by Emily Mayer
A wave of emotions threatened to overwhelm me. Shame and guilt that he was clearly so nervous about asking me to go to something so normal. Panic and fear because the idea of meeting all those people at once was my worst nightmare. Happiness and excitement because he had invited me. Brave, brave, brave. My big-girl panties were going to be worn out from all this pulling up.
“I would love to go with you. That sounds fun.”
Fun like my annual exam or walking on rusty nails. If he heard the tiny quaver in my voice, he didn’t call me on it. Instead, he steered the conversation to less anxiety-producing topics.
We made plans for Saturday while we cleaned up from dinner, which consisted of placing everything in the dishwasher, because of course he had a housekeeper. I wanted to stay longer but the yawns kept escaping. By the fourth yawn, Sebastian was leading me down the elevator to my car against weak protests from me. I wanted to stay where there was the possibility of more kisses and maybe the chance to get my hands on those abs again, even if it meant I would probably roll into the office looking like a zombie tomorrow.
“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble, but I’m glad you did,” I told him, fidgeting with my keys, trying to stall.
“Me too.” He took one step closer and then another, never breaking eye contact. “Have I ever told you how hard it was to get you to go out with me?”
I nodded, my heart pounding. The look in his eyes made me take an involuntary step back. My glasses were dangerously close to fogging up. “You’ve mentioned that before, yes.”
“Mmmm, have I?” His hands came up to cup my face. “In that case, have I ever told you how glad I am it worked?”
I shook my head as much as his hands would allow, his heated gaze warming my insides.
“So, so glad.” He punctuated each word with a kiss. He leaned back, just an inch. “Goodn—”
I leaned forward, hands fisted in his shirt, and slammed my mouth to his. This new brave attitude was going to be good for something besides giving me an ulcer. It took him a second to respond, but then his lips were moving with mine. I sighed into his mouth as his tongue swept between my lips, meeting mine again and again until I felt weightless. He nibbled on my lower lip and then soothed it with his tongue, causing me to press myself closer. I was relatively confident public indecency was only a minor misdemeanor. This was worth the fine. Sebastian finally broke the kiss on a groan. He opened my door and gently guided me down into the seat.
“Goodnight, Lennon. Text me when you make it home.” His voice sounded rough and delicious.
“Goodnight to you too,” I finally managed, helping pull my door closed. My shaking hands took a couple of tries to get the key in the ignition. I waved, pulling away. I watched him in the rearview mirror, standing on the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets, until I was too far away to see him clearly.
“Sweet velociraptors on Mars, I kissed Sebastian,” I said into the quiet, sounding as astonished as I felt. I still couldn’t say that I appreciated the unpredictable nature of human interaction, but at least for tonight, I could say that being surprised wasn’t always bad.
38.
Thursday was a blur of meetings that helped distract me from worrying about the cookout. But, by the time I pulled up to the curb outside our building to pick Paige up Friday evening, I was seriously considering telling Sebastian that I had food poisoning and couldn’t go to the cookout. Paige hopped into the car, immediately turning to face me with her hand extended.
“Let me see it! I can’t believe he broke up with you over the phone.”
“It was technically over email.” I punched in the passcode and handed her my phone.
Lennon,
I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to respond to your message. I honestly just didn’t know the right way to do this. I met someone at the bachelor party the weekend after our date. I didn’t set out to meet anyone that weekend, obviously. It just happened. I really enjoyed getting to know you, and I think you are an amazing woman. I truly hope you meet someone who deserves you.
Patrick
“What a dick! Well, Patrick, you don’t break up with someone over the phone—or email or whatever this was—I can tell you that much. Did you check his social media to see who this new girl is?” Paige asked, glancing up from the screen.
“No.” I shrugged. “I was trying to break things off with him. It all worked out for the best.”
“I still think he deserves a swift kick to the nu—”
I cut her off mid-threat. “You work one night in a tattoo parlor and you’re already threatening violence. Janie would be so proud. Speaking of Janie, we should just pretend like I never heard from him. It’s safer for everyone.”
Paige nodded in agreement. “She told me that she couldn’t fit a body bigger than five-foot-six in her trunk. How does she know that?”
“I have no idea, but I’m very confident that I don’t want to find out.” I glanced at her. “You seem less nervous than you were last week.”
She chewed on her lip thoughtfully for a moment.
“Yeah, I’m really starting to feel like I might be able to make this whole thing work.”
“You’re totally going to make this work!” I smiled at her. “Harrison even thought you did a good job last week.”
That was what my mom called a ‘Glinda the Good Witch lie.’ It was a variety of lie designed with good intentions to help its recipient.
Paige sat up straighter in her seat.
“He did?”
“Yep, he was definitely impressed with your first night,” I lied.
It really was just the teeniest of white lies. I had pointed out what a great job Paige had done the following Sunday, and he just grunted in response. I chose to interpret the grunt as agreement. See? It barely even counted as a lie. I hoped whatever corner of hell I’d just reserved for my eternal resting place had a coffee shop, but it was worth it to watch Paige breeze through the doors of Bad Wolf with the confidence I was used to seeing in her.
