“I have no idea how I’m supposed to take that.”
I shrug. “I don’t either. I just wanted you to know where I was coming from.”
Drew moves his gaze to the window. “Have you talked to him?”
“No. We’ve texted, nothing significant, just quick hellos, really. We agreed not to mention our love lives.”
“Do you think he’s been faithful?”
“No.”
Drew’s eyes slowly find mine again. “Why not?”
“Because I know Matthew. If he was going to stay faithful, we wouldn’t have broken up. He might even be in love with someone else.” Like I am. “I don’t know yet.”
“Then he’s an idiot.”
Tell him, Alejandra. Tell Drew you love him.
“Again, I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me for leaving this out.”
He looks back and forth between my eyes for a long time before he says, “Apology accepted, but you still have a choice to make. My grandmother’s party or Matthew.”
“I told you, I already promised Matthew.” My word means something to me, and I don’t think I could live with myself if I broke it.
“Then there’s nothing left for us to say. No reason for us to prolong this.” He stands up. “I’ll have another room in the hotel ready for you in an hour. You can stay until your house is ready. No charge.”
“Drew.” I catch his arm before he walks away.
He jerks away from me like I burned him. “What did you think was going to happen here? That you could continue to string me along until boyfriend number one shows up and sweeps you off your feet? Because rest assured, Alejandra, the guy knows what he lost and I have no doubt he’ll want you back. So, save us both from further humiliation and pack your stuff and please get out of my sight.” He turns so I’m staring at his back.
It’s the ‘please’ that reaches inside my chest and squeezes the life out of my heart. He’s imploring me to leave before I hurt him any more than I already have.
I hurry to my room to gather my things. I deserve his anger and shunning and anything else he wants to dish out. Closing the door behind me, I lean against it, sink to the floor, and cry. How could I be so stupid? I’ll tell you how. Fear. Fear of loving and losing. Fear of a new love replacing the old one. Fear of putting my heart out there and it being rejected—by both men.
Without meaning to, I was pushing Drew away at the same time I was drawing him closer. I’m a terrible person! It was never my intention to disrespect Drew, but I did. I made him feel like he was my second choice. My backup plan.
I cry harder. I’m a snotty mess.
Now, even if I wanted to pursue a future with him, I’ve lost my chance.
He won’t forgive me, and I don’t deserve it.
Chapter Twenty
Three’s a Crowd
Drew
“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?” Ethan says, padding into his kitchen in pajamas, thank God.
It’s early Sunday morning and I’m sitting at his breakfast bar. Make that passed out at his breakfast bar since I pulled up to this spot at around five a.m. after zero sleep. I lift my head. “I wanted to be the first one to welcome you home.” I lift my now cold cup of coffee. “Welcome home. Coffee is made and everything.”
“You made coffee?” he asks astounded.
“Took three tries.”
Ethan laughs. “Thanks, little brother, I appreciate it. Now what’s wrong?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?” Everything is wrong.
“I got back into town last night after a month away and the first thing I see is you, looking like someone shredded all your suits and ties and stole all your hair product.”
“I don’t use hair product. My hair is naturally this good.”
“Have you looked in a mirror?” He sets down his cup of coffee and takes mine to dump out and refresh.
“Fine. I look like shit. I feel like shit, too. It’s because of a girl.”
“I figured.”
“Not just any girl. The girl.”
Ethan stares at me, trying, no doubt, to figure out how sincere I am. “I haven’t been gone that long, and this is the first I’m hearing about it, so what makes this girl special?”
“First, you fell for Pascale immediately, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, so you know what it feels like to be gobsmacked by a pair of incredible eyes and then feel like your blood is on fire and there’s an electric current binding you to this person for reasons you haven’t figured out yet, but you don’t care because it feels so good.”
Ethan leans his elbows on the counter. “Okay, I’m convinced. What happened?”
“She broke my heart, that’s what happened.”
“And it can’t be fixed?”
I stare at my brother this time. Pascale broke his heart once and now they’re madly in love. I suppose if it is the love of your life, then there’s always the chance it can be fixed. However, there’s a third person in my relationship with Alejandra, and I have no control over what happens with him. “I—”
“Drew!”
At the sound of Rylee’s high-pitched little voice, and the pitter-patter of her feet on the floor, my mood lifts. I spin around in my barstool. She’s in princess pajamas and her hair is an uncombed mess. “Hi, monkey butt.”
She jumps up into my lap for a hug. It’s exactly what I needed, and I hang on until she’s squirming for me to release her. Before I do, though, I say, “The tickle monster missed you!” I tickle her sides until she threatens to pee in her pants. I free her with a kiss on the cheek and she climbs up onto the stool next to me.
“How was your trip?” I ask her.
“Super good. Ethan bought me a camera and I took a million pictures. I want to be a wildlife photographer when I grow up.”
“Wow.” I glance at my brother. He’s beaming with pride. “Will you show me some of your pictures?”
