Meant To Be
Monica Murphy
You were you,
and I was I;
we were two
before our time.
I was yours
before I knew,
and you have always
been mine too.
- Lang Leav, Love & Misadventure
Contents
Playlist
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
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Did you know?
Acknowledgments
Also by Monica Murphy
About the Author
Playlist
“Out of Love” - Alessia Cara
“Supalonely (Lownley)” - BENEE
“invisible string” - Taylor Swift
“Bye.” - Mia Smith
“We Belong Together” - Mariah Carey
“i love you” - Billie Eilish
“Dreams” - Fleetwood Mac
“Lucid Dreams” - Juice WRLD
“HURT ME” - benny mayne
“you broke me first” - Tate McRae
“Walking On A Dream” - Empire of the Sun
Find the rest of the Meant To Be Spotify playlist here:
http://bit.ly/MTBplaylist
Ava: Eli, PLEASE call me.
Eli:
Ava: Eli. I’m sorry about my parents. And what Jake said. And that you guys got in a fight. Please answer me.
Ava: Eli!!!
Ava: OMG if you don’t respond to me right now I will…
Ava: I don’t know what I’ll do. Cry forever? Tell everyone you have a tiny dick? I know that’s the LAST thing you want me to say!
Ava: Even though it would be a lie.
Eli:
Ava: Why won’t you talk to me?
Eli:
Ava: I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
Ava: You can’t ignore me forever!
Eli:
Ava: Maybe you can…
One
Ava
Can you die from a broken heart? Not asking for a friend.
The street is empty. Eli is long gone. I clutch my phone in my hand so tight, my fingers cramp up. He won’t respond to my texts or my calls. He’s ghosting me.
Pain radiates from my chest, a constant, throbbing reminder that Eli just destroyed me with a few choice words. He doesn’t believe me. Worse, he doesn’t trust me. I never told my brother about his parents. I don’t know who did. Eli may have hinted at things and flat out told me his mother drank too much, but he never talked about his dad cheating. And why would I tell Jake any of that?
There’s no way I ever would.
So who did?
I make my way to the backyard to find my entire family is gone. Glancing toward the kitchen windows, I see they’re inside. Waiting for me. My parents and Jake, who’s sitting on a barstool at the counter with a glower on his freshly abused face. It serves him right that Eli got a few punches in. I don’t even feel bad that it happened, though I suppose I should.
Mom catches my gaze and raises her brows, the look on her face plainly telling me, get in here.
If I could turn around and run away, I would. I’d run and run and run until I was out of breath and so, so far, no one could find me again.
But I don’t move. I definitely don’t go inside. Not yet. Dad says something to Mom, and I can tell they’re having a minor argument. About me? I wonder if she told Dad about our little secret. How she knew about Eli and I dating.
My gaze sweeps over the scene of the crime, AKA the spot where Jake and Eli fought. The moonlight catches on something on the ground, making it glint and I kneel down, reaching toward the shiny piece. My fingertips touch cool metal and I grasp it between my fingers.
A gold #1 pendant. Eli’s. I feel around for the chain, almost desperately, on my hands and knees, but I don’t see it. I wonder if he knows he lost it. I’m sure he’ll be upset. He loves this necklace and the fact that his father gave it to him.
But would he want to know I have it? Maybe.
Maybe that’ll be my one way to reach out to him. I have something he wants.
Unfortunately, from the way everything just went down, it’s not me.
“Ava!” I lift my head to find my mother standing in the open doorway of the kitchen, her expression somber. “Come inside. Now.”
Rising to my feet, I clutch the pendant in my palm and march toward my punishment. I hang my head as I enter the kitchen, not wanting to look at any of them. Especially Jake. His anger radiates off of him, all of it aimed straight at me. Mom closes the door but, otherwise, says nothing. Neither does Jake. Or Dad.
It’s a very uncomfortable silence full of thick tension that seems to last ten minutes, but is probably more like thirty seconds before my dad can’t take it any longer.
“Ava.” His tone is firm, yet gentle. He’s mad, but he doesn’t want to show it. “Tell me what Eli Bennett was doing at our house at this time of night.”
Jake snorts. “What do you think—”
“Enough,” Dad says, silencing my big brother.
This gives me immense satisfaction. Lifting my head, I meet my father’s gaze head on. “We’re together. Well…we were.” The throb in my chest intensifies and I tell myself to ignore it.
But it pounds in my heart, my blood, my head. I can feel it everywhere, a rattling in my bones that reminds me what Eli said. What he did. How he looked at me with complete disgust. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
My heart is shattered. A billion tiny jagged pieces lay at Eli’s feet, and I don’t know if it can ever be put together again without him.