Kay’s head popped up from behind the counter. She smiled and waved at us, looking relieved.
“Hey ladies! Not that I’m not usually happy to see you anyway, but Lou somehow deleted the appointments for the next month and I have no idea how to fix it. Harrison is about three minutes from murdering someone, and we’re back to putting everything on sticky notes.”
Her words had me picking up my pace, and I hurried around the corner with Paige following close behind. I sat in the seat and started troubleshooting.
“I installed a back-up for the scheduling software after the last time Lou deleted the schedules,” I explained, as I searched for the right link. “It’s like the Cloud for this particular software. It automatically saves everything twice a day, so we should be able to restore everything that happened before the last upload. In theory, you shouldn’t have lost many appointments.”
“Where is everyone else?” Paige asked Kay. The shop was eerily silent except for the music playing overhead and the buzz of a tattoo gun.
“Lou is hiding from Harrison. The last time I saw him, he was locked in the bathroom.” She grinned. “Harrison put himself in time out with his sketch pad, and Teddy has a client. Aaron isn’t scheduled to be here for another half hour.”
“On a scale of firecracker to Chernobyl, how mad is Harrison?” I looked up from the screen just in time to see Kay wince, cutting a quick glance in Paige’s direction. Not good.
“Three Mile Island,” she responded. “He was not in a great mood even before Lou messed up the software, though, and to be fair to Lou, it’s honestly our fault at this point because we keep letting him work the front desk.”
“Lennon!” an angry voice called out from behind us.
Paige and I jumped like synchronized swimmers, spinning around to watch Harrison round the desk looking like he was still on the verge of going full nuclear meltdown.
I pasted a big old smile on my face.
“Hi, Har
rison. I’m almost done getting the appointments back on the schedule. We’ll be back up and running in no time! Hey, I heard that taco truck you like so much is parked a couple blocks away tonight.”
He just grunted, crossing his arms without breaking his glare. If his eyes had lasers, we would all be dead.
“Why haven’t you called your cardiologist back?”
Shorts! I had totally forgotten to call my cardiologist to schedule my follow-up appointment after my yearly exam.
I held up my hands. “I just forgot. I was so busy with work and things. It slipped my mind. I’ll call first thing Monday. Did they call Mom?”
“After they tried to contact you multiple times.” He placed extra emphasis on ‘multiple,’ just in case I wasn’t already feeling bad enough. “Mom panicked and called me right before you got here. You need to call her back.”
This didn’t feel like the right time to point out that she could have called me if she wanted an explanation. I reminded myself that these very annoying people loved me very much and were worried. I was the one who’d had the failing heart, but they were the ones who had to watch me get sicker. I stretched my smile even wider, aware that it probably looked as fake as it felt.
“I’ll call her as soon as I get this fixed.”
“Now,” he barked, then turned his death rays on Paige. Kay and I both tensed, ready to defend her from him if needed. “Paige, come to my office.”
He turned, stalking back to his office without even waiting for a response. The Neanderthal just expected to be obeyed. Paige stood, took a deep breath, and then started walking down the hall like she was preparing to face the firing squad. I started thinking of ways to punish Harrison if he said even one small thing to upset Paige—but it hadn’t escaped my notice that a new chair had mysteriously appeared behind the front desk. That was the only thing keeping me planted in my chair instead of running down the hall to press my ear against the door.
“Tater tot!” Lou appeared out of nowhere, plopping down in Paige’s chair. “Where’s your beautiful sidekick?”
“She’s in Harrison’s office.” I couldn’t help smiling back at him. He was just so dang hard to be mad at. I suspected that was how he was still breathing.
It was his turn to grimace, but it quickly turned into his signature grin.
“She’s too pretty to kill.” Kay and I both swatted him. “Ladies, hands off the goods. I know I’m hard to resist, but please try to be a little professional. This is a workplace.”
Kay groaned, walking back to her station and leaving me alone with Lou.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to show you how to use the scheduling program?” I asked him for the hundredth time. “It wouldn’t take long, and you wouldn’t have to hide from Harrison in the bathroom anymore.”
“Okay, first of all, I was not hiding in the bathroom. Nature calls when nature calls. And I don’t want to learn how to use the program.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “The last time I fucked it up, I didn’t have to work the front desk for like a solid two months. Plus, it’s hilarious watching Harrison try to keep his shit together.”
I gave him a playful punch to the shoulder and my best imitation of a Harrison scowl. “I am going to hold you personally responsible if Harrison upsets Paige.”
Lou was saved from further threats by the appearance of two walk-ins. Both he and Kay had free time for an initial meeting, according to the newly resuscitated schedule, so I directed the clients to the artists’ books and got Kay from her station. Paige was sitting in her chair by the time I was done, twirling the end of her ponytail and looking thoughtful.
I approached her cautiously, not knowing what to expect. I had never known Harrison to be intentionally cruel or to take his frustrations out on the innocent, but his gruffness could come off the wrong way if you weren’t used to him.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“Do I dress weird?” she asked me, looking down at her high-waisted pencil skirt that tied in the front with a bow. Oh my everloving ninja turtles, I was going to murder Harrison.
