by S M Mala
‘I wish I could but I’m driving,’ said Grace, sipping her tea, dressed as if she was a school teacher out of the 1950’s with her very on-trend vintage clothing and her auburn hair tied neatly back into a ponytail.
Maya knew Grace would never drink, not to wreck her chances of getting pregnant and being that she was a Pilates and yoga teacher she was incredibly healthy… other than the fact she couldn’t get pregnant and never had done so.
‘I’m going to throw a party next time and make it a more suitable day because I know it’s getting harder and harder for us all and we need cheering up,’ said Maya, sitting down with a large glass of red in one hand and a bowl of cheese and onions crisps in the other.
‘Martin says he’s off the booze and fags but I know he’s not taking it as seriously as I am. I want another child and I’m forty five years old. I don’t want much, do I?’ sighed Judy knocking back her drink.
‘A miracle?’ smiled Maya, laughing at Judy then looked at the frail and pale Natalie. ‘I thought you tested positive?’
‘I did,’ said Natalie, shaking her fine blonde hair. ‘For the first time in my life there was a big fat positive then I started to bleed a few days later and it faded and faded.’
She gulped hard and Maya grabbed her hand.
‘What did Dave say?’
‘I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t let him know it was positive then for the IVF to fail. I mean the cost is astounding and he’s working like a dog so we can afford one more month, one more time.’
Natalie sipped her wine and Maya could see it was getting her down as she glanced at Grace.
‘Getting fucking pregnant at our age, what the fuck we thinking of,’ announced Judy.
‘It consumes me all the time,’ said Grace, sitting up elegantly poised in her suit. ‘I hear of people in their forties falling pregnant and wonder, why not me?’
‘It’s like a game of roulette, you don’t know which egg will come out, good or bad,’ grimaced Judy.
‘Thing is when you’re ready sometimes there’s no man ready to share what you want,’ Maya said, remembering Tony had no swimmers. ‘And I had another failed sperm donation so I don’t know what the hell is happening to me. And the cost! I know I have three more tries then that’s it! I either put it on credit or ask my brother for a loan. At least you guys have someone that loves you. I’ve just got the lab technician who looks at me lovingly before sticking in it.’
‘Closest you’ve had to sex since Vince!’ laughed Judy as Maya blushed and glanced away, getting a little bit hot remembering her previous night of shagging.
‘We spent most of our lives trying not to get pregnant then when we get the chance, we can’t,’ said Maya, shaking her head.
‘Maybe we’re not meant to,’ said a weepy Natalie.
Maya rushed to her and gave her a big hug as the others gathered closer.
‘Do you read the emails from the other women?’ Maya gently asked. ‘Hundreds a week, telling us stories of how they want the same thing as us and you know what? They give up when they’re ready not because some leaked report says older mothers are a burden on the system. You’ll know when it’s the right time to stop.’
‘And don’t stop fucking,’ Judy said with full authority. ‘Because you never know what might happen, other than you Maya. We know you’ve given up on that side.’
‘And having a miscarriage, or knowing you were pregnant for a week is pretty hard,’ Maya gently said to Natalie. ‘You know I’m here for you if you need support.’
‘Miscarriages,’ Judy sighed. ‘I could write a book on that and how it makes you feel, the shit comments you receive as if it’s normal because you’re in your forties… it’s a fucking humdinger.’
‘Has anyone heard from Hannah?’ Maya asked, seeing Judy was deep in thought for a moment.
‘She still won’t speak to anyone,’ Grace said, sadly touching her ponytail. ‘What she went through was really bad. I know some of it but … how can people who you think will support you then let you down? Midwives are supposed to be angels not demons.’
‘That’s unfair,’ said Judy firmly. ‘It was a one off incident and at the end of the day the baby didn’t make it.’
‘It’ll take a while,’ Natalie said and they all nodded in agreement.
‘It’s a bloody tragedy at any time,’ Judy said, as she polished off another glass of wine. ‘A baby dying is never a good thing. It’s something no-one is ever prepared to deal with.’
