“Will you help me?” Azrael asked, blinking away her tears.
Rani shook her head and Azrael looked away and clenched her fists.
“I can’t help you,” Rani said, heat rushing to her face.
“You mean, you won’t.” Azrael gasped as if unable to believe what she’d just said. “Forgive me, Your Highness. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Azrael, listen to me. I want to help you. Except I’m as powerless as you are. My own siring will take place in fourteen turns and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. If I could, I’d help both of us. What’s happening here is evil.” She let out a breath, feeling good for having expressed herself like this. Had she spent her life with her words trapped between her lips simply because she hadn’t met the right person to share them with?
“But you’re the Emperor’s daughter. You’ll be Empress one day yourself. You must be able to help.”
Did the people of this kingdom really still believe the royal family held any power? Did they really have no idea what slaves they’d all become?
“Why don’t we help each other?” asked Rani, wanting to give this poor girl some hope to hold onto, despite it being one of the rarest commodities in the kingdom.
“How could I possibly help you?”
“I want to see the Capital,” she said, feeling both brave and timid simultaneously. “Will you show it to me?”
Azrael’s brows pinched together. “We’re in the Capital right now. The Round is the very heart of it.”
“All I’ve seen is the heart. I’ve lived in the heart my whole life. I want to see the rest of it before I die. Its arms and its legs and its brain and its stomach. The whole lot.”
Azrael almost smiled. Maybe if she hadn’t just suffered such a trauma, she would’ve.
“I’ve never so much as walked through that arch,” said Rani, pointing over her shoulder.
“Who’s stopping you?” asked Azrael. “You could walk through it right now. Nobody would recognize you if you cover your face.”
Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know what’s out there.”
“Why do you think so many people visit the Round each day?” Azrael asked.
Rani shrugged. “They watch the sand.”
Azrael nodded. “And why do you think they want to watch the sand?”
Rani shrugged again. “It’s peaceful.”
“Looking at the sand reminds us that time continues on no matter what our hardships. It waits for no-one. The sand was running before I went into the Conception Center today and it was still running when I came out. My world may have stopped, but time didn’t.”
Rani knew this feeling well and was surprised to have it shared by someone else.
“Is that how you feel?” she asked. “That your world has stopped?”
Azrael nodded. “This is part two for me now. I’m at my own even-time. Everything that happened before is in the Before and everything that comes after is the After.”
Rani liked this comparison, feeling like she was at her own even-time herself. Only her After was going to be much shorter than her Before.
“Do you believe in the Evernow?” she asked.
Azrael shook her head. “There’s no Evernow for me. Or for you, by the looks of it.”
Rani drew in a breath at the raw honesty of this girl who had so little fear, for everything had been taken from her already.
“Why did you ask me to wait?” asked Rani.
“You were going to jump,” she said, as if it were self-explanatory.
“I wasn’t.” Rani realized she’d just lied for the second time that day, when this girl had offered her nothing but honesty. She deserved better than that. “Well, not yet anyway. You’re right, I’ll wait.”
If the girl was surprised at her omission, she didn’t show it. “I wanted you to wait for me, not wait to jump.”
“Why would you want me to wait for you?”
“I can’t explain it,” said Azrael. “I was sitting on the grass before I went in, looking up at the sky, begging death to take me. Then I saw a movement, and it was you. You looked like an angel up there. I felt certain if I stopped you from jumping—if I saved your life—that somehow you’d save mine, too.”
“I can’t save you,” Rani said, shaking her head.
“So you keep saying.” Azrael stood up and brushed the grass off her dress, taking a step away from Rani before turning back to look at her. “Well, are you coming or not?”
“Where to?” Rani tilted her head.
“Through the archway of course. You said you wanted to go. What are you waiting for?”
Rani stood up and nodded. She was waiting for nothing and had no time to waste. “Lead the way.”
Azrael
THE BEFORE
When Azrael had opened her eyes at sunrise, she’d thought she’d known what was ahead. Pain, humiliation, and fear. She hadn’t realized there’d also be surprise. And not all of it bad.
Witnessing Princess Rani contemplating jumping from her window had felt like an experience her body had with her mind somewhere else. If only she could have organized for her mind to be somewhere else when her body had been in the Conception Center. She’d do anything to be able to wipe away the memory of that experience, but that was never going to happen. Some memories branded themselves in a way that was permanent without giving the choice as to whether they’re wanted or not.
She wasn’t sure why her gaze had been pulled away from the sky to see Princess Rani sitting on her window ledge. They’d met eyes and it was almost as if a cord was connecting them. The intensity of it had frightened Azrael and when she’d told Rani ‘no’ she’d meant it. She didn’t want her to jump. She couldn’t jump. Because if she did then it was all over, not just for Rani but for Azrael, too. For everyone. The intensity of this feeling had overwhelmed her.
And the Princess hadn’t jumped. Instead, she’d come to find her and had sat on the grass waiting for her to walk out of the Conception Center, only to tell her that she couldn’t save her. She was as mixed up about life as Azrael was. Not that she should be surprised by this. People who contemplated falling to their death weren’t normally thinking clearly.
