“Do you really want to know?” I ask. She can only tolerate so much from me. I feel the same way. After a while, we get tired of hearing the sound of each other’s voices. It sounds rotten, but it’s true.
But my tale is long, and she’ll need to be patient with me while I get it all out.
“Yes, I really want to know,” she says firmly.
Sitting up on the bed, I launch into the entire story. I tell her everything. This includes all of the sexual moments I experienced with Eli. If I can’t confess all to my sister, who else can I talk to? I know she won’t judge.
Well, not too harshly.
By the time I’m wrapping it up, she’s sitting up as well, cross-legged with the blanket wrapped around her middle, her mouth hanging open.
“You actually had sex with him,” she says when I’m finished.
I roll my eyes. “I mentioned that about ten minutes ago.”
“I can’t believe you actually had sex. You beat me. I was a senior before I did it with Ash.” Her cheeks turn the faintest shade of pink. How cute, my sister still blushes.
“Well, when you know, you know.” I shrug.
“Do you regret it?”
I think about her question, pressing my lips together as I go over the memory of what Eli and I have shared. “No. Not at all.”
“Perv.” Autumn shoves at my shoulder, making me topple over a little. I do the same, shoving her with all of my might, nearly sending her off the bed. Next thing I know, we’re doing some strange wrestling, pretzel contortionist type thing that has our legs tangled up, laughing almost uncontrollably as we try to hurt each other.
I finally give in first, with Autumn sprawled on top of me, pressing me into the mattress, her hands pinning my shoulders down. She’s little, but she’s strong, I’ll give her that. Eventually, she rolls over so she’s lying beside me, and we’re shoulder to shoulder as we both stare at the ceiling.
“If you love him,” she says quietly, once the laughter dies down, “You can’t just let him go. You need to tell him what really happened.”
“I want to.” I hesitate for a moment, before I exhale loudly. “Jake will kill me.”
“Fuck Jake.” Autumn says it with such conviction, my head whips in her direction, and I can feel my eyes widening. “What? I’m serious. You can’t let him dictate your life, or who you choose to love. You know how many people lost their damn minds when Asher and I got together? A lot of people. Dad wasn’t too thrilled at first either, but he got over it. And if your guy is a good person, Mom and Dad will see that.”
“The problem is I don’t know if Eli is truly a good person,” I admit, my voice small. “When I’m with him, he says all of these…outrageous things. He can be wildly inappropriate one second, and really sweet and thoughtful the next.”
“You sound like Mom,” Autumn teases. “Wildly inappropriate?”
“He says some of the worst things ever. He does terrible things too,” I say. “But when it’s just us, and we’re all alone, he’s…” A wistful sigh escapes me.
“Perfect?” Autumn asks, her voice soft.
“Yes.” I nod. “He’s perfect. Perfect for me. It’s like we’re…meant to be.”
“Soulmates?”
I make a face. “I hate that term. I don’t know if I believe in it.”
“Okay, Ms. Jaded.” She nudges my side with her pointy elbow.
“Ouch.” I scoot away from her. “I miss him.”
“Maybe he misses you too.”
“He won’t answer my texts.” I completely forgot to check my phone. I haven’t really checked it since I got home.
“What an asshole,” Autumn says, as I get up and go to my backpack, unzipping the front pocket with shaky fingers and yanking my phone out.
To see I do have a text message.
From Eli.
We should talk. Tomorrow night. Jackson’s having a party at the cabin. Want to meet me there?
My heart starts hammering and my mouth goes dry. I’d love to meet Eli tomorrow night. But I don’t even know if I can go to Tony’s house after the game. Technically, I’m still grounded. And so is Jake. I’d put money on my dad letting Jake go anyway.
Would Dad let me go? I don’t know. He’s very overprotective of me.
“Look.” I show the phone to my sister, and she reads the response from Eli, then starts scrolling up like the nosy B she is. I tug my phone out of her grip. “What should I do?”
“Go meet him at that party and talk to him,” Autumn answers without hesitation.
