Oh. My. God! Pregnancy pizza was the best thing ever. I loved it more than Madonna and my body pillow, and that was definitely saying something.
Lifting the lid of the pizza box, I closed it again when Max called my name.
“Ellie Head, watch me. Watch how high I can go.”
Resting against Connor as we both sat on a picnic rug in the middle of the backyard, I lifted the rim of my hat so that I could see Max. The sun was high in the sky, the temperature almost too much for my swollen body to bear.
“I’m watching,” I called back, smiling as he kicked his little feet and tried to propel himself high into the air before landing with a thud on the grass. The impact made me cringe, but he just bounced right back onto his feet and did it all over again.
I smiled. “He’s gonna be such a great big brother.”
Connor kissed the back of my head, and I could feel his pride and excitement. He’d been buzzing with it all morning. “I know. He’s already told me which toys she can play with and which ones are ‘boys only’.”
I laughed and called out to him, “Are you gonna eat some of my special pizza?”
Max poked out his tongue and said, “Yuk.”
“Yuk?”
“Your pizza is asgusting.”
“Asgusting?” I giggled at his mispronunciation.
He emphasized his point by making some gross raspberry sounding poo noises and then aimed his arm at a tree and pretended to shoot something.
“I guess that’s a no then. Oh well,” I said, lifting the lid of the pizza box. “His loss, my ga—”
A shimmer of light flittered across my eyes, the sunlight catching on something shiny atop the pizza, the reflection stealing my sight. I squinted and shaded my eyes with my hand only to find that what had near blinded me was now stealing my breath.
“What is that?” I blurted out, covering my mouth for obvious reasons.
Sitting in the very centre of the pizza was a diamond ring the size of Venus.
“It’s a ring, of course.”
“Yes, but what’s it doing there?”
“It’s been waiting for you to find it so I can put it on your finger and ask you to marry me.”
My heart skipped a beat, but I let it. It was allowed to this time.
“It’s … it’s beautiful,” I whispered, tears pricking my eyes. I reached forward, picked up, and rotated it, a smear of cream marring its perfection.
Connor gently took it from my hand and licked the cream before sliding it onto my finger. “Eloise McPizza Head Mitchell, will you make me the happiest man alive and become my wife?”
Tilting my head back, I relaxed into his arms and reached for his face, cupping his cheeks. “Yes, of course I will.”
Chapter Forty-One
Connor
I’ve always loved the word yes. ‘Yes, Connor, you can have that guitar for Christmas. Yes, Connor, we’ll produce your music. Yes, Connor, of course I’ll marry you.’
“I can’t believe you hid it inside my pizza. What if I’d eaten it and then choked?”
The sun had lowered on the horizon but was still bright and radiating warmth. Ellie and I hadn’t moved from the picnic rug, her head in my lap, her green eyes red-rimmed with happy tears.
“Your cravings have been nuts, but eating metal and diamond … surely you wouldn’t have?”
She whacked my chest then held her hand up for the gazillionth time, rotating her wrist and admiring her new accessory. “Looks good enough to eat …”
“You look good enough to eat.”
“No, I don’t,” she grouched. “I look good enough to roll down a sandbank and back into the water so that I can join the rest of my pod.”
I laughed; she was such an adorable, cranky, baby-mumma. “You do look good enough to eat.”
Trailing my finger down the side of her face, I took in every freckle, dip, groove, and eyelash. “You are the most edible woman I have ever laid eyes on. I mean, look at that carrot top: yum. And those apple eyes: delicious. And those cherry lips.” I licked mine and waggled my eyebrows.
She glared, playfully. “Cannibal.”
Max plonked himself down on the picnic rug beside us. “What’s a cannibal?”
“Someone who eats another—”
“It’s a big, heavy, steel ball,” Ellie replied, interrupting me while glaring. “You fire them at pirate ships.”
“Don’t you mean cannon—”
“Shut up!” she whispered. “Close enough.”
“Pirate ships? Cool!” Max jumped up and latched onto the back of my shoulders, suspending his legs and pulling me back.
“Careful, Ellie is on my lap. We don’t want to hurt her or your baby sister.”
Max let go and stomped his foot. “Where is my baby sister?”
“In Ellie’s tummy.”
“But you didn’t eat her?”
“No. She didn’t. Actually … now I’m not so sure—”
Ellie whacked my chest. “No,” she said through gritted teeth and that beautiful smile I loved so much. “I did not eat your baby sister. I’m growing her. But she’s still too small. We have to wait a little longer until she’s big enough to come out.”
Max nodded then scratched his head. “Why is my baby sister not in Mummy’s tummy?”
The question caught me off guard, and I opened my mouth to speak but then closed it again.
“Maybe one day another baby sister will be in your mummy’s tummy,” Ellie said. “Or even a baby brother.”
His eyes widened. “A baby brother?”
“Maybe. One day.”
“I want a baby brother too.” He ran off and pretended to fight pirates.
“Nice save.” I leaned back and enjoyed the sun.
“Don’t speak too soon. You may want to prepare yourself for a conversation with Lilah when she comes to you asking why Max thinks she has a baby growing in her belly.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, great. Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome.” She cracked up laughing then yawned and groaned, her forehead furrowing.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just need to get up. I’m tired, and my back is sore.”
