don't you go home for the rest of the afternoon and see if maybe you can get a little sleep?” he suggested. “Don't think I haven't realized how exhausted you are lately. Guessing that this Gretchen girl is the reason you haven't been sleeping well lately?” I frowned, and he held up a hand. “You don't have to answer that. But seriously. Go home. Think about it.”
I frowned when I entered my front hall and found another pair of shoes in the middle of the hall, shoes that weren't mine. I took a couple of careful steps into the apartment and nearly had a heart attack when Jeff materialized at the end of the hallway.
“Sorry, bro,” he said, grimacing as he saw my expression. “Wasn't trying to scare you. The doorman let me in when I showed him my ID and said I was your brother.”
“I'm going to have to have a talk with him,” I said, shaking my head.
“What, you aren't happy to see me?” Jeff asked. There was a guarded look to his eyes and something dark in his tone.
“It's not that,” I said. “You just scared me, that's all.”
“I didn't expect you to be home this soon,” Jeff said, peering at me. “Are you sick or something?”
I shrugged awkwardly and headed into the
kitchen to make something for lunch and grab a beer or something. “Paul sent me home for the day,” I admitted.
“Really?” Jeff asked, sounding surprised. “I thought they would be happy to have you back. Haven't even seen you in the papers lately or anything.”
“Yeah, no, they're glad to have me back,” I said absently, pulling out things to make a sandwich. “You hungry?”
“Nah, I'm good,” Jeff said. I could practically hear him puzzling out the things that I wasn't saying. “Are you happy to be back?”
I paused for a long moment and then shrugged carefully. “This job is my life,” I told him.
“That doesn't mean you're happy,” Jeff pointed out sagely.
“I'm happy,” I said. “I've missed this place, and…” I frowned.
“You miss Hawaii more than you've missed this place?” Jeff prodded.
“I miss Gretchen,” I admitted. “It's stupid because she was just some girl, but...”
“Oh, don't try and tell me that,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “She wasn't 'just some girl' to you. I could tell that from the first time I ran into the two of you on the beach there. And I don't even know you all that well anymore.”
I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face. “It doesn't matter anyway,” I told him, the same thing that I'd told Paul. “I fucked up. We got into a big fight on New Year's Eve, a little while before midnight, and the next morning, I just left. I didn't even tell her goodbye. I didn't even tell her that I was going to be leaving. She knew that I was going to be leaving at some point, but I didn't tell her when.”
