There’s a moment’s silence, then we both laugh.
She briefly touches my elbow with her hand. “I know what you mean. And yeah, I come to a few meets like this. I’m here with a girlfriend, Verity, but I lost her. She’s probably off flirting with a driver or something.”
I glance over my shoulder at Ruby. “Yeah, I know how that goes.”
She looks away. I watch her. She’s nervous. Her eyes are darting in different directions, like she’s accessing every corner of her brain, searching for something else to say. After a moment, she looks back at me and smiles again. It’s a nice smile. Happy. Innocent.
“So, do you race? Or are you just here for the music?”
I chuckle. “Music? Is that what this is?”
She laughs. “Not your thing?”
“Nah, I’m more of a rock and roll kinda guy. Give me some AC/DC any day.”
She frowns. “Who?”
I arch an eyebrow. “Are you kidding me?”
She holds my gaze for a long moment before her smile finally breaks. “Yeah. I almost had you too!”
I roll my eyes. Smile back. “Well played.”
“So, do you want to grab a drink or something? I owe you one, after all. I mean, it won’t be coffee, but…”
“I’m good, thanks. I’m—”
Ruby’s just appeared next to me. She shifts her gaze between me and Mia. She smiles.
Oh, no.
She links my arm. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”
Please, no.
This is going to go one of two ways. She’ll either have an enormous amount of fun at my expense, where she tries to make me look and feel as uncomfortable as possible, or she’ll get really protective and aggressive and likely terrify the poor girl.
She extends her hand to Mia. “Nice to meet you. So, how do you know my husband?”
Mia’s eyes grow wide. The color starts to leave her cheeks.
I take a deep breath.
It appears she’s chosen option one.
“Ruby, be nice,” I say with a disapproving glare before looking at Mia. “Relax. This isn’t my wife. She’s just a good friend. Kinda like a sister. An annoying little sister. You’ll have to forgive her terrible sense of humor.”
Mia relaxes. Closes her eyes for a moment in silent relief.
Ruby casually hits my shoulder. “Spoilsport.”
“Sorry. This is Mia. Remember I told you I got into something in the bar last night? Well, this was the young lady being harassed.”
“Ah, I see,” she says, nodding slowly as she moves beside Mia and puts an arm around her. “Sorry, honey. I’m an acquired taste.” She gestures to me with her head. “He’s a nice guy, ain’t he?”
Mia still looks a little nervous but nods and smiles sheepishly. “Yeah, he is. I was just saying I owe him a drink.”
I wave a dismissive hand. “You don’t. It was the least I could do, under the circumstances.”
“But I really want to say thank you. And this is, like, the second time we’ve bumped into each other today. It feels like fate, or something.”
She giggles awkwardly. I notice she’s avoiding making eye contact with Ruby though.
Ruby looks at me. “Twice in one day, huh? That’s a personal best for you, isn’t it?”
I shake my head. “Wow. Really?”
Ruby steps back over to me and sighs loudly. “Ruin a girl’s fun, why don’t you?” She looks at Mia. “Sorry, but could I borrow my charming, handsome, rich, big brother figure for just one second?”
I frown at her.
Mia grins and nods. “Sure.” She looks at me. “I’ll be around, okay? Come find me.”
She turns and disappears into the crowd. I make a conscious effort to not watch as she walks away. I take a deep breath and turn to Ruby. “What the hell was that?”
She shrugs. “What? Just trying to help…”
“Well, I don’t need your help.”
“I can see that. You are so in there!”
“What? No! She’s just a kid, Ruby. Come on…”
She shakes her head. “She’s young, but she’s not a kid. I reckon twenty… maybe twenty-one.”
“That’s what I figured last night, which is too young.”
“Oh my God, Adrian. She’s good-looking, clearly into you, and you could easily play the whole ‘saved her ass’ card to seal the deal. Let’s face it, if ever there was someone who needed to get laid, it’s you. I was just trying to help facilitate the situation, that’s all.”