“That still doesn’t explain what he was doing at my house this late,” Dad says, crossing his arms as he waits for my response. “Did he come over here uninvited?”
“No.” I shake my head, my breath shaky when I exhale. “I invited him.”
“Ava.” Dad’s sigh is long and weary. “You know you’re not supposed to have a boy here that late.”
Do I, though? Have those words ever been specifically said? We’ve never had a discussion about boys and if they can come over or not. Not that I know of. I slip my hands into my pockets, dropping the pendant inside. “We weren’t going to do anything…”
My voice drifts and I remember I’m standing in front of them in a robe with only a pair of panties on underneath. That’s all. If the night played out as originally planned, Eli and I were definitely going to do something.
And it would’ve been amazing.
The ache inside me just cuts deeper.
“Give me a break,” Jake mutters, and this time it’s Mom who says something.
“Jake, go to your room.”
I chance a look at my brother as he jumps to his feet, his expression full of unabashed anger. “What do you mean? I should be in on this conver
sation, too, you know. I deserve to know why Eli is lurking around in our yard late at night. That guy hates me. He probably came here to jump me and beat my ass.”
“That’s a bunch of crap and you know it,” I start, turning all of my frustration on my brother. “Eli came here for me, not you.”
“I wouldn’t put it past that fucker to pretend to get with you to get at me. Tell us you didn’t have sex with him, Ava. Go ahead and deny it. That guy will fuck anything that moves,” Jake says, and without hesitation, I lunge toward him, my arm extended and my fingers curled, connecting with Jake’s jaw.
“Jesus!” Dad explodes, reaching for me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me off of my brother before I can do any real damage. Mom darts in between Jake and I, her back to me, her hand on Jake’s jaw as she assesses the damage.
The throbbing of my heart has stopped, at least. Now my knuckles throb from where they connected with Jake’s face.
That was oddly satisfying.
“She freaking hit me,” Jake says, sounding incredulous as he glares at me. “Please tell me she’s gonna get in trouble.”
“If you’d stop goading her, then maybe she wouldn’t feel the need to punch you,” Mom says, her voice icily calm. “Come on. Let’s go to your room.”
Before he can say anything further, Mom is escorting Jake out of the kitchen, leaving me and Dad alone.
Wincing, I cradle my hand, studying my already reddened knuckles as I lean against the counter. I didn’t even think I got that good a hit on him, but maybe I did. I hope he’s in pain. He deserves to suffer at least a little bit for what he said about Eli. And me.
“Does it hurt?” Dad asks.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I don’t know why I did that.”
“I know why.”
My head jerks up at his quietly spoken words. “Why?” My voice croaks like I have a sore throat.
“When we’re hurting, we lash out. And right now, Ava, you’re hurting.” He opens his arms and I go to him without hesitation, clinging to my father as I cry into his T-shirt. His scent is familiar and comforting and I didn’t realize I missed my daddy so much until right now, while my tears drench his shirt and my shoulders shake.
He just holds me and lets me cry, remaining silent. His fingers in my hair while he cradles me close. We stay like this for at least a few minutes, until my trembling eases and the tears start to dry up. Reluctantly, I pull away from him, wiping at my damp face with the sleeve of my robe. A little hiccup escapes me, and I cover my mouth, my gaze lifting to his to find him already watching me, that familiar, patient expression on his handsome face.
“You bottle it all up, like me,” he finally says. When I frown, he continues. “When I was your age, I kept all my emotions inside. I didn’t let anyone know they bothered me. Affected me. I was like a statue. Made of stone. You’re warmer than that, Ava. You’re more open than I ever was, but you still keep your emotions buried deep, and when you finally explode, this is the result.”
A watery laugh escapes me. “What, me trying to punch my brother in the mouth?”
“That and you crying all over my shirt for the last five minutes.” He smiles, but I can’t. I’m still hurting, and while my father’s love is definitely comforting, it’s not enough.
Knowing Eli is upset with me, that he might not love me anymore…it’s so painful I can hardly take it.
“I’m sorry I hit Jake,” I say with a little sniff.
“Are you sorry you snuck Eli over to our house?”
I drop my head and nod once.
“Your mom and I were going to punish you,” he continues. “But maybe you’re punishing yourself enough already.”
“Punish me,” I say, the misery in my voice undeniable. “I deserve it.”
“You’ll have to apologize to Jake.”
That’ll be awful.
