But he’s him—focused businessman—and I’m me. I live in London, and he lives in New York. He’s already told me he doesn’t do relationships. Last night served to prove why. This was nothing but a merry little fling, and as much as that sucks, I need to accept it. No matter how much it hurts.
“Morning,” I say as I make my way down the rest of the stairs and slip into the kitchen beside him.
“Morning, sleepyhead.” He turns and kisses me swiftly before turning his attention back to the breakfast he’s making.
“What’s on the menu this morning?” I ask, pulling a floral mug out of the overhead cupboard and boiling the kettle. One thing I won’t miss when I get home is instant coffee. Bleurgh.
“Cheese and ham omelet,” Adam says, sounding far too proud of himself for me to tease, so I send him a grateful smile that I hope reaches my eyes and start setting the table.
“So, the driver last night was right. The rain’s left nothing but slush and mud.”
“I noticed,” he retorts, keeping his gaze on the pan. “What was it he said? Bloody English weather?”
Laughing at his poor impersonation only makes my chest tighten, making it impossible for me to catch my breath without this deep, inexplicable ache lancing through me.
Rip the Band-Aid, Amelia, I tell myself sternly.
“I…I got an email from my airline.”
“Oh yeah?” Adam chuckles, focusing on the eggs he’s cooking.
“Yeah, flights are back on,” I say, trying to gauge his reaction.
Is he as reluctant for our time to end as I am? Is it killing him as much as it’s killing me?
“Great! You’ll get to spend Christmas with your brother after all.”
With a smile, he plates up breakfast and comes to sit beside me. His face is impassive, giving nothing away.
However, the fact that he can be so poised when I’m on the verge of falling apart…I guess feelings really aren’t something he does.
“Yeah. I guess I will,” I murmur, unsure whether I’m more upset by his lack of reaction or my far-fetched notion that he’d beg me not to go and stay with him.
True to his word, he never lied. Adam’s been up-front from the start. I knew what I was getting into. I only wish that I was more like him. Detached and unaffected.
Folding up my red dress, I smile at the memories of that night in the phone box, before placing it in my suitcase. With my new flight confirmed and the weather easing up, it’s time to leave before things get tenser than they already are.
The sooner I pack my clothes and things, the sooner I can get back to London and start putting myself back together. The last thing I want is to ruin the holidays for Seb. Besides, all good things come to an end eventually, no matter how hard I wish this one didn’t have to.
The knock on my open bedroom door pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up to see Adam leaning against it with a smile. His blue eyes, his suave grin, the way his muscles tense when he stretches them. There isn’t a single part of him that I haven’t committed to memory.
“How’s packing going?” he asks, stepping into my room and taking in the clothes strewn across my bed. It looks like someone has ransacked a mall.
“Why is it that it all fits perfectly when you arrive but won’t go back in for love nor money when you leave?” I sigh, frustrated that I’ve been packing for what feels like forever but don’t seem to have accomplished anything. Granted, I may have been dragging my feet to avoid the inevitable goodbye.
The sound of his soft chuckle has my heart breaking some more. The thought of not hearing him laugh, not hearing his cheesy jokes, it feels like Christmas is canceled.
“I’ve been thinking…” he begins, and my eyes find his, hanging on to his every word. “Come home with me.”
“What?” I ask, my shock evident on my face judging by his reaction. He can’t mean…
“Come home with me for Christmas. We’ve had an amazing time here, why have it end so soon? Come spend Christmas with me.” So soon. And just like that, I know that we’re not on the same page.
He still expects us to end. For a moment my inner romantic got carried away, hoping he was changing his mind. That he thought we could make us work. But that’s not what he’s asking. He just wants another few days of no-strings-attached fun.
That’s just not something I can give him anymore. Even if a part of me is tempted, beyond tempted to lose myself in him for a few more days, I know I need to be realistic. I want more, and that’s not what he’s in the market for.