“Okay, look, I get that in your own… special way, you’re looking out for me, but I don’t feel right taking advantage of a young, impressionable, naïve woman, all right? I don’t need to get laid that much.”
She shrugs. “That’s debatable.”
“Jesus, Ruby. Knock it off, would you?”
Dammit.
I can feel myself growing impatient, and that came out a little sharper than I intended.
Ruby takes a step away. Looks at me for a moment. Places her hand on my shoulder. “All right. I’m sorry, Adrian. I went too far.”
“No, it’s fine, honestly.” I pause. “Sorry for being a dick about it.”
She smiles. “You weren’t. This one’s on me.”
“Okay.”
“Forgive me?”
I nod. “Forgiven.”
“Good. Listen, my new friend has invited me to a party at a nightclub in the city after his race. D’you mind if I check it out? I’ll see you back at home later. Or tomorrow morning, whatever.”
I raise an eyebrow. “You still hungry, then?”
She smiles. “I’m a big girl, Adrian. I can handle myself.”
“I know. It’s just…”
I trail off because her next conquest is walking toward us, flanked by two of his friends. He seems to be ignoring me. Understandable, I guess. Stood next to Ruby, I’m probably invisible.
“What?” she asks.
“Your main course is here with a couple of sides. He doesn’t look pleased.”
She looks around and smiles at him.
“Say nothing,” she hisses to me discreetly. She quickly turns on her Ili and reaches for the driver’s hand. “Hey, sweetie!”
He doesn’t speak English, but my Pilot translates his reply:
“Hey, baby. Where’d you go? Who’s this fool?”
She ignores his comment. “He’s just a friend. Don’t worry about him. Why don’t you and your friends show me around? I would love to see some more cars. Maybe grab a drink…”
I can tell he’s listening to her because he’s smiling and nodding, but he’s staring right at me. For a brief moment, I worry he’s recognized me, but I dismiss the idea as paranoia just as quickly. He’s most likely just eyeballing me to look tough in front of Ruby.
Oh, the fun I could have!
He gestures to me with a flick of his head. “What about you, old timer… you like racing cars?”
Ruby puts a hand on his chin and slowly turns his head toward her. “I told you, sweetie. Ignore him. I barely know the guy. He’s a friend of a friend, y’know? I’d much rather be getting to know you.”
He brushes her hand away.
That tells me two things. First, this idiot is probably affiliated with a Yakuza family. Somewhere like this, the odds of not meeting someone in the Yakuza are slim anyway, but no normal guy pushes someone like Ruby away just to look tough. Having her come onto you is like winning the lottery. It’s all the reputation boost you will ever need. But he clearly has a greater need to protect his image, and for me, that confirms he’s Yakuza. Nothing is more important to them than reputation and respect.
Which leads me to the second thing. This guy’s going to try baiting me into a fight. The fact I’m standing here with the woman who just spent time flirting with him is all the justification he needs. He’ll now be thinking he’s entitled to her, and my being here is a threat to that. And if you’re Yakuza, you can’t let something like th
at slide. You can’t let an apparent threat, no matter how great or small, go unpunished. He has two friends and a large audience, which means he won’t stop now until I’m made an example of.
Which poses a problem for all concerned, because I’m nobody’s example.
I turn on my own Ili and smile. “No, I don’t see the appeal.”
He laughs. “Why not? Too scared?”
His friends join in with the joke. Ruby’s trying to subtly urge me to keep my mouth shut and not ruin her evening. I reckon she’s come to the same conclusions I have. But the damage has been done.
I shake my head. “I don’t do scared , sorry. I just know my limits. See, to me, fast cars are like beautiful women…” I pause to gesture to Ruby for effect. “They both look great, but if I ever got inside one, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do. Sometimes, you just gotta know when you’re in over your head. D’you understand what I’m saying?”
I smile at him. I know he probably won’t fully comprehend the meaning of what I just said, but that’s okay. Every now and then, you just need to entertain yourself. I glance across at Ruby. I can see she’s trying not to laugh.