“I don’t want to hear any details, but your mother and I can only assume why you snuck out of the house late at night to meet Eli,” he says, and I lift my head, ready to explain myself. Dad shakes his head, silencing me. Which is a total relief. I don’t want to say too much by accident, and he definitely doesn’t want to hear it. “I don’t know how I feel about your choice in boyfriends.”
“Don’t worry,” I say miserably. “From what just happened, I figure Eli and I are through.”
“Maybe it’s for the best,” Dad says gently.
No, I want to scream. Eli is the best.
The best one for me.
“You’ll be grounded for a week. Go to school, go to practice, then come home. No hanging out with Ellie or your friends,” Dad says, and I’m shocked. My parents have never grounded me. Like, never in my life. And I haven’t given them any reason to either. Until now. Sneaking out to meet my boyfriend, eager to get naked with him in the hot tub. If they knew I’ve already been naked with him, they’d be so disappointed.
I hang my head in shame.
There are no other friends for me to hang out with but Ellie. Well, Dakota and Lindsey, but I’m sure once they find out I’m with Eli, they’ll drop me. Maybe even Ellie too. I kept this from her and I’m not sure why, but I know her feelings will be hurt. I tell her everything. Until now.
And look where it got me.
“That’s fine,” I say to my feet. “I’m going to bed now. Okay?”
He hugs me again, but it’s like I can hardly look at him. I’m grateful Mom didn’t come back downstairs and join our conversation. I’m close to breaking as it is. Seeing the sympathy all over her face would destroy me.
I run up the stairs and hide away in my room, locking the door. Like a robot, I walk into the connected bathroom and shed my robe—making sure I leave the #1 pendant on the counter—and panties after I turn on the shower. Stepping under the hot, steaming water, I let it wash away all of my sins. My troubles. My cares.
But it doesn’t work. They’re all still there long after the water shuts off and my body is dry. Reminding me that I’m alone. No more Eli in my life. No more of his wicked smiles, his funny words, his tender looks and delicious kisses.
It’s gone. All gone.
Lying in bed with the lamp still on, I clutch the #1 pendant between my fingers, turning it this way and that, watching the light glint off the gold.
At least I still have a piece of him.
Two
Ava
Tell me what I’ve heard isn’t true.
This is what I wake up to at—I check my phone—10:09 in the morning. A text from Ellie, and I can tell just from those few words that she’s upset with me.
With fear gripping my heart, I stare at the text, unsure how I should answer.
Maybe I shouldn’t answer at all. I need to think about this first.
I set my phone on the bedside table, the usual desire to scroll through social media first thing in the morning squashed. I have no interest in seeing what people have to say, or endless photos of everyone having a good time last night. I’m guessing a lot of people are talking about me. About Eli.
No thanks.
It was hard to fall asleep. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, replaying everything that happened last night. It all started out so good. Going to comfort him after his game and making him laugh despite the loss. Kissing him in the backyard, anticipation racing through my veins at the mere thought of his expression when he first opened my robe.
But it all turned to total shit with Jake showing up. Eli didn’t get to see me. And now…
He won’t ever get to touch me again.
My phone buzzes again, and I check it. Another text from Ellie.
Are you going to answer me???
Dang it, I forgot the read notification still shows up in iMessage. Nibbling on my lower lip, I contemplate what I should tell her.
I decide to ask what she’s talking about first.
What are you referring to?
Ellie: Rumors are circulating that you’re with Eli Bennett.
M
e: Define with.
Ellie: That you two are together. Is it true?
I wait for a moment, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall. I hate being so emotional. Sadness is such a useless feeling sometimes. All I want to do is wallow in it, and that can’t be good.
Me: It was true.
There is no hesitation in her response.
Ellie: What the hell???? And you never told me? Seriously????
Me: I didn’t know how to tell you. I wasn’t telling anyone.
I don’t bother mentioning Mom knew.
Ellie: OMG we need to get together right now. Want to meet for coffee?
Relief smacks me hard in the chest. I’m so grateful she’s not mad, I almost burst into tears. I would give anything to be able to meet Ellie for coffee but…
Me: I can’t. I’m grounded.
Ellie: ?????
She can’t believe it because it never happens.
I decide to FaceTime her and get some of this conversation over with. She, of course, answers immediately.
“I think you’re going to need to start from the beginning,” she tells me.
An exhausted sigh escapes me and I launch into the briefest description ever of my relationship with Eli, leading up to what happened last night at my house. By the time I’m finished, Ellie is watching me with bug eyes and her mouth hanging open. She snaps it shut when she realizes I’m waiting for her to say something.
Meant To Be (The Callahans Book 4) Page 1