“What? No, why would you think that?” I responded dutifully, even though I was very confident that I already knew the answer.
She shook her head. “Never mind. Your brother wants to know when I can start officially working.”
I expected her to sound more enthusiastic about that news. I should have crashed that meeting. Dang it.
“That’s good, right?” I asked, when the expression on her face didn’t change. I was going to murder Lou first, for practice, and then I was going to murder Harrison. I could text Janie for backup. Harrison definitely wouldn’t fit in her trunk.
She finally turned to look at me, nodding her head firmly.
“Yes, it’s good. Great, actually. I told him I would need to put in my notice at the studio and that I’m not sure yet what my class schedule is going to be, but he wants me to come in when I can.”
I searched her face. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do I need to go yell at Harrison? You know I won’t be mad at you if you don’t want to work here, right?’
This time when she smiled at me it was genuine. She leaned forward, giving me a quick hug.
“I’m fine. You don’t need to yell at Harrison, and I do want to work here. Everyone is really nice, even your brother in his own way. It’s hard to explain. I guess… going back to school didn’t seem real, you know? It feels real now.” She sighed. “Change is part of growth. I’m growing new roots for a new journey.”
I really hoped she hadn’t mentioned the ‘new roots’ part to Harrison. He probably needed to learn meditation practices more than any other human on Earth, but he definitely did not respond well to what he called “hipster shit.”
“And growing can be fun and exciting,” I added. “With amazing abdominal muscles and a chest that belongs on a statue.”
She blinked at me, then threw her head back and let loose a laugh that drained the last bit of tension from her shoulders.
“The kiss was that good, huh?”
I couldn’t keep the goofy smile off my face. “Yeah, it really, really was. I’m so glad I listened to you and Janie.”
“You forgot to mention my amazing matchmaking skills,” she pointed out, laughing when I rolled my eyes. “Admit it! I’m awesome.”
“You’re awesome, but I’m still not sold on your matchmaking skills.”
“I already admitted that I need to work on the actual setup, but I’d say you and Sebastian are solid proof of my skills. Have you decided what you’re going to wear tomorrow?”
I organized the pens on the desk. Nerves were bubbling up from the pit of my stomach just thinking about the cookout.
“I decided on the jean shorts with the flowing cream cami. I liked that option the best. It felt the most comfortable. How serious do you think Sebastian was when he told me to bring a swimsuit? It’s probably optional, right?”
“No, I think he meant for you to bring a swimsuit, because it’s a cookout with a pool. And he’s probably dying to see you in a swimsuit.”
I groaned, lowering my head to the desk. I rolled it sideways to look at her. “Do you think he’ll believe I have a terrible chlorine allergy?”
She shoved me gently, making my chair roll in the opposite direction of my head. I didn’t bother scooting it back.
“Stop being ridiculous. Wear the red suit. You radiated confidence as soon as you put that one on. And confidence is half the battle.”
“I keep imagining all these perfect people lounging around the pool looking fabulous. No one has cellulite or thighs that touch. Paige, my thighs have a very close relationship with each other.”
She wheeled me closer and dragged me into an upright position.
“Listen, everyone has something about their body they’re not crazy about. I can’t say that the idea of going to a pool party with WAGs would thrill me either. But you have to remember what’s most important here: You’re going to get to see all those professional at
hletes in their swimsuits.”
I couldn’t resist laughing. She had a point. I did not hate the idea of seeing Sebastian in a swimsuit. Not at all.
“I can’t argue with that logic. I’m nervous about meeting all those new people at once. I don’t want to embarrass Sebastian. I like who I am, out of a swimsuit, I really do, but I also know that I’m not my best when my anxiety takes over. I just wish there was a way I could prepare for this cookout, but there are too many unknown variables.” I straightened my spine. “I’m going to try, though. I trust Sebastian. I trust that he meant what he said the other night. I also need to be more open-minded.”
Paige hit me with that blinding smile of hers. “It’s like I’m watching my baby bird grow enough confidence to spread her wings and fly from the nest. In a very hot red swimsuit.”
The door opened and Aaron walked into the shop, followed by a small group of girls. I watched as Paige chatted with the group, easily getting them all checked in, and then effortlessly switched her attention to Aaron, who was doing his best to charm her. I smiled, thinking that I might not be the only baby bird ready to make the jump.
39.
I stood outside my building hoping from foot to foot, bright yellow tote slung over my shoulder. I was sweating more from fighting the anxiety clawing to get out than from the California sun beating down on me. Sebastian had texted me a few minutes earlier to let me know he was only a few minutes away. His text brought an instant surge of nausea and the need to move, like I could outrun the anxiety. I said goodbye to Boomer and headed down the stairs. I paced, fighting the increasing anxiety by reciting all the reasons I knew there was nothing to be anxious about.
I stopped when I heard the unmistakable sound of the engine I knew belonged to Sebastian’s car. Sure enough, I saw a bright flash of red turn the corner and stop in front of where I stood. I opened the door, getting in the cool interior before he even had the chance to get out.