He doesn’t look impressed. He cracks his neck. His smile fades. “Fuck you, old man. This is my world, you understand?” He gestures over his shoulder to his car. “Me and that beast over there… we run these streets. Now, your girlfriend’s with me. You should fuck off before you find out exactly who I am.”
His friends square up to me beside him. The three of them are lined up, staring me down like I’m something they would scrape off their boot. I don’t know why the idea of Ruby leaving with these assholes is bothering me, but I would never intentionally sabotage her night. She’s clearly happy, so that’s good enough for me. However, if one of them so much as sneezes in my direction, all three are going to wake up in a bucket.
Ruby steps in close to him again, putting herself between him and me. She snakes a hand around his neck and kisses him on the lips. “Hey, baby… forget him, okay? Why don’t you take me for a ride? I would love to get inside the beast!”
I fight every inexplicable urge I have right now to look hurt or disappointed. Instead, I focus on controlling the white-hot flashes of anger burning away beneath the surface, urging me to rip his throat out.
I take some deep breaths, allowing my entire body to fill up with air, extinguishing the fire. I let them out with heavy, begrudging sighs.
He stares at me over her shoulder and smiles. Doesn’t say anything. In his position, after that, he doesn’t need to. He just won this little confrontation in style.
The only issue I have with it all is that I had to let him.
The three of them turn their backs on me. Ruby moves to follow but quickly turns to me.
“Thank you,” she says.
I roll my eyes and sigh before giving her a slight smile. “Don’t mention it.”
She gestures behind me with a flick of her head. I turn and see Mia and another young woman approaching. I look back at Ruby.
“Maybe you should think about getting something to eat yourself…” she says with a smile.
Before I can reply, she joins her new friends, linking the driver’s arm as they disappear into the crowd, absorbed into a world I have no wish to understand.
Ah, she’ll be all right.
I turn just as Mia and her friend reach me.
“Hey again,” I say with a smile.
Mia beams. “Adrian, this is my friend, Verity. Vee, this is the guy I was telling you about. From last night.”
Her friend smiles at me. She’s about the same height as Mia. She has striking blue eyes and an easy smile. Dressed nice but a little more discreet than Mia. She extends a hand, which I shake.
“Nice to meet you,” she says. “Mia hasn’t stopped talking about you.”
I feel my cheeks fill with color. Mia playfully slaps her friend’s arm.
“Vee!”
They both giggle.
“You having a good night?” asks Mia.
“Yeah, it’s okay. Not really my thing though. My friend’s just bailed on me. Turns out spending time with a driver is more appealing than spending time with me.”
She hesitates. “Who… who was she again? A friend? Sister?”
I smile. “She’s a friend. We’ve known each other a long time. Been through a lot. We’re like family.”
“Ah, I see…” She steps closer. “Well, I… ah… I don’t think it sounds more appealing.”
Oh, crap.
Go for it, man. For the love of God, go for it.
Thanks, Satan. Josh?
I’m with him, mate. You deserve it. Live a little.
I take a breath.
Screw it. There’s no one here to judge me anyway.
“How about that drink?” I say casually.
Mia beams.
Her friend smiles. “Mia, I’m gonna go hang out with some people by the cars, okay? Leave you to it.”
I nod to her. “Nice to meet you, Verity.”
She holds her drink toward me. I tap it with mine.
“You too,” she says. “Have a nice night.”
Mia moves to my side and links my arm as her friend walks away. She leads me through the crowds to the makeshift bar area near the entrance.
Habitually, I look back over my shoulder, checking to see if I can get eyes on Ruby, make sure she’s okay. If I’m honest, right now, I’m not sure who I’m more worried about—her… or me.
9
October 18, 2019 – 07:17 JST
I’m leaning against the doorway of my bedroom, wearing jogging pants and sipping coffee, staring at Mia as she lies peacefully in my bed. The sheets are covering most of her body. She’s on her side, with an arm tucked beneath a pillow. Her chest is rising and falling slowly.