“Here, I’ll help you.” I guided her to her feet, her movements slow and stiff.
“I might go and have a nap. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you need.” I tucked her head under my chin. “You sure you’re all right?”
“Yeah. Just beat.”
“You want me to come with you?”
“No.” She stepped back. “You stay with Max. Enjoy the sun.”
“Okay. Sweet dreams, fiancée.”
She smiled and held up her ring finger. “Oh, I will.”
Ellie ended up sleeping for the rest of that day and through the night till morning. She’d also slept part of the following day and evening after. Her energy levels were fast dwindling, and the dread I’d been fostering in the very pit of my stomach was rising fast. Thankfully, her next routine check-up day had arrived.
Resting her hand on her belly, Ellie stared out of the car window. “She’s not moving about as much today.”
“But she’s moving, right?”
“Oh, yes. I can feel her. She’s just not kicking me as much as she usually does.”
“Even kickboxers need a rest, baby. I’m sure she’s fine. You can still feel her, so that’s the main thing.” I drove the car into the hospital car park and found a spot as close to the door as possible. “Do you want a wheelchair?” I asked as I helped her stand, closing the passenger side door behind her.
“NO! I do not.”
I laughed at her shock.
“That wasn’t funny, Connor Bourke.”
“I know. I was serious.”
“So am I. I can walk. I’m perfectly fine.”
“And if you weren’t …”
“But I am.”
I didn’t argue any further even though I knew I was right.
She win
ced. “Jesus! I need to pee, AGAIN!”
“Really? You’d be close to filling a pool today.”
Her face turned the shade of her hair, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m kidding. Come on, we’ll stop at the toilets before we head to Dr Goodman’s office.”
“You try being a bloody whale with a piss tap,” she grumbled.
Laughing, I looped my arm under hers and held her handbag in my free hand. “You went four times last night.”
“Four? I only counted three.”
“Yeah, I think you may have slept through one.”
She giggled. “Lucky my unconscious self knows where the loo is.”
“Yeah, lucky.”
We stopped at the toilets on the ground floor of the hospital, and I waited outside, watching as patients, staff, and visitors rushed by. A cleaner pushed a cart along, sweeping every few steps, and a young boy—possibly eight years old—also waited with his father maybe a metre or two away. I smiled at him, and he covered his mouth and laughed in return. Weird kid.
Thinking that maybe I had some of this morning’s fried egg on my chin, I wiped my face and glanced in the mirrored panelling on the concrete pylon behind me, noticing the large, red, and rather feminine accessory dangling from my arm. He’s laughing at Ellie’s handbag.
Proud, and slightly bored, I slung it over my shoulder and modelled it for him, angling my hip and pointing my toes. He cracked up laughing, which prompted his dad to turn my way, busting my antics.
“Suits you,” Ellie said, as she waddled toward me. “Red’s definitely your colour.”
“I know. You look good on me.”
She stopped and leaned up on her tippy toes, lips pursed, so I gave her the kiss she sought. “All done?”
“You’re gonna be the best father. I mean, you already are, but you’re gonna be the best father for Christina. As long as she has you, she has everything she needs.”
Her words hit me right in the chest. They were beautiful, but they also spoke something she hadn’t said, something I didn’t want to hear.
“Where’d that come from?” I asked.
“Nowhere. I just want you to know what an amazing dad you are and are gonna be.”
“As amazing as you, I hope.”
She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m not going to be a dad.”
My eyebrow rose.
“Whaaaat? I’m not.”
I let that one go. “Ready to head upstairs?”
“Yep. Let’s do this.”
Ellie didn’t leave hospital that day. Both Dr Goodman and Dr Webb felt it best she be readmitted and monitored for the final weeks of her pregnancy, and if I were to be completely honest, I was relieved with the decision. No matter what Ellie thought, in her condition, hospital was the best place for her and Christina.
“I hate this place,” she whined, as she made her way back to the bed, her skin pale, her cheeks sunken like shallow dishes. I followed closely behind, making sure she didn’t get tangled in her IV.
“I know, baby. But it’s better to be safe than sorry. There’s too much at stake.”
“You make it sound like I’m playing a game of poker,” she snapped. “I’m not. I know what’s at stake. More than any of you.”
For the past few days, she’d been miserable and bitter, and it pained me to see how much of a toll it was taking on her physically and mentally.
“I know that, Ell—”
“No, you don’t. Don’t you think I don’t know that I could drop dead at any second? That I might not survive our daughter’s birth?” She reached for her blankets and pulled them over her legs, avoiding eye contact as she wiped a tear that had fallen to her cheek.
It was the first time she’d spoken out loud about her fears, and it took me by surprise and, yet, it didn’t. We needed to talk about them, together. We needed to talk about all our fears. It was time.
Dragging my chair closer to her bed, I took hold of her hand and pressed it to my lips. “Of course I know. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me, and it breaks my heart.”
“What if I don’t survive?” she sobbed. “What if Christina doesn’t—”
“She will. You both will.”