Princess Rani walked beside her now, an arm’s length away in case their hands were to brush as they swung their arms. It made Azrael smile to think there was a Princess walking amongst the people and they had no idea. The Princess was smaller than she’d imagined, only a little taller than herself. Quieter too. She spoke with a soft voice that sounded like it’d never been broken in properly. She mustn’t have cried enough as a baby. And there was a pretty face underneath that veil, with a striking resemblance to the Emperor’s.
Azrael’s hand went to her waist and skimmed her stomach, wondering if there were the beginnings of a baby in there and if it would grow to look like her. She hoped the siring had been successful. Not because she wanted to have a child, of course. It was because then she’d be taken off the registry while the baby grew. She’d been taught in the Growing Center about how the babies came out and although that sounded almost as bad as how they got in, it most definitely didn’t sound worse.
They walked under the archway and out onto the red sand. The tall buildings that rimmed the Round didn’t have windows facing in this direction, making them look more like a curved wall. This not only kept out the sand and heat, but the Round could be closed down and protected in an invasion. The last time Forte Cadence had tried to attack, their soldiers had been forced to retreat when access to the palace was unable to be obtained. That was many Shinings ago now. There seemed to be some kind of truce from Forte Cadence lately. It was a pity. Maybe they’d fare better under their neighboring kingdom’s rule.
Azrael looked across at Rani, who was blinking silently, seeing the towering wall for the first time, and she tried to imagine what it must look like to her. She’d lived her entire life within that circle of stone. Walking through that arch must have felt like stepping off the edge of the
world.
“Where is everything?” asked Rani, dragging her eyes away from the wall and scanning the desert from left to right. There was nothing except red sand as far as the eye could see.
“Men to the left, women to the right,” said Azrael. “That’s how the Capital likes it.”
Rani crinkled her brow, not understanding.
“Come on, I’ll show you.” Azrael turned right, staying close to the shade of the wall, leading Rani away from the archway.
It didn’t take long before the women’s village came into sight. A collection of thousands of tents had been built up against the wall, seeking shelter from the wind and the sun when it came from at least one direction. They were lined up in neat rows, so the guards could patrol as necessary.
If they’d turned left instead of right, they’d have come upon the men’s village, built in a similar way—or so Azrael had been told. Women were forbidden to enter the men’s village and vice versa. The patrolling guards were an exception, of course, given most of them were male.
It took a few seconds for Azrael to realize Princess Rani was no longer following her. Her feet were planted in the sand and her veil had slipped away from her face, revealing her lower jaw working to grind her teeth. A boy in the Growing Center had a habit of doing that when he was afraid. Was the Princess really so frightened? Or was this a habit made from nerves?
“Cover yourself up,” said Azrael, taking a few steps back. “Quickly, before someone recognizes you.”
The Princess covered her face, leaving only her dark eyes, open wide, drinking in her surroundings. “These are your… houses?”
“Yes, although, I’ve only lived here for fourteen turns.”
The Princess’s lower jaw stilled. “Of course. You were in the Growing Center before then.”
Azrael nodded. “Yes, Princess.”
“Please, call me Rani. I beg you to. I don’t want to be a Princess out here. I don’t want to be one at all.”
Azrael nodded, wondering if being a princess could really be so bad? Although if it didn’t grant you an exemption from the sirings then perhaps it wasn’t so great either.
She watched as Rani’s eyes lit when an idea took hold. “Will you take me to the Growing Center? I’ve never seen a baby before.”
“Really?” That seemed crazy. How could she have never seen a baby? Then again, the only babies in The Sands of Naar were in the Growing Center and if she’d never been there…
“What do they look like?” Rani asked.
“Like, well, they look like babies.” She thought about how to describe them. “You know, small people with big eyes, bald heads, and fat little arms and legs.”
Rani laughed. “No, what do they really look like?”
“It’s true!” said Azrael, the relief of a smile crossing her face. She’d thought she was never going to smile again. “That’s what they look like. How did you imagine them?”
“Like smaller versions of us.” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re joking with me, aren’t you?”
Azrael smiled, trying her best not to laugh in return, as she imagined a baby with the same proportions to its body as a grown adult. Rani would find out soon enough. “Come on, follow me, I’ll show you, Pri— Rani.”
Rani nodded and fell into step beside her as they took one of the paths that separated two rows of tents. Azrael was glad she’d met Rani today. It’d been a nice distraction and she still felt that, despite Rani’s protestations, she was going to save her. Perhaps not on this turn of the sand, but in a future one.
“Is the Growing Center far from here?” Rani asked.
“Beyond the tents. On the other side of the Round to the archway. If you made a hole in the palace wall, you’d probably look right down on it from your bedchamber.”
“I’ve never thought about what was on the other side of the wall before,” said Rani. “I’ve spent my life focused on the completely opposite direction.”