Maya sat at her computer after the women left and looked through the emails that had come in. It was nearly half eleven and she opened the ‘contact us’ section. As she looked down she saw an email from Anthony Fulmer saying ‘urgent’. She clicked into it and read.
‘Hello Maya
You didn’t leave your mobile number so I looked for your website and tracked you down this way, even though you live round the corner! Would you like to meet up tomorrow night for some drinks? And by that I mean drinking in a bar then maybe dinner?
Ring or email me.
Tony’
Maya smiled at the message and realised she didn’t even know what his surname was. She immediately replied.
‘Hello Tony or should I be calling you Anthony?
Has the website given you a better idea about me? I didn’t realise you published so many titles including ‘Pregnancy Talk’.
I am working from home tomorrow but would love to meet you for a drink or dinner. Tell me what time and I’ll see you then. x”
She put her mobile and landline number down in the email and sent it. The only glimmer of hope she had at the moment was sleeping with a man who couldn’t give her babies.
‘But Auntie Mimi, tell mummy that I don’t have to wear pink!’ snapped Eadie crossly late on Friday afternoon.
‘I only came to give back the sander,’ Maya replied meekly and looked at her niece’s distressed face before whispering. ‘I can’t get involved. You know your mum will just get annoyed with me.’
‘I can’t wear this to a party,’ Eadie said, looking down at her pretty dress. ‘It’s not fair.’
‘But that’s life,’ whispered Maya quickly looking at the beautiful child. ‘Wear it to the party and get it covered in muck so she won’t make you wear it again.’
‘No one wears dresses now,’ she huffed and glanced towards the corridor.
Maya looked up and saw Dee standing with arms folded looking at them.
‘If I didn’t know better I’d swear you two were sisters,’ sighed Dee. ‘Eadie being the oldest one.’
‘Naturally,’ Maya replied and looked at her grumpy niece. ‘Whose party is it?’
‘Madeleine’s party,’ Eadie huffily replied. ‘And I don’t even like her!’
‘Who is Madeleine?’ asked Maya, not recalling one of Eadie’s vast social crowd.
‘She lives down the road and her parents are stuck up!’ replied Eadie, marching to the sofa and flinging herself on it. ‘That’s why she,’ pointing at Dee, ‘wants me to dress like a princess.’
‘‘She’ is your mother,’ snapped Dee half smiling at her daughter. ‘And where are you going Maya? You certainly look more presentable than usual and marginally sober.’
‘Out to meet some friends,’ she smiled, admiring her own dress and touching her recently washed and straightened shoulder length hair. Then she glanced at the sulking Eadie who was secretly trying to rip the dress. ‘You do look beautiful Eadie.’
‘I don’t care! I don’t like this dress. And I’m not wearing shoes I want to wear my trainers.’
‘You can’t,’ Dee said, walking towards her daughter as Maya tried not to laugh at her niece’s bottom lip hanging out. ‘Go and put your shoes on, young lady.’
‘Auntie Maya!’ Eadie protested.
‘It’s nothing to do with me,’ Maya said, holding her hands in the air. ‘Do as your mother says.’
‘It’s not fair!’ the six year old yelled and stomped off.
‘She
’s just like her dad. He never liked to wear the dresses mum bought for him,’ Maya sighed and laughed, watching her disappear up the stairs. ‘Where are Harry and Jack?’
‘Judo tournament,’ said Dee and eyed her suspiciously. ‘Who are you meeting? You never look so…’
‘What?’
‘… attractive on a day to day… no … monthly basis.’
‘I’m seeing people from work and coming from you, I take that as a compliment,’ Maya replied and looked around the room. ‘I’m widening my social circle, isn’t that a good idea? You guys are always telling me to ‘get out there’, so I’m going.’
‘God help the rest of the world,’ said Adam, coming down the stairs and startling Maya.
‘What’s he doing here?’ she asked Dee as Adam walked past only wearing his jeans.
Maya turned away as she knew she’d ogle him for too long and get into trouble again for being lecherous or something Dee would concoct at that moment. Her sister in law was never too far off the mark.