“But we don’t know that, Connor. And we can’t keep ignoring it. We can’t keep pushing aside what might be.”
I bowed my head and let my tears fall to the bed.
“All I want is to marry you and give birth to our beautiful little girl. I want to hold her, see her grow … be a family. That’s all I want and I might not get any of it.”
Warmth settled over my body, and I looked up at the only woman I’ve ever loved and would ever love. The only woman I’ve ever wanted to marry and would marry. And just as I was about to tell her I’d give her everything she’s ever wanted, Beth, Roger, and Chris entered the room.
“How are you feeling, sweethear—?” Beth’s face drooped when her eyes landed on Ellie, but she quickly plastered on a smile instead.
I stood up, gave Beth my seat, and walked to the window, taking a moment to pull myself together when I felt a hand land on my shoulder.
“How ‘bout you?” Chris asked, his voice low.
I gestured with my head that he meet me outside in the corridor. “Coffee anyone?”
Beth shook her head. “No thanks, dear. We’ve just had lunch.”
“Yes,” Ellie demanded. “With three sugars.”
I winked at her. “That I can do.”
“I’ll give you a hand,” Chris said.
We both left the room and headed along the corridor to the tearoom. A few of the nurses, who’d become like family over the past nine months, smiled and gave us a friendly wave in passing.
“Suddenly, I feel sick. I wonder if she’ll take my temperature.” Chris’s eyes landed on Nurse Bobbie.
“You’re not her type.”
“What? I’m everyone’s type.”
“Try telling her girlfriend that.”
“Fuck. Then again, maybe they’ll let me join them.”
I chuckled, shook my head, and entered the tearoom. Thankfully, it was empty. “I need your help,” I said, turning to face him.
“I gathered that. What’s up?”
“I want to marry Ellie, here in the hospital.”
“What?” He pivoted and gave the lemon-coloured walls and grey linoleum a dirty look. “Here?”
“Yes. In the garden. As soon as possible.”
“Why not wait until after the baby is born and have a proper wedding?”
Leaning against the cupboard, I ran my hands over my face. “Because Ellie is scared she won’t survive the birth.”
“That’s ridicu—”
“IS IT?” I yelled, tears once again burning my eyes. “Once upon a time, I chose to ignore the fact that someone I loved was dying. I didn’t want to accept it and instead pretended it wasn’t happening. I didn’t ask him what he wanted. Didn’t do anything special or worth remembering. And then he died and it was too late. I’m not doing that again, Chris. I’m not going to pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. Ellie deserves more than that. She deserves everything I can give her, and I can give her a wedding.”
He wiped his nose and turned toward the kettle, flicking it on. “She’s gonna be fine,” he said, his voice low, his knuckles white as his hands gripped the benchtop.
“I … I know. But … help me give her this. It’s what she wants.”
He opened the cupboard, grabbed three mugs and the coffee jar, and then paused, his shoulders lifting. “Let’s give my sister the best fucking hospital wedding there ever was.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Ellie
“Why do I have to dress up?” I complained.
“Because you’ve been couped up in this hospital room for too long.” Mum fanned my hair over my shoulders and put my hairbrush down. “And sometimes it’s nice to put a little makeup on and a nice clean dress and have lunch in the garden with your mother.”
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“But a bow in my hair? Really?” I pulled it out and huffed.
“Fine.” Mum picked up my lip gloss and pumped the wand into the tube with more vigour than was necessary. “Don’t wear the bow. I just thought it would be nice.” She slapped a layer of gloss onto my lips, and I flinched, annoyed.
“I’m not a child anymore,” I said, pressing my lips together, blotting my gloss.
She stood back and looked me over, a tear falling to her cheek. “No, you’re not. You’re a grown woman about to have her own child.”
Rubbing my hand over my belly, I realised this lunch date was something Mum needed as well, maybe even more than me, and now I felt bad for whinging. She was just trying to do something nice despite an awful situation.
“This dress is pretty,” I offered; a small truce. “Thank you. Where’d you get it?” I ran my fingers over the pale pink and mint green embroidered flowers sprinkling the ankle-length, white chiffon skirt. The sleeves sat off the shoulder and the bodice was tight over my full breasts. It wasn’t a dress I’d normally wear, but it was rather lovely, and it made me feel pretty, something I hadn’t felt in such a long time.
“Same place I got this.” Mum pointed her toe and modelled her mint green, knee-length sheath, her matching eyes sparkling with pride. And so they should; she looked stunning.
Slowly standing up from the edge of my bed, I braced myself on her arm and blew out a breath. Moving about was becoming so much more exhausting.
“Maybe you should use the wheelchair today, sweetheart.”
I glanced over at the stupid thing, sitting in the corner, taunting me, and I resented it even more. But it had made my life a little easier the past couple of days, and I kept telling myself my use of it was only temporary.
“Okay. But only just to get down to the garden. Once I’m there, I want to waddle about and enjoy the fresh air, and freedom.”
With Mum’s help, I lowered myself into the seat and sat, useless, while she wheeled me along the corridor past the nurse’s station. The usual hustle and bustle was absent along with most of the nurses except for Nurse Tracy who paused and smiled before placing her hand over her heart.
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