I couldn’t stand on my feet, but I couldn’t bear to sit next to Jade, so I sank onto the floor and crossed my legs.
“Don’t sit there,” Keane said, immediately getting up. I resented that he was being chivalrous in that moment, when all I wanted to do was soak in my hurt and anger a bit longer while I carefully chose my words. So, I ignored him, turning my attention to Jade.
“Start at the beginning,” I said, as calmly as possible.
Jade scratched her wrists. “Andrew took me to a party.”
“Andrew?”
“My boyfriend.” She glanced at Keane. “Or, ex, I guess.”
I was really curious to know Keane’s role in all of this, but that’d have to wait. “So you snuck out to go? Did you think I wouldn’t notice when I got home?”
“I didn’t think that far.” She shrugged, like this was no big deal. “So anyway, he picked me up and we went to the party. I didn’t realize how far it was until we were already there.”
“And instead of letting me know, you decided to have a few drinks?”
“I didn’t see the big deal. Andrew said he wasn’t really in the partying mood after we got there, and he disappeared. I thought he went out to smoke. But when the other smokers came back in and he wasn’t with them, I worried.” She shifted her weight on the couch, shoving her hands under her thighs as she looked down at her feet. “And so I went looking for him. And I found him.” She sniffed and ran her arm under her nose. I couldn’t see her face, but I saw the teardrops that fell. “He was kissing some other chick. Someone I didn’t even know. So I screamed at him and he acted like he didn’t even care. He told me to find my own way home.”
“So you called Keane to come get you?”
“Yes. Well, first…” She shifted again and I could tell she was uncomfortable. “I went out to his car to get my stuff and I knew he kept a pocketknife in his glove box.”
“Oh, God,” I said, not wanting to know where this was going.
“And I was angry. Because he drove me all the way out there and stranded me, basically, and kissed that other chick right in front of me.” She lifted her head and her eyes were swimming in tears. “So I stabbed his front tire.” She winced. “I didn’t realize how loud it would sound.”
I closed my eyes, digesting this.
“And so everyone heard and someone who was on the street where I did it told me they were going to call the cops.” She was crying harder now. “I didn’t think it through. I thought it would just prick it and cause a slow leak or something.”
“Did they call the cops?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
“No. I called Andrew from my phone. Which sucked because he ignored my call the first time until I texted him 911. Then he called me back.”
“I bet he did,” I murmured.
“And he came out and told the guy it was fine, because I was gonna pay for the tire. Two hundred bucks.”
This story was getting worse.
“But I didn’t have the cash. I told him that and he told the guy to call the police.” Her tears fell and she looked so young, like she had when she was just a little kid and got her first real boo-boo from riding her bike. It softened my heart. My sister was impulsive, yes. But currently she was suffering from a broken heart. And that took precedence.
“So I told him I’d have someone bring it to me.” She glanced guiltily at Keane, which told me who’d paid for the tire. “And he told me I couldn’t leave until I paid up, or else he’d call the cops.”
It was easy to be angry at this Andrew guy. Because yes, what my sister had done was wrong. But he’d pretty much held her hostage after humiliating her by breaking her heart.
“And I know you’re mad at me. For drinking. And going to a party. But I just couldn’t imagine how mad you’d be at me if you had to come out and hand over two-hundred bucks to my boyfriend, too.”
“I don’t care about the money. I wouldn’t have cared. Jade, you’re my sister. You can trust me. I know things have been rocky lately, but I’ll always take care of you. No matter the cost.”
“I don’t feel like I can trust you.” She sniffled and snagged a tissue from the box beside her. “Why haven’t you told us that Violet is in town?”
How had she found out? I turned my gaze to Keane, who I’d all but ignored since he’d offered his seat. “It wasn’t me.”
“Yeah, but it actually was.” Jade took another tissue and started tearing it into tiny pieces, a move I recognized as anxiety. “Mary Elizabeth told me she saw you and Violet at the grocery store a week ago.”
Keane’s face lost all color at that.
“You brought her to the grocery store?” I asked. “Here, in town? Why didn’t she tell me?”
He opened his mouth, but I shook my head.
“We’ll talk in a minute.”
“Why does it matter? It’s just Violet,” Jade interrupted. “We haven’t seen her in a year and you’re keeping her away, up at Keane’s cabin? Why?”
But I couldn’t answer those questions. I was still coming to grips with the fact that Keane had carelessly brought my sister in a town I’d purposefully moved her out of, in order to keep her location a secret.
“What’s going on?” Jade asked when Keane and I were silent.
I had wanted to wait until my aunt was back, but this was happening a full twenty-four hours before then. And there was no answer but the truth.
“She’s staying at Keane’s cabin because she’s hiding from her ex-boyfriend. Who beat her up.” I swallowed, the rage from that still simmering in my veins. “And,” I said, taking a breath. “She’s pregnant.”
Jade jumped up off the couch. “What?” she screeched.
I was tired. So, so tired. I’d thought approaching this situation calmly had been in the best interest of what little energy I had left, but it didn’t make a difference. This conversation was going off the rails.
