by J. L. Leslie
Laura pats me on the shoulder and walks away, pulling out her phone. Eight weeks to be the man I used to be. To be ready to ride a bull again. To make the eight.
I hoped for higher odds as well.
70
Brynn
I’m aware that Angie is supposed to drive Kipton home today, but what kind of girlfriend would I be if I’m not there the day he gets released from the hospital? And so, I don’t rain on her parade, I ordered an Uber capable of transporting me from Chapelwood to Duluth. We’ll all ride back together. That should be fun.
I walk down the hall to his room carrying the stuffed animal Willow insisted I bring him. I tap on his door, hesitating when I hear yelling but then pushing the door open.
“It’s recommended that we show someone else how to do this, just in case,” the nurse says. “We’ve spoken with you about this already. It’s part of the discharge process.”
“Kipton, there is nothing to be embarrassed about,” Angie assures him. “I gave birth to you for Christ’s sake.”
“Mama, no! It’s not fucking happening!”
Kipton sits on the edge of the bed, t-shirt on, with the sheets over his lap. The nurse is standing in front of him with her arms crossed. The bedside table is to the side with some items on it.
“What’s going on?” I ask, placing the stuffed animal on the chair.
“Fuck my life,” Kipton grumbles.
“Your husband ‒”
“She is not his wife, Tasha!” Angie immediately corrects the nurse.
“I apologize,” Tasha says with a shrug. “He refuses to allow me to remove his catheter in front of his mother and demonstrate to her how to insert it. He’s going to need it while he’s home until he can control his urination.”
“I can control it!” he argues. “I know when I have to take a piss!”
“Can you walk to the bathroom fast enough so you don’t piss all over the place?” she asks pointedly, and he clenches his jaw, his cheeks red.
“Um, can we have a minute?” I ask, and Tasha steps around the bed, leaving the room. I look over at Angie, who is still standing there. “Angie, please just let me talk to him.”
She huffs in response but leaves us alone. I grab the stuffed animal and approach the bed, kneeling down in front of him. He keeps his gaze downcast, not looking at me.
“Willow sent you something,” I say, wagging the horse in front of him.
I see the corner of his mouth tug into a smile, but then it fades. He takes the animal and puts it on the bed beside him.
“I’ll put in my own damn catheter.”
“Yeah, it sounds like fun,” I reply dryly.
“Damn it, Brynn, you aren’t supposed to see me like this.”
“Like what?”
He swallows before answering quietly. “Weak.”
“Weak is the last thing I see when I look at you,” I promise. “Now, stubborn is another thing. I want you to come home. If we have to do this to get you home, let’s just get it over with. We’ll work out what to do about the catheter when we get there.”
“Fuck it,” he says on an exhale.
I giggle and press a kiss to his lips. I go to the door and tell Tasha she can come inside but ask Angie to wait outside. The woman has perfected the death stare, I can tell you that.
“You ready, big boy?” Tasha asks with a wink. She grabs the stuffed animal and puts it with his things before returning and pulling the sheets away.
I keep my face emotionless as Kipton lies back, and she removes the catheter, even when Kipton winces in pain and grips the sheets, his knuckles turning white.
“I guess it’s a good thing I can feel that, right?” he jokes.
“I say it is,” Tasha replies. “All right, both of you pay attention. We’ll send you home with a supply of this lubricant. You’ll apply it here to the tip of the catheter. Make sure everything is sterilized before you use it. That means him, too. So, you’re going to grip him here and raise him up so that he’s anywhere from sixty to ninety degrees.”
I watch her hold Kipton’s dick in her gloved hand, taking all of this in should I have to actually do it. She talks as she works, telling me she’s applying a bit of medical lubricant to anaesthetize the urinary canal to try and help with any discomfort.
“It doesn’t work,” Kipton informs us.
“We try, baby,” Tasha says. “We’ll send some of this with you as well. Here comes the tough part.”
My eyes widen as she inserts the tip of the catheter into the small opening at his tip, easing it in further and further. He doesn’t make a sound, taking deep breaths, but it’s clear he’s in pain because his face pales, and his fists are clenched.
“Push it in until only this is left. This is the inflation and the drainage ports. Then you can take the bag and tape it to his leg. He can wear loose clothes and cover it up. Any questions.”
“How long will he have to use it?”
She gives a slight shrug. “This is a Foley cath, so it has to be changed at least every thirty days. Sooner if there’s any discomfort. But if he recovers sooner and is able to get around better, it’s at his discretion.”
I smile down at him, knowing his goal will be to get this thing out as soon as he gets settled in at home.
“Once you’re dressed, I’ll get your discharge package, and we’ll get you in that chair. It’s time for you to go. Take care of this one. I’ll tell his mama to bring the car around.”
“My shorts are on the chair over there,” Kipton says.
I grab them and help him get them on. When they’re at his thighs, I step back and ask him what I should do.
“Just put my walker over here, and when I stand, pull them up.”
I do as he says and shimmy the shorts up his thighs, pulling his t-shirt over the top of them. I smile successfully at him, and he grins back at me.
“See? We make a good team.” I lean over the walker and give him a kiss. “Let’s go home, cowboy.”