“Then what?” I ask, grabbing more clothes and stuffing them into my case haphazardly so I can avoid looking into his eyes and being distracted by his perfect panty-melting smile.
“What do you mean?” he asks, confusion lacing his words. Clearly he thought I’d be over the moon with his offer of a few more days.
It goes to show how little he knows me, or maybe even thinks of me. What would even give him that idea?
“What happens then? Christmas comes and goes and we say goodbye again?” The bite to my tone is hard to miss, but I’m hurt by how callous he’s being about me, my feelings, the time we’ve shared. It’s as though the last week meant nothing to him. But there it is—it was a week. A week with someone who told me relationships weren’t on his radar. Someone who showed me that business comes first. And yet, contrary to everything I ever thought I wanted, I would keep him in a heartbeat.
What is wrong with you? I ask myself. You deserve better.
Adam sighs and I know I’m right. I need to protect my already breaking heart. This isn’t fair to either of us. I deserve better, and he deserves to follow his own dreams.
“I told you, Amelia. I’m not looking for a relationship. I can’t. I need to focus on my company,” he says apologetically, running a hand through his messy hair.
“I know. You’re right. You told me from the start that this, whatever this is, had no future. You didn’t lead me on. You were honest from the get-go. But I’m not that kind of woman, Adam. I don’t want another week or two, I want the fairy tale.” My voice starts to break, but I take a deep breath and continue, needing to get it all out. Hoping that it’ll make it feel better somehow. “And somewhere over the past few days, my heart didn’t get the memo. It didn’t understand that the happily ever after it craved wasn’t on the table. It started to fall for you, no matter how hard I tried to tell it not to. I knew it would only end in heartbreak, but I did it anyway. I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, you were feeling what I am. That you wanted more too.”
“Amelia…” He reaches out for me, but I pull back. I can’t let him touch me right now, not before I’ve said what I need to.
“No. Don’t…please. You don’t have to say anything. You’re an amazing man, Adam. And I hope one day you allow yourself to have the happy ending that you deserve. But I can’t come home with you. Because I’m already in too deep. I can’t come with you and then have to say goodbye all over again. I don’t think I could take it. We’ve had an amazing time together here, and this is where it needs to end.”
I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, and I don’t even try to wipe them away. This man has broken down all my walls. He’s brought me back to life in a way I didn’t think was possible. I’d been so wrapped up in getting the business up and running that I’d forgotten how to just live. But these past few days, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Throwing caution to the wind. Letting my hair down. Living. And I wouldn’t change a single second of it, even knowing that it had to end like this.
Adam moves around the bed and takes me into his arms. “I’m not saying goodbye like this, sweetheart.”
Unable to hold back my sob at his endearment, I pull back and focus on my elf slippers, trying to ignore the ache one word can cause.
“This is not how we end, Amelia.” Cupping my jaw, he pulls me back to him, and I cling to his arms like he’s my life raft, and in this moment, that’s exactly what he is.
&nb
sp; Adam’s the light in the night sky, the water in the desert, and the prince in the fairy tale.
He’s just not mine.
Tilting my chin up so he can look into my eyes, he thumbs over the tracks of my tears, and it’s impossible for me not to see the regret reflected in his eyes.
“I wish I could be the man you need. The man you deserve. Trust me, it wouldn’t work out in the long run. I would hurt you even without meaning to, and you would hate me. You can’t hate me, Mills. Ever.” I could never hate him. I think even if he broke my heart, I would still love him. “It will always end badly. I wish it was different, but it’s not. And I am so fucking sorry.”
Closing my eyes, I just nod in acceptance and lean my head against his firm chest again, soaking up every bit of him.
I don’t know how long we stand there for, embracing and wishing things were different, but eventually I pull back and look up at him. Taking in every inch of him, I try to memorize every detail.
“We still have one night, don’t we?” I whisper, lifting one hand to his face and cupping his cheek, tracing the rough stubble with my thumb.