“But I’m grounded still.”
She thinks about it for a moment. Even taps her index finger against her pursed lips like she used to do when we were younger and I would ask her for advice and she actually gave me some. Those were rare moments. Usually she just bit my head off when I’d ask her anything. Even over something as mundane as asking the time.
“Tell Mom and Dad you’re going to Tony’s. I’ll tell Jake he has to keep his mouth shut or I’ll let it slip to Mom and Dad about the time he snuck Cami into the house and they had sex in his room while we were all sleeping.”
“Oh God.” I make a gagging noise. “That’s so awful, Autumn.”
“What, me threatening to rat our brother out, or the fact that he had sex with Cami Lockhart in our house?”
“The last one. For sure.” I make another gagging noise before we start laughing again.
“Listen, I’ll get Jake to cover for you,” Autumn reassures me. “In fact, I’ll go talk to him right now, and then we can have Jake go plead your case to Mom and Dad, and by tomorrow morning, you won’t have anything to worry about.”
“Yeah, I will. I’ll be a nervous wreck thinking about meeting with Eli,” I tell her, my entire body starting to shiver just from saying it out loud.
Tomorrow night, I could be in the same room as Eli. The idea both excites and terrifies me.
“You’ll be fine. Answer his text. I’ll go talk to Jake.” She starts to get up, but I grab her hand, keeping her from leaving. “What?” she asks me.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice sincere. “For talking to me about this. For the advice. For helping me.”
“Little sister, you have this figured out. I barely gave you any advice. You know what you want.” She pulls me into a hug, and I cling to her. “Go get it. Go get him.”
Nine
Ava
Ellie and I arrive at Jackson’s uncle’s cabin around eleven. When I say we got to the cabin, I mean we parked about a mile out, there are so many cars here, most of them lining the side of the road. I can hear the people at the party before I actually see them as we walk down the middle of the street, the air so cold we can see our breath. After the game, I hurriedly changed into my favorite jeans that make my butt look good and an oversized, yet cropped, black sweater. Of course, I’m cold. I wish I had a jacket.
That would ruin the entire look I’m going for tonight, so yeah. Screw that.
“There are a lot more people at this party than last time,” Ellie says, as she wraps her arms around herself and rubs them. She’s looking good tonight too, in form fitting jeans, a really cute, cropped hot pink Champion sweatshirt with black slip on Vans on her feet and giant silver hoops in her ears. I’m digging her I’m a casual but extra girl vibe.
“I know. Tons more.” My heart deflates the closer we get to the cabin. I hear boys yelling and laughing, encouraging someone to do a shot. Screaming girls. The strum of a guitar. The sight of flames. They’re having a fire again, and I’m sure Jackson is sitting beside it, playing for the girls while they all watch him with adoring gazes, like he’s some sort of rock star.
Whatever.
“Jackson has his groupies I see,” Ellie says, her tone snarky as we approach the hill where the cabin sits.
Yep, right out front like last time, it’s mostly girls sitting in a big circle with Jackson in the center facing the fire and the street. Facing us. We approach the group, me reluctantly following El
lie as she picks up speed. She stops behind the row of girls, directly in Jackson’s line of vision and it’s like he knows. He’s bent over his guitar, his fingers plucking at the strings one by one until he pauses. Lifting his head, his gaze searches, quickly landing on Ellie. And then he smiles. This slow, confident smile that lights up his entire face as he shakes his longish blond hair away from his eyes.
Ellie smiles in return and I watch them, my head swiveling back and forth like I’m at a tennis match I can’t keep up with. Wait a minute. Ellie and…Jackson?
Nooooo.
Maybe?
My best friend was easy to convince to go to this party instead of our original plans, and I never questioned it. I didn’t explain to Wyatt why I wouldn’t be at Tony’s, let alone tell him I wasn’t going to show up in the first place, and I feel like shit about it. I don’t want to lead him on, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. That would break his heart, and I can’t deal with that right now. I’m nursing a broken heart myself.