‘I’m staying here for a few weeks before I move into my old place, is that okay with you?’ he said smiling at her before heading towards the kitchen.
‘That means I’m let off from babysitting, hoorah!’ Maya grinned and looked at the man rummaging in the fridge.
‘And here was me thinking you enjoyed looking after Jack and Eadie,’ sniped Dee as she stood next to her brother and smiled.
‘I do. I was only joking,’ she replied, knowing the Brady’s would soon gang up on her.
‘Where are you going looking nice?’ Adam asked, eyeing her up and down then smiled. ‘I can see skin, shoes and you’re wearing something that hasn’t been chucked out from a second hand trader at Camden Market.’
‘She’s socialising!’ Dee laughed. ‘So we’ll see you for dinner at eight tonight then when it all goes wrong?’
‘I can socialise,’ dismissed Maya looking at her watch. ‘And I’m not coming round for dinner so you’ve been saved.’
‘You mean I’ve been saved,’ smirked Adam drinking orange juice from the carton.
‘Dee, your brother shouldn’t do that. The kids could catch germs.’
‘What are you trying to catch tonight?’ Adam walked up to her and narrowed his eyes. ‘Are you meeting a man?’
‘I look reasonably half decent and you think I’m on the pull.’
‘Or are you meeting a turkey baster,’ he whispered in her ear.
‘What did you say?’ Dee asked, turning to look at him as she started to wash up.
‘He said was I using a vibrator?’ Maya said and laughed noticing Dee frown before turning away. ‘See you whenever.’
‘Lunch, next Sunday and don’t forget!’ shouted Dee as Maya walked out of the door, not before she noticed Adam looking her up and down slyly before grinning.
‘Shut up Adam,’ she said, shaking her head and half smiling
‘I didn’t say anything.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I’ve come to see Anthony Fulmer,’ Maya asked, feeling nervous as she stood in the glass building forty five minutes later.
‘May I take your name?’ the officious man on reception asked as he stared into a screen sunken on the desk.
‘Maya De Freitas.’
‘Take a seat,’ he replied and pointed to the sofas.
Maya stepped back and sat down, anxious at seeing Tony again.
She thought they were going to meet in a bar but he texted to ask her to come to his office as he was delayed. Maya smiled as she watched people walk in and out.
‘Are you Miss De Freitas?’ a smiley young woman asked, taking Maya by surprise.
‘Yes,’ Maya said and stood up.
‘Mr Fulmer is delayed but he’d like me to take you to his office, if that’s okay?’
‘Yes,’ replied Maya, following the diminutive girl who could be no more than twenty five.
They stepped into the lift.
‘Did you come far?’ the girl asked.
‘Not really. It was only thirty minutes on a bus.’
‘Good,’ she smiled and Maya thought she was looking at her sideways and wondered what Tony had said.
Maya followed her down the corridor and noticed a group of people drinking at their desks and laughing.
‘Friday night drinks,’ sighed Maya. ‘Shouldn’t you be joining in?’
‘Not until Tony comes out of the meeting I’m afraid,’ she replied, opening a door and waiting for Maya to walk in.
As she took a step into the office she noticed a pile of paper on the desk and a small meeting table. The office was wall to wall glass and mirrors.
‘Would you like a drink?’ the girl asked, still smiling.
‘I’m fine, I’ll wait here,’ Maya replied and sat at the small table.
‘He won’t be long.’
Maya looked around at the office and slumped in her chair. She momentarily thought she forgot what he looked like. Standing up, she walked to his desk and noticed the family picture which was taken when the girls were teenagers and another picture of him with his wife. Maya smiled and felt sad for a moment.
There were covers of the various magazines on the wall, quite a few then she noticed ‘Pregnancy Talk’, the only one publication she read when she was pregnant. Maya double blinked and sighed.
‘Hello,’ she heard him say as the door opened.
Maya smiled.
He was wearing a white t-shirt under a suit and looked very smart and trendy. She glanced down at his feet and noticed he was wearing trainers.
‘Hi,’ she said, unable to stop her grin at seeing him again, her little heart pounding in anticipation.