“Amelia…” He closes his eyes and tries to shake his head.
If I’m going to hurt this bad regardless…I’m going to let him make me feel good at least once more.
“Please, Adam. I don’t want to end our time together like this. I know I can’t have you. But I need you. One last time,” I say with a sad smile, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his.
He releases a low groan before he takes charge and starts to devour me. I will never forget the taste of him, the way my whole body ignites from just one touch. He’s everything I never knew I needed. And for tonight, he’s all mine.
Gripping my hips, he lifts me into his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist, letting him lead me from my mess of a room. He slides a hand up my dress and grips my ass, taking me into the bedroom we’ve shared since the first night he fucked me.
Laying me on the bed, he lingers over me as though he needs the time to compose himself, or maybe he’s trying as hard as I am to hold on to every last second. Every breath. Sigh. Lick of his lips and flutter of his dark lashes. Savoring every touch in the hope that it will be seared in every part of my being.
I watch transfixed as he stands and uses one arm to pull his shirt over his head, throwing it behind him. His eyes never leave mine, and I feel like I’m on fire. I’ve never felt so wanted or desired. Moving to sit up, I pull my dress over my head and lie back while Adam kneels on the bed and crawls over me, running his fingers over my skin as though he’s trying to memorize every last inch of my body. Goose bumps cover me from head to toe as he keeps tracing my curves slowly, taking his time as though it’s our first time.
“Please,” I whimper, as his hands stop at the edge of my lacy bra, teasing me.
“Take it easy, spitfire.” He tells me the same thing I told him outside the pub, that damn smirk on his face making my thighs clench in anticipation of what he’s going to do to me. Even with the lull of sadness behind his eyes, he drives me insane.
“Touch me,” I beg, leaning up so I can unhook my bra from behind and gasping when he pulls it away and discards it like he can’t wait another second to have me.
He wastes no time in bringing his lips to my breasts and kissing his way from one to the other. His hands squeeze my flesh while he teases my nipples with his hot mouth. Every motion sets my skin on fire, even if knowing this will be our last time has me on edge before we’ve even begun. Every moment feels more intense, every kiss more passionate. My chest aches at the thought of never holding him again, but I try to live in the moment. To luxuriate in the here and now while trying to forget that it’s coming to an end in a matter of hours. That this is it—our last time together.
Gasping as he bites down on my aching nipple, I run my hand through his hair and tug him up my body to take his mouth with mine. Needing to get as close as physically possible, I wrap my legs around his ass, pulling him toward me, as if I can bind myself to him and never let go.
Our tongues fight for dominance, but I know it’s a battle I’ve already lost. He owns me, mind, body, and soul. I feel like I’m fighting for air, like the weight of the world is sitting on my chest, making it impossible to breathe freely. Knowing I found the one man who is the other half of my soul, but I have to let him go, it’s excruciating. Whoever said it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved was a fool. Nothing is worse than this feeling. Hopeless and shattered. I’m falling and falling and falling, and there is no safety net. I’m plummeting and there is nothing I can do to break my fall.
Adam pulls me back to the present as he maneuvers us onto our sides and runs one hand down the length of my body, sending sparks everywhere he touches. Pulling my leg over his thigh, he runs the tip of his erection up and down my soaking center, eliciting a groan from me.
“Please,” I whisper, needing to feel our connection once more. To commit to memory every touch, every thrust, every kiss.
No teasing tonight—we’re both too needy for that. Instead, he wastes no time in thrusting into my waiting heat, making me throw my head back in pleasure. The sound of his groan has me clenching, trying to bring him to the edge with me. We’re a sweaty mess of limbs, and I meet him thrust for thrust, desperate to find my release in his arms. He’s too much and not enough. He’s everything I never knew I needed, and I know I’ll never have again.
Right here in this moment I feel truly complete, yet I know he’s going to break me apart once we’re done. The irony of the situation isn’t lost on me.