71
Kipton
I used to tease my mama for driving a van, telling her only old folks drive vans. Turns out, her van is super comfy and perfect for someone who needs to tow a wheelchair. I sit in the back, Brynn in the front passenger seat while Mama drives us back to Chapelwood.
The tension is so fucking thick you could cut it with a damn knife. They’ve barely spoken to each other since we left the hospital. We’re nearly home, and it’s driving me crazy that the only words they’ve spoken to each other have been to place an order for fast food.
“Is this the way it’s going to be? The two of you barely speaking to each other?” I ask.
“You’re a grown man, Kipton,” Mama says. “You don’t need my approval.”
“That’s right, Mama, I don’t, but it would be nice if the two women I love would speak to each other.”
“Love?” Mama rages, glancing over at Brynn. “Now, you’re in love? And what happens when things don’t go the way you plan, Brynn? When they get tough? How long will you leave for this time?”
“Mama,” I scold, but Brynn speaks up.
“I left before because I was suffering from post-partem depression. I know not everyone has experienced that, so not everyone understands it. Returning wasn’t easy after being gone. I admit I was a coward and should’ve returned a lot sooner. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t, but I’m not going anywhere this time.”
“I will believe that when I see it,” Mama says with a huff. “Holt men are easy to fall in love with, honey. It’s making that love last a lifetime that takes effort. It takes a fight. You, my dear, are not a fighter.”
“That’s enough, Mama.”
I can see Brynn’s lips quivering from here, but she fights back her tears. The way we were in the hospital tells me she has a hell of a fight in her, more than even she realizes. I know I’m a fighter as well, but I haven’t faced a fight like this before. Getting on the back of a bull doesn’t compare to this. I’ll take that over
this any day.
“Who built the ramp?” I ask, noticing the front porch ramp at my house.
“Your daddy, Kaler, and Tauren,” Mama answers.
“It’s only temporary,” Brynn adds, smiling over her shoulder.
“We hope that’s God’s plan,” Mama says and gets out, slamming her door.
“I’m sorry about her,” I say.
“I’ll give her some time to adjust to us being together,” Brynn says. “Speaking of, I haven’t really spoken to anyone else about it. When you were ignoring my calls, I wasn’t sure where we stood. Then, I didn’t know if you wanted me to tell them or if you were going to or how this would work.”
“How about we let them figure it out on their own,” I say with a wink. “Let the gossip mills go crazy.”
I laugh. “I’m sure they will go into overdrive.”
The side door opens, and Mama starts getting my wheelchair out. Brynn hops out to help, much to Mama’s annoyance. Getting me out of the van proves to be a bit more difficult, but the three of us manage. I would prefer to walk to my house, but it’s much further than the ten steps I’m accustomed to walking.
With some effort, I manage to roll my wheelchair up the ramp and onto my porch. Brynn opens my screen door, and I fish my keys out of my pocket. Before I can unlock it, Brynn turns the knob and pushes it open.
My house is full of people, and everyone yells, “Surprise!”
Fuck. Me. My damn kidneys empty.
72
Brynn
I had a feeling Kipton wouldn’t want a welcome home party. I tried to tell Angie not to do this, but she wasn’t having it. She got the church ladies to fix some dishes and roped Jenna and Helene into decorating, which doesn’t consist of much aside from a welcome home sign and some balloons.
Kipton puts on a tight smile, shaking hands and welcoming hugs, but I can look at him and tell he’s uncomfortable. He was a rodeo star before his injury. The town was basically worshiping him, fawning all over him and watching every single televised event. He can say what he wants, but he was enjoying the attention from those fans.
Chapelwood is a great town and will support him, give him everything he needs, but they will also chatter behind his back about how his glory days are over.
I place my hand on his shoulder, giving him encouragement and letting him know I’m here. That small gesture is noticed by many, including Kaler. He’s holding Willow but puts her down once the initial rush to Kipton has died down. She runs right to him, climbing onto his lap without hesitation.
“I’ve missed you, sweet girl,” he murmurs against her ear.
“You got a boo-boo?” she asks innocently.
“Yeah, Kip’s got a boo-boo.”
“I kiss it!” she offers like she did at the hospital, and he chuckles, pointing at his cheek.
“Right here ought to do it.”
She presses a kiss to his cheek and settles back onto his lap. He tells her to sit tight and rolls them through his living room, using her as the perfect excuse not to stick around and mingle.
“Can I speak with you?” Kaler asks, approaching me the moment Kipton is out of sight. “In private.”
“Sure,” I answer with a nod, following him out onto the front porch.
We walk down beside his mama’s van just in case people inside can hear us talking. I lean beside the van and wait for the lecture.
“I already spoke with Kipton about my concerns,” he says. “But I have to ask you, too. Was there something going on between the two of you when we were together?”
I shake my head. “God, no, Kaler. He wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“So, Willow is mine? Without a shadow of a doubt, she’s mine? Cause she is all that matters in this.”
“I can’t believe you’re even asking me this.”
“You’re fucking my brother Brynn. I have every right to ask.”