I didn’t know what Autumn said to Jake last night either, but he played nice earlier this morning, before we left for school, and he told me he talked to our parents, and we weren’t grounded any longer. That he would say I’d be at Tony’s house tonight. He assured me this with far too much ease, which actually made me uneasy, but Autumn told me not to worry about it. She had me covered.
I’m sure Jake has his suspicions, but I can’t think about that right now.
I can’t stop looking for Eli either. My gaze is searching, searching, running over every single face I see, my breath lodging in my throat when I see a boy with golden brown hair standing just a few feet to the side of Jackson.
But it’s not him.
My heart drops and hopelessness fills me. I think about going in search of something to drink, but I can’t ditch Ellie for fear I might never find her again.
“Okay quiet down, quiet down,” Jackson says, his voice carrying above the noise. Everyone goes silent, even the chattering girls. “I’m going to sing a song that I just learned. I’ll warn you that it’s old, and originally, it was sung by a woman. But my grandma showed it to me recently and thought I could do justice to it, so I’m going to try.” The girls giggle, and he sends them a look, shutting them up. “Yes, my grandma has cool taste in music, and we talk about it all the time. The seventies were awesome. The song is called “Dreams,” and it’s by Fleetwood Mac. Let’s go.”
He starts playing his guitar, and it’s this low, hypnotic beat. He starts to sing, his voice soft but clear, and I’m captivated by the words. The story he’s weaving. The lyrics speak to me, about what you had and what you lost and how you feel. When he starts in on the chorus, I’m totally into it. Singing about thunder happening with the rain, and players only loving you when they’re playing.
I think of Eli. I think of what we had, what we lost, and how careless we were. How careless we still are. Pretty sure I’m going to start my period soon, because I want to cry, just from an old song Jackson’s singing. I can feel the tears wanting to form in my eyes, and I mentally banish them away. Without thought, I begin gently swaying to the music as Jackson plays, absorbing the plaintive way he sings the lyrics. Ellie smiles over at me, grabbing my hand as we both move to the beat, and when I look across the crowd, I see a boy standing directly behind Jackson, a beer bottle clutched in one hand, his gaze on me.
Only for me.
My heart drops. It’s Eli. I hope he’s listening to the lyrics too, though his expression is extra serious. Jackson keeps singing, the song coming to its end and he croons that you’ll know, you will know and he’s right.
I know.
I love Eli. And he loves me. Why are we wasting our time staring at each other when we could be talking? Touching?
“I have to go,” I whisper to Ellie, just as Jackson ends the song with one final strum on the guitar and the crowd breaks into enthusiastic applause. I pull her into a quick hug and say into her ear, “I see Eli.”
“Go talk to him,” she says, hugging me back before she releases me.
“You’ll be okay?” I ask. “I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“I’m definitely not alone,” she says, humor lacing her voice as she glances around. We’re surrounded by people, so I guess she’s right. “Besides, I’ll talk to Jackson when he takes a break.”
“Okay.” I glance over to see Eli is still standing there, watching me. “I’ll find you later.”
“Sounds good.”
I make my way through the crowd, pushing through clusters of people talking, smiling and apologizing as I walk past them. I don’t want to lose him, but now I can’t see him, and for all I know, he took off when he realized I’m searching for him. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Maybe we’re—
“Hey, hey sexy. Where do you think you’re going?” Strong fingers wrap around my upper arm, stopping my pursuit, and when I glance up, I almost sag with relief.
Eli. Looking so handsome dressed all in black, I feel a little weak in the knees as I take him in.
“I was coming to find you,” I tell him, sounding out of breath.
He doesn’t let go of me. I take that as a good sign. “Well, here I am.”
We say nothing for a moment, just stare into each other’s eyes. His grip on my arm loosens, but he still keeps hold of me. Actually, he tugs me closer, his head dropping, so he can murmur close to my ear, “Let’s find somewhere more private.”
