“Probably,” I agreed, handing two hot dogs to Violet. “Your buzz is going to wear off quickly, because all I’ve got is beer.”
“I love beer,” Tori said. “Wait. Is it that light shit?”
“I love light beer,” Navy said, holding her last bite of hot dog reverently. “Yummy.”
Tori nudged her with her foot. “That’s only because you haven’t had a good porter.”
“Navy doesn’t like dark beers. We’ve tried a few at the brewery.”
“Ick.” Navy scowled. “Tastes like dirty sweat.”
Tori laughed. “Yeah, like I said, you haven’t had a good porter. You’ll have to go down to Utah with me sometime. There are some good breweries once you get out of Idaho.”
“I don’t like beer,” Violet chimed in. “Light or dark. All of it’s gross.”
“You’re not even legal,” Navy said flatly and Tori laughed.
“Soon enough I will be.” Violet looked down at her stomach, thinking the thought I was too—but she’d still be pregnant. “I like wine coolers.”
“I mean, they’re a good cheap buzz. Hell of a hangover, though,” Tori said.
Navy turned her face toward the dying sunshine, and I watched her chest rise with her deep inhale. “It’s so nice out here. I don’t understand those people with their big cabins over there.” She motioned across the lake, where three-story cabins loomed over their portion of the lake. “Why would you want to be inside with your eight kids when you could be sitting outside like this, breathing in that fresh air?”
“Some of those people come up here in the winter, when the temps are frigid and not ideal for outside grilling,” I explained. “So they need a big house to hide from their dozen kids. But winter is why this place will end up making me some good side income.”
“For the life of me, I cannot understand people who purposefully choose cold locations for vacations. I mean, you have to wear so many clothes all at once, first of all. Your face hurts from the wind when it chaps your skin. And your nipples are permanently hard. How miserable.”
“They probably like it because unlike a beach, it’s not going to be crowded with people.” I shrugged. “Gramps used to take me up here as soon as the ice froze over. We’d fish every single weekend out there. Hardly ever caught anything, but there’s nothing like coming from the cold into a warm cabin, tossing a few logs on the fire, watching old movies, and drinking hot chocolate.”
“I’ll have to take your word on it,” Tori said, crossing her ankles. “I like the sun and the heat and the warm water. And I don’t like your old movies.”
“I have to agree about the weather part,” Violet said. “After living in California, even this unseasonably warm late spring weather feels chilly to me.”
“That’s why you’re wearing a sweater in seventy-five degrees?” Tori asked, snapping Navy out of her sleepy, relaxed state.
“Exactly,” Violet said easily, shoving her hands into the kangaroo pocket of her hoodie. Navy seemed to relax again but kept an eye on Tori.
“Do we want to watch a movie and eat some cupcakes? Or do you want s’mores?” I asked, to pull Tori’s attention away from Violet.
“I’m gonna smash my face into a cupcake so hard I’ll feel it tomorrow,” Tori said. “S’mores might be a bit much for me to handle at the moment.”
“I had to smell those cupcakes the whole ride from town,” Violet said, moving to stand. She tossed her paper plate into the fire pit and stretched. “We can have s’mores any night. I’d rather have a cupcake.”
I put the mesh lid over the fire pit to catch any stray embers and followed the rest of them back into the cabin.
Now that the sun had disappeared, the cabin was washed in rose and gold light. Navy turned just as she reached the door and smiled at me, her hair shining and her eyes bright.
“Sorry for drinking so much.”
“It’s fine,” I squeezed her shoulder and smiled down at her. “You’ve had a rough few weeks. It’s nice to see you relaxed.”
“It’s nice to be able to relax. I don’t have to worry for the rest of tonight.” She hooked an arm around my waist and gave me a side hug. “Thanks for doing this. I needed it.”