I didn’t sleep with her. It just wasn’t the right thing to do. Both voices in my head shouted at me a lot last night, but this was one of those rare times where I didn’t listen to either one of them.
We had a few drinks at the race meet, stayed for the first race, and then left. I offered to walk her home. She suggested coming back here for another drink. We did. After the drink, she kissed me. I kissed her back. Couldn’t help it, really. But I stopped before it went any further. Aside from her being more than half my age, it just didn’t feel right. I told her she was welcome to stay the night and that I’d take the sofa. She understood. She was pretty great about it, actually. I thought she might be offended or something, but she was fine.
I spent most of the night sat wide awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I imagine most guys in my position would have simply enjoyed the company of an attractive young lady. Ruby said I should. The internal sounding board that has guided me through so much of my life agreed. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
And it wasn’t until three o’clock this morning that I realized why.
I’m not weighing myself down with guilt about my wife and daughter. Not anymore. I avenged their memories and laid them to rest. I love them, and I always will, but I’ve finally moved on with my life, as they would undoubtedly want me to do.
But there’s no getting away from the fact that if my daughter was still alive… if my baby girl was still here… sweet Maria would be twenty years old right now. Those paternal instincts never leave you, even if your child does, for one reason or another. It’s not Mia’s age in relation to mine that’s the problem. It’s the fact she’s the same age as my daughter would’ve been. I can’t do it. I just can’t.
I leave her sleeping and head back downstairs to get dressed. I throw on my clothes from last night and sit down heavily on the sofa, staring at the floor for a few minutes. Then at the ceiling. I let out an impatient, restless sigh and move over to the window. It’s not dark, but the dull, early morning haze hasn’t shifted yet. The sun isn’t high enough to illuminate the gray clouds from behind.
I look down at the sprawling mass of humanit
y below me until my eyes glaze over. Minutes pass by like seconds until my gaze re-focuses. My mind engages, zeroing in on a subconscious thought deemed important enough to distract me with.
Ruby didn’t come home last night. She texted me a little after midnight to say her main course had won his race, and they were heading to a club to celebrate. She ended the message by telling me not to worry or wait up.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe everyone’s right. Maybe it’s time I stop being so reluctant to enjoy the spoils of my ill-gotten gains, embrace the fact I’m in my twilight years as an assassin, and start living a little.
Yeah… maybe take a trip somewhere. Japan’s a big place—plenty to see outside of Tokyo. Maybe Ruby will want to come with me?
“It’s an amazing view.”
Mia’s voice startles me. I look around to see her standing at the bottom of the stairs, smiling. She’s wearing one of my shirts, which drowns her. Her toned, olive legs are crossed right over left. While she isn’t as tall as Ruby, she’s not short—maybe five-four or five-five. Her hair looks straight and neat. It’s possible she tidied it up before coming downstairs. I don’t know.
She pads barefoot toward me, stopping at my side and looking out of the window.
“You sleep okay?” I ask her.
She nods. “Yeah, thanks. Your bed is so comfortable! And your apartment is amazing. The rent must be crazy for a place like this.”
I shrug. “I wouldn’t know… I bought it outright.”
“Really?”
I shrug again. “Yeah. It’s no big deal. I do all right for myself. Coffee?”
Her eyes are wide. Her lips curl into a disbelieving half-smile. “That’d be great, thanks.”
I walk over to the kitchenette and grab a mug from the cupboard. As I move to close it, my hand starts to twitch. I feel the pinch inside and stare at my appendage as I slowly lose control of it.
Goddammit, not now!
I open the drawer beside me. Take out the painkillers and pop three tablets out of the small, foil-backed sheet. I shove them quickly into my mouth, swallowing them dry. I grimace as one sticks momentarily in my throat, but I force it down. I lower my arm to my side, slowly flexing my hand, willing it to stay still. It’s uncomfortable without causing much pain, but once the spasms subside, it aches for hours.
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