“Uh-huh.” She swivels in her seat. “Are you gonna make pancakes with chocolate chips?” she asks Ethan.
“Would you like that?” he returns.
“Yes, please.”
At mention of pancakes, my thoughts race right back to Alejandra and yesterday morning. “I’ll have some, too,” I tell my brother.
Ethan moves around the counter and picks Rylee up off her seat. “I need my morning hug first,” he says to her.
She snuggles into his chest, and mine aches at the sight. I want that. I want a family.
“I need a few minutes to talk to Drew, too, so how about you go wake up your mom and see if she’ll take you outside to see the chicks. I don’t think they’re babies anymore.”
“Okay,” she says, her little feet hitting the floor and taking off toward the stairs.
“You’re a lucky man,” I tell my brother as he sits in the stool left vacant by Rylee and reaches across the counter for his coffee.
“I know.” He puts his hand on my back. “Talk to me.”
I start at the beginning with the night I first met Alejandra and how she stayed in the back of my mind until we met again. I tell him about my stupid lie to Grandmother and how I couldn’t help myself. I needed to do something to keep Alejandra from disappearing on me again. He listens and nods and takes in everything I’m saying. I tell him we didn’t immediately jump into bed, that we got to know each other better first, but that once we did sleep together it was explosive.
“Alejandra is the complete opposite of every girl I’ve ever dated. No girl has ever made me feel like I matter, that if I was stripped down to nothing, she’d still care. She’s never tried to impress me either. She’s confident in who she is. She’s genuine. And I am hopelessly in love with her because it turns out, I was wrong. She lied to me.”
“About?” Ethan asks.
“She has a boyfriend. Or rather, someone else in her life that she neglected to tell me she was going to see again.” I go on to explain the situatio
n, chipping away at my heart as I do. This sucks. And the worst thing is I want to hate Alejandra. But I fucking can’t.
“So, let me be sure I’ve got this straight. She and her boyfriend broke up with the caveat that they would meet a year later with the possibility of getting back together, and the night they’re meeting is the same night as Grandmother’s party?”
“Correct.”
“Does she still love this guy?”
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t ask her?” Ethan says like, Duh, that should have been your first question when she dropped this bomb on your head.
“No.”
“Did you tell her you loved her?”
I rub my fingers across my forehead. “Could you please stop with the questions?”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no.’”
“I didn’t want to scare her off. She wanted to take things slow and I thought if I told her how deeply I felt, I’d push her away. I wanted to give her time because I thought we had plenty of it. I told her I wanted to keep dating her but then she told me about her meeting with Matthew and everything went to shit.”
“What’s the big deal if she misses the party? It’s not the end of the world. You guys could still—”
“It’s not about the party. It’s about her seeing her ex. It makes me sick to think about them together.”
“You’ve got to trust her, Drew.”
“That’s just it. She hurt me, Ethan. Completely blindsided me and I haven’t felt that way since—” fuck! “—I trusted we were on the same page when she had her ex in her back pocket the whole fucking time.”
“She didn’t set out to hurt you,” Ethan says. “It sounds more like she got in over her head and then got confused about what to do.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours, of course. That’s why instead of bashing her, I’m trying to make you see things from her point of view. Not that she’s in the right, but just so you can understand her way of thinking. From what you’ve told me, I honestly don’t think she set out to break your heart. And most likely, her own heart isn’t feeling so great either.
“If she’s as kind as you claim she is, then she’s hurting, too. People make mistakes, and you have to decide if her mistake is forgivable.”
“That’s if I’m even still part of the equation.”
“Oh, you’re still part of the equation.” He bumps elbows with me. “We Auprince men are pretty stellar.”
“What should I do?”
“You should talk to her. Ask her some of those important questions. Don’t count yourself out of the race unless you really don’t want to be in it.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what I want.”
“I think you do and you’re just letting your pride get in the way. But hey, what do I know?” He stands and rounds the counter. “You want chocolate chips in your pancakes, too?”
I drag my sorry ass to his side. He’s right. I am letting my pride interfere. But damn it, I gave chase. I let her set the pace. And then I loved her with my body and admired her with my words and she still felt the need to see her ex. Right or wrong, it stings. “Teach me how to make them?”
His stunned expression makes me laugh. “Don’t look so surprised,” I say. “One day I want to cook them for my daughter.”
My brother is a great cook and he tells me about his trip across the country while giving me a lesson in the fine art of pancake batter and pancake flipping. Pascale and Rylee come in from checking out the chickens in the backyard, and the four of us sit down to breakfast. It’s obvious who made certain pancakes, but they all taste the same so I count it as a win.
On the drive back to the hotel, I mull over what my brother said. I also reflect on everything that’s happened between Alejandra and me. We’ve talked. We’ve fought. We’ve laughed and teased. We’ve shared stories. We’ve had sweet sex. And dirty sex. We’ve made love. Could it be I took her transgression as a way out because she is the one? And that means she has the power to break my heart for good, so before she did, I bailed?