I snaked my arm around her, anchoring her to me. Her perfume washed over me and I tempered the urge to bury my face in her hair. Why did she fit so well with me? Why was I more comfortable with Navy than anyone else? When she moved to pull away, I dropped a kiss to the top of her head. She stalled, turning more fully that she faced me. But I didn’t let go.
I wasn’t sure of much these days, but I was sure that I didn’t want to stop holding her. I brushed her messy hair away from her face. “Hope it’s not too awkward with Tori.”
“Oh, no. It’s fine. We’ve chatted a bit. She’s nice.”
“I know she is.”
“But she’s intimidating.”
“Because she’s so free with her opinions?”
“Because…” Navy buried her face into my shirt and didn’t continue. I felt like whatever she’d been able to say had been important, but she didn’t want to share it with me.
I remembered our earlier conversation about Tori, and the worries I’d seen in Navy’s eyes. They were the same insecurities she’d felt about Megan, when her name had been brought up. “I don’t have feelings for her, okay?”
“I mean…”
“No.” I stopped her, framed her face in my hands. “What happened between Tori and me died out a long time ago. I didn’t invite her for any reason except that she’s my friend. That’s all she is to me.”
“It’s really none of my business.”
Navy moved to leave my hold, but there was hurt in her eyes before she flicked her gaze down to her feet. “Wait,” I said, my mind scrambling. “It is your business.”
“No, it’s not.”
“That’s what you say. But what if,” I started and swallowed. There was no rewinding the clock once I said this. “What if I want it to be your business?”
Silence echoed between us. She looked up at me, bathed in that pretty light. She licked her lips but held my gaze. “What do you mean?”
“I think you know what I mean.” I understood gravity; I respected it. So how the fuck had my heart traveled up to rest in my throat?
“I don’t know if…” She shoved a hand into her hair, messing it up. She exhaled like she’d been holding her breath a very long time. “You said that it would mess things up if we did that.”
“Well, it’s too fucking late for that, isn’t it?” When I’d planned this movie night at the cabin, it hadn’t been my intention to ask this, to go there with her. But the thought had always been at the back of my mind, nagging me, giving me images of a life that I’d never thought of. Of possibilities I’d never entertained.
“It’s not too late.” She licked her lips again and looked sideways at the cabin. We were feet from the door, but the clatter from inside would have drowned out our whispers. “Nobody has to know what happened.”
“But I know. And I can’t get it out of my head.”
Her bottom lip fell open and her eyes widened slightly. She hadn’t been prepared for that. Hell, I hadn’t been prepared to admit it either.
Her hands slid up my arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake, until she’d reached my neck. “I don’t think we’re ready for that.”
“Probably not,” I admitted, wrapping my hands around her wrists. “And I don’t know if I ever will be ready. But until we try, we won’t really know. Will we?”
“What are you guys doing?” Tori hollered from the window, startling us both.
“One second,” I said as Navy said, “Coming.”
“Hey,” I said when Tori had vacated the window and before Navy could open the door. “I told Tori what happened. Sort of. Loosely.”
“You what?” Her voice was borderline screechy.
Fuck. I kicked some dirt with the toe of my shoe. “I thought maybe she could help me. She knows me we
ll enough to tell me when I’m being an idiot.”
“So, did you tell me that you want this to be my business because of Tori?” Her eyes were guarded, and her body angled from me. She was upset.
“No, Jesus. She didn’t write me a speech. I don’t even remember if she gave me advice. She just called me an idiot a lot.”
Navy laughed at that, softening slightly.
“I think the gist was that she told me I needed to talk to you. Which we obviously need to do.”
“Okay, but not right now.” She tilted her head toward the cabin, where everyone else was. “Not tonight.”
“When, then?”
“When I’m ready.”
It wasn’t the answer I wanted. “What if you’re never ready?”
“Then…”
“Then we suffer awkwardness for the rest of our lives, huh?”
“It doesn’t have to be awkward.”