Saying nothing, I go along with him, sad when he lets go of my arm. Happy all over again when he rests his hand lightly against my lower back, the heat of his touch penetrating my sweater, making me tingle. He greets someone who calls his name. Gives a guy a high five as we walk past him. He is the master of his domain at this party tonight and I watch in silent awe, proud to be with him, standing next to him.
I really have it bad for this boy.
“Don’t let go,” he says, when he snags my hand before we enter the crowded cabin. “I don’t want to lose you.”
His words have double meaning, lighting me up inside. I cling to his hand, our fingers intricately tangled as he basically drags me through the cabin to the short hallway that leads to the bedrooms. For some reason, the room we enter is empty, and he pulls me inside, letting go of my hand to close and then lock the door.
Turning, I face him, watching as he leans against the door, contemplating me. I kept my hair in a high ponytail because it would’ve taken too much time to fix after being that way for the last twenty-four hours. Definitely got rid of the bow though. Slicked on some extra black eyeliner. Glossed up my lips. Was going for a I don’t care, fuck boys’ attitude, but I’m sure I now look like a pitiful beggar who’ll do anything to get her man back.
That’s how I feel, at least.
“You look hot,” he says, after approximately thirty seconds of silence.
My skin warms with his compliment, but I pretend to be offended. “Really Eli? We haven’t seen each other in a week, and that’s the first thing you say to me?”
I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s so typical Eli.
He shrugs. “It’s the truth. I like the cropped sweater. I can see skin.”
I tug on the hem of it, though it’s no use. My stomach is exposed, and besides, I wore the sweater just for him. “Thank you.”
“Bold move, considering how cold it is outside.”
“I was hoping you might warm me up.” I press my lips together at the slip. I shouldn’t say anything like that. Not yet. It’s too early in the conversation.
His eyes gleam. There’s no other sign of outward emotion. “I wouldn’t mind keeping you toasty, but we need to clear a few things up first.”
Of course. I knew he’d want to talk, which is perfect because I do too. There are things I need to tell him, but I’ll let him start. “Like what?”
“Like the fact that Jake knew way too much private information about my parents.” His expression becomes stone. Up goes that wal
l he so very carefully erects around his emotions. Around his heart. He gives it easily when he wants to. But he just as easily snatches it away.
“I know how he found out that information.” I don’t bother telling him what else Jake said. How it’s common knowledge that Eli’s parents’ relationship imploded and everyone knows about it.
“Really? What sort of lie did he come up with?”
I tell myself not to get irritated. Tonight isn’t about arguing. It’s about working past our differences, so we can move forward. “It was Cami who told him everything.”
Eli’s brows lower, and he frowns. He looks completely puzzled. “What the hell? How does she know anything?”
“She mentioned it to Jake at the beginning of the school year, like she was trading information with him to get on his good side. My brother’s an idiot for thinking that though, considering she was messing around with you when she was with him.” Eli starts to say something, but I hold up my hand, silencing him. “Anyway, she showed up at your house and your mom came outside in a drunken rage and called Cami one of your dad’s…whores.” I wince, hating that I had to bring it up.
Realization dawns. It’s written all over his ridiculously handsome face. “Oh. Yeah. I remember that.”
“Right. She told Jake. And he threw it in your face when he got his chance.” I lower my voice. Take a step closer to him. “It wasn’t me. I would never tell Jake private stuff about you or your family. That’s like giving him free ammunition.”
“Uh huh.” The doubt is still there. Has he lost complete faith in me? God, that hurts. Worse than I thought it could.
“It’s all Cami’s fault.” I make a face. That bitch comes up way too often in our relationship. I seriously hate her. And I have to deal with her on an almost daily basis since she’s the captain of our cheer team. Talk about torture.
“I don’t want to talk about her,” Eli says, slowly shaking his head. “I don’t want to talk about Jake either.”
I’m at a loss, since both of those people are the ones who caused all the trouble in our relationship in the first place.
Meant To Be (The Callahans Book 4) Page 8