“And you’re married to my best friend,” I remind him.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. With everything that’s happened, I don’t know how to handle this. Have you considered how your relationship will affect Willow?”
“Yes.”
He furrows his brow. “And you’re not concerned, Brynn?”
“Of course, I’m concerned,” I reply. “But I’m also concerned about how I’ll explain her period to her and how to have the sex talk with her. I’m concerned about her crushing on a normal boy and him not crushing back. I’m concerned about a lot when it comes to our daughter, but I know she has a family who loves her very much, and we’ll figure it all out together.”
He sighs again, and I know he’s struggling with this, much the same way I did when I found out he was sneaking around with Jenna. “This whole damn town is going to talk. Make accusations. You know how this shit goes.”
“Kaler, you are Willow’s daddy. Nothing and no one can ever change that or take that away from you.”
“Do you love him?” he asks, and I know it’s not out of jealousy. It’s purely out of concern for his brother.
“I do.”
“Don’t run this time, Brynn. Promise me that. Not only for Kipton but for Willow. Hell, for yourself. Don’t run.”
“I promise.”
He gives me a brief hug and then walks with me back inside. People are hanging out in the living room, chatting and laughing together. I find Jenna and Helene in the kitchen with Angie. When Angie sees me, she picks up Willow and carries her into the living room. I immediately wonder where Kipton is.
“Hey, where’s Kipton?” I ask.
Jenna shrugs. “Willow came running in with a stuffed animal and said Kip was tired,” she says. “By the way, you have some explaining to do.”
“I would say so,” Helene adds. “I thought you were dating John Leighton.”
“Nah, John and I were never a couple,” I say and look at Jenna. “I figured Kaler would’ve ratted Kipton and me out.”
Her eyes narrow a little. “Apparently, Kaler has some explaining to do too.”
“And Tauren has been suspicious for a while now.”
“Has he?”
The three of us laugh, and it feels good to be like this with them. To be open about mine and Kipton’s relationship. I’ve seen them over the past two weeks while dropping off Willow, although I haven’t attended Sunday lunch, and it’s been difficult not to spill the beans.
“In all seriousness, Brynn, you know you can talk to us, right?” Jenna asks. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but you’re still my best friend.”
“I know. I wasn’t sure how we were going to tell everyone, so that’s why I kept quiet,” I explain. “And since we’re all best friends, I can use your help. Angie is completely against this relationship.”
“Kipton is her last son to settle down. She may be against it for now, but she wants it to happen. She wants a ton of grandbabies,” Helene says, her hand absentmindedly stroking her belly.
“Well, I suppose she’s going to get her wish,” Jenna says nonchalantly, and I’m grateful I don’t have to explain there won’t be any grandbabies from Kipton and me.
“Wait a minute! You’re pregnant?” I ask.
She nods. “But we haven’t told our parents yet. We just found out. It wasn’t planned. Well, we weren’t not trying. I went off the pill. So, if it happened, it happened and, well, it happened.”
“I’m so happy for you,” I say, wrapping her in a hug.
Helene wipes tears from her eyes. “Pregnancy hormones. Get used to them.”
It occurs to me I’ll never experience those again. For a brief moment, I’m saddened by this thought, and I imagine myself pregnant with Kipton’s child. I envision our happy family, with no post-partem depression and things turning out the way they’re supposed to. We won’t ever have that. But I quickly remind myself we’re still a family.
I excuse myself and go in search of Kipton. I find him in his room. He hasn’t made an attem
pt to get from his chair to his bed. He simply sits there staring at a shelf full of trophies and ribbons. I walk over and sit on his lap.
“That’s quite a collection.”
He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I’m not finished yet. I’m going to ride again one day, Brynn.”
I don’t argue with him, remembering what Giada told me. He needs a goal. If he believes he’ll ride again one day, he’ll work hard toward a full recovery. So, I don’t argue with him and tell him it’ll be a cold fucking day in hell before he gets on the back of another bull.
73
Kipton
I lean forward in my chair and pull the covers back on my bed before fluffing my pillows. I don’t have a hospital bed and know I can’t mimic the way the foot and head lift, but I’m sure I’ll be as comfortable as I always was.
The party died down hours ago, and after Mama did enough cleaning and fussing, she finally left. Brynn is still here, putting away the last bit of food. Kaler and Tauren helped me shower, which was fucking embarrassing as all hell. First thing in the morning, Daddy is installing a handheld showerhead and seat. I’ll figure out the rest on my own.
I lock my wheels in place and use the arms to push up to my feet. I pivot and basically flop onto the bed. It isn’t graceful, but it works. I pull my legs up one at a time and tuck them under the blanket before lying back on the pillows. I lay there only a few minutes before rising and twisting so that I can reposition them. They don’t feel right. Brynn walks in as I’m doing this and steps around to help.
“I got it,” I say, but she keeps fluffing them. “I said I fucking got it, Brynn!”
She steps away, and I fall back on the pillows. “I’m sorry.”
I sigh and reach for her hand. “No, I’m sorry I snapped. It’s been a long ass day.”
She sits on the edge of the bed, her hand gripping mine. “I know a party isn’t what you wanted. Everyone missed you, though.”