“I was waiting for Auntie to come back, so I didn’t have to juggle everything by myself.” It shamed me, to know that I couldn’t shoulder this without her help. To know that I had kept my sister from our other sisters. That I couldn’t trust them, that I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone.
“That’s why you’ve been gone so much. That’s why you’ve told us to stay the night with our friends.”
I could only nod.
“Wow.” Jade laughed humorlessly. “But why not tell us? I don’t get it. What difference would it have made if you’d told just us. I mean, you told Keane,” she said, waving a hand in his direction.
I swallowed. “I didn’t want you to accidentally mention it to one of your friends, or post something on social media.”
Jade’s eyes turned angry. “You think, knowing the circumstances, that I’d just blab that to my friends?”
How could I tactfully explain my concerns over her impulsive behavior? I didn’t think there was a way to do it without adding to the anger that was rising in Jade. “Like I said, I worried you’d accidentally tell someone. And word gets around fast.”
“Violet isn’t just some random person; she’s my sister. I wouldn’t do that to her.” Jade looked at me like I’d wounded her. Somehow, the tables had turned. “I can’t even believe you, Navy. Some sister you are.”
Maybe it was because I was exhausted, but I couldn’t take it anymore. “I don’t know how to be your sister! Okay? I lost the opportunity the moment Mom and Dad left us overnight the first time, while you and Rose were still babies. I could barely read, and my reading comprehension was not enough to understand the instructions on the container of fucking formula. So while you screamed in the middle of the night, I had to make a bottle for both of you. I had to protect you, because they couldn’t. And then we moved here, with Auntie, and I was so grateful,” I said, my voice raising even while my throat trembled, “to have someone who gave a fucking shit about us. She lightened the load I hadn’t known I was carrying.”
My face went warm and moisture pricked at the cor
ners of my eyes. I inhaled a shaky breath. “I was so worried that if we fucked up, or we were too much, she’d send us back. Back to them. And I couldn’t go back. I needed this.” I waved my hand at the house. “I needed a home. I needed to know when my next meal was. I needed those things for me, and for all three of you. I needed stability and someone who actually cared about us. So even though I felt safe for the first time in my life, I knew, intimately, how fucking easily we could lose it all.” I snapped my fingers. “And ever since, I’ve worried. I’ve worried that Auntie will realize how hard it is to care for four children who aren’t hers, four girls with wild emotions.” My stomach hurt as the words poured out; I was exorcising demons I’d sheltered for years. “And so when I freak out at you and Rose for your shenanigans, it’s because I c-can’t,” my voice trembled, “lose you to Mom and Dad. I can’t let you go through their instability and their neglect.” My hands trembled as I tucked them in my lap. I didn’t realize tears were spilling until they dripped down my chin. “All I’ve ever wanted was to protect you.” I wiped angrily at the tears, ashamed to have broken down in front of both of them. “All three of you. Which is what I’m trying to do with Violet now. I’m sorry,” I said, taking in a breath. “But her safety comes before your feelings right now.”
Jade just stared at me, her eyes red-rimmed and unreadable.
I felt Keane’s gaze on me, too. But unlike all the other times he looked at me, this felt intrusive. I hadn’t wanted to be so vulnerable in front of him, when my feelings for him were so complex and confusing as it was.
“We can talk more about this tomorrow,” I said, turning to Jade. “It’s been a very long night.”
“Okay.” Jade left her coffee untouched on the table as she turned to Keane and whispered a barely audible Thank you. She went up the stairs, closed her door and I waited for the loud music I was accustomed to, but tonight it was silent.
I turned to Keane. I didn’t even know where to begin with him. “You brought my sister into town?”
“Just to the hardware store. And grocery store.”
“I have been taking her to a doctor’s office over an hour away, Keane. I took her out of Amber Lake for her safety.”
“I know, I guess I didn’t think about it.” He winced. “I know that’s not an excuse.”
I rubbed my arms, feeling cold. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”
“Ah.” Keane swallowed. “That’s because I asked her not to.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath.
It started to click into place in my mind. “Her hair dye. You didn’t pick that out, she was with you when she bought it.” It was all sinking in, like lead in my belly. “She lied to me.”
“I told her to. To lie.”
“Why?” My throat was closing in all of a sudden. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. I felt so betrayed, by the one person in the world who had never lied to me. “Why would you ask my sister to lie to me?”
“God, I feel like a fucking idiot right now.” He tugged on his hair in frustration. “Fuck!” he exclaimed. “It’s fucking stupid, Navy. I shouldn’t have told her to lie to you. That was wrong of me.”
“But… why?” I swallowed, but my throat was dry. I could drink all the coffee in the world, but it wouldn’t soothe the ache I felt acutely in my chest.
“Like I said, it’s stupid. Megan, she was working at the grocery store and she saw me and Violet together and she was…” He blew out a breath, his hair sticking up all over the place. “Anyway. I just didn’t want you to hear about my run-in with Megan and think I went there on purpose, to see her.”
The explanation was weak. “Why would I be worried about that?”
“Come on, Navy.”
“What?” I squeaked. My chest felt like someone had placed one hundred pounds on it.
“Anytime Megan has come up in conversation, you act upset, and weird about it. I can read your face really well, Navy. You don’t like me bringing her up.”
