by Charity B.
We pull through the gate and into the driveway of Alexander’s house before I follow Silas inside the front door. Alexander paces back and forth with a drink in one hand and his hair in the other.
What’s up his ass? I laugh at myself. Maybe that’s what he needs. A good fuck in the ass might loosen him up.
“Go upstairs and get Tavin. She’s in her room.”
“Uh…okay.”
What the hell is going on? I never thought he’d let me over here again after the last time I saw him. I told him about the one and only time I fucked Tavin and needless to say, he was pissed. He may have killed me if she wouldn’t have shown up when she did.
I climb the steps to her room and lightly tap as I open the door.
“Tav?” She’s pacing around the room with Blind Mag on her heels.
She runs up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “He’s so mad at me. I messed up bad this time, Toben.”
I pull back to look down at her. “What happened, Love?”
Shaking her head, she wipes the tears from her cheek. “I used what you gave me. He came home and found me.”
I sigh because I hate that she has to feel so guilty about doing something that has always been basically encouraged. “Come on, he wants us downstairs.”
As soon as we step into the kitchen, she cries an apology. “Alexander, I know I messed up. I’m so sorry. I—”
“Are you sober?”
“Yes,” she responds.
I’m about to tell him to cut the suspense and just tell me what’s going on when he nods his head toward the basement.
“Come on.”
We follow him down the stairs and as soon as he opens the door to what I know is his theater, my stomach falls. He was adamant about her not seeing the tape, but I can’t think of any other reason we would be in here.
“Both of you, sit.”
I’m pretty sick of this asshole ordering me around. I don’t move an inch. “What’s going on?”
“You both have become numb to what Logan James is. You’ve clearly forgotten and it’s past due time you remember.”
This motherfucker. I haven’t allowed myself to think about this video because I didn’t think I’d ever have to see it. I didn’t think she would either because this fucking prick can’t keep his word.
He presses play and I’m about to tell him to turn this shit off or I’m going to, when I hear the voice that whispers to me in my dreams.
“Toben! Look what I made!”
My head snaps toward the screen and I see her. I never thought I would see her that way again, besides pictures and in my mind. Without my permission, my body lowers into the seat. Watching us together before everything was tainted causes tears to spring up into my eyes. Her laugh makes my heart throb in pain. I miss those days. I miss the times where we still thought we would grow up and chase our dreams away from here.
As I watch the last few moments of our innocence, I force back the urge to weep because I know what happens next. Just as Logan and Kyle enter the frame, I am transported back into my ten-year-old body. Fear wraps itself around my chest and I feel frozen in place.
Though I hear cries and screams from the Tavin that is next to me in the present, I can’t stop wishing I could stop the fate of the Tavin from thirteen years ago.
My skin sweats as I watch this man who I’ve grown to look up to, to hate, to love, and to despise. The man who taught me everything and showed me more compassion than my father ever did. I watch him mutilate and destroy the most beautiful thing on this earth.
If it weren’t for him, she would be sleeping in my arms every night instead of in this world that she doesn’t belong. If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be in so much pain and hate herself so much.
If it weren’t for him, she would still be fucking mine.
Somewhere along the way of drugs, and praise, and pain, and sex, I forgot that I want nothing more than his heart to stop beating. I swore it to myself so many times, I would dream of it. I’ve had more than enough opportunities over the years to do it, but I sold out for drugs and pussy.
How could I have forgotten? The more I watch, the hotter my rage burns in my veins. All the things I’ve done because I allowed him and myself to justify it. I hate that I have developed feelings for him and that even now, they exist. They don’t matter though, because they are nothing compared to the desire to empty his body of its insides.
The screen goes black and her wails grow louder next to me. I need to hold her. I won’t ever be able to make up for all the pain I’ve caused her over the years, but I can end it.
Like I should have done years ago.
