by Rose Pearson
Lord Banfield laughed again, his eyes twinkling.
“I have only been in London for less than a fortnight, Lady Hayward, but certainly, I have enjoyed being back in society again. Particularly when there is such fine company to be had.”
His eyes turned back to Selina and she found herself blushing, relieved when Lady Hayward took her leave of Lord Banfield and they made their way further into his drawing room.
Lord Banfield was an Earl, from what Selina recalled, and a man of very good character also. Last Season, when they had been introduced, there had been no particular interest on her part and, it seemed, on his either, but she had been glad to know him. Therefore, this evening, she felt a little more at ease, praying that she would not embarrass herself in any way. Over the last few days, she had found social occasions to be a little easier and had managed to relax just a fraction, although certainly she found them still trying. She had never truly realized just how much she had come to rely on Anna’s presence by her side, had never understood just how much she needed her. Now that she was alone, she felt a deep failing of confidence in herself, and that left her severely lacking compared to the other young ladies of the ton. She was not a wallflower by any means, but neither was she the confident, assured young lady that she was expected to be by the beau monde.
“Look, there is that gentleman you danced with during your first ball of the Season!” Lady Hayward said quietly, gesturing with her fan towards the man Selina remembered to be Lord Barrington. “I am sure that he will converse with you, should you wish it.”
Selina swallowed hard. It took strength of character to merely make one’s way towards a group in the hope that they would be willing to greet her. If they did not, then she would be forced to turn to her right and attempt such a thing again. Lady Hayward appeared to be quite confident in the belief that Lord Barrington would not only recall her, but greet her, which was not something Selina herself believed. She doubted, was fearful, and already embarrassed at the mere thought of being ignored.
“Ah, Lady Selina!”
Looking over her shoulder, Selina let out a long breath of relief as Lord Banfield came towards her, evidently having something further to say.
“You recall Lord Barrington, do you not?” he said, walking alongside her towards the gentleman, whose eyes quickly darted towards Lord Banfield before glancing at her. “Lord Barrington, might you introduce your sister to Lady Selina? I am sure that Lady Amelia would be glad of a new acquaintance.”
Selina caught her breath as Lord Barrington frowned. Was he displeased with her in some way? Had she made such a poor impression upon him during their first meeting that he did not want her to be anywhere near his sister?
“Good evening, Lord Barrington,” she managed to say, bobbing a quick curtsey. “You remember Lady Hayward?”
“Your chaperone, of course,” he said, bowing towards Lady Hayward and then to her. “Good evening to you both.” His frown had lifted and no longer did he appear at all irritated with her, as she had feared. “Might I introduce my sister to you, Lady Selina?”
“Of course.”
Selina smiled at the young lady in question who, much to her surprise, had something of a disdainful look on her face. There was a flash of irritation in her eyes, as though she was upset that Selina had decided to interrupt her conversation with her brother.
“Amelia, mother, might I introduce Lady Selina Forrest, daughter to the Duke of Landon,” Lord Barrington said, gesturing to Selina. “Lady Selina, this is my sister, Lady Amelia.” He turned to an older lady to his left. “And my mother, Lady Barrington.”
“How very good to meet you both.” Selina curtsied quickly, noting with surprise that Lady Amelia’s expression had changed almost at once. “And this is my chaperone, Lady Hayward.”
Once all of the introductions had been made and a few words of greeting exchanged, Selina allowed herself another look towards Lady Amelia. No longer was there any sort of disdain in her eyes, no look of frustration or irritation but rather, instead, a keen awareness of who Selina was.
“Lady Selina, I am so very glad to make your acquaintance,” Lady Amelia said, as Lady Hayward was drawn into conversation with Lady Barrington, although Lord Barrington remained silent.
Lord Banfield had melted back into his crowd of guests, leaving Selina to converse with Lady Amelia.
“Have you been in London for long?” Selina asked. “I have only been present for a fortnight or so myself.”