“So your solution was to lie to me? That’s bullshit, Keane. I’m a big girl, if you want to see your exes, it’s really not any of my business.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck about Megan, or any of my exes. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me right now?” His voice was raised, so I raised my hand in an effort to quiet him.
“You lied to me, Keane. You got my sister to lie to me.” I closed my eyes, thinking back to the pinky promises we’d made to each other. “And then you lied to me again, today.”
“You were having a bad day, at the store. Jade called me when I went to get the coffee.”
“I figured as much.” My words sounded hollow, unfeeling. “But when you came back into the store, I thought you were upset because you were jealous of Roger. Because that’s what you said.” And I didn’t realize until this moment that even though I’d been upset, the fact that he’d been jealous of someone I only saw as a friend had strangely given me hope for us. Keane had never been jealous of the guys I dated. It was a distinct shift from Keane the friend to Keane the maybe something more. But knowing now that it was a lie bruised more than I cared to admit.
“Jade made me promise,” he started.
But I interrupted him before he could continue. “Since when do Jade’s promises mean more than the ones you made to me?”
He moved to the floor, so we were on an even eye level. “I never said they do.”
“We made pinky promises,” I said, feeling childish despite what they meant to me. “Best friends first. No hurting each other and no lies. But before the pinky promises, I thought that was understood between us. No lies.”
“I didn’t think it was a real lie,” Keane said. He reached for my hands to hold but I pulled them away and crossed my arms. Oh, it hurt to deprive him of my touch. But right now, I ached too much to let him hold me. His shoulders fell, deflated. “I thought I was doing you a favor. You were having a bad day.”
“I know you think your heart was in the right place,” I said evenly, carefully. “But that’s my sister. Who had gotten herself into big trouble. I feel like I had a right to know.”
“And my plan was to bring her home and have her explain herself to you.”
“But you took her for pizza?”
“To sober up.” Keane raked his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want to lie to you, but Jesus, Navy. I’ve never seen you more fucking sad than when I walked into the store.”
“I appreciate you helping with Violet,” I said. “I do, really. You didn’t have to open up your home to her. And I’ll pay you back for that. Somehow.”
“I don’t want you to.”
I ignored that. “But if my sisters are ever in trouble, you have to tell me first, Keane. You can’t spare me stress when it comes to them. What if she’d been arrested? What if this guy had hurt her, the way Violet had been hurt by her boyfriend?”
I saw the flash of anger in his eyes, but I remained unmoved. “Then I’d have done something about it,” he said, and I believed him.
“That’s not good enough. I’m sorry. I know you think you were protecting me, but that isn’t your job. I didn’t ask you to do that.”
He pulled his head back and his eyes narrowed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Navy?”
“You don’t get it. Not really, I mean. You have a mom who dotes on you and a brother you looked up to your whole life. I’m the big sister. I’m the one who takes care of my sisters. I appreciate—I do—you helping with dinner and things like that, but my sisters are my concern.” My chin wobbled. “And I don’t need you lying to protect my feelings or lying to cover for my sisters. I should trump them, in your mind. I mean, I know you thought you were sparing my feelings by making my sister lie to me about seeing one of your exes, but actually you’ve just hurt me more.”
“You want to talk about hurt? You’ve pushed me away for weeks. We needed to talk about things, and you’ve said no. Over and over again. We had sex, Navy. We have
to talk about it.”
“Not tonight,” I said.
“When? You’ll just keep saying that. Not tonight.”
“What do you want me to do? Apologize for making the first move? For kissing you, for telling you to kiss me? I’m sorry. Okay? There, now we don’t have to talk about it.”
His face went blank. “You said you didn’t remember it.”
“I didn’t. Well, not all of it. At first. It’s come back to me in bits and pieces.”
“So you’ve just been thinking about this, but not talking about it.”
I nodded.
“You’ve dealt with complicated feelings and you haven’t talked to your best friend about them.”
“Because my best friend is the person I’m having complicated feelings about. This isn’t easy.”
“It’s not supposed to be.” He covered his chest with his fist. “It hurts, doesn’t it? And you didn’t talk to me. You acted like you were okay with all of this. Lying by omission is still fucking lying, Navy.”
He was right; he wasn’t the only one who’d lied. But he’d lied to protect me. And I’d lied to protect myself. I didn’t think I could have felt worse about myself than I did in that moment.
25
KEANE
“How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to do everything by yourself? You have a big heart, Navy, but you can really be a martyr sometimes. It wouldn’t kill you to ask for a hand now and then.”
“I have,” she insisted. I didn’t understand how she could be so calm right now, when I was as frustrated as I was. Like I had endless energy running through my veins, seeking an outlet it couldn’t find. Like something was about to slip through my fingers and I couldn’t stop it. “When I’ve needed your help, I’ve asked for it.”
“I’ve all but forced help on you. You don’t ask for it.”
“Okay,” she said with a shrug. “Fine. But you sweeping in to save the day isn’t cool when you keep me out of the loop. You telling me you’d have handled it if the situation had been worse with Jade doesn’t make me feel better.”
One Big Mistake: a friends to lovers rom-com Page 27