Maybe.
But maybe not. Maybe I’m setting her free to decide for herself what future she wants. After all, she’s accused me of being controlling. So, if I storm into her hotel room and demand the answers Ethan mentioned—like I really feel like doing—then I’m the overbearing guy taking charge of the situation and that won’t help me.
Alejandra is the most decent and caring person I know. I’ve seen it with my grandmother, the seniors at the senior center, the staff at the hotel. She doesn’t give up on people either. Not strangers, and certainly not family or friends. So it makes sense she would see this through with Matthew. She wouldn’t be the woman I love if she didn’t. A promise is a promise.
I park my car and take the public elevator to the lobby. If nothing else, I need to make sure she’s okay with her new accommodations. Yesterday, I ignored the feeling in my gut telling me to check on her, too upset and angry about her confession.
Stepping behind the reservation desk, I wait until Marty is done with a guest before asking her to let me know which room Alejandra is in.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Auprince, there’s no Alejandra Cruz staying with us.”
“Could you please check again? I arranged for a room for her myself.”
Marty shakes her head. “She’s not under any reservation. Let me just check under… Here she is. She was a no-show.”
A no-show. “Thanks, Marty.” I march to my office and shut the door. Alejandra left the hotel to go where? She told me the other day work was still being done on her house. Now I feel even shittier for kicking her out of the suite. I pull my phone from my pocket, place it on my desk.
She. Left.
Without a word, a note, a text, anything.
If that doesn’t shout goodbye, I don’t know what does. Clearly, she wants nothing more to do with me. My fault, but common courtesy would dictate a small measure of acknowledgment, wouldn’t it? I open my desk drawer and pull out the napkin, frayed around the edges from so much handling.
Drew,
Maybe some other time…
Sweet dreams,
Alejandra
Apparently, our time is up. We’re done.
I rip the napkin in half, ball it up, and toss it into the trash. Looks like I’m odd man out and if she’s still in love with Matthew, I won’t stand in her way.
Chapter Twenty-One
The One That I Want
Alejandra
For the first time in two years, I call in sick to book club. I can’t pretend to be happy when I’m heartsick and split in two. Half of me in love with Drew and wanting to tell him as much and beg him to give us another shot. The other half of me loyal to Matthew and our shared history and the promise we made to meet up with each other. I’m definitely not in love with him anymore. I know that. Those feelings have faded into memories I’ll always cherish. As far as first boyfriends go, he was the best.
But if we see each other and there’s still a spark, could I fall for him again? If he sweeps me off my feet like Drew thinks he will, can I love him as much as I love Drew?
I bury my face in my pillow just as my phone rings on my nightstand. Hoping it might be Drew, I reach for it so fast, I practically pull my shoulder out of the socket. It’s not him. It’s my brother.
“Hey, Diego,” I say miserably.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Life.”
“Some days are like that. Care to narrow it down for me?”
“Sure,” I mutter, because maybe he’ll have some words of wisdom or advice. I put the phone on speaker. Being my older brother, he doesn’t want to hear anything about my sex life, but he’s a good listener when it comes to all the other relationship stuff. I previously mentioned to him I was dating Drew so narrowing it down doesn’t take too long.
“He thinks I used him,” I complain. “But I swear I didn’t. Not deliberately. And it kills me that I’ve hur
t him like that.”
“From what you’ve told me, I think he’s smart enough to realize that’s not true. In the heat of the moment, people say a lot of things they don’t mean.”
“I guess.”
“Have you put yourself in Drew’s shoes?” Diego asks.
I roll onto my back and fling my free arm over my forehead. “No.”
“Do it now.”
“Okay.” I picture Drew meeting an ex who he spent seven years with and who might still love him, and my stomach clenches. It clenches painfully. It clenches in extreme anger. I would hate if he met her. Hate, hate, hate it. I sink further into my mattress with a heavy sigh.
“Doesn’t feel very good, does it?” my smarty-pants brother asks.
“No. In my defense, I was thinking about asking him to come with me, but he didn’t give me the chance.”
I hear the front door of the house open and close and the click-clack of Gabby’s heels grows louder the closer she gets to my room. The new hardwood floor is finished. The baseboards and drywall and paint, too. Old and new furniture is in the garage, and the damaged bathroom is almost repaired. I dragged my full-size mattress inside and dropped it on my bedroom floor last night so I’d have somewhere to sleep. I’d noticed Gabby had done the same.
“Hey,” I say as she walks past the doorway.
She jumps so high she almost hits her head on the low ceiling. “Christ, Alejandra. You scared me half to death.” Hand over her chest, she comes to sit next to me. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at book club?” She looks around the room. My suitcase and duffel bags are piled in the corner. “And why have you moved back home already?”
“Oh, Gabby.” I drop my phone beside me and swing my arms around her.
“Hey, Gabs.” Diego’s voice startles Gabby again and she practically jumps out of my hold.
Hot Shot (American Royalty Book 3) Page 19