For the past two days, thoughts of killing Logan have consumed my mind. Telling Tavin about my plans felt like the obvious thing to do. Now I wish I would have thought it over a little more. She’s too good. Too pure. Even after everything he’s done to her, she still doesn’t want him to hurt. I on the other hand, want nothing more.
She was about to freak out in the middle of the burger joint when I told her my plan, so I stupidly agreed to hear what her boyfriend has to say and pretend to listen to whatever hippie bullshit he wants to spout.
Looking out the window of the cab, she squeezes my hand as if she lets go, I’ll vanish. Since watching the video, I can’t shut my eyes without seeing what Logan did to her, so I force myself to imagine the things I will do to him until he’s dead, and maybe even after. The things he taught me will come in handy. There’s no such thing as a quick death for his victims, so he’ll get the same. I’ll happily take my time to make sure he feels every second. Of course, I’ll have to incapacitate him first, which will require taking him by surprise. Not the easiest of tasks.
I’ve felt like Logan and I had developed a relationship over the years, but the truth is, we didn’t develop anything besides an understanding. Watching him play as an adult has affected me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. It’s been years since I’ve seen Logan with one of his Lotus’, and I forgot what it was like. It’s even worse since it’s Tavin.
It’s not that I blocked it out, really, I just allowed it to get tucked away. Seeing that video brought it right to the fucking front of my mind and until he’s gone, it will stay there.
The cabby drops us off at Alexander’s weird ass house and I’m relieved when we walk into an empty kitchen. Blind Mag, the dog he got her, is sitting in the entryway and I pick her up. Even I have to admit, letting her keep this cute little pup was a pretty awesome thing to do.
Following Tavin around the house as she calls for Alexander, I pet Blind Mag. It isn’t a thought I’ve had since I was about six and really realized that my father didn’t love me like other parents, but I used to really want a dog. Even a tiny fluff ball like this one.
I follow her downstairs and avoid looking at the giant screen. Her face is down in a frown at the fact he’s not here.
“Maybe he went out?”
Blind Mag licks my cheek as Tavin calls him, frowning when he doesn’t answer. “Huh.” She tucks her phone into her pocket. “That’s weird.” Her fingers lace between mine as she smiles at me. “Want some expensive alcohol?”
That’s the best suggestion she’s had all day. “Hell yeah.”
I search through the bottles and pick a fancy looking vodka. Score. I unscrew the lid and pour it into the glasses, as she asks, “Do you have any weed?”
I’m not sure why that question stings so badly. I’m sure she was just asking offhandedly, but I feel like she’s getting so far away from me.
“What do you think, Love?”
She shoves my shoulder and gives me a smirk. “Shut up.”
I hand her the joint and finish making our drinks. Walking to the chairs, she sighs as she blows out her hit.
“This doesn’t feel right. It’s the first time Lex has left me alone since he came back, and now he isn’t answering my call? It doesn’t feel like something he’d do.”
I want to be mad that she can’t be a
way from him for more than a few hours without worrying where he is. The truth is though, she’s not wrong. It feels a little off to me, too. On the other hand, he could just be getting drunk with his friend.
Walking to the theater seats, I sit next to her and hand her the drink. “I’m sure he’s just wasted. Stop over thinking and do the same.”
She murmurs, “Maybe your right.”
Clearly, she doesn’t believe me and I’m not sure what to say. It’s never been like this between us. Ever since Alexander came into the picture, things have been slowly changing.
I hate seeing her with him while at the same time, I adore seeing her so happy. Imagining his hands on her makes me want to die, but so did imagining her with the Clients.
It’s impossible for me to not wonder if when I kill Logan, if she’ll come back to me. If she’ll see me as her savior and realize that we are meant to be together.
Slayer begins to play, and all three of us jump at the intrusion of sound. I look down at Blind Mag and her unamused expression makes me laugh. I take my phone from my pocket expecting Christopher. I see Logan’s name and the alcohol I just drank begins to make its way up my throat. There’s no way this is good.
