That wasn’t really an advantage, was it? Relationships were what made life worth living. The family Freya had created inside the Colony was what sustained her. There was nothing she loved more than Miro, Aarow, and Bindi. Except perhaps her missing daughter.
Spector streaked off ahead of Azrael, bending over when he reached Freya, with his hands on his knees as he panted for breath.
“Colonel’s wife!” This was the name he insisted on using for her, no matter how many times she’d asked him to call her Freya. It’d grown on her and she’d long ago given up asking. It was an honor to be known as such a great man’s wife.
“Spector, take your time. Catch your breath.”
“Azrael,” he said pointing. She was still several yards away, unable to move as quickly as Spector. “She’s here.”
“I can see that. Is she okay? Why’s she back so soon?”
“You,” he said, sucking in a few deep breaths and attempting to stand up straight.
“Me?”
“Yes, Colonel’s wife. She had to see you. She couldn’t wait until morning. She ran out into the desert and the Colonel asked me to go with her to keep her safe.”
Freya tilted her head, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Azrael was certainly lovely, but she hadn’t thought she’d made that much of an impression on her that the girl had missed her so much she had to return. Although, she supposed Azrael had grown up without a mother. She knew how that felt. Perhaps she’d started to see her as a mother in the time they’d been in the Colony. Or perhaps being in the Capital had triggered some memories and she needed a healing.
“Come on!” said Spector, waving his hands madly at Azrael, who already seemed to be walking as quickly as she could.
“Leave her be,” said Freya. “She’ll be here in a moment.”
“How did you know she was coming to see you?” Spector asked.
“I didn’t,” she said. “I just felt the urge to see the sunrise.”
“You knew. Mothers always know when their children need them. My mother knows everything.”
“I’m not Azrael’s mother.” Freya smiled.
“Yes, you are! You are!” Spector was jumping up and down now, clapping his hands. “The Colonel told her. He read it in the book in the Capital. You’re Azrael’s mother.”
Freya’s breath caught in her throat and her hands fluttered to her mouth as she took in Spector’s words.
She looked to Azrael, still plowing through the sand toward her and soon Freya was running too. Toward the dunes. Toward the sunrise. Toward the girl who owned a piece of her heart. Her beautiful daughter.
“Azrael!” she cried, choking on her name, for her tears were flowing now and her breath coming in gasps. “Azrael!”
Azrael stumbled to her and Freya threw open her arms, her daughter landing in them and pressing her body to her own. This small girl who was once the child she grew inside her belly. The child who was torn from her, breaking her heart in ways she thought she’d never be able to repair.
“My daughter,” she said, smoothing down Azrael’s hair with her fingertips. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Azrael pulled back from her, tears of her own streaking their way down her face.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said.
“I should’ve gone back for you.”
“You did,” said Azrael. “You sent a whole army for me.”
Freya lifted her hands to Azrael’s face, wiping her tears away with her thumbs.
“You’re perfect,’’ she said. “Beautiful when you were born and even more beautiful now. I should’ve recognized you immediately. We wasted so much time.”
Once again, Azrael shook her head. “We still have time. Let’s not waste any of it wishing things had been different or worrying about how much of it we have left. Let’s just enjoy every moment.”
“Evernow,” said Freya. “It’s here. Evernow is here.”
Azrael nodded, and Freya embraced her once again. Her daughter was in her arms for the first time in her life. The final piece of her heart had slotted into place and finally—finally—she felt like she could breathe.
RANI
THE EVERNOW
Rani was aware of every nerve ending in her body tingling as Aarow pressed his lips to hers once more. This was different to the last kiss. It had less surprise and more desperation. She’d never imagined that kissing someone could make you feel like this. Like she wanted to release the soul from her body and merge it with Aarow’s. How had her kingdom been denying its people this basic human right?
She tightened her grip around Aarow’s neck and pulled him closer, her heart rate beating wildly now, as a feeling of warmth flooded her core.
“Rani,” he said, pulling away. “We have to stop.”
“I don’t want to,” she said, standing on tiptoes and kissing him again.
“No, we really have to stop.” He pulled away again.
“You weren’t enjoying that?” She tried not to pout.
“I was.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “Too much.”
Rani didn’t fully understand what that meant but let it go for now. There was still so much she had to learn about Aarow. About relationships. About what happened when kissing became too much and not enough at the same time.
The Boardroom door opened and Rani and Aarow sprang away from each other.
“Father,” Rani said, wiping at her mouth, unsure if she was wiping away the kiss or trying to catch it in her hand.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, my daughter.” Her father walked in and took a seat, not meeting Rani’s eye.
The truth was she had no idea what she was doing. She also didn’t know how to stop.
The Colonel walked in before she could mumble an answer.
“It’s been a long few days,” he said, taking a seat. “I think we’re maintaining some kind of order.”
“The people are still rejoicing,” said the Emperor.
“The problem is when the rejoicing stops,” said Aarow. “What then? The celebrations can’t last forever.”