“As have I,” Lady Amelia replied, her eyes bright and her smile ready on her lips. “I must say, Lady Selina, I do not know very many other young ladies in London as yet. I should very much like it if we could become better acquainted.”
Selina smiled, although her heart became a little sorrowful. She had slowly begun to realize that Lady Amelia’s change in expression and manner had come solely from the realization that Selina was the daughter of a Duke - and that fact did not please her very much at all. Was Lady Amelia somewhat arrogant in her status as the daughter – and now sister – of the Earl of Barrington? If that was the case, then Selina did not think that she wished to develop any sort of friendship with the lady.
“Tell me,” she began, changing the subject entirely and refusing to state anything that might sound like an agreement to do as Lady Amelia had suggested. “Have you found society to be welcoming toward you? I do hope so. A debut year can be very exciting indeed.”
Lady Amelia clasped her hands together and gave a deep, contented sigh.
“Oh yes, very much indeed,” she gushed, quickly going into a long, extended speech about all that had occurred and just how much she had enjoyed it all.
Selina listened as best she could, but slowly became aware of Lord Barrington watching them, his brow lowered and his eyes a little sharp. Daring a glance at him, she saw his expression quickly change as she caught his eye, perhaps causing him, only then to realize that he had been watching them both with such intensity. He cleared his throat, his brow lifted, and the tightness left his jaw. Whatever it was that had been troubling him, he quickly hid it, leaving Selina wondering just what it was about her company that seemed to displease him so.
“I do hope that we might take tea together some day, Lady Selina,” Lady Amelia finished, reaching out to touch Selina’s arm for just a moment, drawing her attention back to the lady. “I am sure we will become very good friends indeed.”
Selina murmured something indistinct and smiled, just as another young lady came to approach them. Without seeming to even pause for breath, Lady Amelia turned away from Selina and grasped the hands of the young lady, turning so swiftly that Selina was left looking at the vacant space where Lady Amelia had stood only moments before.
She blinked her astonishment away, composing herself, and making certain that no expression of surprise remained on her face before turning towards Lady Hayward in the hope that they might extricate themselves from Lord Barrington’s company altogether. Given that Lord Barrington had frowned at her, evidently displeased with her company, and now Lady Amelia had turned away from her so quickly, Selina was both embarrassed and a little frustrated. She had no understanding as to why Lord Barrington appeared so, and certainly Lady Amelia had behaved in a rather rude fashion also. They did not know of her struggle to make her way in society with confidence of course, but certainly she was not inclined to remain in their company any longer.
“Lady Selina,” Lord Barrington rumbled, catching her attention. “I –”
“Ah, Lord Barrington!”
Another voice came from over Selina’s shoulder and, in an instant, she found herself swiftly removed from whatever conversation Lord Barrington had intended to have with her, replaced with a young lady and her mother who practically pushed Selina out of her way as she drew close to Lord Barrington. Selina did not hear what was said, her face beginning to burn with embarrassment as she finally caught Lady Hayward’s eye. Thankfully, her chaperone seemed to understand Selina’s distress
and took her leave of Lady Barrington quickly, coming to Selina’s side as they bid the lady good evening.
“Are you quite all right?” Lady Hayward asked urgently, as they made their way across the room and through the door into the adjoining music room, which had been opened for the guests also. “Is something wrong?”
Selina did not immediately answer, taking in quick breaths in the hope of composing herself further before she chose to respond. Lady Hayward did not hurry her, waiting quietly until Selina was ready to speak.
“Lady Amelia was not at all eager for my company until she learned that I was the Duke of Landon’s daughter,” she said slowly, as Lady Hayward frowned. “She made it quite clear that she would be very pleased if we could continue our acquaintance, but I find that I am not inclined towards it.”
“That is perfectly reasonable,” Lady Hayward said, but Selina had not finished speaking, finding her embarrassment now turning to anger. It was not an emotion she often felt, but now that it had taken a hold of her, it began to lick hot flames all through her heart.
