by Ana Balen
Max
By
Ana Balen
Self – Published by: Ana Balen
Edited by: Sean Hurdle
Cover design by: Veronique Poirier
Formatted by: Sean Hurdle
Zagreb, 2020
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are strictly the product of the author or used fictitiously. Any similarities between actual persons, living or dead, events, settings, or locations are entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Table Of Contents
Table Of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Skylar
Chapter Two
Skylar
Chapter Three
Skylar
Chapter Four
Skylar
Chapter Five
Skylar
Chapter Six
Max
Chapter Seven
Skylar
Chapter Eight
Skylar
Chapter Nine
Skylar
Chapter Ten
Max
Chapter Eleven
Max
Chapter Twelve
Skylar
Chapter Thirteen
Skylar
Chapter Fourteen
Max
Chapter Fifteen
Skylar
Chapter Sixteen
Max
Skylar
Max
Skylar
Max
Skylar
Max
Epilogue
Max
Skylar
Acknowledgments
Also, by Ana Balen
Prologue
Hey, Jacob, it’s me… I have no idea why I’m texting you. It’s been almost ten years since we’ve lost you... I just… Well, I guess it’s because you were a big part of my life when everything was better, simpler... Safer… Anyway, I know you can’t and never will read this, but I just wanted you to know… I miss you.
2 years later
Hey Jacob, it’s me again, Skylar… I had a really rough day today… Nico hit me today. He swears he’ll never do it again, but I don’t know if I believe him… I don’t know what to do, he’s been the one who stood by me after my parents were gone, and my uncle says he’s a good man, and that I should just stick with him… I need to think… Hey, if you are with them, could you tell my Mom and Dad, I love them…
1 year later
Hey Jacob, I’m back… Nico proposed to me today… my uncle was ecstatic… Actually, everyone was… everyone but me… He hasn’t hit me for some time now... Not after he sent me to the ER with a broken rib and a sprained wrist… I tried to get away from him, I tried to leave him, but he brought me back four times now, and he had his men follow me… The worst part is … No one believes that he abuses me since my bruises are never visible... Hell, if anyone had suspicions, they’d be to help me run… I just… I need to get away… I said yes, BTW…
2 years later
Hey Jacob… this is probably the last time I’ll ever text you. I’m standing here in a beautiful wedding gown, all alone in this room wishing my parents were here… wishing you were here.
God, I wish for so many things, but my most prominent wish is that you would have survived… I so wish I hadn’t lost you that day… I want you to know that I’ll do my best to get away from Nico, even though I’m moments from marrying him… In a day, two, or even a year, I’ll find someone who will help me. I tried to leave him so many times now, and each and every time he finds a way to get me back. I just need time to get a little more strength or someone who’s crazy enough to go against him… I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me… I just have to do this then plot my way out… I want you to tell my parents that I’m strong, I haven’t caved and I never will… And that I love them… I love you too, Jacob… I wish we had more time… Skylar
Get out of there! I’m waiting in the car by the church. Run out, NOW!
Chapter One
Skylar
What the hell am I doing here?
The question kept running through my mind over and over again as I tried to read the message that popped up on my phone for the tenth time.
“This can’t be happening,” I muttered to myself as I tapped the screen on my phone to engage it and re-read the message again.
Get out of there! I’m waiting in the car by the church. Run out, NOW!
Logically, I knew there was no possible way that Jacob sent this message, not with him being dead for the last 15 years. In fact, in just a few days, it will be the anniversary of his death.
But still, my heart beat faster and harder with irrational thought that it could be him who sent the message.
I met Jacob on the first day of high school. He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I instantly fell in love with him. The next two years were full of failed attempts to get him to notice me. The thing that made it more difficult was the fact that he was on the football team and had a flock of girls following him everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. Debbie, the most popular girl in school, even got suspended for three days because she waited for him in the boy’s bathroom. I was invisible to him. All the smiles and shy hello’s that I threw his way, and then power walking down the hallway, in an attempt to get the hell out of there in a flash, appeared to go right over his head.
Then one day, he came and sat next to me on the bleachers. I used to sit there for hours with my notepad just drawing mindlessly and waiting for, hell, I don’t even know what.
“What are you doing over here?” the winded way he asked the question made me almost fall over onto my back.
“Who?” stupidly, I turned around, looking if there was someone else he was talking to.
“You, Sky,” he said through a crooked smile.