He walked up to her and stopped.
‘Sorry I had to call you in but an editor decided to have a minor breakdown which means I have to pick up the pieces.’
‘I don’t mind,’ she said, looking into his eyes still unable to stop smiling as he grinned back.
‘I actually would love to kiss you right now but as you can see, this office isn’t designed for privacy,’ he sighed then leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek before whispering. ‘And I insist you stay the night round mine tonight.’
‘Okay,’ she whispered and kissed him back. ‘Remember I have to wake early in the morning just in case I’m caught.’
‘Who said you were going to sleep?’ he sighed and walked to his desk.
‘You’re obviously training for the Tour de France,’ she quipped and sat back down looking at him walk around the desk then pull out a pair of specs.
When he put them on, she realised he looked very sexy.
‘What are you grinning at Maya?’
‘Nothing,’ she sighed and propped her head on her hand, gently tapping her face.
‘What do you want to eat?’ Tony asked, looking at his laptop and frowning.
‘You,’ she whispered. He did a double take and laughed. ‘Cutting all the crap out, you see.’
‘We might as well go back to mine as we’re never going to make it to dinner, are we?’
‘I think we need to do the niceties,’ Maya replied, feeling very horny and wanted to kiss him again. ‘If only for a couple of hours?’
‘I say one hour then bed,’ he replied, looking at her seriously before the pair of them jumped.
‘Am I disturbing you?’ the woman said, standing at the door looking at Tony and then at Maya.
‘No,’ he said, flashing Maya a quick smile then turning to the lady. ‘Jane this is a friend of mine, Maya.’
‘Hi,’ Maya waved looking at the woman who double blinked at seeing her.
‘Jane is the editor of ‘Pregnancy Talk’,’ he announced.
‘Great magazine,’ Maya said enthusiastically. ‘I read it when I was pregnant.’
‘How old is your baby now?’
‘I miscarried,’ sighed Maya realising Tony was biting his bottom lip and flashed a sympathetic smile.
‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry,’ Jane replied, lookin
g mortified.
‘Please, don’t be,’ Maya replied, feeling embarrassed. ‘I know many people read the magazine when they’re pregnant and think it’s great.’
‘I’m so pleased,’ Jane said and gulped. Maya noticed there was a steady red patch working up Jane’s neck. ‘Can I have a word Tony?’
‘Yes,’ he smiled brightly and Maya wondered if all his staff, mainly women from what she noticed, thought he was as gorgeous as she did.
‘I’ll see you downstairs,’ Maya said to Tony, standing up and walking to the door. ‘Good to meet you Jane.’
‘Yes,’ Jane said, shaking her hand quickly.
‘I won’t be long,’ Tony said and she noticed he had a little wry smile.
‘I’ll wait.’
Sitting back down on reception and being met with the same frosty glare from the man at the desk, Maya waited for him. She then looked up and saw Tony quickly coming towards her.
‘Come on before someone else stops me,’ he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the building.
He put his arm across her shoulders as she slipped her arm around his waist and they walked down the road.
‘Aren’t you afraid you’ll get spotted by one of your staff?’ she asked, seeing he was smiling broadly.
‘Then they’re going to think I’m very lucky.’
‘They’re mostly women.’
‘Then they’re going to think whose job is she after,’ he laughed. ‘I told Jane about your website and she’d heard of it.’
‘Really? How comes?’
‘I think she’s been spying,’ he whispered. ‘You know we’ve got lots of publishing websites.’
‘Yes as is the way with modern technology. And you’re going to tell me how crummy mine is, aren’t you?’
‘I was going to tell you I was really touched by some of the postings, if you want to know. I don’t know how you can read them day in and day out,’ Tony said, looking down at her. ‘Some of them are heart breaking.’
‘And some of them are amazing. Like the women who’ve undergone IVF for years, then give up and find out they’re pregnant and want advice on how to deal with surly consultants and facing all the statistics to say the babies won’t come out perfect.’
‘Hard life being a woman,’ he said, kissing her forehead.