Azrael wondered what’d driven Rani to find out about her kingdom now, if not before. She had so many questions for her. Why did she have no power over the kingdom if one day she’d be their ruler? Was it purely the thought of the siring that’d been driving her out her window, or was there something else bothering her?
There would be time for questions later. Being raised in the Growing Center had taught Azrael to be patient. Nothing was rushed in there. The pace was slow, and each turn of the sand had felt like a Shining of its own. She’d hated it in there. Being released into the village when she became a woman would have been exciting if only it didn’t come at such a price.
They passed the tent Azrael had been assigned and she pointed it out quietly to Rani. It’d been made from animal hide, like all the other tents, each one dyed a different shade to help tell them apart. If it were possible to look at the village from above, it would look like some kind of upside-down rainbow, except instead of a pot of gold at the end, there was only misery.
Azrael’s tent was blue, which she liked as it was the opposite to red. That was if a color could have an opposite. She was so sick of seeing nothing except red sand every day.
She shared the tent with an old woman who had to be at least thirty-five Shinings. New girls were always paired with the older ones. Azrael had even more questions for the woman than she had for Rani, but so far, she hadn’t answered any, not even to tell Azrael her name, choosing to speak in grunts than actual words.
“How do you find your tent,” asked Rani, breaking the silence, as they walked on. “They all look the same.”
“Fifth row from the wall. Fifty-fifth tent from the archway.”
“You counted?” Rani’s eyes ran the length of the tents, as if she could count them with a scan of her eyes.
“Of course,” said Azrael. “Don’t want to come home to the wrong tent. Besides, I like numbers. They were my best lesson in the Growing Center. I can count on numbers.”
Rani laughed. “You can count on numbers.”
“Did you just make a joke?” Azrael laughed, seeing the tight line of tension slip from Rani’s shoulders.
“Pretty sure you were the one who made the joke,” said Rani.
“So, you’re a funny princess, then? I had no idea.” Azrael shook her head.
“Neither did I. I’m finding out a lot about myself right now.”
The light dropped from Rani’s eyes, leaving Azrael in silence as they made their way to the end of the village of tents.
It was here that the road opened out to the Growing Center—a large building made from the same stone as the city wall. They were on the other side to the city as the archway now and Azrael noticed Rani looking up, undoubtedly imagining her bedchamber on the other side of the wall.
“So, this is the Growing Center,” said Azrael. “Just beyond is the Supply Center and beyond that is the men’s village. If you were to keep following the wall you’d be back at the archway again.”
“What’s in the Supply Center?” Rani asked.
Azrael resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Princesses had no need to fetch their own supplies when they had servants to do it for them.
“It’s where we go for our rations. Food, clothing, blankets, medicine. That kind of thing. There’s a Washing Center in there too.”
Rani let out a deep breath and shook her head.
“What’s the matter?” Azrael asked, wondering what she’d said wrong.
“I know nothing about this kingdom!” said Rani. “Nothing! I may as well have lived my whole life on the moon.”
Azrael smiled at this image. “Come on Moon Princess, let’s go find a baby for you to look at. That’ll cheer you up.”
With any luck, Azrael would fall asleep later in her tent stifling her laughter at the look on Rani’s face when she saw her first tiny human, instead of the image of that man as he’d hovered over her and her soul had filled with hate. It was easier to keep that image at bay for now, with Rani as a distraction.
Azrael beckoned for Rani to
follow as she made her way down to the rear of the building where she knew the youngest babies slept in tiny cribs. She went to the window and eased open the shutters, hoping one of the carers wouldn’t be there. Normally the babies would be left to cry. If they had a full belly and a clean bottom, there was nothing else they could possibly need. Babies cried to strengthen their lungs and develop their voice, not because they were unhappy.
Rani came up beside her. Close. So close. Azrael moved away slightly, feeling safer with a little more distance.
The two girls blinked as their eyes adjusted to the dim light inside. There was a crib right underneath the window with a baby wearing only a clean cloth between its legs. It was exactly the sort of baby Azrael had described. Bald and fat. Also, thankfully asleep.
Azrael pointed, although there was no need. Rani was already staring at the child with a look of pure horror. Her eyes were wide, and her nose crinkled as she pulled away, as if the sight of this strange small human was too much for her.
“You weren’t joking,” Rani hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were being serious?”
“I did!” Azrael let out a laugh and the baby’s eyes sprang open.
It took one look at the two girls at the window and let out a loud cry.
Rani leaped back from the window so quickly she fell on the sand, landing on her bottom.
“Sorry, little baby,” Azrael said as she closed the shutters, which did nothing to drown out the volume of the screams. This one would have very strong lungs by the time it grew up.
“Azrael,” said Rani, sitting up. Her veil had fallen away from her face and she was laughing. “Did we scare it?”
“Not as much as it scared you?” Azrael joined in the laughter, enjoying the light feeling that a moment of happiness brought her.
As with most moments of joy in The Sands of Naar, it didn’t last long.
Two guards appeared at the other end of the Growing Center and quickened their pace to see two girls clearly up to no good.
The Kingdoms of Evernow Box Set Page 47