I was so fascinated with the droplet of sweat gliding down his forehead to his nose. I wasn’t able to say a word. I could feel a blush creeping its way up my neck. My voice went somewhere and abandoned me, so I just shrugged my shoulders and indicated with my head to the notepad that was on my legs. Pencil at the ready.
Yeah, I know, real cool.
Jacob didn’t mock me, didn’t say anything really, just glanced at the sketch I was working on, smiled hugely, and bumped my shoulder with his. And that was it.
From that day on, he always came to sit with me and soon after asked me out for the first time.
To say I was ecstatic was an understatement. I babbled all the way home about it, repeating what was said and what he did to Kiki, my cousin, who, for some reason, didn’t share my happiness or giddiness.
We were dating for a year when the shitstorm I called my life struck. On one sunny afternoon, the rug was swept from under my feet for the second time in my 17 years that I was on this Earth, plunging me into the darkness. It was a freak accident. Jacob was doing something, goofing around probably, out in front of his house when he tripped, banged his head on the curb, and was no more.
It took me years to recover from the loss, but somehow, in some way, I always went back to him. It gave me comfort to text him random stuff happening in my life, and made me feel less alone. When no one demanded that I stop after the first, second, and even the third text, I figured it was safe to continue my messages as if he were still alive.
Until now.
The
phone vibrated in my hand, indicating a new text, scaring me back to the moment so much I had to swallow my scream. I chanced a glance at the closed door, making sure no one was standing there. I haven’t told anybody about the texts. I didn’t want them to think I was crazy. I knew how it sounded… Texting your dead boyfriend. It wasn’t like I expected a text in return.
Also, this was just mine and no one else's. I had a piece of Jacob with me that I didn’t want to share with anybody. When the door stayed closed, I looked back at my phone.
“Oh, God,” I moaned when Jacob’s name appeared on the screen again.
How could this be happening? For years there was no answer, as there shouldn’t be, and now I got two texts in a span of a minute. With my heart in my throat, I touched the screen again, thumbed my password digits and opened the text.
BLACK RANGE ROVER AT THE CURB. Get out and get in the car.
Could I do this? Could I just get out and not think about all the people that are waiting for me in the church and leave Nico and everything that’s been going on behind? Was it that simple?
“Skylar, honey,” Melanie’s quiet voice came through the door. “Ten more minutes, and it’s showtime.”
I could hear how much it pained her to say that. How much she struggled with this wedding, and my relationship with Nico, but was doing her best to put a big smile on her face and pretend she was happy so that she could make this easier for me. Granted, she did say in a moment of weakness as we were driving here.
“Just say the word, babe, and I’ll turn around and drive us to the middle of nowhere where no
one can find us.”
When I stayed silent and watched the trees as we drove by, she took my hand in hers and squeezed.
“Just say the word, Skylar,” she implored, but again, I said nothing.
And I never did say anything. Not in the numerous times people in my life begged me to open my mouth and ask for help. I just took the hits, of all kinds, and kept on going. I had to. I was terrified that if I stopped, even for a second, all would be lost. I would be lost.
A long time ago, around when I was five years old, and life dealt me an ultimate blow, I decided to hold my head high and keep on going. The pain that ruled my tiny body when I lost them was nothing I ever wanted to feel again. It was easier just to shut down and push through all the bad. I would get to the good someday. I was paying in advance for the beauty that had to be waiting for me. It was the only explanation as to why I lost so much so early in life.
As time went by and the punches kept coming, it made even more sense. And that brought me here. I lost so much control over my life that hardly anything was what I wanted anymore. Including the wedding gown I was wearing. I wanted satin, but it had to be lace. I wanted wide straps and no train, but it had to be spaghetti straps and a train. In the end, it turned out beautiful. But that was only after I fought tooth and nail to make it as I saw fit, while still obliging the guidelines that Nico and his Mom presented me with. Mermaid silhouette with a heart neckline at the front, open back, making a V that dipped almost to the small of my back. Just below my bottom, the mush of material flared out and into the small train. The whole dress was made out of lace that had big white roses stretched across. The kickass part of the dress was finished with eyelash detailing all around the neckline, back, and hem.