“Let’s worry about that then, not now.” Rani’s father waved his hands in front of him. “These people have suffered long enough. They deserve some days of happiness.”
“I wonder if Azrael made it back,” said Rani, letting her eyes drift to the window.
“Oh, she did,” said the Colonel. “Spector came back not long ago. I didn’t get a chance to let you know.”
“What did he say?”
“That Freya and Azrael have barely left each other’s arms.” The Colonel’s eyes misted over, and Rani smiled to see this sensitive side of him.
“What happened to her f…” Rani let her question trail off as she realized the inappropriateness of asking Freya’s husband about Azrael’s father.
“Her father?” asked the Colonel.
Rani nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. He’s no longer with us. He was released long ago, and his name isn’t familiar in the Colony.”
Rani nodded, realizing that perhaps this was just as well. The Colonel wouldn’t be at all pleased to meet the man who’d violated his wife.
“Not everyone’s like you,” the Colonel said. “To have had both your parents with you your whole life.”
“Oh no,” she corrected. “I never met my mother. She was released not long after my birth. I’d wondered if maybe she’s at the Colony, just like Freya.”
“But…” Now it was the Colonel’s turn to let his question fade away.
“What?” asked Rani, too curious to let this go.
“It’s nothing.” He shook his head.
“You see it too?” Aarow asked his father. “The resemblance?”
The Colonel nodded.
“What are you two talking about?” Rani looked between Aarow and his father, waiting to be let in on their thoughts. Surely Aarow wouldn’t keep a secret like this from her.
“Please would you leave us
a moment?” asked the Emperor, his face full of distress. “It’s time I talked to my daughter. Properly.”
Aarow put a gentle hand on Rani’s back and she gave him a confused smile. Was she the only one here who didn’t know what was going on?
He left the room with the Colonel, leaving her alone with her father.
“What’s going on, Father? Please, tell me. Who do I resemble? Do they know who my mother is?”
Her father nodded slowly.
“Which means you know who she is too. Did she make it to the Colony after she was released?”
Her father’s head paused in its nodding as he changed directions and shook it from left to right.
“Rani, I’m so sorry. Your mother was never released.”
Rani’s spine slid to the back of her chair. “What do you mean? You said… Father, what’s happening here? Who is she? Who’s my mother?”
“You can’t guess? I honestly thought you knew. Or at least suspected. You were always so close.”
“Sharma.” The word tumbled from Rani’s lips before she had a chance to process it. “Sharma’s my mother? Why would you lie about this? And Sharma. I trusted you both!”
“Don’t blame Sharma for this.” He sat beside her, trying to reach her with his eyes instead of his hands. “She had no choice. She was forbidden to tell you. Nobody here was allowed to know who their mother was, and that included you.”
None of this made sense. Did Sharma and her father not trust her with such a secret? She’d barely talked as a child. She would never have said a word.
“I’m sorry, my daughter.” His eyes were locked on hers. “We had to keep it from you for your own safety.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Rani, there’s so much you don’t understand.”
“Then talk to me!” She raked her fingers through her hair. “Tell me. Help me understand.”
He sighed, seeming to find these words difficult. “You know that I was only a boy when I was taken to the Conception Center to sire an heir. Only thirteen Shinings. The process for the girls of the kingdom is a horrific violation, but please believe me when I say it was just as bad when it happened to me. It wasn’t something I was ready for. Or wanted. It was a humiliation beyond what I’m able to describe.”
Rani lifted her head, not having ever thought about what happened to him like this. She’d just assumed he’d been pleased to be made a man before his time. Shame washed over her as she studied her father’s broken face.
“Sharma’s number was assigned to me in the Conception Center, although I didn’t know her name at the time. She was just as distressed as I was. Only a few years older than me, it was her first time too. We were both shaking throughout the ordeal but somehow the duty was performed to the Chairman’s satisfaction…please forgive me if I leave out those details.”
Rani nodded. These weren’t details she needed or wanted. She knew Sharma still carried the emotional scars.
“Sharma was brought to live in the palace, so a close eye could be kept on her and any potential pregnancy. And when the previous female Board member was released, the Chairman decided she may as well earn her keep and join the Board.”
“Was she pregnant with me at that time?”
Her father shook his head. “No, not that time. We had to attend the Conception Center three more times before Sharma fell pregnant. With you, of course. And I’d sit in the Board meetings and stare at her, knowing she carried my child in her belly and…I confess that I fell in love with her. Wildly in love. Like a man whose soul was possessed. I still feel that way about her.”
Rani’s jaw fell open, unable to process that her father had the capacity to feel that way. Although she’d fallen for Aarow. Why should her father be any different?
“You were born, and the Chairman was making noises about releasing Sharma. Which was when the deal was struck.”
“The deal?” This sounded a little like making a deal with the devil. Only worse. Because surely the devil was preferable to the Chairman and the evil he’d wreaked.