He increases his pace, with desperate breaths and jagged moves. The feel of his skin on mine is a balm to the desolation clawing at my insides. The sound of his flesh connecting with mine echoes around us. The only melody in the dark room is our unrelenting and insatiable want for each other.
“Adam…” I breathe his name as he kisses my temples. His hand strokes up the column of my throat while his lips trace down to my ear.
“Sweetheart,” he breathes back, and every frantic beat of my heart bruises my chest.
Needing everything he has to give me, I pull him closer. If this is our last time together, I’m going to take everything he offers and burn it into my memory.
No other words are spoken; they’re unnecessary. We both know there’s nothing left to say. This is our goodbye. I feel the tears start to trail down my cheeks but make no move to hide them. This is honest and raw and us.
As if knowing I’m close to breaking point, Adam pulls my face to his and kisses me with everything he has, heart pounding into my chest and hands urgently grasping at my body as our ragged breaths fill the air around us.
Our pleasured moans and groans mingle with our longing while he owns my body, pulling pleasure from me in ways I never even thought possible. With a scream, I climax as his dick throbs deep inside me, filling me with his hot cum. I’m overwhelmed by all the conflicting feelings, the relief of him holding me still and what awaits us.
Adam doesn’t let me go as I start sobbing into his chest. His arms tighten around me as his heaving breaths whoosh over my ear. He’s all I can hear, see, and smell. I am completely surrounded by him, totally enveloped in all that he is, and all I can do is hold on for however long we have left.
Without warning he cups my face, tipping it up before he kisses me, and he doesn’t stop as we spend the rest of the night losing ourselves to each other, over and over again. We may not get forever, but we have tonight. And I’m going to enjoy every second of it until it ends. Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, my heart will never recover from losing him.
11
Adam
Goodbye. So much easier said than done when you’re looking everything that could be in the eyes. While Amelia gathers the last of her things, I drop the small memento I bought at the Christmas market into her large purse, shaking it around so that she doesn’t see it until she’s gone. This is going to be hard enough as
it is. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in…ever.
“That’s everything,” she says from behind me, startling me as I put the purse back down on the small telephone table in the entrance. Rocking back on her heels, she forces a smile. “I guess this is it.”
I’m not sure why I’m standing here waiting for more from her. Maybe I’m still hoping that she changes her mind. Maybe I’m wishing for a sign that things could really be different. That she can fall for me and I can fall for her and we can still be who we are.
“I…umm… Thank you.” Amelia reaches into her purse, and my heart instantly starts hammering so hard and fast that it feels as though it’ll burst out of my ribs. “Thank you for…everything,” she says after taking another look around us.
The place doesn’t feel right without all her Christmas decor. It feels bare and empty, and it’s exactly how I feel on the inside at the prospect of her walking out of here and driving away from me.
“Here.” Holding out an envelope, she tries to blink away all the sadness in her eyes.
“What is it?”
“It’s my share of the…umm…cost.” A deep flush colors her cheeks as she shakes it at me, urging me to take it. “I can’t let you pay for everything.”
“You were my guest, Amelia. I invited you to stay,” I tell her, taking the envelope and throwing it back in her purse before I grab the two piled-high, plastic boxes of decor and head for her car.
“Adam…”
“I’m not taking your money, so don’t argue with me about it, okay?” My words come out shorter than I intend, but there’s no way I’m letting her put a single cent toward any of this.
Even if she doesn’t realize it, she’s given me more than I deserve already. While I figure out how to fit the boxes in her trunk, she gets her case in the back seat. This has to be the most impractical car she could’ve picked given all the shit she carries around. Maybe I should find a way of buying her a decent one so that this doesn’t happen again. I don’t want her getting stranded with another stranger. I’ll be the first and the last.
Love 2 Jingle U: A Sweet Vine Christmas Romance Page 11