“It’s Logan.” She nods as her body tenses. I swipe the green button, letting out a breath before I hold the phone to my ear. “Hello, Logan.”
“I told you to trust me, Plaything. I never planned to let him keep her. This is ending today. Now, bring Lotus home. She has someone to say goodbye to.”
My heart is pounding. I can’t let her know how scared I am because then she’ll worry more than she already is. Logan never said what was going to happen to her. Of course, I want Alexander out of the picture, but losing him that way would destroy Tavin.
We hold hands until the cabbie drops us off and she runs into the house. I toss the driver some cash as I holler at her to wait. She doesn’t slow as I chase after her. I’m right behind her as we sprint down the stairs.
“Lex!” The way she calls his name chokes me up. There’s enough emotion in that one syllable to break my black heart.
Logan’s hands already have blood on them so he’s been warming up. He gives me a wild smile.
“Good evening, Playthings.”
We both say what we are supposed to. “Good evening, Logan.”
My eyes dart around the room for accessible weapons. I hadn’t planned for this. I thought I had more time to figure out how I was going to do it. He tells us to say hello to Alexander, and I do, but her delay makes my pulse skip. She finally does what he asks and I let out a slow breath.
Logan’s hand trails down her neck, and her idiot boyfriend is stupid enough to scream about it.
Ignoring him, Logan smiles at her. “This is our last playdate, little Lotus. We are going to have so much fun.”
A chill climbs over my skin and I know he has no intention of letting her leave this basement alive. Whatever I’m going to do, I have to do it now.
Logan barks at me to pick a tool, so on shaky legs, I stand to obey. Walking to the bag, I remove my whip. I could wrap it around his throat. With Tavin’s help, I bet we could bring him down. Then we could finally end this together.
He drags her in front of Alexander. He wants to make sure he sees what she is. Who she belongs to. Logan smiles as he walks over to me, retrieving the scold’s bridle from the bag.
“You aren’t playing nice and are being much too loud,” he tells Alexander.
I can’t say I’m disappointed. The scold’s bridle will make him shut up so I can think. I refuse to look at Tavin as he places the tool on his head. Her heartbreak for him is more than I can take.
He returns to Tavin and makes her suck him off, for Alexander to watch. After a few moments of his taunting, he barks at me, “Plaything, use your whip.”
I’ve never enjoyed hurting her, but we haven’t had a playdate together in a while and it’s odd how it makes me feel close to her. Even after everything, I love the physical response she has to my whip.
It warms my frozen soul to see her still get turned on from the pain I give her. She holds back her moan as I hit her, until she can’t keep her pleasure quiet.
“That’s enough for now, Plaything. Run upstairs and get me the meat mallet from the kitchen.”
I almost thank him. A minute out of this room is exactly what I need. I nod to him and say, “Yes, Logan.”
I climb the stairs and as I look down, Tavin is looking up at me. I can almost see the little girl from years ago. I couldn’t save her then, but I’m going to now. Winking at her, I make my way upstairs. I go into the kitchen and get the meat mallet that Logan requested. I squeeze the handle in my hands as I look at our fridge. The pictures of my youth with her don’t tell our story on the surface. You have to look into our eyes to see the suffering that has been endured for years. As I look at the Tavin in a photograph, I silently promise her that we are almost free of him. That I will finish this tonight.
I lean against the wall to gather my breath and thoughts before making my way back downstairs.
Tavin is on the bed and Logan is standing in front of Alexander as I descend the steps. Logan throws a few punches into his gut and I actually kind of feel bad for the guy. I’ve never personally worn the scold’s bridle, but I’ve seen it used enough to know it hurts like a bitch if it pierces the tongue.
Tavin pleads with Logan to stop, but she should know that’s pointless. He tells me to use my whip on Alex and while I have definitely wanted to cause him pain in the past, I don’t want her to blame me for any of his suffering.
Too bad I don’t have a choice.