“Whilst I was conversing with Lady Amelia, Lord Barrington did nothing but frown heavily at us both,” she continued, her own brows lowering. “As though to state that he was displeased with my company! Lady Amelia, however, then displayed a great rudeness of manner in turning away from me the moment another young lady of her acquaintance came towards her, only for Lord Barrington, who seemed about to speak to me, to then be distracted in much the same way.”
Lady Hayward sighed and shook her head.
“I am sorry to hear what occurred,” she said, gently, “but mayhap Lord Barrington’s frown was not aimed towards you, my dear.”
Selina glanced at her. Lady Hayward’s calm words had quietened her anger somewhat, although her face was still flushed and a tension still ran through her frame.
“What do you mean?”
“It may have been his sister,” Lady Hayward suggested, as Selina’s brows knotted once more. “Mayhap he was displeased with her over some matter that we are, as yet, unaware of, and that contributed to his expression as he watched and listened to the conversation.”
It was not something that Selina had considered, but the fact that Lord Barrington had been so quickly distracted by the young lady and her mother, rather than continuing what he had been about to say to her, only confirmed that he, as far as she was concerned, was just as rude as his sister.
“Aside from such difficulties, I think you did very well,” Lady Hayward went on, clearly now trying to encourage Selina. “Your confidence when you are amongst society is continuing to grow.”
Selina allowed her shoulders to slump as she looked towards Lady Hayward, seeing her smile at her and yet feeling a deep despondency within her heart.
“I am not like Anna,” she said, quietly, as Lady Hayward’s smile faded. “Would that I was.”
“Why should you think that?” Lady Hayward asked, sounding quite surprised. “As I have said to you before, Lady Selina, you are not required to be your sister! There is nothing wrong with the person you are.”
“But I wish I had as much confidence and assurance as she has!” Selina exclaimed, surprising herself with just how fervently she spoke. “I am nothing but a mouse, shrinking back from those who surround me. Instead of reaching out, instead of greeting those I am acquainted with, I wait until they recognize me, for fear that they will not be glad of my company should I step forward. It was never so with Anna! She was always willing, always eager to make her presence known to others, and she reaped the benefits of it!”
Lady Hayward took Selina’s hand in her own and turned towards her, looking at her firmly.
“Lady Selina, I have never seen any fault in your manner nor your character,” she said, as Selina swallowed hard, feeling sudden tears flood into her eyes. “You may feel as though you lack confidence, but I can assure you that you have done very well indeed these last few weeks. You do not need to replicate your sister in every way. She is your twin, yes, but that does not mean that your characters must be similar also! I will promise you that, should you attempt to model your behavior on that of Lady Anna, you will find yourself filled with distress and frustration, for you will be merely playing a part rather than allowing those around you to see you as you truly are.” Her hand let go of Selina’s, but not before she had given it a gentle squeeze. “If you are to find a suitable match, Lady Selina, then do you not want the gentleman in question to know your character as it is? To allow them to believe a pretense will bring no happiness to either of you.”
“But I dislike my shy nature,” Selina replied, her voice breaking with emotion. “I want very much to be as Anna is.”
Lady Hayward shook her head.
“You equate confidence with success,” she said, softly. “That is not so. I have seen many a young lady – and I speak of wallflowers here, Lady Selina – who have found themselves very happily settled with a gentleman of their choice. The gentleman in question is usually much as they are: quiet in nature, thoughtful and reflective. Can you imagine how difficult it would be for such a lady to pretend to be a gregarious, vivacious character, only to wed a gentleman who believed her to be so? She would have a constant struggle to keep up such a pretense, never once being able to reveal her true nature to him. That cannot bring happiness, Lady Selina. That cannot bring contentment. Find satisfaction and gladness with the character that you have and do not force yourself to take on your sister’s traits in the hope that it will improve you somehow. I assure you, it will not.”