I had my long, usually straight, strawberry hair curled up into the loose waves, and the front of it pulled back and secured with four big white roses, with the rest hanging loose. My phone vibrated again in my hand, but I didn’t look at the message. Instead, I took five steps that brought me to the small, circular table that only had a crystal vase in it. Without thinking, I snatched the bouquet that was in the vase. I barely looked at it. I knew how it looked. Yep, more white roses, but I paired it with lots of greenery, eucalyptus and just a touch of baby’s breath that had more green than white in them. It was extravagant. I wanted smaller, but as with everything else, I didn’t get what I wanted. It was huge, and it spilled over my arm. I turned and not looking anywhere but in front of me, not thinking about anything but my next step, I came to the doors, pulled them open and marched right through.
When she saw me, Melanie couldn’t quite hide the look of disappointment. A look that was quickly replaced by the one of awe.
“Babe, you look,” her eyes took a second and a half to wash over me before she breathed. “Exquisite.”
I didn’t say anything. I was still only thinking about my next step. I reached out with my hand, grabbed hers and quickly squeezed before I carried on. That's what I did. I carried on.
“Okay, we have a few more minutes before you have to go inside, so I want…” I didn’t hear what else she said. She stopped talking abruptly.
I knew why. I turned left instead of right and got to another door. I put my hand on the door handle and stopped. Could I actually do this? Could I for once not just carry on, but do what is right? Do what I want? What everything inside me was screaming for almost five years I should do?
“Go!”
I looked at my longtime best friend. She had tears in her eyes, and her hands were clasped in front of her mouth.
“Go!” she repeated.
I gave her a small smile, the only thing I was capable of at the moment, turned and walked through the door right into the sunshine. The moment the door closed behind me, I bent, took hold of the short train, and started power walking. If I could, I would run. But I had high heels, and it wouldn’t look classy if someone saw a bride running from the church.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I heard just as I was rounding a corner.
I knew that voice.
I both hated and loved that voice.
It was Vinny, one of Nico’s friends that were always around him.
Vinny, the one that looked at me with a strange look on his face. But also took me aside and asked me gently if I needed help. Vinny, the one that, after Nico gave him a look, would grind his teeth so hard his jaw muscles would jump and then went somewhere. I hated those moments.
I knew what they meant. I was burying my head in the sand. I wasn’t stupid.
“I need to get her out of here,” I could barely hear the words, but the roughness of the voice vibrated through me.
“Who?” Vinny straightened from the car, putting one hand on the top, the other gripped the window.
I looked behind me, scared half to death that someone figured out I was not where I was supposed to be. I had no idea how much time had passed, and I only knew I had minutes.
I needed to go!
And Vinny was standing between me and whoever was waiting for me in that car.
If I was thinking straight, this was the moment I would stop and think about what I was doing. I was getting ready to jump in some stranger’s car and trust him to take me away. If I took a moment to think, I would never leave the church.
But I wasn’t thinking straight. I was only thinking about the fact that somehow, Jacob found a way to communicate with me. And the only thing he had to say was to leave. So, I had to go. And I had to go now.
I hiked my dress even higher, my phone digging into my palm, the lace cutting off the circulation in my fingers. And I ran. Vinny was still standing by the side of the car, staring inside, looking in with a fierce look on his face, clearly unhappy, when I got to the door. I opened the door and gave the doubt a chance to penetrate for half a second. In that minuscule amount of time, I looked up and was met with eyes that I knew could be both incredibly gentle and terrifyingly scary.
The moment Vinny got my eyes, the frustration in his melted away, and he was by my side in a flash. One second, he was standing on the opposite side of the car; the next, he was prying my hand that still had a death grip on the phone from the door and gently depositing me in the seat.
I could swear he kissed my head before he straightened, looked beyond me with an intense look back on his face, and then, just a blink later, he closed the door and off we went.
It wouldn’t have been the first time. It was only after that rough voice came at me again, this time causing my heart to give a strong beat that I felt in my toes.
“You can relax. I promise you. You’re safe now.”
It was the word now that got to me and I released the breath I was trying to hold on to forever. I looked down from where I was staring at the same spot on the dashboard, for however long we drove. I didn’t dare to look at the man behind the wheel. I was scared that when I confirmed that it wasn’t Jacob, my resolve would melt and I would beg him to take me back, and then beg Nico to forgive me and resolve myself to live in hell for the rest of my life. What I saw made me lose all control, and I started laughing. I laughed so hard, my stomach clenched. I laughed so hard tears started streaming down my face. I laughed so hard because the only thing I decided to take with me was the bouquet that made my life a living hell to get. The one I didn’t want. And the one I still held in my hand, the streams of greenery flowing down my legs, its tips touching the floor mat.