I bring my arm back because if I don’t try to make this hurt, Logan will know. I hit him hard three times in a row. With the fourth strike, his pain becomes too much. The blood drips down the scold’s bridle with his muffled scream as I hit him twice more. Logan speaks to her in the disgusting way he always has, and when he orders for me to bring him the meat mallet, I know that this is my chance. If I don’t act now, I might not be able to later.
The time has finally come. After all these years.
He leaves Tavin on the bed and as he reaches for the mallet, I bring it down as hard as I can on his head.
It’s enough to cause him to stumble, but not enough to stop him so I bring it down a few more times, letting it land where it may.
Eventually, I discard the mallet for my fists. Part of me aches that these will be the last moments I spend with him. He did give me some good memories. He gave me more than Jarod ever did, that’s for sure. He also made me hurt my best friend for years and allowed so many men to use me however they wanted.
My fists come down harder as I remember the tape and the intense fear that has consumed me my whole life. I have to ignore that he made me feel useful and wanted because this was never for me or her. This was for him.
Suddenly, Tavin’s fingers grasp onto my shirt as she pulls me away from him. She looks up at me and I see Alexander going for Logan.
Oh, hell no. He didn’t spend years suffering at the hands of this fuck. There’s no way he gets the pleasure of ending him. I cut him off before he reaches Logan.
“No fucking way! He’s ours. Don’t touch him.” He’s no longer wearing the scold’s bridle, so I can clearly see his ‘fuck you’ expression. Honestly, I can understand. I loathe the idea of anyone being in love with Tavin besides me, but the truth I don’t want to face is that he is. I really can’t blame him. She’s so easy to fall in love with. He watched what Logan did to her and I can respect his rage. He won’t have the honor of taking Logan’s life, though there’s no harm in allowing him to inflict some physical damage onto my maker.
“Don’t you dare kill him. We deserve that.” He gives me a stiff nod and all but gives me the knife in his hand. It’s a silent promise that he won’t take away what we’ve rightfully earned.
He’s going to leave the killing to us and I must admit I’m surprised. I half expected him to suggest we call the fucking
cops.
Logan stands, giving me a smile. “I must say, I didn’t think you had it in you, Plaything. I’m proud of you.”
He speaks as though defying him is what he’s always wanted me to do…as if I haven’t tried. What a Goddamn joke.
“Fuck you,” I scoff.
Alexander goes for him in a fury as his fist crashes into Logan’s jaw. While Logan jabs at him, Alexander clearly has more experience fighting because he catches his punch and uses the force to push him to the ground.
For a moment, I enjoy watching the simple act of raw fighting. There’s something about a natural fight. Not the shit they do for sport with rules and refs, but an all-out brawl with blood and broken bones.
He isn’t holding back or taking his time and if he doesn’t stop soon, he’s going to crush his skull.
“Okay, you had your turn. That’s enough.” Instead of stopping he just hits him harder. “Stop,” I yell. The look on Alexander’s face is surprising. He looks more heartbroken than angry. Continuing to ignore me, he straddles Logan as his fists rain down. I don’t need this shit. Killing Logan will be hard enough without this douche bag fighting me. I storm over to him, grabbing his arm to pull him up. “Stop, damn it!”
Glaring at me, his nostrils flare. I have no problem beating the shit out of this motherfucker if that’s what it takes to finally finish this. Logan stands and as I turn to look at him, he rushes past us and it isn’t until I see Tavin grab at her arm that I realize he cut her.
That’s the last time he will ever hurt her.
I use all my speed and strength to knock Logan to the floor. He gets in a few punches, but he’s weaker than I have always imagined him. I wonder how much suffering I could have saved us if I would have done this sooner.
I head butt him and knee him in the stomach before I sit on his chest and hold down the wrist of the hand grasping the knife. Landing as many punches as I can with one hand, I don’t know how long I can keep this up. He’s putting up a decent fight and I worry that he’s just biding his time, waiting for me to wear myself out.