“The Chairman had been having problems with the female Board members before Sharma and had dismissed several of them in the past Shining alone. They refused to vote in line with what he wanted, preferring to be released than play a part in his evil ideas. People were starting to ask questions. So, I suggested that if Sharma agreed to vote in line with the Chairman on each and every one of his decisions, that he’d keep her alive.”
“Some deal,” said Rani, not even able to imagine what kind of atrocities Sharma would have had to vote for in order to stay alive.
“Sharma wouldn’t agree to it. Just like the female board members who came before her, she said she’d rather die. But the Chairman had decided by then that he liked the sound of this deal, so he threatened Sharma with something she valued more than her life.”
Rani swallowed, guessing what was to come, and waiting for her father to say it.
“You,” he said. “The Chairman threatened to have you released if she didn’t agree to the deal.”
Rani shook her head. All her life, Sharma had been protecting her and she hadn’t had a clue what was happening.
“Sharma had no choice but to agree. She didn’t want any harm to come to you. So, she agreed and the Chairman told her that you were never to know she’s your mother, claiming that was against the laws of the kingdom, but we all knew it was just to torture her further for his own amusement. If he got even one hint you’d found out about this, he swore to release both you and Sharma at once.”
Rani drew in a breath. So, the secret had been kept for her own protection. How hard it must’ve been for Sharma to keep this secret while living right beside her.
“It seemed to me that our problems had been solved. Both you and Sharma were safe. Then the Chairman questioned why Sharma hadn’t been placed back on his registry for further conceptions. The idea of another man siring a child with her, tore me apart. It tore her apart too. She didn’t love me in the same way I loved her, but she confessed to me that if it had to be anyone, then she’d rather it was me, for as traumatic as she still found the experience, at least there was trust that existed between us.”
“But conceptions can’t happen between the same two people twice,” said Rani.
“I figured if a deal could be struck with the Chairman, then certainly a deal with the Registrar was possible, too. I asked him if I attended the Conception Center on the days Sharma was required, if he’d be sure to assign me to her. The problem was that I had nothing to offer him in return other than the promise I’d one day find a way to make it up to him. He agreed, liking the idea of me being in his debt and would remind me of it from time to time to ensure I never forgot.”
“This is why you were lenient on him with his punishment after the revolution.” At least one thing made sense now.
Her father nodded. “The favor was finally repaid.”
“So, are you telling me you’re the father of all Sharma’s children?”
He nodded once more.
“You mean, Horrie is…my full blood brother?”
“Yes. And you saved his life out there in the desert. I’m so proud of you.”
Rani leaned forward and rested her head in her hands to try to stop the room spinning. How was this possible? Sharma her mother? Horrie her brother?”
“What about Taavi?” she asked. “Was he Sharma’s too?
Her father nodded and Rani felt the loss of her brother even more acutely now that she knew they shared two parents.
“Do you have children with women other than Sharma?” she asked, wondering just how many siblings she had.
He nodded. “I’m afraid, I do. Although Sharma trusts me, she’s never loved me the way I loved her. I confess I visited the Conception Center on occasions when I knew Sharma wasn’t there to convince myself she meant nothing to me. This resulted in other children. There’s nothing more painful than loving someone who doesn’t love you in return. As time p
assed, my visits were for far more selfish reasons. My own need to connect with another person outweighed my concern for the impact it may have. I’m ashamed of myself.”
This came as a shock. She knew her father had gone to the Conception Center, however, hearing him talk about it like this was so primal. She hated it. And part of her hated him for it, too. Just when she’d started to think he was different. She’d been certain his visits to the Conception Center had been forced upon him. An expectation by the Board to ensure enough potential heirs were sired. To think he’d been going there by choice!
“Thank you for the truth,” she said, standing and smoothing down the creases of her dress.
“Are you leaving?” he asked. “I hope I haven’t upset you too much.”
“It’s a lot to take in. Please, I need some time.”
Without saying another word, she left the room. She’d heard enough words for now and had none of her own to offer in return, until she’d had time to process it all.
She held up her hand as Aarow and the Colonel approached her, indicating that she didn’t wish to speak to them either.
Ignoring the hurt look on Aarow’s face, she took the stairs to her bedchamber, wanting the familiarity of the four walls that’d cocooned her for most of her life.
Nothing was as she’d thought it’d been. Life was infinitely more complicated than she’d believed possible.
Was her father good? Or was he just as bad as the Chairman? And how could Sharma have kept this from her, no matter what the threat? It felt like such a betrayal from the two people she’d thought she’d known best. Who else had been lying to her? Aarow? After all, he was a man and men seemed to be wired in a different way to women. She had no idea what he was thinking at all. Her own father claimed to love Sharma, yet that wasn’t enough to keep him away from other women.
During the revolution, she’d thought she’d finally discovered who she really was. She’d thought maybe it was possible she was brave and able to lead a kingdom. The truth was that she was a gullible fool.
She threw herself on her bed and ground her teeth down hard, her eyes drawn to the window that’d once offered her a way out of her problems. Was it still the way out?
The Kingdoms of Evernow Box Set Page 62