Selina let out a long breath, nodded and looked down. She felt weak and tired, and suddenly had a very strong urge to return home.
“How can I be sure?”
“Trust me. Come with me,” Lady Hayward said gently. “I can see that you need a few minutes to rest. There is a quieter corner here where we might sit.”
Allowing Lady Hayward to lead her across the room, Selina took in long, steadying breaths and forced any tears that had attempted to return to her away once more. She had not meant to let out such an explosion of words such as she had done, but something about Lady Amelia and Lord Barrington had practically forced the words from her. She was very blessed indeed to have Lady Hayward as both her companion and her chaperone, for she was a lady who was filled with understanding and wisdom, who knew precisely what to say and how to encourage her. And yet Selina continued to fight the urge to be as Anna was, to try to find a way to feign the confidence that she had so often seen in her twin sister. But the truth was that, as hard as it was to admit even to herself, she was more reserved than Anna. She was quieter and inclined to be a little distant, even from her own family at times. Was it true that she might still be able to find a good match with her character such as it was? Her heart struggled to believe it.
“Now, I shall go and fetch us both something to drink,” Lady Hayward said, as Selina sat down in a chair, relieved to no longer be standing. “I will only be a few moments.”
Selina nodded and sat back, glad to have a few minutes of respite in which to gather herself. Her gaze roved aimlessly over the crowd of guests, seeing so many laughing and conversing together, clearly enjoying the evening.
There were none like her, she noted. None standing silently, their eyes downcast or sitting alone as they waited for someone to come and join them. Her heart sank a little lower – only for a frown to flicker across her brow as she saw none other than Lady Amelia and her friend, whom she had greeted when Selina had been still conversing with her. They walked quickly into the music room, their heads close together and, much to Selina’s surprise, no sign of Lord Barrington or Lady Amelia’s mother present with them. As she watched, the two young ladies came to a slow stop, only a short distance away from where she sat, still conversing and laughing together as they did so. Thinking that Lord Barrington or Lady Barrington would soon come to join them, Selina turned her gaze away, telling herself that it was none of her business what they spoke of or how they acted. It was
only when another passing glance revealed that a gentleman had come to join the two ladies that her worry began to increase.
The gentleman in question was someone Selina did not know. He bowed to first one lady and then the other, although, as far as Selina was concerned, he stood a little too close to Lady Amelia. Her breath caught as she saw him run his hand down Lady Amelia’s arm, catching sight of the blush that spread over Lady Amelia’s cheeks as he did so. When he took Lady Amelia’s hand and brought it to his lips – with the other young lady giggling like a foolish child – she found herself on her feet and making her way directly towards them.
“Lady Selina?”
The voice filled her with relief.
“Lady Hayward,” Selina said quickly, never taking her eyes from the scene before her. “How glad I am that you have returned.” She took the glass of wine from Lady Hayward without even looking at it. “Please, might you join me?”
Lady Hayward nodded, although the confusion on her face was more than evident.
“But of course. Why –”
“Lady Amelia has found herself in a less than proper situation,” Selina said, as Lady Hayward looked in the direction that Selina was watching – and Selina heard her swift intake of breath. “Might we join them?”
“Of course.” Lady Hayward started forward at once, not allowing even a moment of hesitation. “Where is Lord Barrington? Or her mother?”
“I do not know,” Selina answered, her voice low. “Nor do I know the gentleman, but I thought it best we join them.”
Lady Hayward threw her a quick, admiring glance.
“Very considerate of you, Lady Selina,” she said, before clearing her throat, lifting her chin and placing a broad smile on her face.
“Lady Amelia!” she exclaimed, as the gentleman suddenly took a few steps back, a look of panic catching his eyes as both Lady Hayward and Selina came to join them. “I did not get a moment to speak to you when your brother introduced us. Forgive me.” She looked all about her, feigning confusion. “Where is your brother at present, Lady Amelia?”