“This is the first time I’ve seen you in a week.” God, I sounded so melodramatic. Fuck me. “That’s not awkward? I’ve missed you, Navy. You’re my best friend. I don’t like what’s happened to us.”
“I don’t either.”
I sighed, feeling that emptiness I’d told Tori about. “Can we try the friendship thing, tonight?”
“Sure.” She folded her hands in front of her. “But no cuddling. Too confusing.”
“Okay.”
“And…” She bit her lip, almost like she was going to stop herself from saying anything else. I raised an eyebrow. “No kissing.” She said it in a rush, like she exhaled the words. “We already messed up once, by jumping in with both feet before we were ready to swim.”
“So, you’re saying none of that until we talk, right?”
She nodded.
“You drive a hard bargain,” I said as I looked toward my truck, thinking of the things I’d brought with me that she didn’t know about yet. “Okay, fine. Want to sleep outside tonight?”
She turned, contemplating the mostly bare yard. “Do you have a tent or something?”
“Or something.”
She squinted, looking at me like she wanted to read my mind, but couldn’t. “Okay. But I’m serious. No cuddling.”
I held my hands up in surrender and offered my pinky, which she took. “I promise.”
22
NAVY
When the credits aired after the end of the movie, Violet was already asleep. She’d moved to the floor at some point, cradling a pillow she’d retrieved from the back bedroom.
“Well, fuck me.” Tori drained the last of her beer—that light beer she’d claimed to hate. “That was all sappy and shit.”
“Agreed,” Keane said. “Pretty sure I’ve got a cavity from it. Might need a root canal.”
“Don’t be a baby,” Tori said. “You’ve made her suffer through terrible movies.”
“Exactly,” I chimed in. “Like that one where Martians abducted Santa Claus.”
“Isn’t that an old movie?” Tori asked.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s older than my parents,” Keane said with a laugh. “A classic though.”
“That’s what you always say. You’re lucky Navy hasn’t revoked your ability to choose movies.”
“They haven’t been all bad,” I said, wanting to stand up for Keane. “He introduced me to Life is Beautiful.”
“I haven’t heard of it.” Tori set her beer in the trash can and stretched her back. “Wait, is that the Italian movie about World War II?”
I nodded, helping a sleepy Violet to her feet. “Where the whole family is sent to a concentration camp. And the dad loves his son so much, he pretends the whole thing is a game. Shields him from the horrors of the camp by acting like it’s part of some big joke.”
“It’s in Italian right?”
“Yeah, but there are subtitles,” Keane said as he scooped up Violet’s blanket and pillow.
“I’m not a subtitled movie kind of girl,” Tori said. She plopped lazily onto the couch.
Keane returned from the bedroom where Violet was again fast asleep. “And that’s why Navy is my movie buddy and you’re not.”
Tori tossed a throw pillow at him. “Thank God someone puts up with you.”
I started to pick up the mess of plates and garbage, wanting to keep my hands busy. I was nervous about tonight, about being alone with Keane. It was much easier to ignore the elephant in the room when we weren’t the only ones in the room with it.
Tori yawned. “So, what’s the sleeping plan tonight?”
“We’re sleeping outside,” Keane said, pulling my attention from the cupcake wrappers I tossed. “Navy and me.”
Tori stretched out on the couch. “Yesssss. So does that mean I get the Casanova couch all to myself?”
“Casanova couch?” I asked.
Keane shook his head at me, telling me without words not to encourage Tori anymore. “You do,” he told her. “I’ve got blankets and pillows in my truck. I’ll be right back.”
I watched him go out the front door until Tori pulled my attention away with a laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“You. Him.” She folded her arms behind her head like she was getting a free show. “You’re both tiptoeing around each other.”
“No, we’re not.” The kitchen was clean, so I had nothing to busy my hands with. I grabbed a chair at the table and sank into it, playing with the wood grain as I’d done earlier.
“You are.”
I lifted my head. “Keane told me that he told you.” I wanted to see her reaction, to see if there was jealousy or hurt or anything else that might make this more awkward than it already was.
But Tori grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Good. He told me he was going to.”
“Isn’t it…” I stopped, not sure I wanted the answer after all.
“Isn’t it what?”
I hesitated, looking toward the door, hoping for Keane to come in and interrupt so I didn’t have to ask the question I wanted to, even though the answer might not be one I wanted to hear.
“Isn’t it weird? For you?”
Tori laughed. “God, you and Keane are fucking brain twins. The answer is no. Not in the slightest.”
“How could that be?”
“Short attention span. Remember? Keane and I, it was fleeting. Young, dumb fun. Not serious.”
“But you guys hooked up over the years, a few times.”
“Yeah, but I’ve also hooked up with guy who smothers himself with his own socks, so I can’t exactly say Keane’s special.” She grimaced. “I mean, Keane is a great guy. But he’s a better friend. Okay?”
“I know he’s a good friend.” But it tickled something in the back of my mind. “What do you mean, like he’s not boyfriend material?”
“He wasn’t for me. But he shouldn’t be, right? Because if he was, you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation so civilly. Would we?”
“Probably not,” I agreed. “Why wasn’t he boyfriend material for you?”
“He was, for a few minutes. But Keane is grounded, stable, comfortable with his life. And for someone like me, someone who is untethered and flighty and spontaneous, it might seem like he’d be good for me. But,” Tori held up her hands, “I don’t need anyone good for me. I need someone good to me. Someone who understands me; who doesn’t restrict me.”
“And Keane wasn’t good to you?”
“Not in the ways that mattered.” At my silence, she continued. “You’re probably thinking about the line of girls he’s been with in the past.”
“Hard not to.”
“Yeah, I bet. Especially since he paraded them in front of you.”
I shrugged. “I don’t think he paraded them in front of me.”
“He knew you liked him in that way, and he didn’t try to shield you from his bevy of girls.”
“Because we were friends. I didn’t want things to change.”
“So you just let him keep hurting you, then?”
Ah. This rig
ht here was why Tori intimidated me. She could get to the core of things you couldn’t even admit to yourself. “I didn’t let him hurt me.” Because he didn’t know.
“But you did, right? Because he didn’t realize that your crush on him wasn’t fleeting. And you didn’t tell him about it.” When I tried to speak to that, Tori sat up straighter on the couch. “You’re the kind of girl who needs someone grounded, someone stable. You know instability and you know how important it is to have a solid foundation. You wouldn’t admit that crush to him unless it was serious for you. You’re not flighty.”
“Sometimes I am.”
“Not when it comes to your heart.”
I swallowed. “Well, you don’t really know me that well.”
“You’re right. I don’t. But I know Keane and I know how he talks about you when you’re not around. And I’ve been around you enough to witness that you are brave, in quiet ways.”
I couldn’t say it didn’t warm me hearing that. “I’m not really sure where to go from here.” I gestured toward the door that Keane had disappeared behind. “It’s weird because we’re friends.”
“Yeah, blah blah, heard it all from him before.” Tori flapped her hand at me. “You need to get out of here.” She pointed to the side of her head. “And get in here,” she said, pointing to her chest. “Not your boob, but ya know, your heart.”
“I’ll try not to get in my boob,” I said with a little laugh.
“Just don’t think. See what happens.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Probably. I don’t know, I kind of do what I say.”
“Did you tell Keane you were going to talk to me?”
“No. I said I would mediate. But you don’t need me to mediate. You just need me to tell you both to stop being idiots. Flap your gums—whether that’s from talking or making out. Just do it. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I could lose my best friend.”
Tori turned serious. “No, you couldn’t. Keane wouldn’t let you go for very long. He’d chase after you.”
“He doesn’t chase girls.”
“Mhmm,” she said, her voice sounding like I’d said a load of baloney.
One Big Mistake: a friends to lovers rom-com Page 23
